Early September, Seven Years Earlier
Soft moonlight filtered through the trees. Above, a gentle, cool breeze rustled through the branches, and the limbs lightly scratched along the eves of Samantha’s slumbering house. Inside, all the windows were darkened, shadows playing across the walls where I knew she slept.
Like I was drawn, I edged forward, my heart racing and my insides curling.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake her. And God knew, I’d been trying.
Samantha wasn’t close to being my type.
She was too shy. Too sweet. Too good.
I always went for easy and the promise of a good time.
Not for complicated and complex, not for someone who came with worry and concern and effort.
Yet here I was, making an effort.
In the dark, I dug the toe of my tattered-up Vans shoe into the desert floor. When I unearthed a tiny rock, I leaned down and picked it up. Running the smooth, small pebble between the pads of my fingers, I hesitated, searching inside myself for some kind of resolve, for a measure of courage – the courage to just go and leave this innocent girl alone.
Funny, it was the first time in a long time that I’d had the urge to do the honorable thing. The crazy thing was, I wasn’t quite sure what that meant – walking away or moving forward.
Somewhere deep inside of me, a foreign feeling fluttered in protest.
Moving forward felt like the only option.
Sucking in a breath, I flicked the rock. It pinged against her windowpane before it ricocheted back and skittered along the dirt. Impatiently, I waited, shifting my feet as I yanked at my unruly black hair.
God.
What was I doing?
Whatever it was, I couldn’t stop.
Patience wasn’t exactly my strong suit, so when there was no movement after thirty seconds, I grabbed another stone and tossed it at her window. This time a little harder than the last.
The anxious breath I was holding blew from my lungs when the drapes suddenly parted at the side. Moonlight glinted against the glass, and I could barely make out the subdued lines of her silhouette as she squinted out into the night. Taking two steps forward, I slowly revealed myself, locking eyes with the girl I couldn’t get off my mind.
What it was about her, I didn’t know.
So maybe patience wasn’t my forte. But confidence? I wore it around like a second skin, though even I was wise enough to know that arrogant way came with the assurance that I really didn’t have all that much to lose.
When not a whole lot matters to you, the chances you take come with little risk.
Somehow tonight, standing there, watching her in the thick silence of the night sky, I knew I was putting myself on the line.
Everywhere inside of me, I knew it mattered.
My chest tightened, and I clenched my fists at my sides and tried to make sense of this girl. One I shouldn’t be giving a second thought to, but instead, she seemed to be taking up residence in every single one.
Samantha’s window screeched when she cracked it an inch. Cringing, she slowed, carefully pushing it open the rest of the way. She braced herself on the ledge, her blond hair falling around her face and brushing down over the spaghetti straps of the white tank top she wore.
Desire curled in my stomach and I bit back a groan.
Fuuuck.
She was so sexy it physically hurt.
“What are you doing here?” she asked on a hard whisper, obviously straining to focus on me.
In a helpless shrug, I lifted my hands out in front of me. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Speculation and worry narrowed her blue eyes. Still, there was no mistaking the flare of excitement that blazed in their depths at finding me.
“Are you crazy? You’re going to get me in trouble,” she hissed quietly, though she was chewing at the hint of a smile on that pretty little mouth.
And that’s really what I wanted. To kiss her. To see if that perfect mouth that reminded me of a silky red Christmas bow made of candy could possibly feel as good – taste as good – as I imagined it would.
Ha. Get her in trouble?
Without a doubt, I was the one who was in trouble.
Deep trouble.
I kept my footsteps light as I closed the distance, stopping less than a foot away from her open window. I yanked at her hand, making her gasp and lurch forward. When I placed her palm flat across my thundering chest, I wondered if she could feel the turmoil she’d spun up inside of me.
I fought off all the intense feelings and instead quirked her a flirty grin, that same half smirk with a wry flash of teeth that always won me what I wanted.
And what I wanted was her.
