Chapter 21
Cameron
When I woke up, my mouth tasted like something had crawled in there and died. I smacked my lips, trying to make my mouth water a little, and reached across the bed for Trix.
The spot beside me was empty.
Fuck.
I rolled into a sitting position and clutched my head. Goddamn. Whiskey always gave me the shittiest hangovers. Unfortunately, it didn’t affect my memory, so I recalled in vivid detail the shit that went down the night before.
I was such a dumbass.
I’d wanted to wait until after all of the funeral shit to talk to Trix, but after I’d finished off a fifth of Jack and she’d come into the room, all my plans had gone to shit.
I climbed to my feet and swayed a little. I needed a shower and a cup of coffee—then I’d figure out what I was going to do about Trix.
* * *
“How you feeling?” Farrah called out jokingly from across the main room of the clubhouse as I poured myself a cup of coffee a while later. My head hurt like hell, so I just flipped her off instead of responding.
“You guys get some decent sleep last night?” she asked as she and Casper moved toward me.
The people visiting the club had mostly cleared out while I was still in bed, and things were quiet as we sat down on a couple of couches. I could hear people starting up their bikes outside, but there wasn’t anyone I wanted to say goodbye to, so I didn’t even attempt to see who was still hanging around.
“Yeah, I crashed. Trix was gone when I woke up, though—not sure if she slept.”
“Shit,” Farrah sighed. “I swear to God, history repeats itself.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, taking a small sip of my scalding coffee. Damn, that shit was good. One of the women must have made it.
“Don’t you remember when I had a panic attack in Cody’s room? God, I thought he was going to kill Slider.”
“Would have,” Casper mumbled, wrapping his arm around my mom’s shoulders. “But you were so out of it, I couldn’t put ya down.”
“That’s right,” I murmured, remembering that fucked up night when I was a kid. “I thought you were dead.”
Casper made a disgusted noise in his throat, but Farrah just laughed.
“Sorry.” I gave Casper an apologetic look.
“Has Trix had panic attacks before?” Farrah asked, settling farther into Casper’s side.
“Not that I know of. She’s been actin’ fuckin’ weird for weeks, though.”
“Hmm.” Farrah met my eyes. “What started it?”
I opened my mouth, then snapped it shut again. I didn’t like the idea of airing our dirty laundry in front of my parents. They loved me—and if they had to choose, they’d always choose my side. But that was the problem. I didn’t want them to think badly of Trix, even when I was pissed at her.
“When she found out she was pregnant,” I finally said, leaving it at that.
“She wasn’t happy about it?” Casper asked.
“No.” I swallowed hard, then took another sip of my coffee to stall. “She wanted an abortion.”
Farrah’s eyes grew wide and Casper scoffed in disbelief.
“What the fuck?” Farrah screeched.
“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “She was seriously fucked up about it. Don’t know what was goin’ on in her head.”
“Jesus,” Casper murmured.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Calm down, Ladybug,” Casper snapped. “He doesn’t need your shit.”
Farrah scowled at Casper, but took a deep breath and relaxed back into his body.
“She already said she wouldn’t do it,” I told them, shaking my head. “I think she might’ve been figuring her shit out, but then those fuckers showed up at the house and she’s ten times worse now.”
“You think she’d have an abortion?” Farrah asked quietly.
“No.” My hand tightened painfully on my coffee mug. “No, she wouldn’t.”
“You sure?” Casper pushed.
“Yeah, I’m fuckin’ sure,” I snapped back, just the thought of it riling me up.
Casper raised his hands in surrender and I sighed.
“She told me last night she doesn’t want me near her,” I ground out, looking at my mom for some reassurance. “I don’t know what the fuck to do. I’ve tried everythin.’ She won’t talk to me.”
“You keep tryin’.” Casper said, surprising me. “She’s worth it, you keep pushin’.”
“That worked real well last night,” I laughed, scratching at the short beard that was growing in on my cheeks.
“You were drunk,” Farrah said flatly. “I thought Dragon was going to kill you.”
“Shit.” I groaned. I’d conveniently forgotten about that part.
“Wasn’t his place to step in,” Casper cut in. “But can’t say I wouldn’t do the same with CeeCee or Lil.”
I nodded. “How’s Lil doing?”
