Chapter 23
Cameron
I grabbed my beer after Trix left the clubhouse and carried it past the pool table, snagging the envelope she’d left on my way to my room. I couldn’t believe she’d had the balls to try and work shit out with me in the middle of a room full of people.
Did she think I’d just welcome her back with open arms? Jesus, I still wanted to throttle her.
I grabbed another beer on my way past the bar and carried it with me into my dark room, flipping on the light and slamming the door behind me. I was pleased as fuck that Callie was going home the next day, but hell if I’d wanted to have a party. I was wound so tight that the slightest thing could set me off, and having the clubhouse full of brothers and old ladies was a bad fucking idea.
I dropped to the bed and stared at the blank, white envelope between my fingers. I should have been there. I wondered if she’d heard the heartbeat. Maybe she’d recorded it on her phone? I wasn’t going to ask her.
If it was up to me, I wouldn’t see her again until my kid was born.
I took a deep breath and pulled the shiny little black and white photos out of the envelope, immediately feeling a surge of disappointment. I couldn’t tell what any of the shit in the picture was. I wondered if Trix knew, then shook my head. It didn’t matter.
I flipped through each picture slowly, not having a clue what I was looking at. I mean, it must have been my kid, but all I saw was a blob in the center of another blob. Nothing recognizable. I searched each picture individually, turning it this way and that, trying to find a frame of reference. Nothing.
Then I reached the last ultrasound photo and the ones I’d slid behind it fluttered to the ground as I lost all feeling in my hands.
Baby A and Baby B.
My heart raced.
No fucking way.
I scrambled to pick up the rest of the pictures, laying them out on the bed side by side to try and find some similarities—some extra clue about what I was looking at.
I got to my feet and swayed to the side, catching myself against the wall.
Farrah.
Farrah would know what she was looking at.
I swung open my bedroom door so hard that it slammed against the wall, but I barely noticed it as I raced toward the front room. She’d been at the bar when I left.
If she’d already gone home, I was going to freak the fuck out.
Nope, there she was. I moved toward her at a fast clip, and slammed the pictures down on the bar when I reached her.
“Look,” I demanded when she glanced at me in confusion. “Look at those.”
“Oh, Cam,” she said softly, giving me a small smile. “Trix went to the doctor?”
“Just look,” I snapped before taking a deep breath. “Please, Ma.”
She nodded once, then looked down at the photographs in front of her and slid through them one by one.
“What am I looking for, baby?” she asked as Casper leaned forward to look over her shoulder.
“You’ll know when you see it,” I mumbled, leaning heavily against the bar.
My heart beat so hard I could hear it in my ears, and only a few seconds later, Farrah let out a small gasp.
“Holy shit,” she mumbled as Casper began to laugh. “Holy shit.”
“Ma,” I growled, my hands beginning to fidget.
“Twins, huh?” Casper asked teasingly. “Damn, you don’t mess around.”
My legs felt like they were going to completely give out as my head started to swim.
“Jesus, sit down before you fall down,” Casper ordered laughingly, pushing me onto a stool.
“I wore a condom,” I whispered to myself. How the fuck had she got pregnant with twins?
“Oh, fucking gross, Cameron!” Farrah scowled as Casper snickered behind her. “I don’t want to hear that shit.”
“No, really,” I said seriously, shaking my head in disbelief. “I wore a fucking condom. Every time.”
“Shut up, Cam! And don’t laugh,” Farrah shrieked, turning to swat at Casper. “I’m not supposed to hear that stuff. What if CeeCee was talking about condoms?”
All laughter left Casper’s face and his jaw tightened. “Not funny, Ladybug.”
“You think?” she snapped back.
“Twins,” I whispered, barely hearing my parents as I stared at the pictures on the bar. “Kids. I have two kids.”
“Hell, yeah, you do,” Casper crowed, moving around Farrah so he could wrap his arms around me in a tight hug. “Congratulations, boy.”
“Jesus, I need a second job,” I mumbled, my hands loose at my sides as Casper hugged me. “And a car. I need a car.”
Farrah started to giggle as I lost my shit.
“You are going to be an awesome dad,” Farrah sang, pushing Casper out of the way so she could wrap her arms around my waist. “Even better than Cody.”
“Hey!” Casper complained, pulling Farrah back against him.
I gave them a small smile, then swiped the pictures off the bar top.
“So, what’s this then?” I asked, pushing one of the unlabeled photos into Farrah’s face.
“That’s the head and torso, see right here? That’s the spine…”
I stood quietly as she explained each picture, pointing out little things that I would have never noticed. She knew what she was talking about, and by the time we’d made it through the photos, I had a lump in my throat the size of Texas.
“I’m gonna go—” I started to say, ready to go back to my room and stare at my children in peace.
“Hey, Cam,” Dragon’s low voice came from behind me, and without turning around, I felt my entire body tighten. Fuck. If he was coming to give me shit about Trix, I wasn’t sure I could hold back.
My emotions were so close to the surface, they were practically fucking bubbling.
“Hey,” I murmured, turning cautiously around. “What’s up?”
“Just wanted to tell you congratulations,” Dragon said with a small nod.
“Oh.” For a second, I just stood there staring at him with my mouth hanging open. “Oh, yeah. Thanks, man.”
I waited for him to walk away, but he didn’t. Instead, he reached up and swiped his long hair back from his face. “Twins, uh—they run in Bren’s family. I mean, she’s not sure about her mom’s history, but we had—” his voice trailed off for a second as his eyes lost their focus. “Uh, yeah. Don’t know if you remember, but we had twins.” Dragon cleared his throat, and I felt bad for the guy because he looked both uncomfortable and really fucking sad.
