Music pulsed heavily through the club. Lights strobed down on the dance floor, which was packed with bodies, the beat seductive and dark. Just off to the side, I stood watching. Girls paraded around, wearing next to nothing, begging for the attention that two months ago I would have been all too happy to give them.
But not tonight. Not anymore.
Samantha was the only thing I could see.
Honest to God, this girl must get off on tormenting me.
I lifted the bottle to my mouth, taking a deep pull from my beer, unable to tear my eyes away.
Samantha, Megan, and Aly were close to the edge of the dance floor, maybe ten feet away. They were facing one another in a small circle, dancing together the way girls do, all sexy and flirty and like they were having the time of their lives.
All night, they’d been slamming vibrant-colored shooters, the kind that taste like Kool-Aid and fuck you up faster than you can say “cheers.” With each one, they got a little more uninhibited, and with every passing second, Samantha wrung me a little tighter.
Not one part of me was interested in any of the girls who made their way over, doing their best to win my attention. Hell, not one had managed it since the second Samantha had barreled back into my life. She was the only thing I could see.
She lifted the hair from the nape of her neck and into a messy pile at the top of her head, like she was trying to cool herself off, but I was pretty sure the act elevated the temperature in the club by a hundred degrees. Her hands were at her head, and she rolled her hips, dancing close to Megan.
That mouth twisted up in a sensual pout and I just about came undone. Hunger roared through my body, my palms sweaty and my pulse igniting in an all-out inferno.
Shit.
I scrubbed a hand over my face.
I’d been hard since the second I swung by Aly’s with the intention of following everyone over to the restaurant. The sight of Samantha had nearly knocked me to my knees, and I’d come damn close to dropping to them and begging her to take mercy and put me out of my misery.
To douse the fire that had been raging since the second I felt her succumb to my kiss before she’d pushed me away.
Tonight, instead of dousing the flame, she’d poured gasoline on it.
She was in a pair of dark blue jeans that had to have been designed just for her, because they were hugging those delicious hips and that round ass perfectly. Her shirt was black and satiny, all modest in the front and scooped superlow in the back to reveal a creamy expanse of bare skin. My fingers twitched, wanting nothing more than to trace the length of her spine. And just because I was cursed, she went and paired all of that temptation with these sexy-as-all-hell red heels, so high they brought the top of her head up close to my chin.
I knew firsthand, too, because I hadn’t been able to resist pulling her in for a hug after dinner, when she’d come up beside me and whispered a quiet thank you after I footed the bill. It was my pleasure, I’d murmured, yanking her to me, because it really was and there was no chance I could keep my hands off her for a second longer. She’d startled, then given in, and I’d just held her like I could forever. She’d shivered when I pressed my hands against that bare skin of her back that was threatening to drive me wild. For the briefest second, I’d buried my nose in her hair, filling up my senses with all that sweetness, so potent I was damned sure she’d made me drunk on it.
Because here I was, still nursing at my first beer, since I had to drive, and yet there was this fuzziness that eddied through my veins, and my limbs felt heavy and weighed down with want.
Clutching her hair, Samantha looked toward the ceiling. Red, blue, and green lights flashed against the smooth, soft skin of her face, her neck exposed, and she danced as if she’d just discovered what it was like to be free.
I jumped when Jared appeared at my side. He lifted a brow. “Figured you might want a fresh one.” He offered me a new beer. “That one’s gotta taste warm as piss by now.”
I accepted the drink and set the other on the tall table next to me. “Thanks, man,” I said, appreciating the cool liquid slipping down my throat.
We both turned our attention back to the dance floor. Jared sipped at his own beer, resting an elbow back on the table, his eyes sharp as he watched the vultures flock around the girls. Every douche bag in this place was dying to swoop their claws in, every calculated move they made bringing them one step closer.
“Hate these kinds of holes,” Jared muttered on a grudging sigh. “Only reason any guy ever steps foot in a place like this is because he’s looking to get laid.”
If it’d been up to us? This would have been about the last place on earth Jared or I would have picked to bring the girls. But they made it clear real fast that this was their night, and their night meant they wanted to go dancing, and dancing meant getting cozy with these assholes who were circling around them.
I’d been that asshole plenty of times, and I knew exactly what scenario was playing out in their minds.
“You and me both.”
Some dickhead finally got brave enough and made his move. Edging up behind Samantha, he swept a hand down her side like he had a right to touch her, then pulled her back against his front.
My jaw clenched just as tightly as the hold on my beer, my teeth grinding in my ears.
Apparently dancing meant rubbing his dick all over her ass.
I sent up a silent hallelujah when Samantha eased away and put some space between them, because this I could not handle. It was bad enough knowing she chose Ben, that somehow she’d ended up in his arms. But at least I didn’t have to see that shit.
Which was just a blessing and a curse. The whole fact that Samantha was sneaking around, keeping it from Ben that she’d become friends with Aly. Quietly, almost as if she was humiliated about it, she’d mentioned she didn’t want Ben to know she’d reconnected with Aly, and it became clear she was making up excuses to hang out with her and in turn to hang out with me. Really quick I’d surmised that he’d been a dickhead, like I knew him to be. He either gave her a hard time about it or she knew from experience that he would if he found out.
Plus side?
I didn’t have to see the asshole with her.
But the last few weeks had left me with all kinds of questions. Was she really happy with him? Did she really love him? Was he good to her? Good for her?
Because if it was me, I couldn’t stand the idea of my girl not being able to be honest with me.
Honestly, I couldn’t stand the idea of her not being my girl, but I’d come to the place where I knew I cared about her enough that I’d accept them being together if it was truly what she wanted.
But then why was she doing this? A twenty-three-year-old woman having to lie about where she wanted to be? To a guy she wasn’t even married to?
That was just uncool, wrong on a whole lot of different levels, and I hated the idea of her slipping back into the same kind of lies she’d had to spew in order to be with me back when we were in high school.
But we’d been left without options.
Was that her situation now? Was she being oppressed, shackled by others’ beliefs, pushed into what others thought was right for her life?
Tonight, she most definitely didn’t look oppressed.
She looked vindicated.
Liberated.
That same kind of beautiful that had knocked me from my feet when I was sixteen.
My spirit thrashed. That’s what I really wanted. For this girl to be happy. For that light to shine. Bright and unrestrained.
Since the day I’d met her, she’d been held down. I’d put bets down that the same kind of bullshit was happening in her life now.
Ass bag behind her couldn’t seem to take a clue, and he edged in like he was determined to get some of that for himself.
I shifted, trying to force myself to stand there and watch this when all I wanted was to rip his filthy hands from her.
