It takes me too fucking long to get to Lacey. She's sitting in the back corner of the coffee shop, her eyes on her cell, her expression twisted in a way I know too well.

She's famous now. It will pass, but it's not easy riding it out. Fuck, I'm going to kill the asshole who hit the button on this.

Even if it was inevitable.

Even if I'm the one who demanded this of her.

I need to soothe her.

I need to stop that voice screaming Mom is going to die and she's not even fucking interested in sharing her treatment with you.

I go straight to Lacey and wrap my arms around her. She sinks into the embrace. She needs me right now. She needs someone making this feel normal.

And I want to be that person.

I need to be that person—it's my fault she's in this fucking position. But it's more than duty. It's something deep inside me that wants something deep inside her.

"Let me buy you lunch," I murmur.

She shakes her head. "I'm not hungry."

It's still early. It's a normal response. It doesn't mean her mood is destroying the parts of her body that want.

From the way she's pressing her palms against my back, digging my t-shirt into my skin, it's safe to say she wants plenty.

That's what will get her out of her head. And me out of mine.

I brush her hair behind her ear and lean down to whisper. "Let's go to a hotel."

"Not my place?"

"Too far with traffic."

She nods as she looks up at me. Her brown eyes are wide with that mix of need and desire. "You're right. Even the bathroom in the corner is too far."

* * *

There's a nice hotel a ten-minute drive away. It takes too fucking long to get there and check in, but it's worth it for the way Lacey's eyes go wide as she takes in the room.

It's a suite with an inviting king bed, a plush sofa in the corner, and a minibar stocked with all the this will ease your inhibitions one person could handle.

But the view is what really impresses. We can see all of Los Angeles, from Malibu down to Long Beach all the way over to the start of downtown. Lacey presses her fingers against the glass as she looks out at the miles of coastline.

I set my duffel bag on the armchair in the corner and get out what I need.

Lacey turns to me with a half-smile. She motions to the riding crop then the restraints system. "You carry that around with you?"

"I've been keeping it in my car since my parents moved back in."

"Oh." She steps away from the glass. "You didn't think to leave the restraints for them?"

I make that ew face Piper always makes when Joel teases her about my interest in bondage.

Lacey laughs. She recognizes it immediately. "I guess nobody wants to think about their family members tied up."

"Or tying people up." I slide my arms around her waist and pull her body into mine. "You're hurting right now?"

"More shook up than hurting, but yeah."

"Danielle say awful shit?"

She nods.

I slide my hand into her hair then cup the back of her head with my palm. It feels right, supporting her like this. Right now, I'm exactly where I want to be. All the shit weighing me down is somewhere outside this room and it's not getting in.

And that's even more terrifying than it was last time I was with her.

"I hate asking anything of you right now." She rests her forehead against my chest. "You're going through so much."

"You are too."

"This is nothing—"

"It's something." I comb my fingers through her hair until she's purring. "This is where I want to be, Lacey. I can't think about this shit with my mom twenty-four seven."

"Is she okay?"

"No diagnosis yet. We're doing more tests tomorrow."

"Can I come with you?"

"Right now, yeah." I let my voice get low. It's a cheesy response, but I don't care. I need her coming with me. I need the rest of the world gone.

"Tomorrow."

I should say no. This is getting messy. I'm falling for her and I don't fucking know how to handle it.

I wrap my arms around her and soak in the feeling of her chest pressing against mine. "Yes."

She looks up at me with a smile. Her expression is earnest. Loving.

I've seen relationships.

This is what people do.

And I want that with her.

All of it… up until the part at the end where my heart gets torn to shreds.

I pull back enough to reach for the small pink gift bag.

Lacey's eyes light up. "Is that for me?"

"It made me think of you." I hand over the bag.

She looks up at me can I?

I nod.

She pulls out the gift wrapping and lets it flutter to the floor. Then the gift—a soft set of hot pink lingerie.

"Sweet, innocent, and sexy as hell."

"And lacy," she adds. "I'm surprised I don't get more lace gifts."

"It won't hurt my feelings if you don't like it." I stare back into her eyes. "Though my cock will complain if you don't wear it."

She laughs. "I love it."

My voice shifts to that demanding tone. "Go change in the bathroom." It's too early to jump into this, but my body is eager to take over and my head is eager to give up the reins.

Lacey doesn't shrink back. Her pupils dilate. Her knees press together.

This is happening. It needs to happen. "I'm in control, baby. I'm going to take all the pain in your head and your heart away."

She nods.

"I might have to hurt you to do it."

"Okay."

"I need better than okay."

Her lips part with a sigh. She looks at me with all the trust in the world. "Yes. Please."

"You remember traffic light?"

She nods.

"I'm going to go harder this time."

"Okay."

I raise a brow.

She laughs. "Perfect."

I motion to the bathroom. "Go change."

Immediately, she spins on her heel and moves into the bathroom. She leaves the door half open. I catch glimpses of her body as I set up the restraints system.