“Yeah, Trix is a twin, right?” I asked, just to fill the silence. What the fuck was I supposed to say?
“You know, I think you’re the first person to ever say ‘is’.” After the words fell out of his mouth, Dragon looked even more uncomfortable.
“What?”
“You said Trix is a twin. And you’re right.” Dragon swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing hard in his neck. He shook his head. “I’m fuckin’ this up. You said Trix is a twin, not Trix was a twin. Big fuckin’ difference—not that most people notice it. She is a twin, she’ll always be a twin—not having her twin with her doesn’t mean she used to be a twin. Just means her twin ain’t with her.”
His words became more agitated the longer he spoke, and by the time he’d rambled to a stop, I was nodding back at him. “Right, man. I get it,” I assured him.
“Anyway, congratulations,” Dragon said with a nod before abruptly turning on his heel and walking away.
“The fuck was that?” I asked Casper in confusion.
“No fuckin’ idea,” Casper said softly, clapping me on the back. “But if I had to guess, I’d say D’s missin’ his boy right about now. His oldest boy.”
My stomach clenched as I glanced at my ma. “You don’t think—”
“Nope,” Farrah said strongly. “No way. They’re fine. They’ll be fine—both of them.”
* * *
I spent the rest of the night in my room, staring at the little photos until my eyes were red and burning.
I couldn’t believe that Trix had two of them in there. I wondered how she’d felt when she found out. Had she been happy? Was she excited? Or had the thought of not one, but two children, completely freaked her out?
Who went with her to the appointment? I hoped she hadn’t gone by herself.
She’d seemed okay when she’d cornered me that night, but fuck if I could read her anymore. She’d turned into someone I didn’t know. Someone I didn’t want to know.
No, that wasn’t true.
I wanted her badly—any way I could get her. If I thought that I could get her back and keep her, I would. But after the shit she’d pulled with Dragon, there was no way I was ever going there again.
He’d overstepped. The little scene they’d played out at their house was so fucked up, it still burned days later.
She’d actually used her pop to kick me to the curb. So fucked up.
The next morning, I crawled out of bed and stashed the pictures in my dresser. I wanted to carry them with me, but with my luck, I’d fucking lose them. I needed to go over to Trix’s old apartment and get the rest of my shit.
I’d been putting it off, but the day before, I’d ripped the ass out of a pair of jeans. I was getting seriously low on pants. It wasn’t like Trix was living there. She’d only been back once as far as I knew, just to get something to wear to the funerals. I’d just get my shit and get out—no one would even know I’d been there.
The apartment had been closed up since we’d started staying at the clubhouse, and when I walked in, the entire place smelled like shit. I pulled my t-shirt up over my nose as I glanced around, my eyes watering. It had to be the garbage. I gagged as I made my way into the kitchen and held my breath as I grabbed the entire can and rushed it toward the front door. It only took me a few minutes to take it to the dumpster, but swear to God, that smell was lingering on my fucking clothes when I was done.
I opened every window as I made my way back through the house, and once the air started moving, I froze.
I knew I needed to get out of there. It wasn’t my place to be anymore, I shouldn’t have even had a key.
I should pack my shit and leave.
My heart thumped hard as I looked around the living room. The blanket Trix used was thrown over the back of the couch, like she’d just been lying down and had tossed it back when she got to her feet. There was a pair of slip on sneakers pushed halfway under the recliner, and a half-full glass of water on the end table.
I shook my head and turned toward the hallway. Fucking life interrupted. That’s what this shit was.
I stopped at the hall closet and opened up the washer and dryer, rocking back on my heels when I found a full load of stinky laundry inside the washer. I looked at the clothes, then up at the laundry soap on the shelf above them. Then back at the clothes.
Fuck it.
I poured a bunch of soap into the washer and turned that shit on hot, startling myself when the water sprayed into the drum. What the fuck was I doing?
I leaned down and checked the dryer, pulling out the pile of clothes and taking them into the bedroom, where I tossed them on the unmade bed.
The entire room smelled like Trix. I didn’t look around as I picked my boxers and t-shirts out of the clean clothes. My hands were shaking.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and scrubbed my palms over my face. It shouldn’t be so hard to pack up some clothes. What the fuck was I doing?
Trix was going to have to pack the apartment up soon. It was coming up on the end of the month, and I knew she was staying with her parents for the foreseeable future. Probably a good thing with two babies coming. She would have to be packed up and gone by the time the first rolled around or she’d be stuck paying for an extra month. Did she line up a storage space—shit. Not my problem.
My leg bounced up and down as I stared at the open doorway.
Two hours later, I found myself folding yet another load of laundry. The baskets had been full of dirty clothes and I hadn’t been able to leave them.
I also hadn’t been able to leave the dishes in the sink, the trash in any of the garbage cans, the floor unvacuumed, the kitchen unswept, or the counter messy.
“Hulk, you here, man?” Will called from the living room.
I stuffed the last load of dirty laundry into the washing machine and closed the lid before striding out to the living room.
“Don’t ask,” I warned as Will looked around the spotless apartment.
“You call and I show up—just like always,” Will mumbled, raising his arms in the air. “No questions asked.”
“Good.” I walked to the front door as I slipped a clean t-shirt over my head, then my cut on top of that. “I need a ride.”