Futile (adj.) – Incapable of producing any useful result; pointless
I’d eventually found my route out of the never-ending gardens when my phone buzzed. I fumbled with it in my bag, thinking it would be Ben asking why I’d dragged him out of his hangover pit to meet so urgently and then kept him waiting. When I looked down at the phone screen, I realised it wasn’t Ben but Shelley calling. Without thinking if she was ringing to have another go at me, I pressed answer.
‘Georgia?’ She sounded as if she was out of breath.
‘Shell?’ I frowned. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Oh, Georgia, I’m so sorry for our row!’ she garbled.
‘Shell, are you okay? Where are you?’
She sniffed loudly. ‘It’s all gone tits up!’ She was full-on crying now.
‘Take a deep breath. What’s happened?’ I asked, firmly but calmly.
‘He’s gone. He’s fucking gone!’
I suddenly had this rush of saliva fill my mouth. ‘Jimmy’s gone?’ Oh my God! He’d really jilted her before the big day. I felt dizzy and buzzing with anger at the same time.
‘No! Not Jimmy,’ she eventually said through a sob.
I let out a breath. ‘Who then?’
‘Lars! Lars has left. Apparently his wedding-planning business has gone into liquidation and it’s all over.’
This was bad. The wedding was tomorrow!
‘Tell me where you are right now. I’m on my way.’
I reached the nearest road and flagged down a taxi to take me to her. As we drove through the streets, I hurriedly sent Ben a text apologising that I wasn’t going to make our coffee date. All thoughts of babies and pregnancy faded from my mind as I had to help my best friend out. Telling Ben could wait, for now.
*
I found her slumped on the sofa. The television was blaring out an old episode of The Bachelor, stained mugs peppered nearly every available surface, and dirty laundry was piled by the washing machine. The seating plan organised with military precision was almost falling off the cluttered coffee table, sheets of papers, formal-looking files and wedding magazines had exploded like debris around her curled-up body.
‘Shell?’ I tentatively stepped over the box of favours she’d been hand-tying the last time I saw her.
‘Oh my God. I’m cursed!’ she wailed. Her eyes were red and blotchy, her chin had a couple of spots claiming their territory and her pyjamas were covered in tea stains. I tried not to let my face show how shocked I was at the wedding war zone she was in.
‘Sit up and tell me everything. I’ll put the kettle on.’
After flicking the switch and rinsing out some of the less skanky mugs, I brewed up as she started telling me that Lars had done a runner with the money and royally left them in the shit.
‘I’ve called the venue and thank goodness they had a note of our booking, but they were missing all the details of numbers, dietary requirements and things like that. I gave all these to Lars to give them weeks ago.’ She rubbed at her face and accepted her mug of tea, shifting herself to make some room for me on the sofa.
‘Right, we need a list,’ I said, decisively.
‘It’s pointless. The wedding is tomorrow and there’s still so much to do. None of the things Lars said he’d done have actually been done.’ She scrunched up a tissue in anger. ‘Even my no-chip nail varnish has chipped!’ She thrust her trembling hands in my face. Her nails that had been perfectly painted at the salon were now tatty and chewed.
I took a deep breath. ‘We just need to ring around and see what’s been done and then sort what hasn’t. We can do this.’ I stared at her, needing her to be on board with fixing this, rather than allowing herself to sink into her own filth and ignore it all. ‘We might not have time to redo your nails, but I’m sure Cara will have some polish that can touch them up.’
‘That’s not all.’ She took a deep breath, fidgeting with the hem on her jumper. ‘You know you asked me if we were okay for money?’
I thought back to the start of the road trip when we’d briefly chatted about budgets. ‘Yeah …’
‘Well, I lied.’ She sniffed as I tried to catch up. ‘Johanna didn’t pay for Lars, I did.’
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Wedding planners did not come cheap.
‘But then why did you say she did?’ I thought back to the meal with her parents. I had known she was being shifty about something!
Shelley shrugged, colour rushing into her cheeks at admitting this. ‘I didn’t want to confess that I’d blown so much money on such an extravagant thing! But that’s not all. I’ve been getting myself further and further into debt trying to make this day perfect. Why do you think I had to get my dress from a sample sale and why I’ve suddenly got so crafty at the last minute?’
