Chapter Nineteen: Teasing

Juliana

 

 

Officer Suarez is itching to detain me for something. I sense his misplaced judgments and accusations needling me from ten yards away. Chris finishes relaying the details of what transpired over the last couple of days to Suarez and then I’m not sure what happens next. Will the officer take me to the police station and make my mother come pick me up? He has no legal reason to arrest me. It’s not my fault we ended up being tangled in the middle of a horse raiding ring. My main concern is Chris, his father, and the horses, not answering a mile-long list of questions.

Dominic is a constant topic of conversation being replayed like bad Christmas music. All I know is, he’s gone. He rode away on the only horse we couldn’t save. I can honestly tell the authorities a young male named Steven, whom I don’t know, started the fire and fled the area.

Paramedics examine Chris and Arrio. Chris’s bruises make me shudder, but he refuses to be taken to the hospital. The EMT is a friend of White Wolf’s and he tapes Chris’s ribs without much hesitancy.

A truck towing a horse trailer arrives at our midnight emergency and the driver claims two of the horses and has the paperwork to prove it. He thanks White Wolf and Chris with a handshake and leaves.

Nighttime continues at the normal speed of our revolving planet, but every minute feels like a passing year. An occasional breeze lifts my hair and blows it into my face, but all I think about is the wind feeding the distant flames. The heat of the wildfire lingers on my skin and the smell of smoke clings to my clothes.

Star’s magic spell has worn off and I’m no longer protected. It doesn’t matter. All but one of the horses made it out safe. Using the entire vial of flower petals was worth it.

My cell phone is still dead and I’m not sure if the battery needs a charge or it’s a goner. Jared’s concert has to be over by now. The bands are probably partying and winding down after the night on stage. If there’s any regret inside me about tonight, it would be for missing his show. If we could finish up with Mr. Suspicious Officer, I would be trying to get a hold of my brother right now.

Chris shakes Officer Suarez’s hand and walks over. His usual mask of indifference and slightly-pissed-off-about-the-world look is only skewed because one eye is swollen shut. He reminds me of a brooding Cyclops.

“No one-eyed remarks, please,” he says as he opens the driver’s side door of Vivi’s truck.

“Can we finally leave?” I ask.

“Yes. They have our promise that we will be available for more questions.”

“I don’t see how they could need anything else. I told my entire life story tonight.”

“They are being thorough, Juliana,” Chris says as if I should have more patience.

He slams the door without saying anything else, so I climb in on the passenger side.

“What is it?” he asks after I stare at him for a full two minutes.

“Where are we going? What happens now? And for crying out loud, why did you involve me in all this? We were nearly killed. Did you know what was going to happen?” I’m rambling and asking too many questions, but it’s what happens to me when I have too much chi, or nerves, or estrogen, or something. I’m entitled to a little hysteria, aren’t I?

“Did you know what was going to happen?” he asks as he stares out the windshield.

Before I respond, White Wolf hops into the truck, eases onto the seat next to me and says, “We’re marking this night as the Moon of Bear’s Fire.”

“Not now, Dad,” Chris says, and starts the engine.

“Oh, yeah. It will be the story of our lifetime. Decades will pass before a horse raid of this caliber happens again.” Fetch barks once from the truck bed as if agreeing.

“Humility, Wolf,” Chris says as a reminder.

I look from the dog in the back to White Wolf at my side.

He flashes a grin that transforms his knowing and deep shaman eyes into that of an impish kid and says, “Humility is overrated.”

We pull away and I focus on the road. Sleepy hallucinations cloud my mind and I close my eyes. They’re not visions this time, only the remnants of yet another wildly unexpected night of this crazy summer.

My head hits the rear window of the cab or the seat and I open my eyes. I’m disoriented as I peer into the dark. The stucco house at the end of the drive is vaguely familiar. What rings my bell with more clarity is the wood barn with the rustic planks and the large sliding door. The paddock fence alongside the driveway is also memorable. Vannah and Mika are home.

Even before the big bay horse is out of the trailer, I can feel her relief. I volunteer to walk her over to the trough inside the paddock. She drinks as if she can’t get enough. The water level drops by measured feet as her and Mika quench their thirst. Vannah finally raises her dripping muzzle to stare at the barn. It amazes me how I know she’s anticipating hay and grain without her saying anything.

“Are you all right, girl?” I ask as we walk over to the barn. Mika stumbles along behind us as we cross the packed earth of the paddock.

White Wolf turns on the outdoor and indoor lights. He carries flakes of hay and fills the racks.

