I was losing it, completely and totally losing it. I couldn’t even think straight, much less form actual words. As soon as I’d seen Nathan’s condominium, my mind short circuited, and I was bombarded with doubts. In theory, leaving with him had been a good idea. I would stay with him for a few days, and then, I’d move into my own place. I’d start my new life and leave my past behind me—all of it. It was my second chance. When my parents died in that crash, part of me had died along with them. I’d lost my way and made some stupid mistakes, but in time, I’d found my footing. Cotton and the club had taken me in; they gave me a safe place to stay and a job working in the kitchen and in the bar with Cass. They’d treated me like family and I loved being there, but something had changed—maybe I'd fallen for the wrong guy or maybe it was just that I’d outgrown the club. Either way, I was ready to move on. Needing a change is what spurred my trip to Mexico. I’d thought it would be a chance for me to get away and clear my head, but I never made it to Mexico. Instead, I was kidnapped, and everything went to hell.
Once I figured out what was happening to me-- that I was to be sold off to the highest bidder, I knew what kind of life was in store for me. Like the other women they were holding captive, I was going to be someone’s possession, a sex-slave or worse. When I met Lauren, a young girl they’d put in the room with me, I tried even harder to find a way out, but nothing I tried worked. There was no escaping these men, and I’d lost all hope of ever getting away. There would be no more dreaming of a better future or a better life. But then Nathan came along. Seeing the look of determination in his eyes gave me hope that I might just make it out of there. When he actually pulled it off, when he carried me and Lauren out of that god-awful place, I actually thought I might still have a chance-- that I could still have all the things I’d always wanted. But now that I was actually in the elevator with him, I was beginning to have my doubts. I blamed Mr. Johansson, my counselor for my hasty decision. The last time we’d talked, he told me to stop worrying about all the things that could go wrong and start thinking about all the things that could go right. He said I was one of the lucky ones. I’d gotten completely addicted to the drugs those men had given me. While I still had plenty of issues to deal with, I was already one step ahead of most of the people he worked with. He’d convinced me that I still had a good chance at a future I would be proud of. By the time we were done discussing all the possibilities, I’d imagined myself in a nice apartment with a great new job, and that I’d take some night classes where I’d meet all kinds of new people. I’d really psyched myself up for it. Now, my confidence was shot to hell and all those things terrified me… and I hadn’t even taken into account my situation with Nathan. He was a whole other level of terrifying.
He was every girl’s fantasy—devastatingly handsome, rich and powerful, and for some crazy reason, he’d decided to take it upon himself to rescue me. I couldn’t deny that I was drawn to him, but I couldn’t explain why. At first, I thought it was just gratitude. I’d been kidnapped, held captive and drugged, but that was just the start. I’d known what was coming, and even though I’d tried, there was no escape. I was going to be auctioned off to their highest bidder, losing my freedom forever to become some man’s sex slave. I’d thought my life was over until he showed up. One look at him, and I had hope that I might just make it out. When he took me in his arms, protectively cradling me against his chest, I’d never felt so safe, like nothing could ever hurt me again. He was my hero, but he didn’t stop there. He got me the help I needed to recover from my ordeal, and then offered me a place to stay until I got back on my feet. So, yeah. I was more than a little grateful.
I’d worked myself up into a nervous wreck, and by the time we reached the top floor, I thought my heart would beat right out of my chest. I took a deep breath and looked over at Nathan. He didn’t smile, he didn’t take me in his arms and hold me close, but something about the way he looked at me calmed my racing heart, easing the anxiousness growing inside me. When the elevator doors opened, he stepped forward and said, “Here we go.”