Jared chuckled low, tipping the neck of his bottle in my direction. “Now you know what that shit feels like.”
I scowled in his direction. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
He laughed a little louder. “Look at you, getting all pissed and fiery ’cause some punk-ass kid wants a piece of your girl.”
“Not my girl,” I growled.
“Yeah?” Jared challenged, the cut of his eyes angled in speculation. “And when’d that change? Because last thing I knew before I got my sorry ass dragged off to juvie, you couldn’t imagine living your life without that girl. Seems to me I missed some important details along the way. Considering how you want to climb out of your skin every time she’s around, I think it’s about time you filled me in.”
Regret and frustration blistered below my skin, charged by this guy groping Samantha. Dude was about five seconds from getting his arms ripped clean from his body.
“I happened,” I spat out. I drained my beer, swallowed hard, my words bitter. “And I guess I haven’t been doing a whole hell of a lot of that living since then, have I?”
“So you gonna change that or do you plan to keep fucking your way through the city?”
Incredulous, I glared over at him. My tone sharpened. “Pretty clear she’s moved on, isn’t it?”
He glared right back. “Is it? Because the only thing that’s clear to me is there’s some major unfinished business between the two of you.”
I almost laughed. Yeah, Samantha and I had a whole ton of unfinished business.
Samantha chose that moment to flick her eyes over to me, letting them slither down my body and back up in a slow wave. She rolled her hips. Dickhead behind her took that as an invitation, and he dug his fingers into her hips. She tried to maneuver out of his hold without making a big deal of it, but he made the mistake of tightening his grip.
That was it. I snapped. My feet moved of their own accord, my destination clear.
Not my girl? But she used to be, and I’d say in a situation as dire as this, that shit counted.
So maybe Jared would be giving me hell for the rest of my life.
She was worth it.
I pushed through the throbbing crowd, going straight for her. Her eyes registered shock as I shoved my arm around her waist. My hand hit the smooth, bare skin, and every inch of mine lit.
Goddamn.
I tugged her forward. Over her head, I shot the douche a look that warned him to back the fuck off.
Samantha floundered forward into my arms.
She smelled good, just about as good as she felt.
Then she giggled, reminding me of just how tanked she had to be with how much she’d had to drink. Wide, blurry eyes smiled up at me, a suggestion of a slur on her lips. “I think he liked me.”
A quiet chuckle rolled from my tongue, my hold protective as I tucked her close, one hand secured to the small of her back, the other at the back of her head. She buried her face in my chest.
“Sweetheart, pretty sure everyone in this club likes you,” I murmured at her ear, scrutinizing the crowd, gauging who I’d have to protect her from next.
She clutched my shirt, the words strained. “You, too?”
I sighed, feeling like the direction of this conversation was not one we should take when she’d drunk half her weight in alcohol. “Of course I like you,” I whispered.
“I thought you hated me.” Sadness poured from her strained statement, and I could barely hear her sweet voice above the music, but it was like I could feel the words emanating from her. They sank right into my bones.
“Never.” It came out ragged. Hoarse. And my heart hurt a little more as I stood there swaying her in my arms. I hated that I’d ever given her that impression, that I’d been so callous and resentful that I chose to cut her down rather than facing the way she made me feel.
Totally off tempo, we swayed, the techno beat pounding a throb of energy through the pulsing crowd while we rocked slowly in our own little world, but I no longer knew how to let her go.
Who knew for how long we danced like that, because the music shifted and slowed, then sped again, and I finally realized Aly, Jared, and Megan had disappeared. They all came walking back over, my friend Cash in tow. I’d texted him earlier about showing up.
When she saw me and Samantha, Aly smiled unrestrainedly, her eyes warm and fuzzy but clearly filled with tenderness.
Reluctantly, I released Samantha, who seemed about as unhappy about letting go as I felt.
Aly’s expression quickly shifted, and she stumbled a little on her drunken feet. She hooked her thumb over her shoulder. “Look who we found wandering around the bar. And he insisted on buying us girls another round of shots! Guess who’s my new best friend.”
“Hey.” Megan pouted. “You’re going to sell me out for a drink?”
“Oh, don’t worry yourself, Meg,” Jared cut in. “I’m pretty sure Aly here is going to be cursing Cash’s name come tomorrow morning.” Jared had a lemon-drop shooter in each hand. He waved one in Aly’s face. “Are you sure you want another one of these?”
She took it with a grin. “Heck yes, I want another one of those. This is my one night out!”
Oh yeah, my sister was going to be hurting tomorrow. I didn’t think she’d had more than a drink or two since Ella’d been born, and tonight she was tossing them back like water.
“All right.” Jared laughed. A little affectionate smirk played at one side of his mouth. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
He passed the other to Samantha, and Cash started to hand one to Megan, but then he jerked it back and demanded a kiss for it. I laughed. Dude was such an asshole.
Megan slugged him in the arm and ripped the drink from his hand. “This girl can’t be bought, buddy, so you’d better watch yourself before you get a whole lot more than that little punch.”
“That’s what I was hoping you’d say.”
She punched him again.
Cash was always laying it on thick. The guy was larger than life, with both a giant body and a giant mouth. He’d had a pretty serious girlfriend about a year ago, but he’d gone and messed that up real quick. No surprise there. But we all knew he was just razzing Megan. They’d known each other for as long as I’d known Cash, and he messed with her just about as relentlessly as I did.
The girls all held up the tiny glasses rimmed in sugar. “To the best of friends,” Aly said, glancing around at the two of them.
They both returned, “To the best of friends.”
Glasses clanked and they tipped them back.
Samantha’s face screwed up in the most adorable way, and she clamped her hand over her mouth while she shook her head. “I think you two are trying to kill me!”
Megan laughed. “If we’re going down, then you’re going down, too. That’s what friends are for, right?”
Samantha’s face got all rosy, and she chewed at one corner of that bottom lip, murmured, “There’s no one else I’d rather go down with,” like having these friendships meant the world to her.
My heart squeezed, and I just stood there like watching all of this didn’t affect me at all. And again I was wondering about her life, what it was like once she walked away and returned to Ben.
Aly stumbled and Jared caught her around the waist. “Watch yourself, baby,” he cautioned her with a kiss to her temple.
She held her head. “Whoa… that one hit me hard.”
Samantha giggled, making it pretty clear it’d hit her, too.
“I wanna dance,” Megan demanded, jumping around, trying to yank Aly back onto the dance floor. But Aly was fading fast. The girl could barely stand.
“Pretty sure she’s going to fall flat on her face if you drag her back out there,” Jared said, canting his head to take in his wife. “What do you say we head home? Otherwise I’m going to be carrying you out over my shoulder.”
