Chipper never revealed his surprise or gift from the day he unexpectedly ditched me at Cricket’s. I hadn’t cared since Bianca Bella’s comforting words changed my perspective. That was the only gift I needed.

Now, though, Chipper is ditching me again. This time, he drives me to his parents’ massive contemporary-style home hidden behind a massive security fence. The house fits Hayes’s bunker-like office. With ceilings tall enough for his and Cap’s giant bodies to fit comfortably, it’s a great house, but I still don’t want to be ditched here.

“I need to have a night out,” Chipper says once we’re inside and he’s inching toward the door alone.

“Why?”

“You’re getting on my nerves, and I need time away.”

Narrowing my eyes, I know he’s lying. Earlier today, he asked me to pee with the door open so he could keep talking to me. “I can’t get enough of you, Breezy,” he said then. So, no, I’m not buying his excuse for leaving.

“Tell me why?”

Chipper only smiles and takes another step for the door.

“Why can’t I stay at Cricket’s house??” I whisper.

Chipper doesn’t answer immediately, and I suspect he hadn’t prepared a lie for this question. Finally, he says, “She and I are going to a strip club. Incest might ensue.”

I pat his chest and sigh. “Fine, don’t tell me. One day, I’ll do the same to you and then we’ll be even.”

“I look forward to that day,” he says and gives me a sloppy kiss that is completely inappropriate with Hayes and Candy standing two feet from us. Of course, I don’t help by reaching around and grabbing his ass as revenge for getting ditched.

“You’re so sex-crazed,” he teases and makes his escape. “Behave for Moms and Pops.”

Crossing my arms, I say nothing until he disappears into the frigid evening.

“It’ll snow soon,” Hayes announces while walking back to the living room where he sits in his chair and puts up his feet. “Probably before Thanksgiving.”

Nodding, Candy sits in her chair next to his and pulls out knitting needles. “The year flew by. I haven’t even started thinking about Christmas yet.”

Leaving my spot at the door, I sit on the large, black leather couch. Dog Baltazar sleeps stretched out on the other end.

“Is Cap here?” I ask.

“No, he and Keanu are out hunting pussy,” Candy says, and Hayes shakes his head. “Am I wrong?”

“He needs to be careful, or he’ll end up with a bastard running around.”

Frowning at Hayes, I know he knows what he said and who he said it in front of, but the man doesn’t worry about hurt feelings. Not that mine are particularly injured. Bastard or not, I’m happy to be me. My father might suck, but my mother was a beautiful person, and I enjoyed over twenty years with her.

“We both gave him the sex talk. He knows how to put on a condom.”

“I learned on a banana,” I mumble, wishing I kept my mouth shut.

“That’s how we taught Chipper and Cricket, but I figured Cap’s dick would be too large for a banana to mimic. I used a cucumber for him.”

“Candy,” Hayes grumbles.

“Yes, honey?”

Smiling at her tone, he focuses on the TV and pretends to ignore us.

“Chipper could have used a cucumber too,” I say and lean back on the couch. “Not that we’ve used a condom.”

“Women,” Hayes growls. “Shut the fuck up.”

I stare at him wide-eyed, but Candy barely acknowledges he spoke. “Chipper was always careful where he stuck his dick,” she says while struggling with knitting needles. “He took the STD talk very seriously. The visual aids really affected him. I’m surprised he ever wanted to fuck a girl at all.”

“Thank you for scaring him. I didn’t want to catch anything but telling Chipper no is really difficult. He’s got a way about him.”

“Yes, I raised my kids to be manipulative,” she says with a proud smile. “I didn’t want them to grow up to be suckers.”

“Well, you did a good job.”

“Thank you, Tatum. It’s so refreshing to have someone around who compliments me instead of him,” she says and gestures toward Hayes. “Just because he’s killed a few people, everyone kisses his ass. What about my ass?”

“It’s a fine ass, Candy,” Hayes mutters, staring at the TV, “but no one except me ought to be anywhere near it.”

“That’s nice, dear.”

Smiling at their expressions, I get the impression they do this shit whenever someone’s around. I bet when they’re alone, though, they run around naked and speak in grunts. That’s how I’d live.

“What do you think Chipper is doing?” I ask after a few minutes of listening to the dog snore.

“I think he mentioned something about getting his balls waxed. Who knows, though? My kids lie a lot.”

“That’s how you raised them,” Hayes points out.

“Yes, it is,” she says, smiling again. “They turned out just as I hoped, and they picked such perfect spouses.”

Blushing, I’m awful with compliments especially from people I want to impress. It’s a bad habit that I hope Chipper can help me get rid of.

“Speaking of Thanksgiving,” Candy says from her chair where she badly knits what I suspect is a scarf. “I need to start planning dinner. Now, Tatum, you don’t know this, but I hate cooking Thanksgiving dinner. To lessen the load, I give everyone an assignment. You included. So what did you and Marissa cook for Thanksgiving?”

“Ham and mashed potatoes. Oh, and apple pie.”

“Ham, huh? Can you make one?”

“It just goes in the oven.”

“Is that a yes?”

Nodding, I notice Hayes giving his wife an annoyed glare. I don’t dare smile at his expression. Hayes still seems too large to be real, and I don’t want his glare focusing on me.

“You’re in charge of the ham. I’ll do the turkey. Hayes helps with the stuffing. Chipper takes care of the mashed potatoes. Cap is on sweet potatoes. Cricket and Poet handle the pies. Bianca Bella spends Thanksgiving with her mother but usually sends something weird and foreign for us to eat. Finally, the mini-twins handle the rolls.”

“What about corn?” Hayes asks, focused on the giant TV.

“We don’t need corn.”

“We should have corn. We always have corn.”

“Then you can make corn,” Candy growls.

“Who made the corn last year?”

“I think Honey and Moot brought corn.”

“That’s all? They’re stingy.”

“Honey is a bad cook. Do you really want her in charge of anything more complicated than corn?” When Hayes doesn’t answer, Candy winks at me. “I won that argument. You can tell by the deep shame on his face.”

Hayes smirks but doesn’t look our direction.

“What will my kids make?” I ask.

“They can make the corn,” Hayes says immediately. “Can’t do worse than Honey.”

“Then what will Honey cook?” Candy mutters. “You’re just begging for her to cook something fucking awful and then we’ll be forced to eat shit.”

“If she brings shit, I’m not eating it. I don’t care if she’s your sister.”

Wanting to join in the conversation, I search my brain for SOMETHING to say. Finally, I mention, “Ruby said she makes green beans and bacon with her ham. Could my future kids bring that?”

Candy and Hayes glance at each other before turning to me and nodding in unison.

“Feel free to bring bacon for any occasion,” Candy says. “Hayes will snack on that shit day and night.”

“She isn’t wrong,” Hayes tells me.

“I know I’m not,” Candy snaps at him. “I never am.”

“I’m going back to watching the game.”

Candy smiles at me. “I won that argument too. You’re good luck.”

Sharing her smile, I relax on the couch. Chipper might be off on a secret mission, and I might still feel a little like an outsider, but I’m beginning to find my way in this family. Perhaps, Chipper left me here rather than Cricket’s so I could get to know his parents. Or perhaps, his sister is an accomplice in his mystery plan. Either way, I need to thank him for helping me feel a part of the family.