“Better,” Casper said with a nod. “A little better. She’s with Cec at home so we could come here and check on you.”
“Hell, you didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes, we did,” Farrah argued. “You’re our boy and you’ve had a rough time of it.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not,” Farrah said resolutely. “But you’ll figure it out, bud. Nothing lasts forever—even bad times.”
I nodded, accepting her words. “Have they said when they think Lil will get her eyesight back?” I asked softly.
We hadn’t really talked about the chance of Lily regaining her sight. It could happen, and I think all of us were waiting for it to get better—but there were no guarantees. We hoped for the best, but in the meantime, we’d have to just accept her blindness as fact.
Lily was blind, and there was nothing we could do about it. No surgery that could reverse the damage, no drug that could fix her.
“We’re going to start taking her to a psychologist next week,” Farrah answered. “Hopefully, that will help her.”
“It might not,” Casper murmured. He raised his eyes to mine. “Might be that this is her life from now on. Gotta be prepared for that.”
“Fuck,” I hissed.
“Coulda been a fuck of a lot worse, Cam.” Casper shook his head. “We coulda lost her. Eyesight is nothin’ compared to that.”
Farrah sniffed, but that was the only indication that she was feeling emotional. My adopted mother was tough, but she felt things just as deeply as everyone else, maybe even deeper. She’d never show that emotion at the club, though.
“You guys heard anything from Grease?” I asked, changing the subject. It wasn’t any easier to talk about Casper’s sister, Callie, but at least we wouldn’t be thinking about what would have happened if Vera and Gram hadn’t protected Lily with their bodies.
“Yeah, Callie’s up and around now,” Casper said with a nod. “They’re not letting her out yet, but they’ve got her out of bed and walking.”
“Damn, isn’t that really soon?”
“Nah, they make you get up pretty quick these days,” Farrah replied. “The quicker you’re on your feet, the better you heal, I think.”
“I need to get back up there.” I’d barely been up to see Callie. With everything going on with Trix and then the funerals, I hadn’t made the time.
“She’d like that,” Casper said with a nod. “We’d better get going, Ladybug. Don’t want Lil home too long without us.”
We climbed to our feet, and I finished off my coffee before hugging Farrah goodbye.
“Cecilia doin’ okay?” I asked, as I walked my parents outside.
“Yeah, she’s okay,” Casper answered. “Can you believe that shit with Woody? I think she’s been talking to him on the phone since he went back to Salem with his mom.”
“I didn’t even know that they’d been talking before,” Farrah said in irritation. “That girl is giving me gray hair.”
“You don’t have any gray hair,” Casper scoffed, coming to a stop next to his bike.
“You brought the bike?” I asked in surprise, glancing at Farrah.
“Yeah, not too much longer before I’ll be too big to ride. Gotta get our time in now,” she joked.
“Can’t believe you’re havin’ another baby,” I said softly, wrapping my arm around her narrow shoulders.
“Me, either,” Casper said ruefully, making Farrah smack him with the back of her hand. “Havin’ a baby the same month as our son—fuckin’ Jerry Springer around here.”
I bust out laughing, and fuck, it felt good.
“You’re such a dick,” Farrah snapped, laying a hand on her belly.
“Aw, Ladybug.” Casper grabbed Farrah’s hips and pulled her toward him. “You know I’m excited as hell.”
He leaned down to kiss her and I turned my head away. They’d always been really affectionate, which was cool, but that didn’t mean I wanted to see my dad sticking his tongue in my mom’s mouth.
“We’ll see you later,” Casper called, pulling my attention back as he climbed on his bike and reached out to help Farrah on behind him. “Come to dinner.”
As they backed out of their spot, Farrah blew me a kiss, so I waved back in response. When I was a kid, she used to do the same damn thing when she dropped me off at school, and she wouldn’t let me leave without acknowledging the kiss somehow. One year, she’d made me fucking “catch it” every day or she’d climb out of the car and start singing at the top of her lungs.
She was such a pain in the ass. I smiled at the memory. I guess that was what happened when your adopted parents were only like thirteen years older than you were—they were still young enough to feel the need to embarrass the hell out of you for fun.
I glanced across the field to Dragon and Brenna’s place and took a deep breath. I knew Trix was there. She wouldn’t have left the property without someone coming to tell me.
