Chapter Thirty
Olivia
Friday
“No, Zack, you cannot come to see me,” I insisted firmly down the phone. “We cannot have this crap spreading round any more. If you come here, you’ll get it again, and it’ll just go round and round in circles.
“I’m so sorry you got the flu, as well,” he replied guilty. “I should come and look after you, you cared for me.”
“I know, and that’s why I’m in this mess. Drea’s here with Meghan, anyway, so there’s no need. I appreciate it, but all I want to do is sleep it off.”
“Yeah, alright then.” I could tell that he was pouting, but I had no time or effort to deal with that. My eyes were already flickering off to sleep. “Give me a call when you’re feeling better, okay?”
“Sure.” It felt like it’d be never. Even though I’d seen Zack and Meghan both come out of it in about twenty four hours, it didn’t feel like anything was going to strip this horrible virus away from me. I felt like it was all of me. “And have fun with Lark tonight, find out all the gossip.”
“I will,” he laughed. “And you get better.”
“Speak to you soon, okay?”
Once I hung up the phone, I collapsed back onto the pillow and lay there is a pool of my own sweat. I hated this. I needed to get some rest, and hopefully by the time I woke up, I’d feel so much better – especially as I was supposed to be home in Pennsylvania this weekend for Sunday dinner in honor of my dad’s birthday. That was a tradition I really didn’t want to break on my first year in New York…
***
“Are you better now, Mommy?” Meghan asked me with bright smile the following morning. I did, a little. I still felt like hell, but at least the worst of it had passed. We needed to get home anyway, and nothing was going to stop me. “Does that mean we’re still going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house?”
“Sure does, kiddo,” I told her with a smile. My voice was croaky but filled with determination. “Get yourself ready, and we’ll get on the road. We might as well get there sooner rather than later.”
As she raced from the room, I picked up my cell phone to call Zack. I had promised to contact him as soon as I was feeling better, and I also wasn’t totally convinced that I’d told him I was going away for the weekend. Either way, I needed to talk to him.
Weirdly, Zack didn’t answer. It went straight through to voicemail, which was unusual for him. As the robotic voice asked me to leave a message, I felt bad for doing this conversation in such an impersonal way. Then again, it wasn’t like I had any choice in the matter.
“Hi Zack,” I rasped. “Sorry I missed you, maybe you had a big night with Lark last night and you’re hungover, or maybe you’re busy with your charity… Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I feel a little better now, and also that I’m going to Pennsylvania this weekend for my dad’s birthday. Erm… If I don’t speak to you before I guess I’ll see you when I get back on Sunday night.”
I felt a bit bad as I hung up the phone, but honestly, I didn’t have time to worry. I needed to get through the three-to-four hour journey, depending on traffic, which was about to take every bit of my focus.
Right, get packed and get going. See Dad, give him a nice birthday, then come back home.
It all sounded a lot simpler than it felt. I wasn’t totally sure how the hell I was going to get through it. Sure, Mom seemed a bit more relaxed about things now. She liked Drea at any rate, but things would always be awkward with Dad now. I didn’t have the energy to face it…but I would have to find some inner strength somewhere. I needed it.
***
“Happy birthday, Dad!” I said quietly as we sat across from one another in the crowded steakhouse that was his absolute favorite. “I hope you’ve had a good day.”
As he picked up the sweater I’d brought him and raved about how awesome it was again, I couldn’t stop my eyes from roaming everywhere. This was a small place, and the fact that I could see Ben at any moment killed me. If he turned up with his new family I might have given up completely and curled into a ball to weep. It wasn’t even that I wanted him, it wouldn’t be for me that I was hurt – what I had with Zack was a million times better. No it would be for Meghan that my heart broke.
My daughter deserved so much better than that asshole would ever be.
“Thank you so much for coming home,” Dad continued, his voice thick with emotion. “It means so much to me. I don’t expect you to, now that you have your own life in New York.”
I gave him a confused look, this was the nicest thing that he’d said to me in a very long time. “Oh well, of course, Dad. Megs and I need an excuse to come home, don’t we, sweetheart?”
“We love you, Grandpa!”
Dad stared right at me, and I felt like he was seeing me for the first time since I told him I was pregnant. “You know we’re proud of you, don’t you?” he said softly. “I know things haven’t always been…straightforward, but you’ve made all your plans work out anyway, in the best way possible.”
I welled up, I couldn’t help myself. I felt like everything was finally coming together. I had my career, things were going well with Zack, Meghan was happy with Drea…and now my dad had seemingly forgiven me for falling for the wrong, idiot boy. It was perfect. “Thank you, Dad, that means a lot.”