I shook my head blankly.
‘There’s no more money left in the pot. There hasn’t been for ages. I’ve maxed out our two credit cards and dipped into the savings fund we’d started for a house deposit.’ She started to cry. ‘There was a reason I planned our hen do to be a taste of our backpacking lifestyle, because I used the money you and Cara chipped in to pay for our flowers. I had to do it on the cheap! I even resorted to trying to win some bloody competition hoping I’d get lucky.’
I sat back, letting it all sink in. ‘What competition?’
‘A photo competition. Whenever I posed with the wedding magazine, it wasn’t for a memory scrapbook, it was for this competition to win $1000. I didn’t win.’
‘Shit, Shelley.’ I was in shock, taking this all in.
‘I just got caught up in it all, wanting to keep up with the Joneses. You can see how living here does that to you.’ She wafted a trembling arm around Cara’s interior-magazine-inspired home.
‘But why didn’t you ask Cara or me for some help? I could have loaned you some money.’
At this, Shelley sat upright and violently shook her head. ‘No way. I was too proud to admit it was getting out of control, but too foolish to stop spending.’
It all made sense – the stress and worry wasn’t just about making her day perfect, it was about being able to pay for it, and then how to break the news to Jimmy that his bride had blown the budget and sent them spiralling into debt.
‘Come on, we need to get as much sorted for tomorrow as we can right now. Figuring out how to get you out of this financial mess will have to wait. We will work something out though.’
‘Thank you, Georgia.’ She looked up at me through wet eyelashes and choked on a sob. ‘Cara’s at work, Jimmy’s still recovering from his bucks’ night and my parents are taking Jimmy’s parents out to show them the city. I’ve not told anyone else about this as I couldn’t bear admitting it’s all gone wrong.’
‘Hey, don’t worry. Now pass me everything you’ve got on this wedding and let’s get cracking.’
She handed over one of the files that had tumbled to the floor; tear splatters smudged some of the writing on the first page.
‘I am really sorry about what I said the other day,’ she mumbled, as I picked up a pen, wanting to help her and put our fight behind us. It would also help take my confused mind from what was going on in my own life right now.
‘Did I pull you away from anything?’ she asked, catching her breath and calming down. ‘Were you and Ben sightseeing?’
I shook my head. ‘Nothing that can’t wait.’
She nodded gratefully and then leant forward slightly. ‘Did you mean all you said the other night?’ she asked in a quiet voice. ‘It’s just … a few things have stayed in my mind.’
I stared at her. ‘Shelley, I can’t remember half of what I was going on about!’ I couldn’t exactly tell her that it must have been the early onset of baby brain causing me to spew such shite. ‘Every girl is entitled to her big day and I am so sorry that I made you feel like you shouldn’t have your moment. I guess, in the worst possible way, I was trying to make sure you didn’t focus all your energy on the one day and ignore the years of married life that lie ahead of you.’ I shrugged.
‘It’s fine, I get it, and I’m sorry for not being more thoughtful of your feelings, of how hard it must be for you to dive into wedding world again.’
God, we were a right pair.
‘I do believe in marriage, and that if you work hard at it then you can spend your life with this one person who makes you feel like the best version of yourself,’ I admitted. ‘I just don’t think that has to come at the cost of everything else, like losing your sanity before the big day.’
I started to sniff back the tears. I wanted to be happy, and one day I wanted Ben to be my husband; maybe I was scared that Alex had tainted weddings for me. That, in a way, I felt as though I was a fraud for putting on a big white dress and having my own special day. I didn’t have to have the traditional wedding day that I’d previously organised but never got to experience. Maybe we could elope or head to the registry office in our jeans? It didn’t have to be this big show. We could declare our love in our own way. Without co-ordinated invites, table numbers and debt.
‘Georgia! What’s wrong!’ Shelley asked, pulling out a handful of tissues.
I dabbed my eyes and waved my hands around. ‘Nothing. Sorry, I just feel so happy for you marrying Jimmy tomorrow!’
