Taciturn (adj.) – Reserved or uncommunicative in speech; saying little
After some energetic dance moves, the music slowed right down to a smoochy, romantic number.
‘I think I’d like the next dance,’ Ben gallantly asked, taking my hand that was clammy from being spun around by Cara. She winked and danced off to find one of Jimmy’s gym friends who’d been loitering near the bar for most of the night.
‘I think I need a sit-down after that.’ I smiled and pushed the sweaty strands of hair from my face. My feet were killing me, my mouth was dry and I was sure I was developing unsightly sweat marks under my armpits.
‘Just one dance with me, please?’ Ben asked and wrapped an arm around my waist. I tried to ignore the worry that he was bound to rub his wrist against my slightly swollen stomach and instantly know something was up.
‘Now I definitely know that you’ve had a few drinks,’ I laughed, as he did a silly little pirouette on his toes.
‘What? I love dancing, I don’t know what you’re going on about. Now come here you.’ He nuzzled his head into my neck and left a series of soft kisses on my warm skin.
As he gently spun me around, I caught Shelley and Jimmy lost in their own world, swaying to the music.
‘Look at them,’ I mused, nodding my head at the newly-weds. ‘They look so happy.’
He planted a kiss on my forehead. I could smell whisky on his warm breath as he spoke. ‘I’ve been thinking …’ He paused and gently held me back so he could look at me properly. ‘Why don’t we do this?’
‘This?’ I wasn’t sure if it was the drink making his speech hard to understand or if I was just too hot to follow along. ‘Dancing?’
‘No, you muppet. This … getting married.’
I stopped dancing. ‘Are you proposing?’
Ben flashed a lopsided smile. ‘No, not yet …’
I suddenly felt very awake compared to him, as I took in the happy, drunken glaze on his slightly squiffy face. My heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could see it through the fabric of my dress.
He wafted a hand in the air, now swaying thanks to the many whiskys I’d seen him and Jimmy neck earlier. ‘Like I said, you’ve been blowing hot and cold about weddings, it’s kind of hard to keep up.’
‘Ben, I need to tell you something.’ I forced myself to blink under his hazy gaze. ‘But not here.’ I took his warm hand and attempted to get off the dance floor. ‘Here, drink this.’ I grabbed a bottle of mineral water from the side of the bar and hoped he would sober up enough to understand what I was about to reveal.
‘Aww, you’re so good to me, Georgia!’
‘Yeah, yeah, just drink it all.’
I led him down the stairs, out of the restaurant and onto the beach. The evening light had dropped to a deep blue, speckled with faint stars visible through the low clouds. The cooling breeze instantly soothed my warm skin. I kicked off my shoes and held them in my hand as my bare feet sank into the grainy sand, waking me up for what I was about to do.
‘Where are we going?’ he laughed, struggling to keep his footing straight as I tugged at his arm to follow me.
‘I think we need to talk,’ I said quietly, leading him to a wooden bench not far ahead, grateful that there was no one else around. All the sun worshippers had long since packed up and gone home, and the other guests were all getting stuck into the free booze inside. I heard the music lift in tempo once more as cheers and whoops from the happy and tipsy guests floated on the evening air.
I let out a heavy sigh, grateful to sit down and rest my feet. ‘Sit down.’ I nodded to the space next to me. I stretched my legs out in front of me and dug my bare heels into the sand, convinced that my ankles had already ballooned.
‘Why are we not dancing? Was I that bad?’ He laughed.
I took a deep breath, wishing that we didn’t have ‘Come on Eileen’ as a background song filtering from the packed room behind us. How did you break this news to someone? Especially as he’d seemed so resistant to the idea when Jimmy’s parents had grilled him about it. I’d always imagined both of us excitedly crossing our fingers and looking at the lines develop on the pregnancy stick, not me telling him that I was keeping a child he didn’t want.
‘Wait.’ He flicked his head up to mine, faster than he’d intended judging by the way his eyes shot into focus. ‘I know what this is about.’
‘You do?’ I whispered. How the fuck did he know? Oh my God, maybe Lars was right. Maybe I did give off a pregnancy aroma.
‘Yeah, I really wished you hadn’t brought it up today though. I mean, it’s Jimmy and Shelley’s big day,’ he said, with a straight face.
‘Oh, well, I didn’t exactly plan when to talk to you about it.’ I fiddled with my dress strap, unable to look him in the eye. ‘How do you know?’ I was half tempted to sniff myself to see if there was something I was missing.
‘Because you told me!’
‘What are you going on about?’
‘You lurve me,’ he said, sinking back against the cold wooden back of the bench, roaring with laughter. ‘You L.O.V.E me!’
I rolled my eyes. Boy, he was way too drunk to cope with this news.
‘Yes.’ I cleared my throat. ‘That’s what I wanted to speak to you about.’
‘Aww and I love you toooooooo, Georgia!’
‘Hey, guys. There you are.’ Jimmy was staggering over the sand, holding a bottle of bubbly, with a wide grin on his face.
‘Jimmy! My man!’ Ben called out, acting as if he hadn’t seen his best mate for the past year.
Jimmy’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes looked a little glassy; he must have enjoyed the Prosecco station more than he thought he would. ‘The fireworks are just about to start. And then, Georgia, I need you to help me with, erm, that thing I mentioned to you.’ He blushed but Ben was too drunk to pick up on his best mate’s weirdness. I was never usually the sober one; this felt very strange and I didn’t like it. ‘Err, sure, yeah.’
‘Great! What are you two doing out here anyway?’ He raised his eyebrow.
‘Just telling her how much I love her and how perfect she is,’ Ben slurred, wrapping a thick arm over my shoulders.
