Nick could feel Lisa’s eyes peeling back the layers of his clothes as he stood on the hiking trail. He threw a glance toward Shepard, who was standing to the side and keeping pretty quiet for someone who just bumped into their classmate. That’s when he realized Shepard must have been internally freaking out. Even though Lisa seemed to be oblivious to the fact that Nick was there on a date with Shepard, she still could put two and two together and then spread the word around to the other residents. She could have also been playing dumb and have known exactly what was going on between Nick and Shepard. He remembered what it was like when he was going through his residency, and it was definitely no walk in the park. He also remembered how other residents in his class loved to talk, turning the hospital into a mini soap opera where the season never seemed to end. Thankfully, Nick stopped caring about what others thought pretty quickly. He didn’t think Shepard had that same ability, yet. Being able to give no fucks was basically a superpower and Shepard was just starting on his origin story.

“Alright, well, it was great seeing you, Lisa,” Nick said, wanting to end things so that Shepard wouldn’t feel uncomfortable any longer.

A wave of disappointment flashed across Lisa’s flushed face. Her eyes bounced from Nick to Shepard. He could practically see the wheels start turning underneath that bright blonde crown of hair. “Oh, right, got it,” Lisa said, smiling at them both. She suddenly seemed to be paying way more attention to Shepard now. “Ok, well, see you both at work.”

“See yah,” Shepard said. Before leaving, Lisa crouched down and said goodbye to Emma, who sounded a little less cranky but still not as bubbly as when Shepard popped up in front of her. Nick knew that his daughter wasn’t the be-all and end-all of moral tests, but he did like how she seemed to have really clicked with Shepard from the second she saw him.

Lisa left with another wave. She took off running, leaving Nick and Shepard standing in silence. Nick looked to Shepard, eyebrows raised. “That was kind of weird. I’ve barely ever talked to her before and today she seemed so interested in me.”

“You weren’t her attending?”

“No, she was with Dr. Torrez.”

“Hmm,” Shepard said, glancing down at Nick’s legs. “Must have been the shorts, then.”

“My shorts?!” Nick looked down at himself. “What’s wrong with them?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Shepard said, smiling as he started walking. “Come on, let’s get to the lookout spot.”

“Are they too short?” Nick asked, pushing the stroller and following Shepard. “I bought them thinking they might be a little sho—“

Wait, I’m supposed to not give a fuck.

Shepard had Nick all kinds of messed up.

“The shorts are the perfect length,” Shepard said, slowing his pace so that he was next to Nick again. Nick looked down again. They were definitely on the shorter side, ending midway down his thigh, but he didn’t mind the skin, and Shepard clearly didn’t either.

“Perfect length, huh?”

“Ok, now you’re just fishing for compliments.”

“How about my butt? I don’t think it looks good in these.” Nick gave a playful bump of his hip against Shepard and stopped so he could lean on one leg and prop his butt out. “Right? I’m just not feeling it,” Nick said, smiling, looking down at his butt (which actually looked pretty fucking great, if he did say so himself). Shepard was smiling, too, catching onto the game, his eyes darting back and forth, doing that thing where he tried not to stare at Nick’s butt yet couldn’t help himself.

“Nope, doesn’t look good at all,” Shepard said, giving it a slap, the sting surprising Nick. Another thing that surprised Nick? How good he felt around Shepard. How comfortable he felt just walking with him through the Hollywood Hills. This was technically their first date, and Nick had expected a much more awkward encounter. He wasn’t sure why, but he just felt like it was what was supposed to happen. He didn’t expect to gel with Shepard so well that he would be letting him slap his ass in the middle of a public hiking trail. Clearly it was all fun and games, but still, Nick was feeling very relaxed around Shepard and that meant something.

They continued on the path, Nick pushing the stroller ahead of him. They kept talking the entire way, about whatever struck them. The conversation was easy and the company was exceptional. Nick had become a little winded the past few times he went with Emma on a hike (pushing a stroller could be a workout even when there wasn’t an incline involved), but this time around, Nick didn’t even think about feeling tired. Even with his two hours of sleep, Nick had never felt more alive. He was pushing his baby up the Hollywood Hills, beautiful views around every corner, with a beautiful man at his side. What else could he ask for?

It didn’t take them much longer to reach the spot they both wanted to see: Lover’s Lookout. If Nick were with anyone else, he might have cringed at the potential level of corniness involved with the location’s name. But with Shepard, nothing else could have suited the spot better. It really was a stunning spot that held a special charm to it. It marked the end of the trail, where the gravel and rocks and dirty turned into a well-taken care of stone path. The big, smooth, multicolored rocks led the way toward a large, rustic-feeling gazebo, its light gray paint chipping off at the sides, a trail of dark green moss growing up one of the columns. A bench sat in the center of the gazebo, painted white and looking straight out over the breathtaking valley. The recent rains had allowed most of the flowers to bloom, making the place look like an explosion of color. It was a rare sight in Los Angeles, where the dry climate usually had all the plants withered down to brown husks.