I started walking, but took my time making my way over to the small house that seemed so out of place in the large field next to the garage. Maybe I’d take Trix out on the bike. We hadn’t had a minute to ourselves in a long ass time, and I thought she might like riding up to our old swimming hole and spending the day. We had to get shit worked out. The distance between us was fucking killing me.
I wanted to touch her. Fuck, it felt like years since the last time I’d been inside her—and even that memory was tainted. She’d been so desperate when she woke up from a dream that I’d got both of us off in record time so she could fall back asleep again. I hadn’t realized that it would be the last time she’d reach for me, instead staying awake for as long as she could, so the nightmares wouldn’t come.
The sexual frustration was a killer, but even worse than that was her complete personality change since she’d found out she was pregnant. She wasn’t herself in any sense of the word. The opinionated woman I loved had become a fucking shadow. Barely speaking. Barely existing.
I finally reached the front porch of the house, and knocked on the screen door before letting myself in. Leo was sitting on the couch. He’d practically taken up residence in that exact spot since the attack.
“Hey, Trix around?” I asked him.
“Yeah, man. Think she’s in the kitchen.”
“Thanks.” I walked toward the back of the house and found Trix eating a bowl of cereal as she stood at the counter.
Jesus.
She looked like my Trix again. She’d showered and the long black hair that I loved was wet and slicked back from her face. Her eyes weren’t shadowed, and the dark circles that had seemed like they would never leave had faded quite a bit.
“Hey, Sweetbea,” I said, announcing my presence.
Her head snapped up at my voice, and her eyes grew round in shock.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, taking a step back along the counter.
“What?” I watched in confusion as she set her bowl down and moved even further away from me.
“I thought—”
“What’re you doing?” I cut her off as she took another step away from me.
“Cam,” her voice was soft as her expression shuttered.
“Cam,” Dragon’s voice boomed as he came up behind me. “Need to have a word.”
I glanced behind me at Dragon’s expressionless face, then spun toward Trix again. “The fuck did you do, Bellatrix?” I asked, watching her face fall. “You fuckin’ kiddin’ me right now?”
“Cam,” Dragon snapped, laying his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged him off and took a step forward, watching Trix in disbelief.
“I’m going to move back in with my parents for a while,” she said softly, tucking her thumbs into her palms as she fisted her hands.
“No.” My voice was resolute. She was out of her fucking mind if she thought she was going to run home to her parents because we were having a hard time. This was such bullshit.
“Hulk,” Dragon called, authority ringing in his voice. It wasn’t the voice of her father, it was the voice of my president.
“You fuckin’ bitch,” I whispered, shaking my head as the full significance of her words became clear. “You want out? Makin’ your daddy step in because you can’t even fuckin’ tell me that you’re gonna leave?”
Trix’s lips trembled, and I hated that a part of me wanted to soothe her. She was so fucking fragile. She looked like one well-placed blow could completely end her.
“Hulk,” Dragon called again in warning.
I raised my hands in the air, and took one step back. Then I spoke again.
“You want out? Fine. I’m so fuckin’ done with your bullshit. So fucking done.” I ran my hands over my head in disbelief. God, I’d been so happy to see her looking better. So glad that she seemed to be coming out of whatever the fuck was eating at her. I was such a goddamn idiot. “I wanna see my kid when it’s born.”
Trix nodded and inhaled a shaky breath.
“Fuck you,” I whispered. Then I turned and walked completely out of the house.
“Hulk!” Dragon called again when I was halfway down their front porch steps.
“What?” I snapped, turning to face him. “I’m fuckin’ gone, all right? You need somethin’ else?”
“Who you think you’re talkin’ to?” Dragon growled, following me down the stairs.
“Jesus Christ,” I hissed, shaking my head.
“She’ll figure her shit out, boy. She just needs some time.” His voice was once again mellow, almost friendly.
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I laughed so hard that it made my stomach roll with nausea from the Jack that was still sloshing around in there.
“She can have all the time she wants,” I finally said, meeting Dragon’s eyes. “I’m done.”
“Cameron—”
I raised my hand for him to stop. I didn’t want to hear it.
“Done,” I said again.
I turned and walked away, through the field of tall grass and beyond the gravel in the forecourt to my bike parked on the pavement in front of the garage. I needed to get the fuck out of there.