It was afternoon, and although a hospital was busy at all hours of the day, some times were predictably slower than others. Afternoons for some reason or another seemed to slow down at Sierra View. The halls were slightly less packed, intercom system slightly less used. It was also the time that Shepard enjoyed a routine walk with Betty toward the cafeteria. At least, they tried to make it as routine as possible. This week, they were doing rounds on the internal medicine floor which meant fewer emergencies. The week before had them in the emergency room, which had been nonstop cases that ranged from simple broken bones to complex illnesses that were far out of depth for the residents to handle alone. That was where the attendings came in. Since Sierra View was a teaching hospital, most of the doctors also worked as professors, some even going as far as holding lectures at the local universities.

All of the attendings at Sierra View were approachable, although Shepard wouldn’t use the term friendly. There was always a clear hierarchy on display between the more seasoned doctors and the newer residents which kept relationships from developing.

Or at least kept them complicated.

“Have you talked to Crow?” Betty asked as they walked side by side. “I saw his Instagram blowing up after he posted a photo of the engagement ring.”

“He’s doing great; I don’t think I’ve ever seen him happier. Even when he was learning about his national tour he wasn’t this happy. Or, well he was, it was just a different kind of happy.” Shepard glanced out of a passing window, the sun was high up in the sky and beating down on the busy LA streets outside. “They’re still not sure where they want the wedding to be, but it’s early, they’ve got time to plan it.”

Even saying the word “wedding” had Shepard feeling a flash of sadness. It wasn’t the expected reaction, but it was the honest one. He was definitely happy for his brother, but he also couldn’t help but feel like it was another reminder of his own failed love life. There was still time to turn his love boat around and away from crashing headfirst into a cliff, but not as much time as he would have liked. He was getting older and things weren’t looking any easier. If anything, things were getting more difficult. Especially if he was going to get pushed away after trying to make a move.

“And you, mister?” Betty asked, practically reading his mind. Sometimes Shepard could have sworn that his best friend was psychic.

“What about me?” Shepard knew damn well what about she was talking about.

“You’ve been unusually quiet in the dating department recently. Ever since Rick left the picture, it feels like you sort of threw in the towel.”

“Yeah, I guess I kind of did.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Shepard shrugged, feeling his shoulders sag down with weight. “I just keep seeing everyone around me getting married and having kids and I’m starting to think that maybe it just won’t happen for me. Even if it’s all I want.”

“Shep, you’re only twenty-six, you’ve still got time.”

“It still sucks. It’s all I want. A husband, with a kid and a dog. Maybe a cat. Depends. But instead, I date Rick who turns out to be a whack job. And with our crazy schedules, I was lucky to have even found Rick in the first place… well, not lucky, but you know what I mean. It took enough energy back then, I don’t think I could get on a dating app and play that whole game again.” He was pulling excuses out of a hat like a street magician.

Betty waved it off. “You’ve got guys tripping over themselves getting to you.”

“Eh, I don’t know about that. Thankfully I haven’t seen Rick again, though. Not since he blew up on me in front of Dr. White.” Shepard wanted to get off the topic of his current love life.

“Ugh, what a dickwad.”

“Yep,” Shepard said, clapping his hands. “I sure know how to pick them, don’t I?”

“For real,” Betty said with a laugh before dropping her voice, “and now you’re after the emotionally shut-off doctor that everyone wants to bang.”

Shepard scoffed. “I’m not after him. That’s done. A closed case, Watson.”

“I always considered myself Sherlock, to be honest.” Betty mimed using a magnifying glass on Shepard’s face and being terrified by what she saw.

“Did you catch your reflection?” Shepard shot back with a smile.

“Ohh, good one.” Betty laughed and playfully slapped his chest with the back of her hand. “Seriously, though, I don’t know how much of a closed case it is with the way he looks at you.”

Shepard almost stopped fast enough to produce a trail of smoke in the hallway. “What? Looks at me? You never told me about that.”

“I thought it was obvious. He looks at you like he’s ready to devour you. I mean, not all the time, but it definitely happens. Especially during our last few morning meetings.”

This was new information to Shepard, who had been avoiding Nick’s gaze like he was expecting the man to sprout a head of snakes. Every time he looked at Nick, he felt that little spark in his chest flare to life, threatening to catch fire and consume him. And then he would feel like a complete and total idiot all over again. The same way he felt the night he went in for a kiss and was pushed back. Rejected. It hurt. It was a feeling Shepard wasn’t prepared for. He had felt comfortable around Nick. He fooled himself by thinking that day was anything more than a simple favor for Nick. It was Shepard’s fault, and he wasn’t going to be mad at Nick about it.