“Wow,” Nick said as they walked toward the bench, the view of the valley below them becoming clearer. Thankfully, no one else had been struck with the idea of stopping at Lover’s Lookout. The spot wasn’t in any of the big tourist websites and the trail was popular with runners but mostly left alone by everyone else. They had the place all to themselves. Shepard walked close to the edge of the cliff but didn’t step too close. Nick hung further back with Emma, admiring not only the view of the valley but also Shepard’s back side. Even his damn back was sexy. He could almost make out the powerful muscles moving underneath Shepard’s shirt whenever he moved.

“Beautiful,” Shepard said, almost to himself. He turned around and walked to the bench, where Nick was parking the stroller next to. He unbuckled Emma from her stroller. She always got antsy whenever the stroller stopped moving. Her eyes were wide as she was taking in everything around them. Nick couldn’t control the smile that crept on his face from just looking down at his daughter, her soft brown hair getting lifted by the gentle breeze. She looked away from a nearby tree and up at Nick and broke out into giggles.

“What’s going on over here?” Shepard asked playfully as he joined Nick next to the stroller. Emma looked toward Shepard and kept her giggles going. She was so happy, and that made Nick even happier. He pulled her out of her seat and cradled her in his arms so that she could look up at Nick and Shepard, both craning their heads down at her and making kissy-faces. This went on for a few more minutes, both men completely entranced by the baby who was staking a claim on both their hearts.

“Come on,” Nick said between goo-goo ga-ga’s, “let’s sit down.”

They moved to the bench, sitting down without any space between them. The wood creaked as they sat, the sound mixing with the rustling of leaves and the chirping of a nearby robin. They both stayed quiet for a little bit, taking in the moment. Even Emma was looking out at the view as if she were pondering all her big life choices. Nick looked down at her, feeling an immense explosion of love rock him to the core. It was one of those moments where everything clicks and you’re reminded of exactly just how lucky you are. The gratitude and love that comes flooding in after that realization could almost be overwhelming. Nick felt moisture prick at the corners of his eyes. He wished he could do this whenever he wanted. He wished he could grab Shepard’s hand and walk out of the house with him, Emma in the stroller, and they could do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. But that wasn’t the case. Nick had Emma on counted time, and Shepard wasn’t even anything official to Nick. He was letting himself get carried away. He had to pull it back. He couldn’t let emotions control him, not when the stakes were so high. He had to have a clear head.

Nick looked to Shepard, their eyes locking, and any chance of having a clear head was gone.

“You’re so handsome,” Nick said, a twinge of disbelief in his tone. “How are you so good looking?”

“Stop,” Shepard said, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks. “But also keep going.”

They laughed at that. Even Emma joined in, giggling as she bounced on Nick’s chest with his laughs. “You’re something else,” Nick said.

Shepard simply smiled. It was enough to unravel all of Nick’s tensions. He couldn’t help himself. He leaned sideways and planted his lips on Shepard’s. It was short but, damn, was it passionate. Everything that was boiling up beneath them came shooting up to the surface in just seconds worth of kissing. Nick leaned back on the seat, his eyes glazed over with a starry quality to them. Shepard looked equally affected. He was still smiling, just wider now. Nick was, too. Emma was still giggling, oblivious to the powerful connection that was solidifying between the two men. Nick didn’t even care that they were out in public. All the residents could have been standing around them in a circle and he still would have gone in for that kiss.

They went back to enjoying the moment, neither of them saying much. It was special.

Emma broke the silence with a loud gurgle. She gave a little bit of a whine, which told Nick that she was getting hungry. He checked his watch and, sure enough, it was time for her bottle. He reached to the side and grabbed the diaper bag from underneath her stroller. “Can you grab the bottle of milk from in here?” Nick asked Shepard, handing him the heavy green bag. Shepard unzipped it and dug inside, finding the bottle and taking the cover off the nipple. Emma lit up the second she saw the bottle.

“She’s knows what she wants and how to get it,” Nick said. He held the bottle up for her as she went to town, sucking down the milk like it was the last water bottle in the desert.

“Just like her dad,” Shepard said playfully. “How’s her mom?” he asked, almost nonchalantly. He had no idea how badly that relationship was fractured. “Her name’s Anna, right?”