As Meghan jumped in to tell Dad about her most recent trip to the Natural History Museum, the magic of the moment was broken, but inside, it shone brightly.
Mom leaned across to me and whispered into my ear, “He really means it, you know? I know things have been difficult since your little unexpected surprise…”
“You mean the best thing to ever happen to me.” “Right, of course; I know things have been strained, but he loves you a lot. He talks about how well you’re doing all the time.”
“That’s good to hear, Mom. Thank you.” She gave me a confused look, and I got the impression that she was trying to decide whether or not she wanted to speak what was so clearly on her mind. “What is it, Mom? Whatever you want to say, you can say it.”
“I just don’t want to hurt you,” she mused. My chest tightened, my heart quickened. I had a feeling that I knew what this was going to be about, and I really didn’t want to hear it. At least, I didn’t think I did. “But I suppose it’s best you know.”
“What, Mom? Just tell me already!”
“It’s Ben.”
Of course it was. I almost rolled my eyes, if I wasn’t so damn terrified about what I was about to learn.
“He’s left his new girl, too, just as the baby was born. I guess I just want you to know that it isn’t anything that you’ve ever done. He’s just a loser who won’t stick around for anyone.”
I thought I’d feel elated by that news: Ben was the problem, not me. Not Meghan. But I didn’t feel good at all. I felt sorry for the single mom left behind and the other poor child who would have to grow up without a father.
At least Meghan and I were well out of it in the city. I wouldn’t want him to come back for me in a rebound phase, and I certainly didn’t feel like I wanted to connect with the other woman left behind in Ben’s trail of destruction, or the child. Maybe in the future, if Meghan wanted to meet her half-brother or sister, but not now.
“That’s too bad.” I turned to give Mom a smile so she knew I wasn’t mad at her at all. “But I don’t ever want to talk about Ben again; he doesn’t deserve my words. He’s clearly worthless, that’s all there is to it.”
“You’re right.” She patted my hand lovingly. “Of course you’re right, I’m sorry. Let’s just enjoy the rest of your visit. It’s good to have you home.”
***
“Right, sweetheart,” I murmured quietly into Meghan’s ears as I carried her out of the elevator. “I’ll get you into bed in a moment. First I just want to check on Zack, see if he’s okay.”
It was easy to push it to one side when I was in a different state, but now that I was back, I couldn’t think of anything else. It was weird that I hadn’t heard from Zack in days. He didn’t return my call, he seemingly ignored my voicemail, and I hadn’t even had a text from him. That wasn’t like him at all, and it had me worried.
Maybe he was just trying to give me time with my parents, I tried to convince myself. I’m sure nothing’s wrong.
I rested Meghan’s half-sleeping body onto my hip to free up one of my hands so I could knock. I pounded on the door hard, growing excited about the possibility of seeing him again. I couldn’t deny it, I’d missed Zack. In a way, it would have been nice to have him with me at home this weekend.
Nothing. No one answered. It didn’t even sound like anyone was in. I was concerned, but I couldn’t exactly do anything about it now. Disappointment crushed me, but I needed to get Meg to bed. The more time she spent in my arms, the heavier she felt, and the last thing I wanted to do was drop her.
I carried my little girl inside and rested her on the bed. She was already snoring, exhausted from her crazy weekend, which gave me the time I needed to call Zack again. I desperately wanted to know what was going on in his life; I hoped I hadn’t missed anything dramatic.
Again the phone rang out. My lips curled downwards into a frown. Was he ignoring me? Had I done something to offend him?
“Hey, Zack, it’s me again. Erm, Olivia.” I sounded about as downtrodden as I felt. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m back in New York now, and that I’m all virus free. I guess… Well, I don’t know what’s going on with you, you must still be busy. Give me a call when you get this.”
Something didn’t feel right. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I had a cold, instinctive feeling that something was really wrong. The last time I saw Zack was when he was with his father, when we talked outside the apartment. Everything seemed okay then. I couldn’t think of anything that I’d done particularly wrong…
Unless it was when I kissed him on the cheek. Maybe he hadn’t told his dad about us, and maybe he felt embarrassed. Was it possible that he wanted to keep us a secret more than I did?
God, every single time I thought I had things worked out with me and Zack I got another curve ball! This time I had no idea what the hell was going on with Zack, and quite frankly I was a little pissed off that he wouldn’t just talk to me about things. I thought we were passed this now, I thought things were better.
Clearly not.