Lacey falls asleep in my arms. But I don't fall asleep in hers.

I get out of bed. I attempt to find something entertaining on TV. I read. I sulk around the house for far too fucking long.

Eventually, I brush my teeth and fall asleep next to her.

I wake up next to her. It's strange, having someone in my bed. Wanting her there. Wanting her to stay.

I try to push the thought away as I go through my morning routine and head to the gym.

There's too much in my head. Sweat isn't doing shit to drown my thoughts.

I get home from my workout tired instead of energized. It's early and I'm running on little sleep. But it's not my body that's depleted. It's my head and my heart.

A shower, eggs, and tea do little to help.

Maybe I'm a mess. But I'm not going to fuck this up for Ethan. And neither are Mom and Dad. They're due to call tomorrow. But I need to tell them now, to at least talk them into a little enthusiasm.

I find my laptop in my room, set it up on the counter, and I ping Mom on Skype.

Mal: Can we talk early? I have news.

Mom: We're busy today. There's a lot to get together for a trip this long.

Mal: What?

Last time Mom mentioned their visit home, she referred to days, not weeks. Certainly not a long enough trip that they'd be bringing their shit home.

Mom: There are things we need to do in Southern California. We're not sure when we'll be back to South America.

Mal: That's good, right?

Mom: It will be nice to see you, Ethan, and Piper.

Mal: This news should be on the phone.

Mom: I can't, sweetie.

Mal: Ethan asked Vi to marry him.

Mom: Vi… yes, the nice girl with the tight dresses and the eyeliner.

She only knows Violet from the pictures. They were together three of the last five years and Mom only knows Violet from pictures.

She barely remembers Kit—she seemed confused when I told her Piper was engaged to our bassist. I think she met him twice. And that was when he was heavier, not that he was ever heavy. Just soft. He didn't take care of himself when he was using. Since he got clean, he's been working out more than I do.

Mom: That's great news. We have news too.

Mal: Let's celebrate. You still get into LAX on Saturday morning?

Mom: Yes.

Mal: We'll go out Saturday night, to some place with a view of the beach. Someplace nice. I'll tell Ethan to bring Vi. And Piper can bring Kit.

Mom: No, sweetheart. This is family news.

There's no sense in telling her that Ethan and Piper don't consider Mom and Dad family. That Violet and Kit are more family than they've been for years.

Mal: I'll let Ethan decide.

Mom: Trust me, sweetie. It's better if it's just the five of us. Just the Strongs. I have to go. I'm exhausted. I love you.

Mal: Love you too.

She goes offline before I can send my message.

I stare at it for twenty fucking minutes. I'm Charlie fucking Brown, lining up to kick that football again.

Doesn't matter it's been pulled out from under me a thousand times.

I still go in for the kick.

* * *

For most of an hour, I tune out TV on the couch. This ER rerun isn't grabbing my attention. I'm tempted to wake Lacey up the fun way, but I resist. I flip channels until I find something entertaining.

Gossip Girl. Tightness threatens to seize my chest again. Piper left before we could finish this show. I don't give a fuck about what Blair, Serena, and Chuck are up to. But the reminder that I'm fucking alone here—

That stings.

And it stings worse that fucking Gossip Girl is the knife in my side.

This isn't anyone's fault. It's the way life works. It goes forward. It's supposed to go forward.

Even when it would be better if everything could stay the same. Or go backwards. To when we were an actual family.

Mom and Dad are coming back.

Maybe things will be different.

Probably worse.

Maybe…

I grab my cell and call Piper.

She answers with an ugh. "This early, someone better be dead."

"It's ten," I say.

"I'm a college student. I'm supposed to sleep in."

"You home?" I have to force home from my tongue. This is supposed to be her home. I'm not ready for her to be an adult.

"Yeah." She calls out to someone, Kit probably. "More coffee please."

He calls something back, but I can't make out the details.

"Turn on channel 17," I say.

She does. "Oh, Chuck better not fuck this up."

"He always does."

She laughs then her voice gets dreamy. "Wasn't it romantic? When Ethan asked me to help pick out the ring, I figured he was going to wait until after your next tour. Or until their new anniversary. But doing it at that show—"

"Ethan asked you to pick out the ring?"

Her voice gets shaky. "You know me and fashion. And me and Vi. She loved it. I knew she would. She wants to get this amazing lace up corset dress, all purple satin with black tulle. It's going to be like a haunted fairytale."

"I thought they wanted a beach wedding."

"They were going to do the pier, but once she saw, um, what's it called… let me check." There's silence for a few moments. "Kimberly Crest House and Gardens. In San Bernardino. It's beautiful, a real castle. They're going to do it fast, an Autumn wedding at dusk." She squeals with delight. "She asked me to be a bridesmaid."

"That's sweet, Pipes."

"Yeah. You know, Vi… if Ethan didn't marry her, I would."

Kit calls out something. Then she's laughing. And he's laughing.

"Hold on, Mal." She squeals, "Stop it," in that please go voice.