I pressed her hand closer, the heat of her palm burning me through. “Crazy for you.”
A rush of redness blossomed on the snowy flesh of Samantha’s neck, flaring hot as it headed north and flooded her cheeks. Still, she rolled her eyes and attempted to yank her hand away.
Silly girl. I wasn’t about to let her go.
“Cheesy words aren’t going to win me over, Christopher.”
“Then what will win you over?”
I’d been chasing her for the last two weeks and I couldn’t seem to catch her. Ever since the day I’d intervened in the altercation between her and Jasmine. It wasn’t as if I wouldn’t have broken it up anyway, even if Jasmine’s vitriol hadn’t been aimed at the same girl who stirred up something foreign inside of me every time she breezed by, the mere passing of her presence like she was washing me in something good when I always seemed to be delving into the bad.
Jasmine was a bitch. Through and through. Not for a second did I mind putting the slut in her place. I did it happily and with a huge-ass grin on my face.
What I’d been unprepared for was the surge of protectiveness that had shot through me when I’d rolled into the hallway and found Samantha backed into a corner. The welling of possessiveness that filled up all the dead space inside me the second I’d tucked her against my side.
Still, it didn’t matter what I did or what kind of move I made. Samantha was skittish to the extreme. Shy and strong. And apparently that combo didn’t work so well for a guy like me. In what’d seemed like some sort of miracle, I’d convinced her to sit with me twice at lunch, and once she’d gone as far as letting me walk her home from school. But even then she’d been distant, all on guard, with a fortified ten-foot wall barricading her, like she was pretty sure all of my motives were ulterior and she was determined to shut me out.
Probably showing up at her house in the middle of the night wouldn’t convince her otherwise. But hey, a guy had to try.
She frowned. “What are you really doing here, Christopher?”
I dropped the facade, because around her, I couldn’t seem to front it. My voice lowered in sincerity. “I just wanted to see you. That’s it.”
Her frown deepened, but it seemed more in confusion than anything else. “Why, Christopher? Why me?”
“Because I like you,” I chanced, going for honest, because I realized I didn’t have all that much more to give.
She hesitated before she huffed out a breath of surrender. “Hold on a second.”
She disappeared behind the drape. A sharp, short gust of wind sent it billowing into her room, stretching out, like it was seeking her in the same way I was.
Relief hit me hard when she popped up, now wearing a black tank top over the flimsy piece of material she’d been sporting earlier, the white straps still peeking out from under the scoop neck. She hoisted herself up and over the windowsill, a second’s distress tripping her up when she landed on her feet on the ground. She glanced behind her, then warily back to me.
“My dad’s gonna kill you if he finds you out here with me.”
“I’m willing to take the risk.”
“You haven’t met my dad.”
Grabbing her hand, I hauled her back through her front yard and onto the sidewalk, getting her away from the possibility of prying eyes, all the while relishing the feel of her hand in mine. I gave it a squeeze. “No, you’re right, I haven’t, because you haven’t invited me over.” I gave her a teasing hard look. “Maybe we should fix that.”
She barked out a laugh, then clamped her free hand over her mouth, her blue eyes going wide. She jerked her attention back over her shoulder and toward her house, looking for any sort of movement her outburst had stirred within. She turned back to me, those stormy eyes going wild, as if she couldn’t believe for one second she’d just pulled this stunt, couldn’t believe she was getting away with it, couldn’t believe she was out here with me.
Guess I was pretty surprised myself. Part of me expected her to tell me to get lost.
“Come on, let’s get out of here,” I urged, breaking into a run, dragging her behind me. At the end of her street, Samantha started laughing. This uncontained, near-hysterical sound that bubbled up from her stomach, only to grow as it was freed.
Like maybe something inside of Samantha had been freed.
“Oh my gosh…” She bit down on the soft flesh of her bottom lip, the biggest smile bursting from under it. “You really are crazy.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
“It’s not like I’m whisking you off to elope or somethin’.”