She nodded, and he pressed his mouth to her forehead. “Okay, let’s get you out of here.” Jared wound his arm around her waist, attention darting between Megan and Samantha. “You two ready to go?”
“Nooo! It’s still early,” Megan insisted.
“Way early.” Cash threaded his fingers through Megan’s. “I’m game to hang out with you for a while longer. I’ll give you a lift home later. Good with you?”
“Yeah,” she agreed without thought. “Totally not ready to leave yet. You want to stay, Samantha?”
Samantha glanced up at me, and the sweet expression she gave me twisted me somewhere deep. She looked back at Megan. “Thanks, but I think I’d better call it a night, too.”
“Suit yourself.” Megan dropped kisses to everyone’s cheeks, then gave a little salute as she backed onto the dance floor with Cash. They were quickly swallowed by the crowd.
Jared began working his way through the throng of bodies, leading Aly out. I turned back to Samantha, who stood there looking a little lost.
What the hell, I said to myself with an inward shrug. Somehow the girl who once was my entire life had ended up becoming my responsibility tonight, so I wrapped her hand in mine. Every nerve in my body released a contented sigh, this thrumming satisfaction beating a path through my system. She snuggled in close, like she was seeking protection, like she wanted me to touch her and hold her and keep her safe.
Fuck.
What was I doing, setting myself up to get crushed again?
But I couldn’t stop.
I squeezed her hand, slipping her a reassuring glance before I picked up a trail behind Jared and Aly.
We stepped out into the night. A gentle breeze blew through the overflowing parking lot, dull streetlamps casting a hazy glow from above.
Up ahead, Aly leaned heavily on Jared as he helped her to his truck, and Samantha stuck close to my side as we followed.
Jared clicked the locks, opened the passenger door. “Come on, love, let’s get you home and into bed.”
“You can take me to bed but you’re coming with me,” Aly contended, but it was all garbled, and she gave him a flirty, coy grin that was all kinds of sloppy.
Jared chuckled and gathered her hands in his, kissed her knuckles. “I seriously doubt that, baby, because I’d put good money down that your sweet little ass will be passed out by the time we get home, and I’m not into that.”
She pouted, and Jared boosted her into the truck. She slumped into the seat, her legs dangling out.
I laughed. “Looks like it’s sleepy time, Aly Cat,” I teased.
She went for a glare, but it was weak and she could barely focus in on me. Jared hoisted her legs inside.
All of a sudden, Aly choked.
Jared’s eyes went wide. “Oh shit, baby, are you gonna puke?”
Vigorously she shook her head, and tears started streaming down her face as she clutched her stomach. “I miss Ella.”
I suppressed my laughter when Jared gave me a helpless look. He brushed back the hair matted to her forehead. “Baby, she’s spending the night at your mom and dad’s. Remember? We’ll go over and pick her up first thing tomorrow morning.” Under his breath, he tacked on, “When I can haul your hungover ass out of bed, that is.”
Aly wailed, “But I need her now.”
I chuckled. “See… this is why girls shouldn’t drink, Aly Cat. They get all emotional and weepy, and then some sorry sucker like Jared here has to take care of her. There should be a law against this atrocity.”
Samantha smacked at my upper arm. “Shh,” she scolded, “she misses her baby. You don’t know how upset she was to leave her for the first time. And if there aren’t drunk girls, who in the heck are all those jerks inside supposed to hit on?”
I busted up. “All right, you’ve got me there.”
“Please,” Aly begged.
Jared rubbed a frustrated hand over his face, though his voice remained patient and soft. “Do you need me to take you over there?”
And that’s why he’d always be my brother, thicker than blood, good enough for my sister. He’d do anything for her, big or small. Minimally inconvenient or life changing. Didn’t matter what it was, as long as he was doing it for her.
She nodded through big, fat tears.
“Shit,” he grumbled, then his voice became soothing again. “What do you say we just have a sleepover… We’ll snuggle up in your little twin bed back in your old room? That way you’ll be right there when Ella wakes up in the morning and we won’t have to wake up the whole house and drag Ella out in the middle of the night. Sound good?” He smiled softly, cupping her cheek. “Plus your mom would have my ass if I stole Ella away on her first sleepover.”
“You’d stay there?” she asked hopefully, her eyes all awash with the awe she felt for her man.
A pang of envy hit me, that innate need to have someone look at me like that. I squeezed Samantha’s hand a little tighter. My breath caught in my throat when she squeezed back.
Jared kissed Aly’s forehead. “Of course.”
He looked over at Samantha. “You ready, Sam? I’ll drop you by your house before I head across town.”
That little hand was still burning in mine, and I wasn’t about to let go. “I’ll give her a ride.” The offer swung from my mouth as fast as if I were batting for a home run.
Jared frowned. A hint of suspicion. A trace of a warning. A whole lot of Yeah, I bet you will.
I lifted my shoulders in indifference, though I was still holding on for dear life, and Jared’s deliberation dipped to our hands.
“I mean, if Samantha’s good with it,” I tacked on, praying to get a couple more minutes with her.
She hesitated, big blue eyes darting to me, then to her feet, and on to Jared, before she nodded forcefully. “That’s probably a good idea… I mean, you should hurry and get Aly to Ella,” she added quickly, like she was searching for a valid reason for me to be giving her a ride home.
Sounded reasonable enough to me.
I shrugged at Jared. “See? Not a problem.”
He huffed knowingly, then shook his head like it wasn’t his business. “All right, then.”
Shutting Aly in, he took a step toward me. “Take it easy, man.” His eyes were narrowed when he said it, and he clapped me on the back. He went in for a quick hug with Samantha. “It was great hanging out with you, Sam. I’m sure we’ll see you soon.”
“Definitely,” she promised. “Call me if you need any help tomorrow.”
“Sure thing.” With a short wave, Jared climbed in his truck, started it up, and drove away.
We just stood there watching them go, our fingers all twined, Samantha’s breaths palpable as she released them out into the heavy air.
I looked down at her in the same second she looked up at me. Emotion knotted my throat with regret and need.
God, why did she have to be so beautiful?
Softly, I smiled at her, then inclined my head into the distance. “I parked over in the back lot.”
Silence wove around us like a blanket, and I basked in the comfort that came with saying nothing, just being in the same space with the sound of footsteps and panted breaths and beating hearts.
Samantha trembled when I helped her climb into the front passenger seat. Both my hands slipped to her waist to hoist her up.
She gave me the softest, questioning smile when I took the liberty of reaching across her and buckling her in, though she didn’t make a move to stop me. The snap of the seat belt locking into place echoed in the quiet cab, and I froze when I pulled back and my gaze tangled with hers, her nose close to brushing mine.
