Before I left the restaurant, I told Ava that something had come up and I had to leave. She was hesitant, but she agreed to wait a few minutes before she let Tony or the others know I’d gone. I wasn’t sure if Brooklyn was being completely honest about the surveillance cameras, but either way, I wasn’t taking any chances. Trying my best not to be seen, I slipped out the back door and headed over to the alley behind the coffee shop. I’d been waiting about forty-five minutes when Josie pulled up.
As soon as I got in her car, Josie gave me a worried look, and I almost regretted calling her as I heard the concern in her voice. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, Josie. I’m fine.” I gave her a quick smile. “I’m just not feeling well.”
“Are you sick?”
“No. It’s nothing like that. It’s just a headache. I haven’t been sleeping very well.”
“Tristen…”
“Please, don’t start,” I cut her off. “It’s just a headache. Don’t read anything more into it.”
“Okay.” She turned her attention to the road as she pulled out of the parking lot. “Do you want me to take you over to Nitro’s place?”
“Um… no.”
“Then, where do you want to go?”
“Can you just drive around for a minute?”
“Sure, but I have class in a little while.”
We hadn’t been driving long when I finally worked up the courage to ask her, “Do you still have your apartment?”
I knew she had moved in with Big Mike a few weeks ago. She’d met him when she came to the Satan’s Fury clubhouse looking for me. They’d worked closely with Nathan to bring me back home. When she finally admitted that she’d fallen for Big, I wasn’t surprised. He was one of the good ones, a man who’d move heaven and earth for the people he cared about, and there was no doubt he cared about my sister. You could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at her, and she felt the same way about him. It made sense for them to move in together. I just hoped she still had her place in town.
“Yes, but I’ve moved most of my things over to Big’s place.”
“Do you still have a bed and stuff there?”
“What’s going on, Tristen?” Over the years, I’d given my sister plenty of reasons to worry about me. When our parents had died, I’d made some bad choices, hurting the people that cared most about me. I was broken-hearted, and I took it out on those closest to me, especially her. But in time, I managed to move on from my past and made a life for myself. I had just been coming into my own when I was kidnapped. Once I was rescued, she was there with me at the counseling center. We finally had a chance to talk, really talk, and we mended our broken relationship. I didn’t want to jeopardize that, but I just didn’t have it in me to tell her about everything—at least not yet.
“I’m fine. Really. I am. I just need some time to clear my head.” I tried to reassure her, but she wasn’t buying it. “With everything that’s been going on with work and trying to get enrolled in my classes, I haven’t had time to think.”
“You’re sure that’s it? You’ve been through so much. You know you can talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Josie. I’m just tired and need some time to myself.”
“Okay, but I’m here if you need anything.”
“I know.”
When we got to her apartment, she took me upstairs and showed me where everything was. As she handed me the keys, she asked, “Do you want me to go grab you some groceries? Maybe some milk and cereal?”
“No. I’m good.”
“Okay. I’ll come by and check on you tomorrow.”
“Thanks for all this.”
“No problem.”
She turned and started for the door. Before she stepped outside, I asked, “Can you do me one more favor?”
“Sure.”
“Can you keep this between us? Don’t tell Big I’m here.”
Doubt washed over her face as she asked, “Why?”
“Well, the whole point of being here is so I can clear my head. I can’t really do that if everyone knows I’m here.”
“I don’t know, Tristen.”
“Please. Just for a couple of days.”
“Okay, but I don’t like it.”
When she finally left, I went to her old bedroom and curled up on the bed. I couldn’t believe how quickly things had spun out of control. Just a few days ago, I’d thought things were going well, that Nathan and I were figuring things out, but slowly, the thread that had been holding us together had started to unravel. I was angry with him. I might’ve felt differently if he’d just been honest with me, but he chose to treat me like a possession instead of an actual human being. I’d known better, but I’d ignored my instincts. It was time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself. I had to remember that the past was just that-- the past. Even after all I’d been through, I was still standing, still fighting, and I wasn’t going to let Nathan James get the best of me.
