SOFIA

“I’ve never been so bored in my life,” I mutter, pacing the back porch. “I can’t believe they didn’t take me with them! And here we are twirling our thumbs like civilians! Why aren’t there more jobs coming in? Are the bad guys on their best behavior all across America, or what? Because I doubt it!”

Celia asks, “Luke still not answering his phone?”

“That’s not what I’m upset about!”

She tilts her head like she doesn’t believe me, but I ignore her and go to stand against a pole, dried out paint chips flattening under my skin. “They left on a job and I’m not allowed to go this time? What the fuck?! I’m crawling out of my skin here! Can’t they see that?”

“Do you want to go on a road trip? We could ask Sage and Atlas to go.”

How many times have I avoided being alone with Atlas and Celia since she shared her secret and I didn’t share mine? Every fucking day at least thirty times. And Sage isn’t a buffer, especially since she’s barely talking to her brother. I’m avoiding her almost as much as him. Hell, I spent more time with Tonk Jr. in the past twenty-two days than I have since I turned twenty-two!

Under my breath I keep my voice as level as I can. “I need to beat someone up, not lay on a beach.”

The screen door clatters, drawing my focus. “Hey Tyler, what brings you back here so quick?”

“Don’t fall over yourself with excitement over little ol’ me, Soph.”

Smiling, I shrug, “Sorry. I’m in a mood.”

Tyler’s a burly looking dude, dirty blonde since Melodi’s blonde, and kinda ugly since Fuse isn’t exactly easy on the eyes. But he’s got appeal because of his confidence, and he knows when to talk and when to shut up. That’s an appreciated personality trait, living a communal life among heathens. He pulls out a cigarette pack and lights one up, “Don’t tell my mom I’m smoking,” he smirks, casting a glance behind him to the kitchen.

Melodi shouts from inside it, “Put that thing out or I’ll put it out on you!”

We grin as he chuckles, takes a couple hefty drags off it, and stamps the embers into dead ash. “Love to rile her up. Makes me feel like a kid again.” Eyeing me from the side he says, “Sofia, I’ve got a job, you want in?”

I push off the pole and plant my boots. “Are you serious? Yes!”

“What about me?” Celia asks.

“Next time,” he nods to her. “Just need one. Heard Sofia was hurting for some road work.”

I ask, “Who told you that?”

Jerking his head toward the kitchen, he gives me a wink. “Mom sees all in this house. And she knows how to take care of her men. You’re more man than girl to her.”

“I’m a woman, but who’s arguing.”

“Girl, woman, you know what I mean. You’ve got bigger balls than most of the guys I come across out there. Let’s go.”

Surprised but thrilled, I grab my glass to bring it inside. “Now?”

Celia gets up, too, picking up her lemonade and following us. Since we were able to walk we’ve been trained to clean up after ourselves. The place would be disgusting if we didn’t carry our own weight. And as Melodi has reminded us thousands of times, she’s not our maid.

Tyler holds the door open and we duck underneath his arm, me practically singing, “Mel, have I told you how much I love you?”

“You’re welcome,” she dryly smiles. “Purely selfish. I’m tired of listening to you bitch all the damn time.”

Celia agrees, “True that.”

I start dancing around, “I’m outta here!”

Melodi just shakes her head. “Can’t run from your problems.”

Freezing mid-dance I drop my arms and cock an eyebrow at her, “Well aren’t you a ball of fun.” Swiping up my glass and putting it in the dishwasher I announce, “I’m not running, just taking some space to get a clear head, doing what I was put on this Earth to do!”

Atlas walks up to the screen door we just came through. His hands are covered in grease from the work he was doing in the garage. Celia opens the door for him. “Thanks Ceels,” he says, glancing to me. “You takin’ off?”

“Yep.”

“Good,” he mutters, heading to the sink to wash his hands. “Tired of all your dirty looks.”

Under my breath I shoot back, “And I’m sick of giving ‘em. You ready Tyler?” Off his amused expression, I realize, “Oh, I have to pack, huh? It’ll take me three minutes. Meet you out front?”