Tired, but well. White Wolf was hard on us this time.

“I hope he never asks you to do anything like this again. You could have been seriously injured,” I say.

He is a good man. He loves us much. She snorts and shakes her head, one eye looking at me for an intense moment. Come and visit me again, she says before entering her stable and making a beeline for the hay.

I let my hand slide over her flank. “I will.”

Outside, I look around for Chris but only find the front door of the house standing ajar. Chris’s silhouetted figure appears in the lighted doorway. He opens the screen door and a jumble of dogs lope toward me. Three wet noses inspect every inch of my boots and jeans.

Chris walks over and says, “Back off, varmints.”

The dogs’ ears twitch and the pack runs off toward the barn.

“My father invites you to sleep here. There’s plenty of room.”

“I’d rather go home,” I say, and yawn. Driving again is the last thing I want to do, but sleeping in a stranger’s house in my smoke stained, sweaty horse clothes sounds even more uncomfortable.

“Good. Me, too,” Chris says.

White Wolf appears at our side and wraps an arm around Chris.

“Arrrr...” he grunts and squeezes his son’s shoulders. “This brave warrior is someone you can count on, Julie. He’s a hard nut to crack, but worth the effort.”

Chris grimaces. “We’re going home tonight.”

“I knew you would,” White Wolf says. The older man palms the top of Chris’s head. He pulls his son forward and touches his forehead to Chris’s. He says something in their language, and I think I am beginning to recognize their word for Great Spirit.

Chris says something very similar and then they separate. White Wolf turns to me and claps a hand on my shoulder. I try not to buckle under the weight of it.

“Do me a favor and make my son go a little ape shit now and again. He needs to learn to lighten up.”

“Okay,” I say, warily.

“I’m serious,” White Wolf says as he reads my apprehension. “He teaches you the ways of spirit and you mess with his routine. It’s a beautiful thing.”

“I’ll do my best,” I say.

He gives me one of his grins and calls for the dogs. Tromping paws and jiggling dog collars follow the old man into the house as we walk back to the truck.

“Do you mind driving?” I ask. The thought of driving the huge truck and trailer makes me want to fall asleep on the seat, or maybe hitchhike back to town.

“I do not mind,” Chris says. “You need to tell me where my truck is.”

“It’s at your house.”

How long had it been since I parked his pickup at his house? Days? How many? Had he really been camping and roughing it this entire time. I look over at him as he settles behind the steering wheel. He definitely looks like he’s been living in the bush.

“Don’t,” he says.

“What?” I ask innocently.

“Drive me ape shit.”

“I seriously doubt I can help myself.”

“True. We’re almost done with our lesson. You will not have much more time to accomplish my father’s request.”

“Done? We have hardly started,” I say.

“You have learned much in the last twenty-four hours, Ant.”

“Really?” I shake my head in bafflement.

“Yes. It will take time — many years, possibly — for you to see exactly how much you have learned, but the lessons are all there. Now, no more talking. I need to remain crazy free for the next year.”

We ride in silence for some time. The sun will be circling around soon but hasn’t yet made an appearance. I see a red fox in the ditch next to the chip sealed road. She watches us pass before darting across the road.

“He seriously triggers your buttons, doesn’t he?” I say with a knowing grin.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Chris says with a scowl.

“Your dad makes you totally batty,” I say.

Chris presses his lips into a tight line as we make the turn onto the highway.

“My dad is my dad. He is wise in his way.”

“And he drives you crazy,” I add.

“Yes,” Chris finally admits. “As do most people.”

The sidelong pointed look he gives me makes me laugh out loud. The lack of sleep must be making me loopy.

I stick my tongue out at him and say, “Well poo-poo on you, Mr. Crabcake.”

“That’s not helping your case,” he says, but I can feel his mood lightening and his aura alters from heavier colors to slightly lighter shades.

“Is he part of the reason you live in town and not on the rez?” I ask. It’s something I’ve wondered all summer.

It’s as silent as it can be with the rumble of engine, the friction of large tires against the road, and the grumbling trailer behind, and I wonder if Chris will neglect to answer.

He says, “I like doing my own thing. I’m not always traditional. I didn’t want to rub anyone the wrong way. The tribe has my dad and I’m close enough.”

What he says makes sense to me, now that I know him better. He gave more of an answer than I expected, so out of respect, I smile quietly and refrain from probing with more questions. I tuck my hand next to my cheek and lean against the window until we reach his cabin.

