Something Else Sandwich Shop opened two years ago after Cricket and Mom decided White Horse didn’t have a decent place to buy a good French dip. I oversaw the design and hired the staff. Now Something Else is a popular destination for retired folks at lunch while teenagers hang out after school and during the dinner rush.

My brother and Keanu consider the sub shop their base of operations. I find them sitting across from each other at their back table. A lull in business leaves the rest of the shop empty except for a pair of giggling high school girls at a front table. They’re gabbing on their phones, and I get a weird feeling they’re talking to each other. Teenagers are the oddest creatures on the planet. Even a fucking platypus makes more sense.

Pulling a chair over to their table, I join Cap and Keanu. “Hello, younglings. Are you having a fine afternoon?”

“Why are you here?” Cap asks, nervous I’ll fuck up the vibe of his precious hangout even though I run the damn thing.

“I need your assistance,” I say and glance at Keanu hiding under his black bangs. “I’m not sure the little man should listen in.”

“Don’t call me little, old man,” Keanu says, making no move to leave. “I might not be insanely tall like your clan of giants, but I’m plenty tall enough.”

“Fine, gigantor, you can stay.”

“I know I can. That was never in question,” he says and gives me a cocky smile.

“Wait, maybe you can’t. I mean this is about Howler, and he’s your kin.”

“He’s Dayton’s uncle,” Keanu clarifies, mentioning his Serrated Brotherhood Vice President stepdad. “I never liked Howler. He always treated Bonn like shit, and Bonn is my uncle, so that trumps Dayton’s relationship with his uncle.”

“Fine, stay, Mister Larger Than Life.”

Keanu leans against the wall. “Again, I wasn’t planning on leaving.”

“Now I want you both to promise you won’t rat out my plan to Hayes.”

“Like why can’t Dad know?” Cap asks. “He always gets shit done, and he would want to know.”

“Please stop talking,” I mutter and rub my eyes. “Teenagers are so stupid and your every word hurts my brain.”

“So do you want my fucking help or what?” Cap growls in his best Hayes impression.

“It’s just I spent seven years as a teenager while also listening to Cricket be a teenager. I suffered so fucking much. I’m hoping to survive your last teenage years without brain damage, so keep the chatter to a minimum.”

Cap and Keanu stare at me with their nearly black eyes. I smile at how annoyed they look, but, alas, I have a plan to put into motion.

“I want to grab Howler and pull out his teeth.”

“And Dad can’t help, why?”

“Because he’s never seen a problem he can’t nuke. I feel a stealth attack would suffice.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means he likes to kill people, and killing Howler isn’t on the fucking menu.”

“Why?”

“He’s decrepit. Have you seen him shuffling around, trying to act like he’s still a badass stud? It’s pathetic. I’d rather he fall apart slowly than give him a quick end.”

“Why pull out his teeth?” Keanu asks.

“He has money, and he should have financially supported Tatum when she was growing up. Since he didn’t, she had to have teeth pulled rather than getting more expensive treatments. That’s on him. Since she lost teeth, now he’s losing them too.”

“How are you planning to do that?”

“I’ll grab him when he’s plastered at a bar. I’ll knock him out with chloroform and keep him out with some drugs while I do a little homemade dentistry.”

“That decrepit fucker might die if you do all that,” Cap says. “Then what?”

“Then I toss what’s left of him in the dumpster and go on with my life. Why, did you want to throw him a fucking memorial?”

“If he dies, the Brotherhood could get violent,” Cap says, sounding more like a kid than he intends.

“I have someone they can blame and kill as retribution. You should always have a few people in mind for that purpose.”

“Dad already told me that.”

“Then why the fuck did you just act as if I should be worried?”

“I didn’t know if he told you too.”

“Why wouldn’t he?”

Cap shrugs his giant shoulders. “Maybe he doesn’t like you so much.”

“Oh, he likes me plenty. I’m his favorite son.”

“Bullshit.”

“You want to believe that, but the truth can’t be denied.”

Shaking his head, Cap acts as if he’s onto my bullshit. I know without a doubt that he’ll still ask Hayes tonight if I’m his favorite son. If I had to bet money, I’d guess our father will throw a fit about how stupid his kids are and how we’ll be the death of him. Yeah, Hayes will make sure Cap keeps worrying. Kids work harder when they’re competitive and his youngest kid ain’t nearly competitive enough.