She feels guilty about something. I'm not sure if it's about her ex or about Danielle, but I'm going to find out. And I'm going to punish her the way she wants to be punished for it.

Then I'm going to turn every bit of that pain into pleasure.

Fuck, I'm already hard thinking about it. My cock is going to have to wait to get its satisfaction. I need to breathe deep and think of baseball if I want to last long enough to make her come until she's dizzy.

Her footsteps are soft as she steps out of the bathroom. She's perfect in the hot pink bra and thong.

I give her front a long, slow once-over as she approaches me. Once she's a few feet away, I issue my first command. "Turn around for me, baby."

Her pupils dilate. She swallows hard. Some part of her turns on as she spins on her heel.

Fuck, she really does have a perfect ass. I reach out to run my fingers over the curve of her flesh. Over the soft lace of the strap. "Bend over and touch your toes."

She rolls from her hips. A sigh falls off her lips as her fingers brush the ground. I know that sigh.

It's anticipation.

Fuck, I love the sound of her anticipation. "Fucking beautiful, baby." I run my fingers over the thong, pushing the soft lace against her cunt until the sound that falls off her lips is more whine than sigh. "Stand back up."

She gets back to her feet and turns so we're face to face. Her eyes search mine. From the way her posture settles, she finds whatever she's looking for.

Her eyelids flutter closed. She rises to her tiptoes and presses her lips to mine. It's a hard kiss. One that commands me.

Fuck, she tastes good. Her kiss satisfies something deep inside me and wakes up something deeper.

I'm the one shaking with desire when our kiss breaks. I have to take a step back. Turning her pain into pleasure is going to take every bit of my attention. I have to stay in control.

I take the riding crop into my hands.

Her eyes go wide. Her tongue slides over her lips. "Are you—"

"Yes." I run my fingers over the leather tip. "You want that, baby?"

"Yes."

"Take a look." I hand the toy over to her.

She takes her time examining the thick handle, the flat leather of the tip, the long rod. She tests it out on her calf then her eyes meet mine. "Will it hurt?"

"It's supposed to hurt."

She swallows hard. "What if I can't handle it?"

"Stop me with a yellow or a red." I take the toy back. "I won't think less of you. But I am going to push you. I'm going to push you to the brink of what you can take."

"Okay." She looks up at me. "I mean, good."

"You're nervous."

She nods. "I do want it."

"I know, baby."

The pet name makes her groan. And that groan makes my balls tighten. I glance at the room, trying to find the perfect place for this.

There.

I motion to the window. "Put your hands on the glass."

She moves towards the window and stops three feet from it then she leans forward and places her palms against the glass.

Her back arches.

Her breath catches in her throat.

She's already shaking with anticipation.

I take my time placing my body behind hers. I let her ass brush against my crotch. Even with the layers of fabric in the way, I can feel her heat.

I step back enough to rub her over her thong.

She's wet.

She's ready for this.

I tap her calf with the tip of the riding crop then I drag it up her leg. She shudders as I draw a line over her ass and down her other leg.

She lets out a whine of a sigh as I pull it away from her skin.

This isn't my palm on her skin. It's harder to wield. It's easier to injure. I have to be careful.

There. It's in position.

With one quick flick of my wrist, I bring the toy down on her ass.

Lacey groans as the leather tip smacks against her flesh. The sound is half pain, half pleasure.

"You want to hurt, baby," I say.

"Yes."

I spank her again. This time it's hard enough the smack of leather on flesh echoes around the room.

She tries to tug at the glass but only slips. Her groan is more pain than pleasure, but she's lifting her ass into the air in invitation.

I tap the toy against the back of her thigh, only enough to sting. "You think you deserve the pain?"

"Maybe."

She needs the push.

"Don't bullshit me." I bring the toy back into the air and align it. This time, I bring it down against her ass.

She cries out in pain.

"Why do you want to hurt?"

"I just do."

I smack her hard enough the flesh of her ass turns red.

Still, her groan is that mix of agony and ecstasy. "You still feel guilty about leaving Adam?"

"No."

I pull the toy back into position. "No?"

"No." Her hands slide down the window as she lifts her ass into the air. She's baiting me. "He texted about the video. We talked."

My stomach clenches. That asshole texted her? He's talking to her? Fuck him for hurting her.

Fuck him for reaching out.

I have to step back and suck a deep breath through my nose. I can't let jealousy cloud my thoughts. Not when Lacey is trusting me with her body.

"He understands how he hurt me. He wants me back, but he knows not to ask." She arches her back. "Mal…"

"You want him back?"

"No." Her voice drops to a whisper. "I want you."

The words hang in the air, sucking up every bit of oxygen. She doesn't just want this. She wants all of it.

Everything.

She deserves everything.

And I…

Fuck—

"Mal… I just mean… I know we're having fun."

I bring down the toy hard against her ass.

She yelps but she's still squirming with pleasure.

She's fucking dripping.

I'm not sure if I believe her—neither one of us thinks this is just fun anymore—but I'm not ready to call her on it.

I drag the tip of the riding crop up and down her spine. "Tell me why you want me to hurt you, baby."

