Shep

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The house was gone by the time the fire department got there. We all stood and looked at it.

I pulled JJ in close to me.

“I can’t have you stay somewhere else.”

After the fire, after seeing how dangerous a game this was, I decided I needed JJ with me. Her driving to town and back was too dangerous right now.

“But...”

“I need to focus on this war, I need to protect the club, and I can’t do that if I’m worried about you all the time. I am keeping you closer.” I kissed JJ hard. She didn’t argue with me anymore.

“I’ll have Machop get your stuff.”

“There’s not much to get,” she said and then I felt the smack behind my head.

“Ow!”

“Next time I tell you not to run into a burning building, you better fucking listen or I’ll kick your ass.”

Then Mama Bear squeezed me into a hug. I lifted her off her feet.

“Now, put me down. JJ and I have work to do.”

My Mother did not give a stamp of approval easily, but JJ had promised to walk into a fire with her son. Apparently, that – and not fucking up a chili recipe – was enough to earn major points.

We did what we could with my parent’s place. My mother reassured me that Bear wouldn’t give two shits about anything that may or may not have burned. I still felt like he would have wanted me to go in, save what I could. My parent’s entire lives were in that house.

But then I looked around as day broke.

My brothers were all there. They were checking in with Mama. A few went to the hospital, so Bear would be up to speed. A few more went to the lake house to make sure everyone was safe. We also sent the Probies to Maddox’s Castle, the huge house he shared with Sarge, his old lady.

We were doing everything we could to keep the families safe. And yet The Hawks fucking burnt down my parents’ house right under our noses.

Axle came up next to me. We stared at the house.

“We’ll get them. This plan is going to work. It is.”

“I just wish I knew for sure.”

“It will.” Axle patted my shoulder. It was all we could do. We needed to move forward with what we’d decided and voted on. We were going to fight, but it would be a smart fight. Not the fucking slash and burn tactics of The Hawks.

I found JJ and put her on the back of my bike. My place was a smaller bungalow on the same piece of land that held the MC, my parent’s former house, and the auto body shop we ran.

We got there in a minute, but I needed to be sure it was all clear. I couldn’t take anything for granted.

“Wait.”

I made JJ sit on the bike and thank God, she waited and didn’t argue. I couldn’t handle arguing right now.

I walked around and through my house. The Hawks may have burned up the main house, but they’d left mine alone. I came back to JJ.

“All clear?”

“All clear.”

We walked up to my place. I felt like there were one thousand pound weights around my arms, pulling me down. There were too many things that could go wrong; too many things had gone wrong.

JJ looked around.

“Cute house, you sure you want me here? I’ve got a sketchy past.”

“JJ, I want you here as long as I can get you to stay. You’re the only thing that’s going right in my life right now.”

I pulled her into my arms and felt her soft body. God, I couldn’t remember the last time I slept. I was bone tired but that didn’t matter. Having her this close made me want her again. I needed her before I said or did anything else.

I picked her up in my arms and took her into my bedroom.

“I don’t know what I would have done the last few days without you? How did I do any of this without you?”

“Shh.”

Her hair was fanned out on the pillow behind her head. My tough girl was a fucking angel.

I kissed her neck and felt her sink into the bed.

I slid her t-shirt over her head.

“I probably smell like chili and smoke, I’m sorry.”

“You smell like you. I love the way you smell.”

Her breasts were perfect. I clawed her bra down to expose them and then buried my head in her. I kissed one and then sucked it in with my teeth. Shit. I’d needed this all day.

“I need you naked.”

I dragged her jeans off and got rid of her bra and panties. I wanted to devour every inch of her. But first I wanted to look, just look at her.

I ran my fingertips over her skin. I started at her lips and slowly moved downward. I watched her start to writhe as I lightly touched her nipples. And slid my hands over her belly. Her eyes closed, and she sank into my bed. I wanted to keep her there safe in this bubble. At least for tonight. She’d been through a fuck ton of shit with me and still hadn’t blinked.

I leaned down, and my mouth followed after my fingers. I felt her hand in my hair. She massaged her fingers through the strands. The hell I’d been through during the day faded to the background. She was all I could see. All I wanted to see right now.

She opened her eyes and smiled at me.

“You’re really good at this and you say you aren’t the boyfriend type?”

“Yeah, not someone you want your daughter to go to prom with.”

“It’s not prom I’m interested in.”

She had a dirty mind that matched mine.

“What are you interested in?”

“This, all this.”

She ran her hand across my chest and then down. I groaned when she cupped me. I held her tighter. I kissed her lips. She was the air I needed. She was the moment in the chaos where I find some relief.

I couldn’t wait. I wanted to explore for hours, days, a lifetime but not tonight. I found her and was inside her energy and heat. My body and soul were tired but, in that connection, I was fully awake again. I needed more and pushed harder into her. She held onto me. Her legs latched on to my thighs. I was careful not to bang her head, as the headboard slammed against the wall. I unleashed with all the force I had.

“Shep, oh my God!” she yelled, and I knew it was just as intense for her. The pressure of the day was being released in every fucking moment we were in this bed.

It felt so good to have her underneath me. We were fused together.

“I can’t go slow, not now.”

She nodded yes, and it was the open door I needed. I levered up and put a hand on the top of each of her thighs where they met her pelvis. I moved faster and faster. I felt like a freight train. She took each stroke and I felt her nails dig into the skin of my back. Sweat dripped from my body to hers.