I followed him inside and tried to act unaffected by the enormous kitchen and all the lavish furniture. It was amazing. The modern gray and black tones of the paint and decor gave it an elegant atmosphere, but it still felt comfortable. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had taken the time to pick out the beautiful abstract paintings on the walls or the fancy florals that were scattered throughout the condo. Whoever had done it had great taste. He’d obviously done well for himself, and I couldn’t help but wonder how he’d made his fortune. I knew he worked with the club, and I knew the kind of lives they led. So, I could only assume it was something illegal—drug or gun trafficking… or something even more dangerous. “It’s really something.”
“Thanks.” He started walking through the living room as he said, “Come on. I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”
I was eager to see my room, but I was drawn over to the giant wall of windows. The view was absolutely spectacular as I walked over to the ledge and said, “You can see the entire city from up here.”
He came up behind me and looked over my shoulder, sending little shivers down my spine as I felt the heat of his breath on my neck. “Not exactly a big city out there.”
“Maybe not, but it’s still beautiful.” A thousand thoughts rushed through my mind as we stood there looking out over all the lights, and each and every one were about him. I couldn’t help myself. Every time he was close, my body would take notice with a skipped heartbeat or a quickened breath. The attraction I felt towards him was palpable. I felt it all the way down to my bones every time he looked at me. All those little reactions made me think our connection had more to do with lust than gratitude.
When he let out a deep breath and shifted behind me, the spell was broken. I turned around and smiled. “You were going to show me my room?”
“Of course.” He headed down the hall and stopped at the third door. As he opened it, he motioned his hand down towards the end of the hall. “I’m the last one on the left.”
“Okay.”
“Just let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks.” I stepped inside and was about to shut the door when I realized I didn’t have my bag. “Oh. Wait. What about my things?”
“I’ll have someone bring them up. If you want to take a shower, there’s a bathrobe hanging in the closet.”
As soon as I closed the door, I walked over to the bed and collapsed. Without taking the time to look around the room, I rolled to my side, taking the edge of the comforter with me. I balled up into a small cocoon and closed my eyes. The day had taken its toll on me, and I was completely exhausted. I just wanted to lay there and sleep for the next three days, but then the dreams started rolling in, each one worse than the last. I tossed and turned, but I couldn’t pull myself out of the nightmares. I was dragged once again to the night of my kidnapping. I could feel the panic rising in my throat as I struggled to understand what my attackers were saying. I tried in vain to scream for help, but my words slurred incoherently. Darkness clouded my sight as I kept drifting in and out of consciousness. Each time I came to, disorientation and fear flooded my veins. I had no way of knowing if I was headed to my death or something far worse. The mildewed stench of the shack they confined me in filled my nostrils, and I thought I would be sick. They tied me to the rusted iron bed like an animal. In that moment, I lost hope. I knew in my gut that they were going to kill me, and I would never see my sister again. I thought of all the things I would never get to tell her… and never get to apologize for. Then more needles came. I forgot everything in a haze of delirium and shame.
The more I fought, the more tangled in the blanket I became. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest, and as the worst part of the dream began to unfold I became even more frightened, even more desperate to wake up. I could hear their laughter behind the door and their footsteps as they got closer to my room. I tried to break free from my restraints, but it was just no use. They were coming. They came over and over again… none of them willing to help me. I thrashed to my side and ended up rolling off the edge of the bed. With a loud thump, I landed face first on the floor. I groaned as I tried to pull myself free of the covers, but I was wound too tight. Shit. With a final jerk of my elbows, I freed myself. I lifted myself up onto my knees and tried to shake it off.
Taking a deep breath, I wiped the sweat from my forehead and stood. I needed something cold to drink and to get out of the confines of that room. I had no idea what time it was, so I tiptoed down the hallway towards the kitchen. As soon as I stepped into the living room, I spotted Nathan’s blue eyes staring at me. With a concerned look he asked, “Is everything okay?”