“So do you want to help me or not?” I ask my brother when he just looks confused.

“Let me think while I eat.”

Cap learned the waiting move from our mom. She loves to force people to watch her eat while she “considers her options.”

While Cap and Keanu eat their sandwiches, I end up ordering one too. I can’t watch people eat without getting hungry. I swear if I didn’t work out, I’d be the fattest fucker on the continent.

“What the fuck?” Cricket asks as soon as she enters the shop. “Since when do you make plans without involving me?”

I frown at Cap who shrugs. “I texted her when you were first talking.”

“How? I was looking directly at your fucking face.”

“Under the table, bitch.”

Cricket pushes over Cap to make room. “So what’s the plan and why am I not in charge of it?”

“Where the hell is Tatum?”

“Back home with Bianca Bella. They’re cooking some kind of Turkish stew. Don’t worry, Chip. Your grown woman can stand to be without supervision for a few minutes.”

“I left her with you for a reason. Tatum needs to be around people to keep her mind from thinking ugly thoughts.”

“Yeah, and last I checked, Bianca Bella is considered people. So what’s this plan you’re putting together?”

Sighing, I hope Cricket doesn’t piss all over my plan. “We’re yanking Howler’s teeth.”

“Eww, I’m not touching him. You can do that part, and I’ll stand by and cheer you on.”

“Fine, whatever.”

“Can Poet help? He’s an enforcer, so it’s not like he hasn’t yanked a few teeth out in his time.”

“I don’t know. Dirty bikers aren’t good at following directions.”

“How can you say that when he obeys me daily?”

“You offer him pussy. I have no such prize for him.”

“I’ll offer him pussy to come along. Chipper, don’t be a bitch. Let us help. It’ll be fun. I never get to rough up people anymore since the mini-twins were born.”

Balking at her bullshit, I say, “You chased down that guy with your car last month.”

“Yeah, and then you and Cap roughed him up.”

“You just fucking said you won’t touch Howler, so how are you helping us rough him up, idiot?”

“I’ll wear gloves.”

“For fuck’s sake, you can come and bring your baby daddy too. Now let’s figure the fuck out where we can grab Howler without alerting the Brotherhood right off.”

We sit quietly considering our options. My sandwich arrives, and Cricket takes half of it.

“Wait, I know,” she says with a full mouth. “We hire a working girl from Common Bend. Someone younger and cuter that he likely hasn’t banged. We’ll have her lure him out of Salty Peanuts.”

“Won’t that put her in danger?”

“No. We have her wear a fucking wig or something. The Brotherhood doesn’t know all the whores working in Common Bend. I doubt they even keep track of the whores working in Hickory Creek. Anyway, she’ll lure him outside while one of us goes inside the club to make a little scene. Just enough to keep people focused on the inside while we’re outside knocking out Howler. Then we take him wherever we want and yank those teeth.”

“Who does the diversion?” I ask.

“Keanu and Cap can.”

“How?”

“Go in and play pool until you get the signal. Then start a fight with each other. Just stupid shit. Yell at each other in Korean, so no one knows what the fuck you’re saying. Then when we’ve got Howler secured, you can make up and kiss or whatever. I really don’t know what you boys do when I’m not around.”

“Funny shit,” Cap growls.

“I love when you make that kitty purr of yours,” she says, grinning. “If Chip or I go into Salty Peanuts, we’ll need a reason to be there. No one will buy that we just want a drink in a honky-tonk miles from home. You two can walk in without trouble and walk out the same way. It’s brilliant.”

“Brilliant might be overselling it,” I mutter.

“Fine, it’s satisfactory.”

“I agree with that, and I think we could put it together by next week. Are you two in?”

Cap shrugs in his dumb-kid way that drives me fucking nuts. I swear since he turned thirteen my brother lost the ability to form many words. All those hormones in his giant body have rendered him dumb.

Keanu’s past the teenage stage, but he only nods. I suspect he spends too much time with my often-mute brother. They likely don’t speak as much as respond with gestures and grunts.

Nonetheless, they agree to help me claim from Howler a little piece of what he stole from Tatum. Sure, his teeth are a small sacrifice, but the old man won’t like waking up to find his teeth missing and a world of pain waiting for him.