“There,” I whispered through the dense air, all that sweet filling up my senses, intoxicating. A fresh wave of lust clenched every muscle in my body.
“There,” she agreed on a breath from that mouth I was dying to feel, to taste if it was still as sweet, that candied kiss that would bring me to my knees. Her eyes filled with something I hadn’t seen in so many years, the trust she used to watch me with. Like she didn’t get how hung up I was on her.
But I was.
Hung up.
Stuck.
I’d never had the strength or desire to move on. I was becoming pretty damned sure she was where I was supposed to be.
Tentatively, I reached out, wondering what in the hell I hoped to achieve when I let my fingertips trace along the line of her jaw. Because she’d made it clear we weren’t going in that direction, but the signs she was sending me tonight had me itching to head there, and fast.
Shivers rolled through her, and her eyes dropped closed. Nervously, she swept her tongue across her plump bottom lip.
I bit back a moan, fighting the overwhelming urge to push past those boundaries again, to kiss that mouth like it’d never been kissed before, to mark and claim and declare what was mine.
But she was drunk and that would make me a bigger asshole than I’d already proven myself to be.
And I’d promised her a friendship. Promised myself I owed her the effort to earn back her trust. Promised my jaded heart I’d push back and make it through if she really didn’t want me to win her back.
It took about all I had to pull away.
In slow surprise, her blue eyes fluttered open, a confused disappointment.
Groaning, I slammed her door shut and ran around to the driver’s side.
I turned the key in the ignition, and the engine rumbled to life. The headlights splayed out ahead of us, like they were peering into the darkness of the vacant, empty lot next door. It reflected back some kind of eeriness, this strange sensation that we were waiting at the cusp, preparing to delve into the unknown.
I rushed a hand over my face and up through my hair, rubbing at my neck when I chanced looking over at her. This time she was smiling, like she’d broken through the wisps of smoldering smoke, no longer trapped in that haze of lust that had held us under.
“Thank you so much for the ride.”
I threw the truck in gear and pulled out, laughing under my breath. “It’s nothing, Samantha.”
“Sure it is.” She twisted a little in her seat to focus on me. “You hung out with us all night. Watched over us, made sure no drooling monkeys climbed up our backs and stole us away.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught her wink, and I chuckled with a shake of my head.
Then she sobered a little.
“You could have…” She hesitated, chewing on that damned lip, her gaze dropping with the flush that reddened her cheeks. “Didn’t you see all those girls looking at you? You could have taken any one of them home.”
She looked back at me, seeking an answer. Wasn’t it obvious why I hadn’t? Why I’d rather be here than anywhere else? Did she forget that kiss?
Yeah. I’d told her I wanted to be friends, but the current passing between us exposed the lie of that promise.
I kept my attention trained out the windshield. “Didn’t want to go home with any of those girls, Samantha.”
My confession flared the tension. I could feel her eyes on me, probing, as if she was desperate for a way to see inside me. Silence stretched like a keening bow, all that unsaid shit that remained a barrier between us stealing the air, all that hurt and injustice screaming out like a burden I no longer wanted to bear.
Exhaling heavily, I turned into her quiet neighborhood, our few stolen minutes coming too quickly to an end, and I felt no more satisfied than when she’d turned her back on me the night I’d kissed her on this very street.
Samantha’s raspy voice cut into the silence. “I don’t want to go home.”
Confused, I looked over at her.
“Please, don’t take me there,” she begged, a little panicked. She shut her eyes as if she was terrified to say it, but still the confession quietly bled free. “I hate it there.”
My lack of hesitation when I flipped a U in the middle of the road should have been a warning. “Then where do you want me to take you?”
“Anywhere. Just not there.”
I scratched at the stubble on my chin, contemplating how fucking ecstatic I felt. In the next instant, I felt like shit, sick at my own selfish happiness when this amazing girl had just admitted she hated her home. But that news was too good to my ears for me to pretend otherwise. I slipped her a sidelong glance. “Not a whole lot is open at this time of night.”
She wrung her hands, then whispered, “Take me to your place.” Her volume increased. “I want to know where you live… what it’s like. Take me there.” Curiosity and excitement widened her eyes, and she clapped her hands like she’d just latched onto the most brilliant solution.
Okay, maybe she wasn’t just tipsy. She was pretty danged sloshed, and she’d made a quick flip to all cute and pleading, and my dick that had been misbehaving all night suddenly had ideas of being very, very bad.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Please?” she begged, all eager and thrilled. “I’ve been wondering what it’s like… where you’d live now that you’re grown. Is your bedroom as messy as it used to be in high school? I bet your entire house is trashed.” And I knew she was joking now, but I could feel it, her trying to tie me to that boy she used to know.
A strangled groan crept up my throat, and I cursed under my breath when I gave in and turned in the direction of my house. “Some things change, Samantha.”
Her voice dropped. “For the good or the bad?”
“A lot for the bad,” I admitted softly, knowing she needed to hear it, because the girl was no fool, and I knew she had a suspicion of the man I’d become.
Somehow I needed to prove I didn’t want to be him anymore. Needed to find a way to make her understand that everything important had remained the same.
I pulled into my neighborhood. As I neared my house, I pressed the garage door remote, and it sprang to life.
“Oh my God.” Samantha looked at me, those blue eyes all swimming with excitement again. “This cute little house is yours? Now, this I did not picture,” she said as she leaned forward and peered through the windshield, taking it all in.
I eased my truck up the driveway and into the garage. I threw it in park and cut the engine, swiveling my shoulders to look over at her while I still held on to the wheel. “And just what did you picture?”
And how often and why were you picturing it?
She shrugged, biting back the laughter that rumbled around in her chest. “I don’t know… something dumpier… like with peeling paint and dust covering the windows. Maybe with some of that yellow tape roping it off… HAZARDOUS WASTE stamped across it,” she said, digging it in a little deeper.
“Are you kiddin’ me?” I was doing my best not to bust up.
Laughter ricocheted around the cab of my truck when she set it free, and there was no stopping the force of my smile. I drifted on it, lost in the sound of the amusement rolling from her mouth. “I’m sorry!” she begged through an apologetic giggle. “You have to admit you were kind of a slob back then.”
Back then, meaning back when I got to hold her and kiss her and make promises that had never come to be.
Tonight I was feeling like it was high time they did.
“Admit it!” she prodded, poking me in the side.
I wrangled out of her reach, grabbed her hand to block her attack. “All right… all right. I was a slob. I admit it. You win. But some things do change for the better. Come inside. I’ll show you.”