I nodded and fixed on a tight smile. I could only hope he would think things were so perfect when he knew the full truth.
*
The fireworks were spectacular. I could now see how Shelley had lost control of the wedding budget as they must have cost a bomb, but watching the glittery pops of colour fill the night sky, hearing the guests ooh and ahh with every loud explosion and flash of bright light, it was all totally worth it. Well, for everyone else here. I was struggling to focus on the streams of neon-rainbow darting across my head as my mind was lost in my own thoughts.
I’d been watching the show wrapped up in a blanket that Shelley had gently placed on my shoulders. She kissed my cheek and thanked me for all my help before being whisked off by Jimmy to get the best viewing spot. I hadn’t seen Ben since he left with Jimmy to get everyone off the dance floor and outside to watch the show. I kept glancing around at the guests huddled up, gazing up at the sky, to see if I could spot him. But it was too dark to make anybody out in the cluster of people around me.
‘How’s it going, hun?’ I turned to see Patty by my side.
‘Oh, hi. How are you doing?’
Her face lit up and it wasn’t just the cast of light from the fireworks. ‘It’s all been so wonderful, hasn’t it?’
I nodded and swallowed back the lump in my throat. She reminded me of a mix between Trisha and my mum. Two people who would be overjoyed by my pregnancy news. ‘You girls all look utterly beautiful. I’m so pleased Shelley has a friend like you. When she was off travelling, I’d be worried sick about her, but then hearing she met lovely people like you, Ben and Jimmy, really put my mind at ease.’ I smiled back. I guessed she didn’t get to hear about our recent falling out then. ‘I know it is a long way for you all to come for the wedding, Lord knows Johanna has mentioned it enough times, but I really think that being here shows what a good friend you are.’
‘Thanks, Patty.’
‘And your chap seems lovely too.’ She winked.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, I willed myself under her kind gaze. ‘Yeah, he is. Sorry, do you mind, I just need to nip to the loo,’ I said, turning to go back inside, as she patted me on the shoulder and continued to look up at the entertainment.
I headed into the venue expecting to find my boyfriend slumped at the bar. Instead, the room was empty except for some staff quickly cleaning up for the evening buffet and the band preparing to warm up for their next set.
‘Georgia!’ Jimmy shouted over the room, as guests started spilling back in. The fireworks must have ended and now it was his turn to perform his surprise for his new wife. He gave me a look as Shelley began chatting to the women who’d been at her flat on that night of our row. I’d purposefully avoided them all day but had felt their eyes on me.
I nodded and went to move Shelley out of the room so Jimmy could get on stage and into position without her noticing.
‘Can I just steal you a second,’ I asked, as she looked up at me. Her face was flushed with the heat in the room compared to the chilly evening air outside.
‘Georgia! You okay?’ She tried to fix her eyes on me but they were also heavy with the look of a few vodka and oranges.
God, this not drinking lark was harder than it seemed, and I still had months to go.
‘Yeah, great, well, not really, I need to have a word.’ I nodded my head to the ladies’ bathroom. The women perked up as if there was some more gossip they could be part of.
‘Sure, I’m bursting for a wee and could do with your help in this dress.’
I steered her out of the room as she babbled on about how the guests had been saying how pretty it all looked, and winked at Jimmy to get ready.
‘So, what’s going on? You and Ben all right? I haven’t really seen you together that much,’ she said as I helped her into the cubicle.
‘Fine,’ I replied, having never before thought I’d feel pleased to have my face burrowed away from her view by helping her hoist her dress up.
‘You sure?’
‘Mmmhmm.’ I nodded, staring at a crumpled tampon wrapper on the floor. I couldn’t say anything to her, not on her wedding day. Tomorrow I’d be able to have a proper chat and let her know what had happened, but today was hers.
‘Georgia.’ Her voice grew firmer. ‘There is something going on and I know it.’
She finished having a wee and I helped her to stand back up again, making sure the bottom of her dress didn’t end up in any wet patches.
‘Everything’s fine. Right, come on, let’s go and find that new hubby of yours and get a selfie.’
She kept her gaze on me, unsure if she believed me. ‘I thought you needed to talk to me about something?’
‘Oh no!’ I laughed. ‘I meant that I just wanted to talk to you, to see how it was all going.’ I wafted an arm in the air. ‘I know how busy you are and I just wanted a moment to make sure you were happy with it all.’
‘How can I not be? It is the best day of my life!’ She laughed and pulled me into a hug. I smiled at her and took her hand, leading her back to the party. I hoped that it wasn’t about to be ruined by her husband making a show of himself and embarrassing her with his awful voice.
I kept straining my neck as we walked down the corridor decorated with enormous beach shells and old fishing nets to see if I could spot Ben anywhere.
‘Georgia?’ Shelley asked, as I’d stopped walking without realising it.
‘Yeah, yeah, sorry. Come on.’ I pulled myself together and led her into the large room. She immediatelly took her concerned eyes off me as soon as she saw Jimmy standing on the stage in front of the microphone.
‘What’s going on?’ she asked quietly, as the other guests clapped our arrival. ‘Jimmy? What are you doing? We’ve done the speeches!’
‘This is just a little something I’ve planned for you,’ Jimmy said into the mic, winking at his unsure-looking bride. ‘And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four,’ he called out to the band patiently waiting behind him with their instruments at the ready.
He was surprisingly good. The lessons had certainly paid off and everyone was soon dancing to the song that made Shelley well up, lost in some shared memory together.
It was perfect, the whole day had been perfect. Not because it had all gone to plan, but because Shelley and Jimmy were happy, they were married, and they had their whole lives together ahead of them. After all, wasn’t that the point of a wedding?