“Is it that obvious?” Shepard asked. He didn’t think Nick would show any obvious sign of interest after pushing him away.

“I think I heard Lisa and Alex mention something a few days ago,” Betty said. “But I don’t think anyone cares as much as you expect them to. It’s not like we have a full-on teacher relationship with the attendings, so he’s not sexual harassing you for grades or anything. Sure, he has to write us our evaluations, but our STEPs are way more important, and there’s no way those could be tampered with. Plus, Dr. White won’t be your attending for much longer. We’re done with emergency medicine.”

Shepard shook his head, continuing their walk. He felt his cheeks start getting red at the simple thought of people knowing about him and Nick. He should have figured. How could their chemistry be invisible when Shepard constantly felt on fire around the doctor? But still, he had been trying damn hard to stifle those feelings. The failed kiss was like a burning brand seared into his brain, never fully healing, a constant throbbing that served as a reminder: it isn’t going to work.

“Well they need to stop because nothing is ever going to happen. I don’t think it’s about being my attending anymore. He’s got too much going on and, apparently, I’m not the person equipped to help him with it.” They turned a corner then, walking into an open area of Sierra View where the ceiling was made of glass and the center of the room was taken up by a tall, stunning crystal glass sculpture of an angel with arms spread wide and wings flared. It had been donated by Harold Levy, a man with a ton of oil money who also had life-saving open-heart surgery at Sierra View. They walked past a gift shop with an assortment of different “congratulations!” balloons and cute little plush toys for newborn babies.

“Why?” Betty asked.

“Because it’s not.” Shepard hadn’t gotten a chance to tell Betty about the almost-kiss yet. Then again, he wasn’t really looking for the chance. He didn’t want to talk about it, not even with his best friend. He felt embarrassed by it. He should have controlled himself and walked out, nothing else. Instead, he had let himself get carried away.

“Ok, fine…” It sounded like Betty was going to drop it but then, “What if you give it one date?”

“You’re not getting it,” Shepard said, his voice cut with a soft sense of sadness. “There wouldn’t be a date even if I wanted one. It takes two people, he’s got a lot going on, I don’t see him having the time or the energy to date.”

“You’re making it sound like dating you is the same thing as running a marathon. I mean not that I have first-hand experience, but I still feel like I can confidently say it’s not like a marathon at all. Last I checked, you’re totally low maintenance. If anything, dating you is like taking a ride on the lazy river.”

“Thank you?”

“It’s a good thing. Who doesn’t love a good lazy river? Until someone pees, then everyone’s fun is ruined… Anyways, you don’t need constant attention; you understand the importance of space. Plus, you’ve both been through medical school, you both know what being a doctor demands. He’d be the last person to ask more of you than you can handle.” Betty put her hands up. “At least those are my two cents. Take ‘em or leave ‘em, dude.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” Shepard looked down at his black sneakers. “It’s still not ideal.”

“You won’t know that unless you give it a shot. At least ask him out on a date. He’s clearly shown interest, and sure, he has some stuff he needs to work out, but that’s where you come in. You can be his antidote. Cure whatever ails him, doctor.” She said that last part in an old timey accent while batting her thick eyelashes and fisting her hands to her chest.

Shepard laughed, finding truth behind his best friend’s joke. Coincidentally, it also echoed the advice he had received from Crow, who he had FaceTimed a few days ago. His twin knew exactly what Shepard was feeling without Shepard even needing to finish his story. It was definitely one of those weird twin things. Before Shepard got to the part in his story where he met Emma, Crow cut in and told him to go for it. He said that it was obvious in the way Shepard spoke, there was a connection that was mutual. Even after he told the part about the rejected kiss, Crow still held the same opinion. Crow was big on taking chances and following where his heart led, and so Shepard wasn’t surprised to hear his twin tell him to pursue Nick.

On the other hand, he was surprised Betty was also encouraging him to go after the doctor. She was a much more cautious person, reserved and thoughtful with most of her actions. They had met at the beginning of medical school and since then Betty was always the one pushing Shepard along, encouraging him and holding him accountable when it came to studying over watching TV. She had turned down plenty of relationships herself so that she could focus on school, and back then, she always advised Shepard to do the same thing. Not that he was getting a ton of offers, but when the idea did come up, Betty always served as a bit of a reality check.

She doesn’t even know about the kiss. Or Emma.