She laughed again. This time it wasn’t so carefree. “Oh, this is worse… way worse. Me sneaking out in the middle of the night with a boy?” She shuddered. “You don’t even know.”
“Then tell me.”
Mellowing, she leaned into my arm as we walked under the cover of night. We rounded the corner and headed up the next street. All the while I kept her hand secured in mine. “I’m not even allowed to date, Christopher. If I got caught sneaking out with you? I’d probably be grounded for the rest of my life.”
“You’ve never had a boyfriend?”
“Nope.” She peered up at me, and the moonlight lit up her face in a way that made my breath get locked up right in the center of my throat.
God. She was pretty. Beautiful, really, because I was coming to understand the difference. Beauty radiated, and it was surrounding her like some kind of halo of light.
“Don’t you already know that, though?… The stuff those girls say about me?” There was both sadness and defiance in it, the way her voice hardened the slightest fraction as she slowed.
“I don’t listen to a word that pack of bitches say, Samantha. Not. A. Word. You shouldn’t, either, because everything that comes out of their ignorant mouths is nothin’ but bullshit and lies.”
She flinched at the harshness of my tone before she settled her weight a little deeper into my arm, like maybe she found some sort of comfort in the outright hate I felt for all of them.
Especially Jasmine. Should’ve known better than to have gotten mixed up with her.
“Whether they’re right or not, that doesn’t change who I am,” she emphasized, so clearly trying to convey something to me, something that was already so obvious.
“Think I already have a pretty good handle on who you are, Samantha.”
“Do you?” She looked to the ground, letting me guide her across the street and into the family park that took up the space between our two neighborhoods. Here, the grass grew thick, and tall, lush trees lined the lot, all of it well kept, mowed and shaped right up to the sand that filled in the playground.
Not a soul was around, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been dying to get her alone.
And not for the reasons I knew everyone would place over my head like some kind of presumed verdict. I wasn’t half as bad as everyone chalked me up to be, but I didn’t waste my time trying to deny it, because God knew I was guilty of the other half.
We stopped at the fringe of the playground. Samantha gravitated to me, coming to face me, her expression shifting so fast I couldn’t latch onto one emotion. I lifted our hands between us. Samantha gasped and I felt her pulse pick up when I pinned them between our chests.
I tilted my head, searching the intensity in those sincere blue eyes. “I know you’re supersmart. I know you’re sweet and kind. I know you’d go to the end of the earth to protect and defend your family, because I’ve seen it myself.”
With my free hand, I rubbed my thumb along the hollow beneath her eye, and her mouth parted on a sigh as I stared down at this girl who was undoing something inside of me. “I know you’re sad.”
I saw it there. There was no missing it. And fuck if it didn’t make me sad, too.
A choked sound strained in her throat, and she reached up and wrapped her hand around my wrist, like she couldn’t allow me to get any closer but she refused to let me go. “I am,” she admitted through a pained whisper. “So sad.”
“Your brother?”
I knew all about that. The whole school did. We might live in a big city, but that didn’t mean the gossip didn’t fly here just as fast as it did in some small-time town.
She nodded. “I can’t stand it, Christopher. Seeing him that way. Hurting and scared. It kills me.”
Emotion ran hard and fast in my veins. I pulled her into my arms, her face buried in my chest while I just held her. I pressed a tender kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sorry.”
She didn’t say anything, just pulled away, and I knew she was warring with something inside of herself when she kept her attention on me as she slowly wandered around the playground. She ran her fingers over the metal chains of the swings, pitching them in a slight sway. The whole time I stared at her, wondering just how hard and fast this girl could cause me to fall.
At the last swing in the row of four, she took hold of both chains, her face framed in them as she pinned her honest gaze on me from across the lot. “You scare me, Christopher.”
“Why?”