“Yep, Anna,” Nick said. The next thing that came out of his mouth was meant as a joke but definitely carried a hint of truth; “Also known as the Antichrist.”

Shepard huffed a laugh. “That bad, huh?”

“Pretty bad.”

“What happened? If you don’t mind telling me.”

“Not at all.” The truth was, Nick would tell Shepard whatever he wanted to know. He felt himself becoming an open book around Shepard. A sense of honesty overcame him, one he had never really felt before. Not that he was a frequent liar or anything, he just wasn’t always fond of being open about things. That was one of the main reasons he didn’t tell anyone in the hospital about his relationship troubles. He had friends, he just didn’t really talk about himself to anyone. Especially not after Anna had wrecked him.

But with Shepard it was different. It was always so different with him. “Her brother called me saying she was sick and had a bad reaction to something so he wanted me to pick Emma up. When I got there, I noticed an ash tray in the background. She wasn’t a smoker when we were together, but I definitely don’t want anyone smoking around Emma. And then Chris’s behavior was weird when I asked him to tell me what was going on. He was never friendly with me, but he was definitely holding something back. I’m just worried something is going on in there. I don’t know how to prove anything, though.”

“Have you thought of using a private investigator?” Shepard asked.

Nick cocked his head. “Not really, no. I didn’t think it would ever get to this point, but maybe that’s the route I should go down.” Nick shook his head. “I could call the cops, but I don’t have any solid proof of anything going on. I don’t want to call them and lose credibility when they show up and nothing’s happening. Who knows if Anna could even take that to court and have them take all my parental rights away. I wouldn’t put it past her to say she was being harassed by me.”

“She’d do that?”

“I didn’t think she’d ever fuck my best friend and end up having me take a paternity test because Emma could have been his, but people surprise you, I guess.”

Shepard’s brows rose before he composed him. “Jesus. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Shepard reached over and placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder. There was an immediate and welcome soothing affect, like rubbing cool aloe vera gel on a burn. Nick took a breath and looked out from Lover’s Lookout, seeing the birds dipping down on a draft of wind out on the horizon. Emma was finishing up her meal. Nick took the bottle back and wiped her mouth with a soft terry cloth.

“I found out the same day we first got together,” Nick said, moving so that he could burp Emma. “I found out she was pregnant that same day you and I shared something special. Only thing was, I had no idea if it was mine or my friend’s, the man she cheated on me with.”

Shepard swallowed hard. “That’s why…”

“I shouldn’t have pushed you away so hard. I’m always pushing, aren’t I?” Nick shook his head, feeling regret spread over him like a poisonous gas. “Hell, you were probably the only one who could have helped me during that time. Instead, I cut myself off and acted like a dick.”

“I mean, I can’t imagine how big of a hit that was to your trust. Fuck.”

“Yup.” The wind filled in the silence, whistling softly around them, shaking a few branches nearby. Another advantage to this trail was that it was much less traveled, so they were the only ones standing at the peak. It felt like there was no one else for miles and miles around, even though the city was just around a bend in the trail.

“Well, then I definitely think you should talk to my cousin. He’s the owner of Stonewall Investigations. It’s a detective agency with a focus toward working with the LGBTQ community. My cousin, Zane, started it because he used to work in law enforcement and saw some of the discrimination going on. Lots of queer people don’t even report crimes because they’re scared. I think he can help figure out what’s going on.”

Nick appreciated Shepard trying to help him. “Sounds like he’s my best bet. And he sounds like a great guy, too.”

“He is,” Shepard said. He looked out over the valley that was laid out in front of them like a painting. Emma was dozing off against Nick’s chest. “We grew up together. He’s like another brother. Poor guy’s had a rough road, but he’s turned dirt into diamonds. Things that would have crushed me only made him stronger.”

“I’ll check him out, then,” Nick said. “Anyone recommended by you should be golden.”

“Only trying to help,” Shepard said, a soft smile playing on his face. “I really wish I could do more. I can’t imagine the amount of anxiety that comes with all of this. She’s so precious, she deserves that perfect life you can give her, twenty-four seven. And you deserve to be able to hold her whenever you want to.” Shepard looked away from the pair. His hand came up to his face for a quick moment before falling back down on his lap.

“Let’s talk about some lighter stuff,” Nick said, feeling bad that he was bringing over a big gray cloud on their date. He would meet with Shepard’s cousin and hopefully figure out what was going on with Anna. He hoped that would be enough to prove that she wasn’t fit to raise Emma. Nick didn’t want to take Emma completely away from Anna, but if she was going to fight tooth and nail to take Emma away from him, then he wasn’t going to back down.

“Ok, let’s,” Shepard said, sitting up a little straighter on the bench.