JJ

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I slept, I think.

I woke up in pain, awful pain. And my face felt swollen.

I knew it was morning. But I had no idea of the actual time. I only knew I was going to get up, and take a shower.

I tried to sit up and pain shot through my ribs. It took my breath away. I gasped.

And there was Shep. Next to the bed, kneeling.

“Let me get you what you need. What do you need?”

“Uh, I need the bathroom. I need a shower. But I can’t sit up.”

Shep leaned closer to the bed. He did it so carefully it barely moved. He put his hands under me.

“Good?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t contract your muscle or strain or anything. I’m going to get you sitting and then from there you’ll be okay.”

“How do you know?”

“I’ve had broken ribs a couple times, it’ll hurts like a mother today. Tomorrow will be better. The worst is lying to sitting.”

“Uh, okay, do what you do.”

Shep sat me up. I don’t know how he did it but he did. And then he helped me swing my legs to the floor. I was still wearing my clothes from last night. I suddenly felt so disgusting that it made me want to cry more than the pain.

But I held it in. I didn’t want Shep’s pity. I wanted a shower. That was the level I could aspire to at that moment. One shower.

“Do you need help taking this stuff off?”

I wanted to say I’d manage it. I wanted to leave. I was so damned ashamed of how I’d betrayed the club that I didn’t know how he could even look at me.

But I needed that shower. And I needed Shep’s help.

“Yes. I need help.”

Shep slowly helped me to my feet. I lifted my arms as high as I could, and he gently pulled my t-shirt up over my head. I unbuttoned my own jeans, but I couldn’t do the motion to pull them down.

“This is humiliating,” I said.

“You were beaten to within a literal inch of your fucking life. You’re tough as fuck. Axle did this for me when I had it happen. So, stop talking like that.”

Shep pulled the jeans down and I took his hand as I stepped over them. Then he walked me to the bathroom.

“Here’s where I go it alone.”

“There’s a towel and robe in there. You already know that. Your bag is in the bedroom. I’ll be out here. Holler if you need.”

“I’m fine, dammit.”

I closed the door behind me and braced myself for what I would see in the mirror.

“Holy shit.”

I looked like I’d been hit in the face with a frying pan. Which I had. I gently touched the cut over my eye and realized I’d have to keep my face out of the shower. But dammit, I was getting that shower.

The water felt amazing, even though I had no idea how I was going to re-wrap my ribs after.

I accomplished the shower today. Tomorrow, I’d leave. One more day and I’d be okay.

I emerged from the shower daunted by how shitty I looked, but I felt better. And exhausted. Shep was sitting on the floor next to the door.

“What are you doing?”

“I said I would be here. I’m here.”

“Uh, fine. I need to lay down.”

I’d used all the energy I had. I shuffled slowly back to the bed, which was now made.

“What the hell, Shep?”

“I smoothed it for you.”

He opened the covers for me. I was determined to get in it under my own steam. I did, but not without wincing.

“Water on the side table, you hungry?”

“No, thanks.”

I swear I was asleep before I finished the sentence.

My sleep was sounder this time. The shower had done wonders. When I woke up, it was getting dark.

I decided to sit up on my own, which I did with some wincing. The second the wince escaped my lips, there he was again.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because I can sit up now, see! No need.”

“You have to be hungry. Can I bring you some food?”

“I am, but I’m coming out there.”

I decided it. No more Shep babying me. I had a shower, a rest, and now food. By tomorrow I’d have an Uber and The Dark Saints in the rearview.

I ate, slept again, and then I was right. By the second morning I was looking like hell, but I could move. I didn’t need Shep anymore.

But he was right there. I had my bag. I had an Uber on the way. But I also had him standing in the way.

“I’m out of here.”

“That’s all, you’re out of here?”

“Yes.”

“JJ. I love you. I’m sorry for what I said. I’ll say that a million times. I will do whatever you need. Wait however long.”

I wanted to run to him. But I couldn’t move that fast.

“It’s not about me forgiving you. It’s about you forgiving me, and me never being able to forgive myself.”

“There’s nothing to fucking forgive. Do you love me? That’s what I have to know. If you say no, I’ll fucking stop. I’ll let you go. I’ll hate it but I’m not a stalker. I let you go. But if you love me, I’m not going to quit until I figure out how to make things right.”

I stood there. I thought about how much I did love him. How much I did want to be a part of his world. I thought about loving each moment I’d spent with him and the MC.

“I love you. Completely. Totally. I love you.” I’d said it. And still, even after he’d shown me a million ways he loved me I was still afraid that this was all going to go away. That I’d crossed a line against him and he hated me for it.

“Thank fucking God.”

Shep took a big step forward and wrapped me in his arms.

“Careful!” I said. I wanted him to hug me, but I was too tender. In more ways than one.

“Always,” he said and gently stroked my hair. He kissed me and I kissed back. Softly.

A weight that was leaving him, that was guilt, that was regret, lifted off me. I had felt unworthy of his love. But he wasn’t holding a grudge. He was just as sorry for all that had happened on that terrible day.

I felt fat hot tears sting my cheeks.

“What? Did I hurt you?”

Shep stood back and looked panicked.

“No. I’m being fucking sappy. I can’t believe we made it to this point. You know?”

“I know.”