He pushes off the wall and heads out with me, but Melodi calls after her son, “Tyler, you stay with me for a minute. I don’t want you on that front porch sneaking another smoke.”

He laughs, “I did it in your line of vision for a reason, Ma.”

“Nevertheless, stay here with me. I don’t get to see you enough. Spend some time with your mother.”

Celia follows me up the stairs as we listen to their exchange. “I guess we all move away at some point, huh?” she asks me in a private volume.

“Our parents have been here over thirty years!”

“Right.”

Stopping at the top of the stairs, I block her path. “You want out?”

“No,” she mutters. At my stare her shoulders rise up. “Maybe.”

“Tyler!” I call, leaning over the banister. “Let’s bring Celia!”

“It’s a small job, literally small location. I didn’t even want to bring you!”

“Thanks a lot!” I laugh, happy he was forced to change his mind by Mel. To Celia I say as we walk into our room, “You’re not being kept here. Why don’t you go for a road trip?” I close the door and point at her. “And not alone with Atlas, either.”

She grins, “I would never do that!”

“Yeah, right,” I smile back, pulling my saddlebags from the closet, starting to pack. “I get that you’re stir crazy…”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

She sits on my bed and watches me fold, speaking quietly so no one hears. “I don’t know, after telling you about my feelings for him it’s been harder to ignore them.”

“It was easy to lie to yourself before.”

Celia points to our closet. “Take my white halter with the lace on top.”

“You said I would stretch it out, last time I wanted to wear it.”

“I know, but you look so good in white.”

Walking around the bed to swipe it off the hanger I fold it against my stomach, taking special care not to crease it the wrong way. “You’re giving me this because you’ll miss me.” She smiles like I figured her out, and I laugh, “I know you so well.” Quieting I lock eyes with her. “I’ll miss you, too.” As I continue to pack I roll over in my mind the little that Tyler told us. “He didn’t mention how long this would take, or where we’re going, huh? I hope it’s for at least a month. God, that would be amazing. Atlas is right, I need to stop glaring at him. Being angry is exhausting.”

“And Sage is doing a good enough job punishing him already,” Celia mutters. “She’s being a little ridiculous.”

Yeah well, Sage misses Luke.

So do I.

But I’m not going to confess that.

I barely want to know it, myself.

Buckling the straps I grab my leather jacket, slip it on, and hoist the saddlebags over my shoulder. “Ready.”

In no hurry Celia rises up. “Call me from the road?”

“Don’t I always, every single time?”

“I know.” She opens the door and I throw my boot out and kick it shut, ripping it from her hand. She spins around.

“I just figured out what the fuck is wrong with you.”

“What?!”

Adjusting the heavy leather, I cock my head. “The last job we did I said you would always come with, on the next ones.” Her gaze drops to the ground. “I meant it, this isn’t the same situation. I don’t have the option. This isn’t my job. Atlas and Luke aren’t with us, right?”

She nods and inhales. “I didn’t realize I was feeling that, but you’re right. It was in the back of my mind what you promised.”

“And if this was a normal job I would take you. I told your parents, remember, that you were coming with me from now on? You think I would declare it and upset Carmen if I didn’t mean it?”

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry.” She offers a smile. “I wasn’t even aware I was feeling that way. Thank you for calling it out.”

“Emotions aren’t logical,” I mumble, eyes flitting around with relief I was paying attention. If I’d have gone on the road with her disappointed in me, that would have been the worst realization when the high of being somewhere else wore off. “If I see you unhappy, I always want to make it right.”

“Same to you, Soph. I’ve got your back. If you need me out there, call, okay?”

With my chin I motion for her to open the door again, “With your shooting skills, you kidding? I’m calling you first!”

She laughs and as we walk out, Celia exhales, “I’m just glad they didn’t press charges against me.” The police station called a week ago. The state, with all the evidence they found against the man, all the missing children’s cases solved, they had no interest in putting the woman who made it all end, behind bars.

As my boot hits the first stair I say, “Self-defense.”

She follows me, adding an equally somber, “For all their little Selves.”