I had to accept the fact that things with Nathan were not going to be the way I’d thought they’d be. He was handsome, strong, and powerful, but Nathan was no knight in shining armor. He was damaged and broken beyond repair. He had control issues, and he was an all-around pain in the ass. Yes, he had his issues, but despite my better judgement, I was falling for him. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew there was something different about Nathan. Even before Max had told me, I’d known something awful had happened to him. I could see it in his eyes, but there was more to him than the man created from pain and heartbreak. There were times, like the night we stayed up talking in my room or our lunch at the Shack, where I’d gotten a glimpse of the man he didn’t share with the rest of the world. His walls were down, and he wasn’t pushing me away. I wanted more of that man, the man who had captured my heart, but then again, I’d always tended to gravitate to those things that were just beyond my reach. I had to remind myself that there was another side to him. I had to find a way to handle both sides, without losing myself in the process.
For starters, I needed to get back to work. Maybe Nathan had been the reason I’d gotten my job, but I was good at it. I made good money there, and I liked the people I worked with, even Brooklyn. I wasn’t going to walk away from it just because Nathan had gotten me the job. I was going to stick with it, save my money, and get enrolled in classes. And at some point in the near future, I needed to find a place of my own.
Feeling more determined than ever, I got up out of bed, grabbed my phone, and called a cab. Thinking it was best to meet the cab at the front of the building, I quickly gathered my things. With my mind focused on getting to work, I opened the door, but I was stopped dead in my tracks as I found Nathan standing at the top of the stairs. When he turned to look at me, I groaned.
“Seriously? You really need to get a hobby.”
He had no response. He just stood there silently staring at me. His expression was blank, but his eyes…. His eyes were filled with angst. It was clear that he had something to say, but he held on to his words and left me to wonder what he was thinking. When I’d had enough of his silent treatment, I started to walk past him. “I’ve got to get to work.”
As I walked by him, he reached for my arm, gently stopping me before I started down the steps. His voice was dripping with warning as he growled, “Tristen.”
“What?”
He stood over me, just inches away, and my heart began to thump a little harder. Damn. Why did he have to be so freaking hot? I was furious with him, and yet, I still felt an undeniable pull towards him. I wanted to touch him, to feel his arms around me and his mouth on my skin, and I had no doubt that he knew how I felt. It was written all over my face every time I laid eyes on him. Trying to ignore my traitorous hormones, I crossed my arms and looked him directly in the eye.
“You might think this is some kind of game we’re playing here, that I’m just some pawn you can play with, but you’re wrong, Nathan. This is no game, because I refuse to play.”
“You’re not just some pawn, Tristen. You’re the fucking queen, the most powerful piece in the game.” He took a step towards me, placing his hands on my waist as he closed the gap between us. “Maybe you didn’t know, but it’s your job to protect the king.”
“Oh, please,” I scoffed. “Who am I protecting you from?”
His eyes pierced straight through me, pulling at my heart as he stared at me. “Myself.”
His answer hung in the air, looming over me as I tried to comprehend what he’d just said. I lowered my eyes to the ground as I replied, “I don’t know, Nathan. The odds are stacked against me. I’m not sure I can win.”
“It’s not always about winning, Angel. Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at things from a different angle before you make your next move.”
“Why am I the queen? What makes me so different?”
He looked over his shoulder as he took in a deep breath. “There was a time when I felt everything… the good and the bad, but then it got to be too much, so I stopped feeling altogether. I became numb, and I learned to just get through the day… to just exist.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“I don’t understand it myself, but you triggered something in me the night we came for you. I didn’t ask for it… I didn’t want it, but there it was.” He brought his hands up to my face, and his thumb lightly caressed my cheek as he spoke. “You were a force I couldn’t ignore. I couldn’t walk away from you, even if it meant risking everything.”
“I know something happened to you. I don’t know what it was or who it involved.” I placed my hands on his chest as I leaned towards him. “Will you tell me?”
“Someday.”
It wasn’t the answer I was hoping for, but he didn’t said no. “Okay.”