Rough laughter ripped from her, and she dropped her head, shaking it, before she cut her stare back up at me. “Because I don’t know how to handle someone like you. More than that, I don’t want to be one of those girls.”
I didn’t want her to be, either.
Didn’t she get that?
“You could never be one of those girls, Samantha. I promise you that. I just want to be with you. And yeah, I know I have a reputation, but that doesn’t mean I earned all of it.”
Her brows dropped down in a probing scowl. “What about what Jasmine said the other day? About…” She trailed off, clutching the chains tighter.
I swallowed over the lump that suddenly got lodged at the base of my throat. “That was true,” I admitted.
Thing was, my fame had preceded itself, and what Jasmine had tossed out was as far as I’d ever let things go. I never confirmed or denied any of the rumors because it wasn’t anyone’s fucking business who I’d been with, even if I hadn’t really been with anyone.
Frustration infiltrated her long, hard blink. “That’s what I’m talking about. I don’t know what you want from me… because if that’s it? You’re after the wrong person.”
Did I want her? Yeah. For sure. I was a sixteen-year-old boy. No one could blame me. I wanted her. Really wanted her. This wasn’t about me getting my cock sucked by some girl I could barely stand. This was different.
“I want whatever you’re willing to give me.”
Releasing the swings, she moved to the slide and slowly began ascending the steps, like each one she put her foot to answered another question posed somewhere in the recesses of her mind. At the top, she just stood there, hanging on to the handles while she stared down at me. The moonlight had her all lit up again, showcasing all her modesty, maybe showing off the woman who wanted to work her way out.
Edging forward, I waited at the bottom of the slide.
She lowered herself, gave a little shove, and slid down. I stopped her descent at the bottom, her back pressed into the metal. I grasped the sides, holding myself up, my nose an inch from hers as I hovered in her space. Her eyes were doing that wild thing again, a raging sea that churned with all that shyness, but flamed with bold strikes of courage, a storm that didn’t know which way to turn.
“Anyone ever kiss you before, Samantha?” I murmured low, letting my nose do a little exploring along her jaw.
She shook her head no.
“Didn’t think so,” I whispered, before I took a chance I was pretty damned sure was worth taking, and brushed my mouth against hers. And was I ever right. She tasted like sugar and all things sweet, like a spoonful of pure honey. A remedy.
Her kiss was every kind of timid, cautious in her inexperience, but it didn’t take a whole lot to convince me that this kind of kiss was my favorite.
I let her get accustomed to me, to the way my lips pressed and pulled, opened then closed over hers, just savoring this second. When a little moan rumbled up her throat, I let my tongue graze along the rim of her bottom lip. In a blink, her hands were in my hair, desperate to draw me nearer, and she was suddenly kissing me like that storm had taken an abrupt turn and hit land.
I kissed her back, going for soft and sincere, but I was unable to hold back the quick lashes of my tongue against hers.
I wanted to eat her whole.
My hands cinched down on the metal. It cut into my skin, but there wasn’t a chance I was letting go because there was no way I was pushing her, and I was pretty sure if my hands got free they were gonna have a mind of their own. No way would I let my actions even skate in the direction of affirming the fears that had been keeping her back.
The bad news was I was gonna have a case of near-fatal blue balls for days. But there wasn’t a chance in this godforsaken world that I’d go looking for a cure for this growing issue in someone like Jasmine. Not anymore. Not ever again.
Turned out my mom was right, after all, encouraging me to hold out even when I might not want to, because there was going to be a day I wished I had.
Today was that day.
And I knew it down deep. It didn’t matter at all that we were nothing but kids. Didn’t matter that she was scared and I was stupid.
Nothing else mattered except for the way this felt.
Finally I pulled back. Samantha licked her swollen lips, then let go of a lazy smile and traced her fingers down my face.
“So that might have won me over, crazy boy.”
I coughed out a laugh.
Yeah.
Crazy.
All kinds of crazy for her.