That's more than I need to know about their sex life. Not that I can talk. Joel has been using my taste for bondage as a way to torture Piper since she was old enough to care.

It's August.

Autumn is two months away.

"Sorry." She lets out another dreamy sigh. "You know what it's like when you just have to torture a woman. Oooh, that Lacey girl was cute. Do you know where she got that dress?"

"No."

"Yeah. It would be weird if I wore your girlfriend's dress."

"Really?"

Her voice is quiet. "It could have worked."

"We're having fun."

"But you do like her?"

"I do."

She squeals. "I knew it!"

I let her soak in the joy for a minute. It's sweet that Piper wants me to find someone. It's not going to happen, but it's sweet. "I have to tell you something that you're not going to like."

She groans. "Then don't tell me."

"Let's conference call Ethan."

"He's probably hungover after last night."

"He should know his limits."

"He just got engaged! But, okay, I'll conference him. Hold on." She puts me on hold. A few moments later, the line clicks. "He's cranky."

"Fuck off," Ethan groans.

"At least we can tease Mal now. Wasn't Lacey cute?" she asks.

"Too cute for him. What's your game with that?" Ethan asks.

"No, no, he likes the sweet ones. More fun to 'break them' or whatever," she says.

"Who told you that?" Ethan asks.

"Who do you think?" she asks.

"Joel doesn't know shit," I say. "I want to get to this."

"You're never in a rush. Unless…" Piper squeals. "Oh my God, is she there? Did she sleep over? Is it that serious?"

"She's here," I say.

Piper squeals again.

Ethan groans. "She was smart with the video shit. That's what, a month away?"

"Two weeks, ideally," I say.

"You keeping her around that long?" Ethan's voice is tinged with concern.

"Ethan! He likes her. Don't say shit like that. They're cute. And Mal never likes anyone. I don't remember him ever liking anyone," Piper says.

"When he was in high school," Ethan says. "There was one girl he really liked who wouldn't give him the time of day."

"I don't remember that," Piper says.

"You still thought boys had cooties," Ethan says.

"I haven't thought that since I was eight," she says.

"That might be right. How old are you again?" He teases.

"I'm flipping you off right now," she says.

Okay, I can see this isn't going to end.

This is where I feel home, with my family.

But I need to say this shit about Mom and Dad. I need to convince them while they're in good moods.

"Mom and Dad are moving their trip up," I say.

"Okay…" Piper clears her throat. "That's nice."

"I talked to Mom. She's excited you're engaged, Ethan," I say.

"Yeah, I bet she remembers Violet's name and everything." Piper huffs. "I don't want to fight about this again."

"One dinner. Saturday night. The five of us, or you can bring Kit and Violet," I say.

"No," Piper says.

Ethan makes that hrmm noise.

"They have news." I don't have a clue what it is, but I doubt it's bullshit. They don't try hard enough to bullshit.

"Sure they do," Piper says.

"You want to bring Kit and Violet or not?" I ask.

"Violet will want to come," Ethan says. "You should bring Lacey. Will that get you to come, Piper?"

"Are you really that serious about her?" Piper asks.

"I'll bring her if it gets you there," I say.

"Hmm." Piper sighs. "Okay, fine. But I'm not staying for dessert and coffee."

"I'm making the reservation for eight at that place by the harbor," I say.

"Sure." There's a smile in Piper's voice. "Mal and Lacey sitting in a tree—"

Ethan chimes in. "F-U-C-K-I-N-G."

"Gross." Piper groans.

"You started it," he says.

"Brat!" she teases.

"Speak for yourself."

"I miss Vi. Put her on," she says.

"You saw her yesterday," he says.

"And I still like talking to her more than I like talking to you," she says.

My shoulders relax. They're back to their normal teasing. They're going to this dinner without a fight.

Maybe this is going to be okay.

There's a sound upstairs. The door opens. Footsteps move into the hallway. The bathroom. The sink runs.

"I'll see you Friday. I gotta go," I say.

"Restraints or riding crop?" Ethan teases.

"No comment." She's not ready for either yet. But I do have a lot of fucking ideas.

"Ew." Piper squeals again.

"Don't knock it till you've tried it, Pipes," Ethan says.

She groans another ew.

"You should see the way Violet squirms when I—"

"TOO MANY DETAILS!" She takes a deep breath. "Bye, Mal. Play nice. Or… whatever you say that means play nice in your world. She seems good for you. Don't fuck it up."

"You taking life wisdom from Joel now?" Ethan asks.

"So what if I am?"

"How long do you have for me to answer that question?"

I chuckle. This is good. Normal. Happy. "See you guys." I hang up the phone.

Everything is good.

Everyone is happy.

But the tension is still in my chest. Hell, it's spreading out to my fingers and toes.

It eases as Lacey steps into the hallway. She tugs at her t-shirt, well, my t-shirt technically.

"You don't mind, do you?" She moves into the main room.

"You won't be wearing it for long."

She smiles. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Perfect."