"I don't know—"

"Tell me or I won't."

Her breath is short. "But—"

"Two choices." I drag it across her shoulder blades. Down her spine. Over the curve of her ass. Over the red smack marks on her flesh.

Her exhale is heavy. Her voice is a whisper. "I betrayed Danielle. I deserved everything I got."

I smack her hard enough her groan is all pain.

She arches her back. "Again, please."

I give her what she wants.

"Mal, fuck—"

I smack her again. "You really believe that?"

"Yes."

Again. "You believe you deserve this pain?"

"Yes."

Again. "I'm giving you this because you need it, baby."

She groans.

Again. "Because you need to feel you've done penance."

She shakes.

Again. "I only want you to hurt enough you feel good."

"Mal—"

Again.

"Please—"

I stop myself mid-air. "Please, what?"

"I don't know."

She's almost at her limit. I only need to push her a little further.

I bring the toy back into the air and I bring it down hard against her ass.

Lacey groans as she tries to tug at the window. "Again."

This is the last one. I bring the toy up into the air and I bring it down on her flesh.

She groans so loudly the room shakes. Something in her posture changes.

"On the bed on your back."

She blinks as she straightens her body. Her brown eyes are fuzzy. She's lost in the overflow of adrenaline and dopamine, the rush of pleasure that follows the pain.

Her hips sway as she moves onto the bed. She falls back onto the comforter and spreads her legs.

She's utterly pliable.

Utterly mine.

I toss the riding crop aside and pull my t-shirt over my head. I need inside her, but I need her coming on my face first.

I climb onto the bed and plant between her legs. My fingers curl into her inner thighs. Fuck, she's so wet I can barely get a grip.

She writhes against my hands.

She lifts her hips, reaching for my lips.

"Mal." The single word is a plea. For me, for more, for an orgasm, for everything.

I want to give her everything.

For once, I'm actually asking myself where the fuck I find everything.

I bring my mouth to her cunt. I tease her hole. I suck on her lips. I flick my tongue against her clit. I lick her up and down, left and right, with slow zigzags, with hard strokes.

I wait until she's groaning and writhing, then I bring my mouth to her clit and I lick her just how she needs me to.

It only takes a few moments to push her over the edge. She groans through her orgasm, pressing her thighs against my hands, tugging at my hair.

Still, I lick her.

I lick her through the it's too fucking much groans of agony.

Through the fuck, that's exactly what I need groans of ecstasy.

She screams my name as she comes on my face. Her leg finds its way around my shoulder. Her heel digs into my back. I was supposed to bind her and force her to take pleasure until she cried mercy, but this is so much fucking better—

I need her body against mine.

I need her hands and her thighs and her cunt.

I need all of her reacting to all of me.

I plant my face between her legs and I lick her hard and fast.

My name is a curse as it falls off her lips.

Her groans are agony.

Her nails scrape against my shoulder hard enough to draw blood.

I look up at her, gauging her reaction. Her eyes are closed. Her lips are parting with a sigh. Her whole body is wrecked with pleasure.

Almost.

A few more licks and she goes over the edge. She sinks her nails into my skin as she comes, groaning and shaking and screaming my name again and again.

Her hand finds my hair. She tugs, hard. "Mal. Fuck me. Please."

I drag my lips down her thigh as I pull back.

It's there in her eyes—she can't take more.

I kiss my way up her leg, over her hips, up her stomach, over her breasts. My lips brush her neck. Her jawline.

Her lips.

She melts under me.

Slowly, I shift between her legs.

With one steady thrust, I drive into her.

She cries out with that mix of agony and ecstasy.

I wrap my arms around her. I plant my lips on hers. I kiss her hard as I drive into her.

As she digs her nails into my back.

As she groans against my lips.

As she comes on my cock.

Her pulsing pushes me over the edge. With my next thrust, I come inside her. The pleasure that spreads through my pelvis is fucking intense but it's nothing compared to the feeling of being one with her.

Fuck, I'm thinking cheesy shit as I come.

I'm a goner.

When our kiss breaks, she looks up at me. Her cheeks flush, that hint of shame.

I lean down and plant another kiss on her lips. "One second, baby."

She nods as she pulls her knees into her chest.

I find the ointment in my bag then slide onto the bed next to her. "Here." I pull her body onto mine and rub the salve over her ass. I didn't hit her hard enough to leave blisters, but from the way she sighs with relief, I'd say this is helping.

"Mal, I…"

"You liked it?"

She nods. "I don't know why that's making me feel so mixed up."

"It's normal." I rub her lower back with my thumb. "It's a head trip when pain turns to pleasure. It's okay you feel confused."

"I would have done anything you asked."

"I know."

"I think…" Her voice drops to a whisper. "I think you were right about shutting out the world."

"Good." Affection flows through me as I run my fingers through her hair. I don't usually feel this connection during after-care. Hell, I typically avoid anything intense enough it will require after-care.

But I want intimacy with Lacey.

I want everything with Lacey.

I still have no fucking idea how to offer more than this.