Learning from experience. That’s what I was supposed to get from all this. If it’s true, then Chris wasn’t lying when he said it was going to take years for me to absorb it all. Visions of the future, talking with horses, using magic, and shapeshifting shamans. There’s more, but that’s enough to make my head spin and my eyeballs bulge.

With a flimsy promise from Chris that he’ll visit a doctor if his leg, ribs, and/or face aren’t feeling better soon, I leave him tucked inside his cabin and embrace the dread of driving the truck back to my house. Cleaning up and finding Jared are my top priorities. Nathaniel is always on my mind, but I can’t do anything about Nathaniel other than wait for his return.

As it turns out, I don’t have to wait long. He’s inside the truck when I leave Chris’s cabin.

“Want me to drive this beast?” he asks.

I throw my arms around him and bury my face into the crook of his neck.

“Is that a yes?”

“Please, with sugar and kisses. No. I mean, please, with unlimited kisses and chocolate anything you want,” I say, and kiss the side of his neck.

“You’re so the girl for me, you know that?” He turns the key to start the engine.

Sitting by his side, I rest my head on his shoulder as we drive to my house. He’s being too quiet and I find myself not speaking, either. It’s been an extremely tiresome day and night, and I am struggling to stay awake, but my over-aware brain can’t stop thinking about how the rest of Nathaniel’s night went.

“Want to talk about it?” I finally say.

“I do, but not right now. I’m afraid I’ll ruin the mood if I open my mouth.”

“That bad?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. We don’t have to talk. I’m glad you’re back, though.”

The arm he had wrapped around my shoulders pulls me in closer. He leans over and kisses the top of my head. “Me too, love.”

“My mom’s home,” I say as we park in front of the house. “Meet me in my room?” I ask.

“I dislike the secrecy,” he says.

“It’s so much easier than answering a million of her questions.”

“Your mother and I get along fine,” he says.

“I’m glad you do, but I’m not in the mood to deal with her.”

“Fine,” Nathaniel grudgingly agrees. “One of these days you’re going to have to tell her I’m staying over and I’m not defiling her daughter.”

“Oh, my God, did you just really say that?”

“You’re her only daughter. She deserves to know.”

“She’s probably already asleep from working last night, so this conversation is pointless,” I say, and collect my things.

“If it’s a mute subject, then let me walk in as your boyfriend and let me carry everything for you.”

“No.” I yank my backpack strap from his grabby hands. “Please, meet me inside.”

I climb out as Nathaniel fades from solid to spirit. His lips are sealed to keep himself from arguing with me.

Before I head upstairs, I raid the pantry for the bag of miniature candy bars stashed inside. Mom is nowhere to be seen, and when I reach my bedroom door, I hear the hum of her noise machine playing ocean waves as she sleeps through the day.

“Will this help you feel any better?” I toss the bag of chocolate to Nathaniel.

He catches it and lets it drop into his lap with hardly a glance. “Definitely,” he says with no enthusiasm.

I try to read past his façade, but I can’t quite pin down what’s different about him. Unloading my bags into a heap on the floor, I say, “Want to shower with me?”

That gets his attention and his instant response is more alarmed than excited, but at least he’s showing some emotion other than blah.

“Jules, you know I’ve vowed to keep you safe. We can’t keep testing our restraint. I—” he starts to say, then anguish takes over his entire being.

“Calm down, big guy. I only wanted to see what you would say,” I tease, and smile my best devilish pixie grin.

Nathaniel scrubs his face with his hands and rises from my chair. The bag of candy, completely forgotten, falls to the floor. He steps toward my bed and face plants into the covers. I laugh as I collect clean clothes and walk to the door.

“Does sound fun, though, doesn’t it? I could wash that muscular back of yours.”

Nathaniel groans and reaches for a pillow. He smashes it over his head, making sure to cover his ears.

After my shower, I return to my room where Nathaniel hasn’t moved an inch. I reach for the house phone and dial Jared’s new cell number. It isn’t an acceptable time of day to call my brother, knowing he probably just went to bed after partying all night, but I have to hear him before I can sleep. Under the circumstances, I think he’ll forgive me.

“Hey,” he says with a sleep-thickened voice.

“How are you?”

“Keen on sleep. And you?”

Raising the covers, I shimmy in next to Nathaniel, pressing myself as tight against his body as I can. The comforter acts as a pretty purple barrier between us. He rolls onto his side and gathers me in close as I finish checking in with my brother.

“I missed your show,” I say.

“I noticed. Did you save the world?”

“No. Some horses made it home, but now there’s a wildfire.”

“I heard about it. Were you out there when it started?”