I jumped out and came around just in time to help her down. She rocked a little, and I steadied her. “Careful.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know how to walk.”
“Barely.”
“Ha-ha-ha,” she tossed over her shoulder, grinning at me as I followed, my fingertips just brushing the skin of her back.
At the door I stepped around her, reached in to flick on a few lights. “You ready?”
“Yep.”
I opened it wide, allowing her to walk in ahead of me.
She wandered just inside, looking out over my living room and kitchen. “Oh my gosh, Christopher.” She smiled back at me. “Some things really do change.”
Everything was completely organized, sleek and clean, dark colors with bold lines, the quintessential man pad.
“Who taught you to be this clean? And who the heck designed this place?”
I laughed a little as I made my way over to the kitchen. “Well, Aly and I lived together for a couple years, and she wasn’t about to clean up after me, so she trained me pretty quick. But all of this…” I gestured around the space, lifted a shoulder. “When I bought it, I figured decorating wasn’t quite my thing, so I handed Mom a credit card and told her and Aly to have at it. Within a week, they had the entire house looking like something out of a magazine. Suits me, don’t you think?”
She nodded, raking her teeth over her bottom lip. “Yeah. It’s perfect for you.” She arched a brow. “And you clean all this yourself? It looks like every inch has been scrubbed with a toothbrush.”
I leaned my hands on the island countertop, grinning across at her. “Hey, I get on my hands and knees to clean this place. Wear gloves and an apron, too.”
“Really?” she asked, this adorable look of disbelief crossing her face.
Shaking my head, I laughed. “No, not really. But the business with Jared is going great. Found myself with all this extra money that I have no idea what to do with, so I hired someone to come in a couple of times a week to keep the place clean.”
“Oh, so you’re saying you’re spoiled,” she assessed with a grin.
“Uh, no, not spoiled. I work my ass off. And before you ask, I do pick up my socks and underwear from the floor and every once in a while I even venture into doing my own laundry.”
“Impressive,” she drew out with all the sarcasm she could muster.
“Isn’t it?” I winked and pushed off the counter. “Can I get you something to drink?”
Her eyes lit up and she walked into the kitchen. “Do a shot with me? We were drinking all night and you and Jared were all sweet and played DDs for us.”
“Are you insane? You’re already going to have the hangover of a lifetime tomorrow.”
She shrugged. “Like Aly said, I don’t get to go out all that much, and however terrible I feel tomorrow, it will be worth every second of tonight.”
How could I argue with that?
I opened the cabinet, dug the vodka out from the other half-emptied bottles I kept in there. I grabbed two shot glasses, filled them halfway.
She edged in closer, and I could smell her vanilla, all the sweet emanating from her skin.
God, I was a fool to bring her over here. Having her this close and knowing she wasn’t mine was pure agony.
On the island, I slid a glass over to her, lifted my own. “What are we drinking to, Samantha?”
She lifted hers, hesitated, averting her gaze before she gathered her courage and looked up at me. “We’re drinking to tonight… to reconnecting with people we thought we’d forever lost.”
I’d gladly drink to that.
Lightly, I clinked her glass. “To being found.”
Her eyes darkened, and shakily, she tipped her glass back in the same second I knocked back mine. Fiery liquid burned down my throat, hitting my stomach hard.
Samantha forced hers down and pinched her eyes closed as she blew the air from her lungs. “Guh. That burned.”
Quietly, I chuckled and didn’t stop to question myself when I softly brushed back a lock of hair that had fallen across her face. “Yeah. Not quite like those girlie drinks you’ve been chugging all night. You took that like a champ.”
She grinned, her mouth falling lax. “Did that officially make me a dude?”
A warm, relaxed feeling slipped over me, and I found my thumb running up and down her jaw, my hand cupping her cheek. She leaned into it, and my head tipped to the side, my voice subdued. “Uh… no… that most definitely did not make you a dude.”
Spellbound, I stared, before she quickly turned away. She wandered over to stand in front of the large French doors that sat between my kitchen and living room and looked out onto the backyard.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered.
Out back, it was dark, but the pool light slowly changed from one color to another, and the landscaped yard glowed with the small lamps that jutted out from the strategically placed plants. The patio was set with comfy loungers and a matching table set.
I came up behind her, stopping just off to her left and a foot away. “That’s my favorite part of the whole house. I love sitting out there at night, just listening to the city while I get lost in my thoughts.”
Fingertips fluttered up to the glass pane, as if they were filled with a yearning to touch something they couldn’t reach. “You have a pool,” she murmured as if it were a secret.
I edged closer. My breath fluttered through the strands of hair that flowed over the delicate cap of her shoulder. “Does that bother you?”
Slowly she shook her head and drew in a long breath as if to steel herself. “Will you teach me?”
I felt the frown crease between my eyes, pull at my mouth. The memories of her fear were vivid. Like it had all happened yesterday – that day seven years ago that had felt like the last day I’d been alive because it was the last day she’d truly been mine. The words scraped up my throat. “Aren’t you scared?”
She laughed with quiet irony. “Everything about you has always scared me. Maybe it’s time I faced some of my fears.”
Short pulses of awareness pinged between us, sending an upheaval of nerves pitching through my body.
“Not tonight,” I whispered, “not when you’ve been drinking.”
Definitely not when she had me tied up in a million intricate knots.
She swallowed hard. “What if I don’t have another chance?”
“You’ll have another chance. I promise.”
Silence surrounded us. Tension stretched taut across the space. Energy surged, and all I wanted was to press her to the glass, to feel my body against hers.
Finally she shook herself off, regarded me over her shoulder. Her face was so close, my breath got all locked up in my throat. “Show me the rest?”
I offered her my hand, and she accepted it. I led her down the hall off to the left of the kitchen, showed her one bedroom that had been set up as an office, the other as a guest bedroom.
“Cute,” she said, trailing behind me.
“Hey, there’s nothing cute about my house.”
She giggled. “Right… sorry. Manly,” she corrected, grinning this grin that twisted around my heart, jolts of energy passing between our connected hands. I led her back into the living room and through the double doors that opened to my room.
“And this is the last… the master bedroom.”
She squealed and blazed past me. I scratched at my head. Apparently that shot had hit her hard, because she was suddenly without an ounce of shyness. The girl just kept shifting from one extreme to another.
“Oh my God, Christopher, that is the biggest bed I’ve ever seen!”
Yeah, and about the only thing I wanted to see right then was her laid out across it.
She kicked off her heels and pretty much hurtled onto my bed and started jumping in the middle of it.