The peak was so intense, I swear I would have forgotten my own name if she hadn’t cried it out.

“Shep, that was oh, Shep,” she grunted. There really weren’t words as we both came at the same time, in some sort of perfection that we could only find together.

“I needed that. I needed you.”

I pulsed inside of her. I didn’t want to leave her. I wanted to stay connected.

“It was so good. You’re so good.”

I leaned down and kissed her again.

“I love you sweet girl.”

I fucking said it. I was trying not to say that word or admit that I had fallen in love. It was selfish of me really, knowing that things in my life were totally out of control.

But it was totally useless to fight against what happened to me when I saw her and how I felt when I couldn’t.

“This is a shitty time in my life, and I know I’m always in the middle of a club meeting, or shit bullets and fires. But stick with me. I promise it won’t always be this fucking crazy. The fires will settle down. I just need you to next to me and I can make it all work.”

I did believe that. I believed that JJ was the missing piece in my life that made the rest of it work.

“Don’t worry about fires or chaos. I can take it,” she reassured me, and I smoothed her shiny dark hair away from her face. It was tousled and sexy as hell. I liked that I’d made it that way. I wanted to remember how she looked in this moment. I memorized her little smile, her swollen lips, the sheen on her body, and her eyes that trusted me.

“The next few days will break or make the MC.”

“Because of The Hawks.”

“Yeah, we’re either going to push them out or they’ll put a foothold in Port Az. If they do, the days of The Dark Saints will be numbered. Or at least it will be so different that we won’t really recognize it.”

“Why are The Hawks so powerful?”

“They’re bigger and they’re willing to sell anything, kill anyone, hurt everyone, just to keep getting bigger.”

“Yeah, that’s awful.”

“And The Saints, we’re tied to Port Az. A lot of us can trace our family trees to the history of this town. Hell, we’re tied to the original Texas Rangers and indigenous people of this part of Texas. That tie has bound us. But it might be what kills us.”

“Because you’re small.”

“Right. We can’t call on a Chicago Chapter of The Dark Saints to come on in and add muscle because there ain’t one.”

“And you’re worried, with Bear in the hospital, that The Saints are weak?”

“Yeah, he was the glue man, he’s a tough bastard, but him and my Mom, they’re the heart of this MC. Bear is a smart leader and he’d helped keep us out of this kind of shit. Now we’re in it, knee deep, and he’s not at the table.”

“Yeah, he is. Because you’re part Bear and part Josie. You’re amazing.”

“It only seems like that because you’re new to all this.”

“No, I know what I’m talking about. You think prison was easy? There were gangs there. And I had to navigate all of it. I can see the guys looking to you. I see how you take everyone’s input but also have a plan. Your brothers see it too.”

I squeezed her tighter.

“Yeah, well, things have been a shit show around here since I busted on E.Z. and it’s my fault that shit went down.”

“No, you needed to root out the rat.”

Her voice trailed off and I figured it was time to let her sleep. I should fucking try to sleep now too.

My phone buzzed.

“Shit. What else could be on fire now?”

I answered my phone.

“Shep, it’s Deacon. A body just washed up at the docks.”

My mind went through a million different scenarios. Number one, my woman was right here, but was Mama Bear okay? Where were all my brothers, their women? Being in this MC meant you fucking loved too many people to sleep or have peace for too long.

“And?”

“It’s E.Z. His old lady identified him.”

“How?”

“Shot, clean in the chest.”

“We didn’t vote on this shit, who fucking went rogue? We don’t need the heat of his murder on us.”

“Maybe it was a Hawk? We don’t know. Maddox is going to keep on Jenny. Then maybe we’ll learn something.”

I hung up the phone. I was glad E.Z. was dead but did that body come with more trouble or less? Not knowing who did it, that was scary as hell… because if one of the MC did? And they got caught? The way things had been going, I knew this was more trouble. The dead body of a fallen Saint? Nothing good could come of it.

“What’s wrong?”

JJ who’d just entered my world, who was so new to all of it, despite her tough break past, looked at me with through concerned eyes. This woman was everything.

“Somebody shot E.Z. He’s dead.”

“That’s a good thing, right? The MC wanted that?”

“Yeah, we did. But somebody fucking went behind the club’s back. Someone did this shit on their own. We can’t do that anymore. It nearly destroyed us. We have to trust each other. I have to trust everyone around me or we’re dead too.”

“I see.”

JJ nuzzled next to me.

I should stop, just for a few hours. E.Z. wouldn’t be any less dead in the morning. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t raised to ignore the club, and I wasn’t wired that way either.

“You sleep. I have to deal with this shit. If I find out someone’s lying, they’re going to fucking pay for it. Goddamn it.”

I got out of bed, pulled the sheet up to her pretty shoulder, and leaned down to kiss her skin.

“You’re the most patient and understanding woman on the planet. I get that I won the lottery. Just hang in there and I’ll make it up to you. I promise. Soon as I fucking pummel whoever’s making my life more fucking complicated tonight.”

“Do what you have to do, but be careful,” she said.

Any other woman would have bitched, I swear, about me leaving all the time. About having to fucking feed the MC. About every stinking piece of bullshit the last few days had thrown at her. But she didn’t. She was a saint, an actual one.

I turned away. If I looked at her again, I’d crawl back in a bed that suddenly looked like that best place on Earth.

I needed her, plain and simple, and the MC needed me. So, I had to leave. For now.