There comes a time in a girl’s life when she has to decide if she’s going to fight for what she wants or just walk away. That was my moment, and it wasn’t an easy decision. I knew moving forward with Nathan wasn’t going to be easy. He was broken, damaged by a past that I knew nothing about, and his issues weren’t easily ignored. The little voice in my head whispered, Give him a chance, and that was exactly what I was going to do.
I reached for his hand and pulled him inside Josie’s apartment, locking the door behind us. Without speaking, I led him past the kitchen, through the living room, and into the bedroom. I remained silent as I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as I pressed my lips against his. I wasn’t sure if the timing was right, or if I was ready to take the next step with him, but I did know I wanted it to be on my terms, not something dictated by him. Just that once, I wanted to be the one in control.
I took a step towards him, but he didn’t move. He knew what was coming, what I wanted from him. He’d told me I was his, that he wanted me in his bed, and I was about to take him at his word. “For just a little while, forget about the past, and just be here with me… Feel this with me.”
I never took my eyes off his as I slowly started to unbutton his black collared shirt. I’d envisioned that moment so many times, yet when the time came, I was overcome with nerves and desire all at once. I eased the shirt over his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. My fingers trailed down his chest, roaming ever so slowly over the defined muscles of his abdomen. His heart beat rapidly against his chest, and I knew he was working hard to restrain himself. He knew what I needed, and he was giving it to me. My hands dropped to my waist as I reached for the hem of my t-shirt. I pulled it over my head, and his eyes shimmered with need as he stood there gazing at me.
Just looking at him made it hard to breathe, hard to think, and the way his eyes filled with lust when he looked at me only increased my need for him. I lowered my mouth to his neck, lightly kissing him as I whispered, “Nathan.”
His hand slipped into my hair, gently pulling as his mouth hovered over mine. Just before our lips touched, he paused. His gorgeous blue eyes fell on me, searching for some kind of confirmation, but I was too impatient to wait. I pushed up onto my tiptoes, crashing my mouth against his. My body melted into him as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed me close to his chest. I couldn’t remember ever wanting anything so much.
The tips of his fingers trailed along my spine, and I arched towards him, seeking the heat of his touch. As we continued to kiss, my body became heated, smoldering as warmth spread through me. It had started with just a spark, but it had continued to build, intensifying with every touch. He slid his hands behind me and effortlessly released the clasp of my bra before bringing the tips of his fingers to the straps and gently brushing them off my shoulders. I shivered with anticipation as I felt the palm of his hand linger over my bare flesh. The lace fabric slipped ever so slowly down my body, eventually puddling uselessly around my feet. He looked down at me, sending chills through my body as his eyes roamed over every inch of my exposed skin.
“You have no fucking idea what you do to me,” he whispered as he ran his rough, calloused fingers across my back.
A rush of heat rolled against my skin as he stood there staring at me, appraising me. There was no doubt that he wanted me. I saw it in his eyes, felt it in his touch, and I felt the same about him. He was my every desire, all my secret fantasies wrapped into one, and he was about to be mine. I laid my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat fast and hard. I was relieved that I wasn’t the only one who felt the overwhelming need. Like me, he’d felt every spark, every flicker of heat that surged through our bodies.
“Tell me,” I pleaded.
“You make me want to be better.”
I kissed him again, but not gently like before. Instead, it was hot, passionate, and demanding. Desire surged through me as I unfastened his belt buckle. With only one thought on my mind, I lowered his pants over his hips and down his legs to remove them and tossed them onto the bed. I felt brazen and powerful as I placed my hands on his chest and gave him a light shove, forcing him down on the mattress. My body practically hummed as I looked down at him. Damn. He was something to behold. I couldn’t have dreamed up a sexier image as he lay there looking at me like I was a meal he was about to devour. Knowing I was enjoying the scenery, his lips curled into a smirk. That smile took the last of my restraint, and my impatience took over. His eyes widened with anticipation as I gradually lowered my zipper, taking my time to ease my jeans and panties down my hips. I tossed them to the side as I started towards the bed, but stopped when he demanded, “Wait.”