I rubbed my hand over my mouth, my laughter low and full of amusement. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“What does it look like? I’m jumping on this amazing bed.” She stretched her arms out, like she could fly, and a million questions spun through my head. It felt like I still got her, the way she used to say I was the only one who did. But so many years had passed and so much had changed.
Slowly, I crossed the distance, my footsteps calculated as I came to stand at the edge of the bed.
“You still go to church, Samantha?” I asked quietly, my chin lifted so I could take her in. Why that was the first question out of my mouth, I didn’t know. But so much was wound up in it, that goodness that I’d loved about her, the belief and faith I’d never experienced myself somehow still apparent in her eyes and soft on her tongue.
I also knew the way she was raised in the church had a whole lot to do with why she hadn’t been allowed to see me.
She slowed, bouncing softly, and she gradually lowered her arms. Her head tilted, and something significant flared in her eyes. “Yeah.” She said it like she was surprised by my asking, but like she appreciated that I had. Now she was just bouncing on her toes, closer to the edge. “But I don’t go to my dad’s church anymore. I needed a place where I felt comfortable to be myself, where I wasn’t the pastor’s daughter. Because no matter how old I got, everyone still expected me to act a certain way, you know?”
My hands found her hips, and hers found my shoulders. She blinked down at me, sucking me into her warmth.
From her back pocket, Samantha’s phone chimed with a funky little song, and her eyes went wide with excitement, while mine went wide with dread. For a second, I’d almost forgotten about Ben, that she belonged to someone else. I’d put money down on it being him. The asshole was like a thunderstorm raining all over my own personal town parade.
But Samantha smiled too wide and dug into her pocket, squeezing my shoulder with the other hand. “Stewart.”
Old affection tightened my chest, and Samantha flopped down onto her butt, pulling at my hand to haul me with her. On my side, I propped up on an elbow, and Samantha held up her phone so we both could see. Then she swiped into her Snapchat message.
When the picture popped up, affection squeezed me so tightly I was sure it had to be constricting all airflow. But in it was this jolt of crushing pain that not one thing in this godforsaken world could have prepared me for.
God, how much had I loved this kid?
Stewart wore a goofy smile, his bottom lip jutted out in a pout, the words Can’t Sleep stamped across his forehead in the added font.
Fuck, I couldn’t even begin to believe how much he’d changed, no longer that cute kid like I remembered. I could see even from the snapshot that he was almost a man. All traces of childhood had been stripped from his skin. But the sickness… it’d ravaged his body. He was drawn and worn and frail. His head was bald, and his sunken cheeks made his blue eyes stand out in stark contrast to the rest of him, his skin a pale, chalky gray.
Goddamn it.
Seeing him this way broke my fucking heart.
Samantha looked at me, like she got me the same way I felt like I got her. Sympathy and sadness deepened the lines of her face. She turned back to the image. The way she looked at it killed me, like she was cherishing something that was already gone. She ran the tip of her finger over it. “He’s so sick, Christopher. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you… I wasn’t even thinking this is the first time you’ve seen him since he got sick again, and he’s so much worse this time. I just wanted you to see… His messages always make me happy. I’m just so glad to be with him in any way.” She whispered the last.
I touched the side of her jaw, and my damned voice shook. “Don’t ever apologize for wanting to share something with me. I want to be there for you. I was just…” She looked at me, earnest and open, and I swallowed down all the emotion I didn’t know how to handle. “Shocked. I’d half expected him to still be a ten-year-old boy.” My mouth curved with a soft, sad smile. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
She nodded, laid back on the overflowing pile of pillows stacked against my headboard. She lifted her phone, twisted up into the silliest face, and snapped a picture of herself.
I chuckled. “He’s going to know you’re drunk. Those fuzzy eyes are a dead giveaway.”
A soft giggle floated from her, and she tinkered around on her phone, talking while she added a frame and a message. “Well, I am drunk, so not much can be done about that. And I pretty much tell Stewart everything.”
I glanced at the photo, Samantha looking like the angel she was as she posed for her brother. It read, That’s because you’re missing me, across the top. She pressed SEND.
Five seconds later, her phone buzzed with a regular text, and I snuggled in closer so I could read what he said. Where are you?
Samantha cringed. So apparently she didn’t tell him everything.
She tapped out a quick response. At a friend’s.
It took all of three seconds for him to respond.
In their bed?
Another quickly followed.
Who is this friend?
“Nosy little bugger,” Samantha mumbled. A smile tipped the edge of her mouth. “I swear to God, he should write books. His imagination is off the charts. I’m sure he’s imagining all kinds of salacious scenarios right about now.”
She was swift to change the subject. How are you feeling?
Time stopped when she got his response. Like I’m dying.
She shook when she attempted to type out her answer, and I just lay there frozen, watching her denial, the shake of her head and the way her fingers frantically beat at the keypad as if she could force it not to be true.
“Why does he have to say stuff like that?” she begged through a pained whisper, looking at me helplessly, before she sent her reply.
No, you’re not. You’re not giving up, Stewart. I won’t let you.
Two minutes later, her phone beeped again.
I love you more than anything in this world. You know that, don’t you?
Her response was instant.
Yes. And YOU are what makes this world great. You know that, don’t you?
She waited for his return, but when none came after a few minutes, she tossed her phone down toward the end of my bed and slumped back onto my pillows.
I pulled her by the waist to face me. “You okay?”
Contemplating, she slanted her eyes to her fingers that were twisting in my dark comforter, mixing in with the fabric of my shirt, her short fingernails grazing the material. Tormented eyes flicked up to meet mine, and they punched me with another shock of heartache.
Her voice trembled. “Not if he’s not. I hate knowing he’s in his room alone, in pain, pretending like he just can’t sleep. I hate knowing he’s suffering and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.”
“How could you think for a second you’re doing nothing for him, Samantha? You’ve always taken care of him. Been there for him so he wouldn’t feel alone. And after all this time? It’s obvious you still do the same. Why do you think it’s you he messaged in the middle of the night?”
Her brow creased in grief and hope.
“Because he knows he can count on you,” I continued, taking her hand and weaving it in mine. “He knows you’re there to listen when he needs you. That you love him with everything. You think that doesn’t ease some of his suffering?”
“I’d give up everything for him, Christopher. Switch places in a heartbeat. I was so hopeful that I’d get to be a bone marrow donor for him, but I didn’t match.”
I heard the heartbreak quivering in her tone, and her eyes glistened with moisture, emotion thick in her throat.
And God, I didn’t mean to let it, but a tear broke free and streaked down the side of my face. It fucking destroyed me seeing her this way, seeing him that way. I’d hoped with all the hope I’d had left in me that he’d be okay, that he’d grow up to live a normal life like he deserved to.