“I met his daughter.”

Betty’s brows shot up. “Way to bury the lead, dude!” She lowered her voice as a pair of nurses walked by. “So the rumors are true, then?”

“Yep, he has a baby girl.” Shepard started smiling at just thinking about Emma. “And you know me, Betty, I’m not the greatest with kids.”

“Pfft, I remember what happened during our rounds on the OB/GYN floor.” Betty started chuckling. “Whenever someone handed you a baby, your face would contort and you clearly looked like you were going through some inner panic.”

“Ok, I wasn’t that bad.”

“You were definitely out of your element.”

“I was just concentrating,” Shepard said, defending himself. It was the truth, though. He had never truly felt comfortable around babies, he was never sure why. And he had even delivered a few, and those moments were absolutely magical, moments that Shepard was never going to forget. There was no better feeling in the world than delivering a baby and handing it over to their emotional parents. Shepard loved being a part of that. And yet he still felt slightly nervous around babies. “Well, that’s the thing, when I met Emma, none of that happened. I wasn’t terrified of holding her. She made it all click for me. It didn’t feel like she was made of glass. Most of the times, I end up feeling like I’m gonna break a baby by just holding them wrong. But not Emma. I dunno… I guess it felt natural? Jesus, I’ve lost it.”

“You might have.” Betty chuckled and playfully slapped his butt. “Could be your internal clock ticking away. A constant reminder of the desolate, barren, childless future ahead if you don’t get things moving soon.”

“You always know exactly what to say.”

“Thanks, it’s a gift.”

Shepard started laughing at Betty’s smug expression. “She was so sweet. Probably half a year old, nonstop smiles and chubby cheeks. So cute.”

“It sounds like you two hit it off,” Betty nudged Shepard’s side with her elbow. “You know she’s the only stamp of approval her daddy is looking for.”

“Please don’t say daddy.”

“Why?” Betty asked. “Does it turn you on?”

“Yes, you saying daddy is really revving my engines.”

“Ohh… ok, Daddy.” Betty said, whispering the last part even though she choked on a laugh. “You’re right, you’re right, I can’t keep a straight face.”

Shepard was laughing, but he was also thinking that what Betty said was the truth. It was obvious how much Emma meant to Nick, and that there was nothing ever coming between the two. Sure, she was a baby and probably not the best judge of character, but she was still already fond of Shepard, that had to mean something. “I already want to see that little nugget again.”

“Well, maybe he needs a babysitter. There’s a medical convention in Denver next month, maybe he’s going to it.” Emily wiggled her eyebrows. “Plus, who doesn’t like a sexy babysitter.”

Shepard smiled and shook his head. “That’s the thing, even if I get a second job as his babysitter—which, even saying it out loud sounds crazy, as if I have the time for a second job —but, let’s just say I do spend more time with them, all that’s going to do is make me feel even stronger feelings in a situation where I probably won’t have those feelings reciprocated. He’s a new father dealing with something else in the background, I don’t think he’s open to dating right now.”

“So you do have feelings for him, then?” Betty was cutting right to the core of it. “Shep, I think it’s worth keeping your mind open to the possibility. Maybe even push for it a little bit. Sometimes you’ve got to work a little harder for something that’s worth it.”

They turned a corner and found themselves next to the break room. Betty stopped, nodding toward the door. “Alright, this is my stop. See you later.” Betty opened her arms and grabbed Shepard in a hug. “Drop by tonight if you’re free. We can have some wine while we whine.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Shepard said. He turned to leave but Betty stopped him with a hand on his elbow. “Wait, before you go,” she said. She was smiling. “Admit that you think he’s hot.”

“Huh?”

“I think it’ll be cathartic for you. Say it. Admit he’s really hot.” She narrowed her eyes, as if she were trying to will Shepard to say it.

“Fine, yes, Dr. White is really hot.”

Just then, as though it were perfectly choreographed, the door behind Betty opened and out walked the handsome devil himself in all his white-coated glory. He was looking straight ahead, smiling at the pair when he looked their way, but he kept on walking down the hallway. Shepard looked to Betty, his face immediately turning a few shades darker.

“Shit,” Shepard said in a whisper as Nick walked away. “Did he hear that?”

“Absolutely not. No way,” Betty said with a deep confidence. “Ok, well this therapy session is to be continued, glad I could get that off your chest.” She patted Shepard’s chest. “Progress.”

She was laughing as she opened the door to the break room and disappeared inside. Shepard was still pink in the cheeks.

She’s right. There’s no way he heard.