We shower. We order room service. I slip the security guard a hundred so we can skinny dip at the pool after hours.

What we do when we get back to the room is as close to making love as I've ever gotten.

Falling asleep with Lacey in my arms is comforting and terrifying at the same time.

Waking up to her standing in front of the window, taking in the blue sky, is fucking heaven.

Then she turns to me with a sad smile, one that reminds me we're about to go straight to hell.

* * *

We spend the day with my mom as she goes through another round of tests. Okay, we spend most of the day with my dad in Mom's empty hospital room, waiting for doctors to bring her back.

It's easier getting through this with Lacey's hand pressed against mine.

We don't leave until the hospital is ready to kick us out. And we don't go home. We get pho with Piper and Kit then go to their place to watch Gossip Girl on the couch for hours.

It's like that for days. Lacey sleeps over. She goes to the hospital with me. She reads us well enough to work on her laptop when it's just me and Mom and Dad and Ethan and Piper.

Then we spend the night together.

It's Thursday. Or maybe it's Friday. I'm losing track of days. There's no reason for me to know the date during off-times, not when we're done with nearly everything we need to do for the album.

Mom is sitting up in bed. We're all playing five hundred rummy on her tray table. And we're laughing over Piper putting down the last ace Ethan was waiting for.

Lacey rests her head on my shoulder. She looks up at me with a smile. It's not so much this is great, I'm so fucking happy. It's more I'm glad I get to be here for you.

She squeezes my hand and leans in to press her lips against mine.

Piper squeals and snaps a photo with her cell.

Kit chuckles and wraps his arms around her.

Ethan shakes his head. "Really?"

She nods. "Of course." She shows off the photo to everyone, even Mom and Dad. "Would you ever expected Mal to have been this cute?"

Ethan shrugs. True.

Then Mom's doctor steps into the room and we all fall silent.

Dr. Wilson adjusts her glasses. She adjusts her lab coat as she motions to the chairs around the bed. "I need to speak with you alone, Doctor Strong."

Mom looks to Dad. "My husband should be here."

The doctor presses her lips together.

Mom ignores the doctor's trepidation. "You too, Mal."

I nod. "Of course." I always figured Mom bailed because she could legally trust me with Ethan and Piper, but maybe it was because she actually did trust me to take care of my little brother and sister.

Lacey squeezes me and whispers, "I'll be outside."

She leaves with everyone else.

I move the chairs back into position.

Doctor Wilson looks to the closed door then she moves in towards the bed. She looks to me then to Dad. Her expression gets serious.

Well, more serious. She's already a serious woman.

"We've pinpointed your condition, Shirley," she says.

Mom stares back at her. "That should be good."

The doctor nods. "It's a start." Her voice is deliberate. Emotionless. "You have a weakened heart valve. With medication and lifestyle changes, you'll have another six to twelve months."

The words fall with a thud.

Six to twelve months.

That's all?

I bite my tongue. I'm here because I'm the strong one.

"It's nothing dramatic. A lot of rest. A diet with no red meat. You'll be tired the way you have been, but you'll have a good quality of life." The doctor presses her lips together. "Some people do well on treatment. It could be years."

Mom blinks.

"There's a surgery to replace the valve. It's another option, but the recovery is hard and the survival rate isn't good."

Mom's face is blank. It's like she's analyzing data, not hearing that she's going to die. "What are the numbers?"

Doctor Wilson frowns. She lowers her clipboard and leans down to look Mom in the eyes. "Fifteen percent."

My stomach twists.

Dad's jaw drops as he shrinks back. "Shirley, you can't—"

Mom shakes her head. "And I'll get my life back?"

"If recovery goes well, yes." The doctor straightens.

Mom answers right away. "I want the surgery."

"I'll let you sleep on it," the doctor says.

Dad jumps in. "Shirley, a year is good. Think of everything we can do."

She shakes her head. "I want the surgery. It's my final decision. You can ask again in the morning if you insist, but I'm not going to change my mind."

The doctor looks to Dad. Then to me. My face is frozen. My entire body is frozen. I can barely think much less move.

"I'll schedule a consult." Doctor Wilson looks at us. "Visiting hours ended at six, but I won't say anything."

She leaves the room. I can hear Piper getting up, asking someone something, but I'm not sure what it is.

I stare back at Mom. Words don't make it all the way to my brain. They fall off my lips and the blowback lands in my gut. "What the fuck, Mom?"

"I want my life, sweetheart," she says.

"What about Ethan and Piper? You give a fuck about their lives?" I ask.

"You think they want to sit around watching their mother die?" Mom looks up at me. "I know I haven't always been there when you needed me—"

"We could have a year together," I say.

"Or we could have our entire lives," she says.

"Shirley." Dad presses his lips together. "We need to think about this."

"I'll cancel the tour right now, Mom. We could spend the next six months together. We could do whatever the fuck you want." I'm grasping at straws. I can see it in her eyes—there's no way I'm convincing her. But I'm not giving up.

"Malcolm, sweetie…" She looks up at me. "You're such a nice boy. I don't know how I got so lucky."

"Then do this for me," I say.

She stares back at me with a sad smile and shakes her head. "Life is for the living."

"And you want to get back to your work?" I offer.

"You know what it's like when work is everything. But that's not all it is." She turns to Dad. "I don't want to leave you, Cam, but I'm not spending the next six months waiting to die."

He squeezes her hand.

They share a look of understanding.

Then they both look to me with a nod.

The decision is made.

And I don't get a fucking say.