Samantha released my hand and reached out with her knuckle to gather the wet trail running down my temple, like maybe she was comforting me. “Why does it feel like you’re the only one who really understands?” she asked.
I took her hand back, squeezing it, a soft puff of air huffing from my nose. “I don’t think I could ever really understand everything you’ve been through. But I’ve always loved him, Samantha. I never stopped.”
She stilled, biting at her lip, something fierce taking over her expression. “Have you? Have you really? You weren’t just pretending?”
A frown cut between my eyes, and I shook my head in question. “Of course I loved him. He’s about the coolest kid I’ve ever met. In all these years, don’t think a day ever passed that I didn’t think about him.”
That I didn’t think about you.
The doubt in her expression turned wistful, and a smile wobbled at the corner of her mouth. I realized how close we’d gotten, the lengths of our bodies pressed together, so close I could feel her heart beating beneath her shirt.
Rueful laughter slipped almost unheard from between her lips. “Do you remember when you took him skateboarding for the first time? He still says that was the best day of his life.”
Quietly I laughed and tucked her closer. “I almost had a heart attack when he fell. Scraped himself up good. He was such a brave little man. Didn’t want to cry in front of me.”
Blue eyes glistened, shimmering in sorrow and love.
Was it possible for her to still feel some of that love for me? After all the shit I’d done?
I swallowed over the lump lodged in my throat. “And you,” I said, my voice hoarse, “you took the fall for us all, telling your mom he tripped on the sidewalk when you were walking him home from tutoring.”
She trembled a grin. “Tutoring I was supposed to get him to, but you had better plans.”
Smiling, I swept her hair from her forehead, her hand still warm in mine. “Stewart thought it was a better plan, too.”
“Yes, he did… and he still does to this day.” Her voice deepened with meaning. “You were his favorite person in the world.”
Emotion tugged at the edge of my lips. “He’s always been real high on my list, too.” On my fingers, I could count the people in my life who really mattered. Ella. Aly and Jared. My family.
Stewart.
And the girl shivering in my arms.
“I’m so scared for him… scared of what my life might look like without him in it.” Samantha could no longer hold it in, and she sobbed quietly into my shoulder, clutching my shirt.
Tears soaked through. I pulled her closer, wove one hand in her hair, cradled the back of her head. I’d give anything to take some of her pain away. “Shh…”
She struggled to get closer.
“I’ve got you,” I promised, my touch gentle as I ran my fingers through the length of her soft-as-silk hair, threading them in.
I don’t know how long she cried for, but eventually she took in a couple of gasping breaths, shuddering as the heightened emotion and alcohol in her system steadily drew her toward sleep. I kissed the top of her head, giving her whatever comfort I could.
She shifted, and her nose dug into my collarbone as if she were seeking a way inside. The words were choppy and rough, barely audible. Still they tore through me as if she’d screamed them in my ear. “I miss you.”
She exhaled heavily, the smell of candied alcohol filtering over my face. I would have laughed had it not hurt so bad.
I held her close, listening to her breaths steadily even out, and this girl dragged me right along behind her, lulled me with the sweet smell of her hair, the slow rhythm of her heart, and the goodness in her spirit.
And for the first time in my life, I drifted off to sleep next to Samantha Schultz.
“Oh my God,” Samantha gasped.
Blunted fingernails scraped against my chest. Disoriented, I shot up in bed in the same second Samantha scrambled off of it, ripping all her perfect warmth from me when she did.
Horror etched her face. In the muted light, wide blue eyes watched me with flat-out mortification and shame, and I jerked my attention down. Somehow I’d lost my jeans and shirt in the night. There was nothing worse than sleeping in your clothes, and I must have fumbled out of them in my sleep.
So there I sat, covered up by nothing but my underwear, trying to blink off the best sleep I’d had in years while Samantha gaped at me like she’d just realized she’d been kneeling at Satan’s seat.
“Oh my God,” she said again, tearing her eyes away from my bare chest, hands shaking as she began to search frantically for her phone in the covers.
“Samantha.” I said her name, trying to break into whatever freak-out she was having, but I didn’t make a dent.
“What did I do… what did I do?” she mumbled miserably, chanting it repeatedly like a petitioned prayer. She almost sobbed in relief when she finally found her phone. Clutching it to her chest, she darted around the bed, ducked down to grab her shoes, then broke out into a sprint as she ran from the room.
What in the ever-loving fuck?
Everything kicked into gear, and I jumped from the bed and dragged on my jeans. I didn’t take the time to bother with a shirt or shoes.
By the time I made it out into the living room, Samantha was already flying out the front door.
I raced after her, tearing the door open when she slammed it in my face.
“Samantha,” I hissed out, just barely above the dull drone of crickets, trying to get her attention without waking up the neighborhood. Terrified, she looked over her shoulder at me and increased her speed.
Barefoot, in the middle of the night, and she was running away.
You have got to be kiddin’ me.
I was right behind her, and I grabbed her elbow in an attempt to talk some sense into her. She flung my hand off, held her shoes and phone to her chest like a shield of protection.
“Stay away from me.”
“What the fuck, Samantha? You’re going to walk home in the middle of the night without any shoes on? Are you out of your mind?”
“Apparently so.”
I moved to keep up with her, hissing in pain when I stepped on something so fucking sharp I was sure it was now impaled in the bottom of my foot. Goddamn emotional women.
“Come on, Samantha. At least let me give you a ride home. It’s not safe for you to take off like this.”
“I’m not safe around you,” she shot back.
I glanced back toward my house fading in the distance, then back to Samantha, who ran down the sidewalk, ducking her head with her shoulders hunched as if it would hide her.
I swung at the air, an aimless punch, confused and frustrated and straight-up pissed off.
Evidently, I couldn’t do one single thing right.
But the one thing I was positive would be wrong was letting her stumble home in the middle of the night.
It took me all of two minutes to run back to my house, grab my keys, and jump in my truck. I tore out of the garage, the engine thundering when I threw it in gear and hit the gas, another thirty seconds to gain on the girl who was about to make me lose my mind.
Beaten down, Samantha limped along the sidewalk. Visibly she cringed when I pulled up beside her. I rolled down the passenger-side window. “Get in the truck, Samantha.”
She shook her head emphatically, refusing to look my way.
“Come on, Samantha, this is absolutely ridiculous. You’d rather walk two miles in the dark than let me give you a ride that will take all of five minutes? You hung out with me all night. What could five more minutes hurt?”
She stopped, slowly turned her head in my direction. Her face was soaked with tears. “Everything hurts.”
My heart squeezed and my stomach dropped, and I sighed in frustration. “Just get in. You know I can’t leave you out here by yourself.”
