CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Cami
Brand came back from the run to Moon Hill a little lighter. It was killing me to know why but I was hesitant to ask. Maybe it wasn’t something I wanted to know about. However, there was that little thing in the back of my mind nagging at me to just find out.
I couldn’t tell you why I was finding it so hard to just open my mouth and voice the slightly noticeable change. I could feel my upbringing clenching me tight on the inside. I was still trying to break all those strings that had been weaved into me from day one. This must have been one of those. It wasn’t polite to pry into people’s lives. If they wanted you to know then they would tell you. Right? That was the way I’d learned how to approach everything, anyway.
The thing was, I felt like I could talk to Brand about anything. And by the way he had opened up and shared with me, it was clear he felt the same. Club stuff aside, that was, and it wasn’t like I wanted to know all of that. I truly believed that being in the dark was not only better, but safer. If the cops came after me then I wouldn’t be lying when I said I didn’t know anything. Which was a good thing because my poker face was the worst and I knew it.
So, why was I having such a hard time with this? It was stupid and I knew it, but I couldn’t seem to break out of my head long enough to just simply ask.
“You’re doing that lip thing. Is there something on your mind, baby?” he asked as he handed me a beer and a plate full of cut up veggies and hummus.
I loved this man. Without a doubt I did.
“Thank you,” I said and tried to be more conscious of what I was doing with my mouth. Good thing I had food to keep it occupied now.
He settled on the bed, resting his back against the headboard and waiting patiently for me to say something. Only, I was still struggling to get the words out.
“You’ve been a little off for two days now. Talk to me.”
I chewed on a piece of celery. And yes, I was avoiding.
“Alright,” he said as he pulled me back to rest against his chest. “Then I’m gonna talk, because I want you to know everything about me and more importantly, I realized something while I was away.”
So then he went on telling me about the chapter of the club that took him in. He talked about them like they were his family, and I got the sense that he felt the same way about his brothers down here. It was beautiful and at times, I felt like I wanted to cry from joy. Because he had talked to me before and I had felt how sad he was about losing his dad. I could see the lost boy, well okay, he was a man at that point, I guess. But I could see him clear in my mind. And I heard the heartbreak in his words. The club gave him back some of the light he had before his dad died. Both of us knew that someone as great as his dad, or that’s how I saw it from the way Brand talked about him, would never be replaced. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t go on and find joy in life in other ways, other places.
I knew right then that the Steel Paragons MC was a good thing. When I looked around at the men that filled the compound, I got the feeling that most of them were as lost as Brand had once been. Or at one point they had been. It was clear there were a few that were still working on accepting the goodness into their hearts, but they were working on it. And there were those that needed the familiarity that the club brought even if they were still working through whatever stuff they had going on.
These men were great. They were broken and flawed. They were gruff and rough around the edges. But they were also sweet and loving to anyone they let in and I had been lucky enough to be one of those people.
They were simply beautiful to me.
I’d started to love them in a way I wished I could have loved my family. The way I loved Laurel. The way I wished I’d been loved.
And that was the thing, they did show me that love in return. Sure some of them had their own weird ways, but I was able to see through it and find the heart in it all.
Brand went on, telling me about Ethel, who I’d known a little bit about and had tasted her yummy brownies and cookies. He told me about Reagan and without going into detail, let me know she had been through something traumatic. He explained to me that he’d been close to her at one point, and even thought that he might have been in love with her.
I could tell that he was hesitant to tell me that. I could understand. While it might not have been the easiest thing to hear—insecurities beat into me from birth were to blame—I was glad he shared it with me. How could I not look at the positive in it all? I mean, this path, the past that he was telling me about, was the one that had led him to me.
So, he told me everything.
And I listened.
Then I waited.
Because I knew the answers to the questions that had been in the back of my mind were coming. I wasn’t worried though. Whatever had happened in Moon Hill wasn’t something that was going to come between us. I had a feeling it would only make us stronger.
“I realized while I was there that what I felt for her wasn’t even a fraction of how you make me feel. Reagan felt like she is meant to be part of my heart but she doesn’t capture my soul. I don’t see the world as beautifully around her as I do with you.”
I shifted so that I could look at him. His strong brows were pinched tight and his mouth was pressed into a thin line. His gaze was on the wall across from him and I knew he was lost in his head.
“I don’t feel like I’m explaining this right at all,” he said and his eyes slid to look at mine.
“No, it’s perfect. I understand completely.”
Then I kissed him. There may have been a part of him that he held back before, even if I hadn’t noticed it, but now he was in some way free. While he was away he’d gotten the closure that I didn’t even think he realized that he needed.
He was mine.
I was his.
Wholly and without any doubts.
Forever was just the beginning for us.
He didn’t have to tell me how much he cared about me because I felt it all the way down to my toes.
And as he gripped my face and held me tighter, kissing me ferociously and sweetly all at the same time, I saw them all.
Dove gray.
Poppy red.
Sage green.
Tangerine orange.
Canary yellow.
Orchid purple.
Prussian blue.