I cleared my throat and continued towards the kitchen. “Everything’s fine. I just wanted to get something to drink.” After opening a couple of cabinets, I finally found the glasses. I filled up a tall glass of water and headed back into the living room. I had two choices: I could bite the bullet and sit down next to him, or I could go back to my room and face the nightmares. I’d like to say it was an easy decision, but my nerves were completely shot. I wasn’t sure I was prepared to handle the riotous effect he had on me. It was a risk I was willing to take. I sat down next to him and asked, “You couldn’t sleep either?”
“Nah.” He eyed me with a hint of annoyance as he tried to focus on the TV.
“Whatcha watching?” I asked, determined not to be banished to my bedroom.
He waited for the characters to stop speaking before he replied. “G.O.T.” I stared blankly at him. “You know, the show with the dragons?”
“Um… can’t say that I do,” I replied, confusion clouding my face.
“You’re missing out. It is pretty addictive.”
I looked at the screen to see a beautiful blonde in medieval clothing ordering an execution. The smile on her face was a bit terrifying. She didn’t look like anyone you’d want to screw with. “Who’s that?”
“The queen. She has a thing for killing anyone who fucks with her or her kids.”
“Sounds like some women I know.”
“No, trust me. You don’t know anyone like this chick.” I sat back and watched for a few minutes. The room was completely dark except for the television screen. It was cute to see the different expressions on Nathan’s face as he watched the action unfold. He was clearly way more into it than he’d let on. When a dashing blond knight came on screen, Nathan groaned. “This motherfucker.”
“Who’s that?”
“Her brother,” he answered, giving me the side-eye.
“Uh-huh. And who’s that?”
“Just watch. You’ll see.”
“But…” I started.
“Trust me. Just watch.” I had more questions than I had answers, but it was clear I was bugging the hell out of him. I continued to watch the insanity on the screen, and I started to get kind of hooked.
Suddenly, I whacked Nathan on the arm. “Hold on. I thought you said that’s her brother!”
“He is,” he said with a smirk. His eyes were fixed on me as the scene unfolded.
“Are… are they? No…wait. No. Oh my god, Nooooooo! What in the hell?”
“Told ya,” he snickered. The way he looked at me with his mischievous grin and a sparkle in his eye made my heart melt.
“Ewwwwww!” I turned to him with feigned disgust. “You sicko.”
He laughed, and suddenly he looked years younger. “This shit is good! Now do what I said and just watch.”
With a huff, I nestled back in my spot. I could tell he was getting a kick out of my indignant reactions, but I didn’t care. I was actually having fun. For the next few minutes, I forced myself to remain silent and hold my questions. The more I watched, the more obsessed I became. There was something about the characters that made me forget everything around me and totally immerse myself in the show. It was a welcome reprieve, and I could see why he liked it. Just when I thought I knew what to expect, there would be a plot twist that would knock me off my feet. I loved it. Now and then I’d sneak a glance at Nathan, only to find that he was already watching me. I had a feeling he was enjoying introducing me to all the depravity. In no time, we’d watched two episodes and were going into our third. Every time the scene became intense or scary, I found myself inching closer to him. I couldn’t help myself. Just being close to him made me feel safe. I knew it was late, and I worried that I might have been keeping him up. “Are you working tomorrow?”
“I’m taking a couple of days off.”
I was about to reply when the handsome brother suddenly got his hand chopped off. Floored by what happened, I gasped and sprang out of my seat. I looked at him in horror and noticed the little smirk on his face. I quickly sat down and groaned, “Tell me that didn’t just happen.”
“Oh yeah, it just happened, and he had it coming.”
“But why? He needs his hand! He’s the king’s guard! He’s not that bad.”
“Oh, he is that bad. He pushed a kid out the window, and that’s just the start of it.”
I sighed and shook my head. “I’m gonna need a minute to wrap my head around this.” Before I had a chance to recover, I was sucked back into the show. I grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and threw it over my legs and part of his. Mesmerized by the show, I curled into my pillow and enjoyed the escape. My eyelids were heavy as I tried to fight my exhaustion, but I was just too tired. My resistance was futile, and I finally drifted off to sleep.