‘Thank you, hun. God, I love him so much. I’m not a fool to think that it won’t be without its difficulties. But I also know that I’ve never met anyone like him. He is kind, patient, hilarious – honestly, he has me in stitches at these ridiculous impressions he does.’ She shook her head, trying to wipe the smile off her face. ‘For me, getting married is about placing this protective bubble around us; we become this proper team. It gives us a sense of security, I guess. Jimmy gives me this feeling of happiness and contentment whenever he’s around. That’s not to say I’m not slightly nervous about the joining our worlds together for ever more amen.’ She smiled softly. ‘I am so sorry for our falling out.’
I patted her arm. ‘Shell, don’t worry. I know you’re sorry and I am too. So your parents and Jimmy’s parents are hanging out, eh?’
Shelley winced too. ‘I know, right? There may not even be a wedding if they don’t all come back in one piece.’
I laughed. ‘Right, first things first, let’s see what you do have …’
‘Thank you,’ she repeated, placing a cool arm on mine.
‘So, dress?’
‘Sorted.’
‘Suits, bridesmaid dresses, shoes, accessories …’ I listed on my fingers.
‘All done, and thankfully the guys have got their suits and all our dresses are hanging up in the wardrobe.’
‘Excellent. Okay, cake …’
Shelley chewed her lips. ‘I know which bakery I chose but I have no idea where that’s up to.’
‘We’ll call them first. You said the venue is sorted?’
‘Yeah, they just need our information.’ She cast a hand over the tumbling table plan and sheets of paper. ‘Then I need to check about hotels, the photographer, flowers, the registrar, transport …’
‘We’ve got this,’ I said reassuringly.
Thankfully Shelley had been anal about keeping spreadsheets with lists of the suppliers she’d arranged with Lars, so we were able to confirm that most of the things were still going to plan. A few asked for payments that Shelley was positive she’d already paid, and others seemed slightly blank until we described Lars and then instantly they remembered him coming in and sorting something. We were both scrolling on our phones and her laptop, looking for some more details, after our second mug of tea and half the packet of Tim Tams that she’d cracked open, when she turned to me.
‘So, how have things been with you?’
I flicked my eyes up and tried to remain cool. ‘Oh, you know, fine,’ I said, looking back down at the website for ferry timings for the guests. ‘What about this crossing?’ I pointed to the laptop screen. ‘That should get your guests over in enough time?’
Shelley slowly took her eyes off me and onto where I was pointing. I really didn’t want to stress her out with my own news, not when she was in the process of re-planning a wedding in a day. I hated keeping secrets from her, but as we’d only just made up, I didn’t want her to think I had purposefully got knocked up to steal her limelight, as Marie had said.
‘Yeah, that looks fine. Actually, I know what we need to help with all of this – wine! I’m sure Cara has some nice bottles in one of the kitchen cupboards. She usually hides them from us behind her packets of super-grain crackers.’ She laughed and rushed to the kitchen.
‘No!’ I shouted before realising it.
She stopped and spun round, a confused look on her face. ‘Why not? It’s not too early, is it? And after the day I’ve had, I need a drink – screw the wedding detox!’
‘Erm, because we still have loads left to do.’ I said.
‘Oh, right.’ She paused. One hand was clutching a wine glass, the other was holding an empty packet of healthy crackers. Please don’t interrogate me, I willed her. ‘Yeah, I guess you’re right,’ she eventually said, going to flick the kettle on once more. ‘Save it for tomorrow, right?’
I nodded and smiled at her. ‘Good idea. Right, come and help me with this …’
How was I going to get away with not drinking tomorrow?
‘I can’t believe it’s almost over.’ She shook her head at the wedding paraphernalia spread out around us.
‘But it’s only just beginning.’ I smiled at her.
She nodded forcefully. ‘You’re right. You are so right. Tomorrow will be what it will be. Even if I don’t get my popcorn station or arch of hand-tied flowers, I will be marrying my best friend.’
The wedding planning took longer than I’d expected, so I texted Ben to say I was going to stay over at Cara’s to keep Shelley company on her last night as an unmarried woman. I’d picked up my stuff from the hotel room and got re-settled in the enormous bed I’d been given in Cara’s guest room. I just hoped that we’d done enough to make sure everything went without a hitch tomorrow. The baby news would have to wait.