She averted her gaze to her bare feet, and I saw the second she gave in. Cautious and slow, she shuffled forward and climbed in my truck. She shut the door with a soft click, the darkness that always seemed the safest swallowing us up, just the muted green lights on the dash giving light to her face, that gorgeous silhouette I’d memorized so long ago.
I didn’t want it to just be a memory anymore.
In silence, I drove to her house, pulled up at the street in front. I threw it in park but didn’t cut the engine.
I could barely look at the home that outwardly was almost identical to Aly’s, the walls that housed her life a place I’d never be welcome in because she shared them with someone else. Someone I knew in my heart was wrong for her, someone I couldn’t help hating.
Because she belonged with me.
Anger and resentment burned through my blood, her reaction to waking up in bed with me tearing me in two. Those fucking sick visions assaulted me anew, the ones where I couldn’t keep from picturing what happened inside this place, the tragedy of this girl being touched by hands other than mine.
I fisted the steering wheel.
Samantha just sat there, staring at her lap.
I bit back the bitterness and leaned toward her, my head cocked to the side in an attempt to get her to look at me. To see me.
She seemed to be gathering her courage. Cautiously she looked my way, worry and guilt snuffing out all the light.
And that shit pissed me off, too.
Her tongue darted out, making a swift pass along her bottom lip, the plump flesh glistening with moisture.
Hunger pelted me, my straining cock cutting off all sensible thought to my head.
What the hell was happening to me?
I didn’t know up from down because this girl had twisted me inside out.
“D-d-did we…?” Samantha stammered the words as if they were her dirtiest, darkest secret, her blue eyes all awash with a girl so full of loyalty it meant she shunned what she really wanted.
Because it was there, too… longing. Like somewhere inside she was hoping it was true.
My dick jerked, and I shifted close enough so my face got all up in her space, so close I could taste each of her panted breaths.
“Do you have no recollection of what went on tonight? What was said?”
She swallowed, and my eyes darted to watch the movement along her delicate neck. “I remember being at your house, talking about Stewart, lying in your bed.” Her brow cinched in sadness. Then she slipped right back into that nervousness that bounced her knee. “But then I blacked out.”
A groan of anger and sexual frustration rumbled in my chest, and I inched even closer. I clutched the back of her neck, my fingers in her hair and my thumb running along the angle of her jaw. The words were raw, abraded. “After everything that happened tonight, the parts you do remember, you honestly believe that I’d turn around and take advantage of you?”
My voice dropped like a threat. “I can promise you one thing, Samantha.” I leaned in close to her ear. “When I fuck you, you’re damned well going to remember it.”
On a gasp, she made to pull away, but I held her tight, forcing her to look at me.
“You didn’t black out. You fell asleep. In my arms.” I fingered the neckline of her shirt. “These clothes you’re wearing… they never came off. I’d never hurt you like that.”
Her expression hardened, the same as her words. “Wouldn’t you?”
Shame sliced through me, cutting me in two as she threw the biggest mistake of my life in my face. “That person wasn’t me, Samantha. Back then… everything was being taken from me, everything important stripped away. Most importantly you. I lost it. But I never would have —”
She cut me off. “I trusted you.” Like a barrier, her eyes dropped closed, and she shook her head. “I’m not sure if I can ever fully trust you again.”
“Are you in love with him?”
She jerked with the change of subject, her eyes flying open. “Ben respects me. Cares about me.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
But I didn’t need an answer, because I saw it all over her face, saw it in the way she looked at me like my question caused her physical pain.
He was nothing more than a security blanket. Something easy when she didn’t want to face all the important shit that was hard.
She’d never stopped loving me, and I’d bet that she’d never come close to really loving him. Not the way she did me.
She just refused to acknowledge it.
She unlatched the door, fisting the handle. “I already told you, you don’t get to do this to me. I told you we could try to be friends, but I don’t know if I can handle all of this.” Agitated, she gestured between us. “What you did… what I saw. That can’t be erased and that hurt can’t be undone. It scarred me in ways I’m not sure you can ever really understand.”
Confusion knitted my brow as the deepest hurt swam in her eyes. “What in the hell are you talking about, Samantha?”
Disbelief coated her coarse laughter. “You can be a real asshole, you know that?” She climbed down from the truck, stood there with the overhead light shining down on her face, her lips pressing into a hard line.
My confusion thickened, and I raced back through every memory, trying to get to the one she was talking about. What she saw?
She continued, uncertainty and affection woven in her tone. “Then you go and show me you can be the sweetest man. How do I know which one’s real?”
“Let me prove it to you.”
“I have a boyfriend, Christopher, someone who was there for me when you weren’t.”
“Let me be there for you now.”
Shaking her head, she backed away, like she was drawing an invisible line. “I don’t think I can be anything more than friends with you. And sometimes even that seems impossible.”
Impossible.
Now, that I agreed with.
But I wasn’t about to concede to what she was saying. That she couldn’t tolerate being in my space.
“I can’t deal with any more tonight,” she finally said, cutting off my dissent. “My head hurts and I just want to lie down.”
I gave her one terse nod, because I was pretty sure tonight she wouldn’t accept anything I had to say, and she shut the door and ran up her sidewalk to her house, glancing back once before she ducked inside.
Movement rustled at the side of the window, her silhouette blanketed in the sway of the sheer drapes as she peeked out at me. When she dropped them, I threw my truck in gear and forced myself to drive away.
Five minutes later I was pulling up the driveway of my house. The faintest hue of light threatened at the horizon, the last minutes of the night clinging to the darkened sky. Without her in it, the house echoed back the loneliness, the stifling quiet more than I could bear. I went straight for the shower in the bathroom adjoining my room, turned it on high as I peeled off my clothes.
I half sighed, half grunted when I freed my erection that had been raging all night.
With my eyes closed, I stepped into the spray.
I could still smell her, hear her, and that mouth was smiling as I imagined her dancing just for me.
I banged my forehead against the cold tiles. “Fucking Samantha,” I groaned.
Fucking Samantha.
She made me insane, tore me to shreds, and I knew she was the only one who could piece me back together.
I gripped myself, making hard, punishing strokes up and down my length.
Since the night I’d kissed her, I hadn’t touched another girl, and I came fast, moaning her name toward the ceiling.
The entire time, I imagined just what it was going to feel like when I finally got to make love to her for the first time.
We’d been robbed of it. Something that was supposed to be special. Just for us. What no one else could ever have.
A promise of firsts and lasts, because we were supposed to be forever.
Standing there, panting like a teenager, I made another promise.
This time I promised her God I was taking her back.