He’s becoming more alert now and I hear the rustle of clothes or blankets.

“Yeah, I was there,” I say.

I choke down my emotions as Jared says, “Well, I fell down a flight of stairs and got a tattoo.”

“Is that life number six?” I ask, thinking about Jared’s theory of having nine lives.

“You can thank me for not telling you about seven and eight.”

“Hardy har-har,” I say, and cringe into Nathaniel’s side. “Where’s the tat?”

“It was pretty hilarious on my end. Not the tat, but my near-death experiences. It’s on my arm.”

“Don’t tell me anymore. Just stay alive. I’m coming up as soon as I can. Are you already in Denver?”

“Yeah. The hotel is sweet. See you tonight.”

His last words sound confident and it helps ease the stress and tension of being hours away from him. “See ya,” I say, and hit the off button.

I roll back into place next to Nathaniel. My chest presses against his arm and I wiggle in closer.

“Tease,” he whispers into my ear.

“You love it,” I say.

“Hmmm,” he says in a way that isn’t agreeable or disagreeable.

“Kiss me, Nathaniel. Then hold me while I sleep for a couple hours.”

“Demanding little thing, aren’t you?” he says.

“I have to drive to Denver today. The band’s next show is there and it’s a five-hour drive.”

“I’ll drive and you can sleep the entire way,” he offers, and still hasn’t tipped his head to kiss me goodnight.

“Two hours on this pillow will make life bearable again,” I say with a yawn. “Will you be able to stay with me? I’m sorry. I didn’t even ask if you have a new client.”

His arms tighten around me, snuggling me into him, even though there isn’t room for a breath of air between us. “No one yet. I’m not sure what’s going on. I’ve never had this much time to myself between clients before.”

“That’s weird,” I say, and then place feathering kisses along his collarbone. I’m quiet for a second and then release the question that refuses to stay contained. “Steven died in the fire, didn’t he?”

“Yes," Nathaniel says.

The settling of somber thoughts lies over us like a cool fog.

"I had a feeling he passed away. Partly because of your mood, but also because there was some inner sense of finality when we left the Bull's Horn without him."

"Steven might have had a chance, but he gave up the fight. When his best friend didn’t come back for him and the smoke started to get too thick, he stopped believing he had something to live for. Then he had an accident and that was the end.”

“It seems so sad. I don’t know how you do it.”

“He’s okay now, Juliana. His real mother was waiting for him. It isn’t as tragic as it sounds.”

“I want to believe you. I’m having a hard time figuring out what’s right and what’s wrong; what’s good and what’s bad. There’s never one answer to satisfy everyone. The truth is an illusion in any given moment.”

“The entirety of reality is an illusion, Juliana. It can tumble your mind trying to figure it out. Or you can just accept the only thing that is real is what is happening right now. You know everything and nothing in any one moment.”

“What’s the point? Why do we keep going at all?”

“For this.” He tilts my face up to his and his lips find mine at last.

Nathaniel pulls back from our kiss too soon. It’s always too soon for me.

He murmurs, “For love. We seek each other to experience love. It’s worth it. All the pain is worth one second of this.”

My eyes flutter open and I catch myself unexpectedly watching Nathaniel’s full lips move back to mine. He knows exactly where my lips are, as if he’s being guided by secret knowledge. Then my eyelids close as the feeling of his tenderness and desire moves from my mouth to every nerve ending in my body. Tingling whispers like silver strands of light brush over my skin until I’m so alight with sensation that I have no rational mind or control of my actions. Nathaniel is the best drug. I could never judge Jared again for his lack of self-control when it comes to substance abuse. Aren’t I doing the same thing with Nathaniel?

Well, maybe it isn’t exactly the same, but I can’t stop myself with him. The rush, the need, the lust, it has to be similar to drug abuse.

Nathaniel is somehow between the sheets with me. My shirt is pushed up and so is his. Our hands are on fire as we feel, caress, and linger on bare skin. I want more of him. I want everything from him. The illusion that we are the only two beings in existence is so complete I never want to leave this new reality. His body heat radiates a shield that could be my cocoon of safety for the next millennium. Let us stay here forever. Surrounded by nothing but each other until the world falls apart and is reborn into the universe again.

Tap, tap, tap.

“Jules? Are you home?”

Mom!

“Errr,” I gargle some kind of noise that sounds like a choking toad.

Nathaniel disappears from sight and I hit the play button on my stereo. Flailing like a mad bat, I attempt to straighten my bed covers.

“Are you okay in there?” she asks from the other side of the door.

“Come in,” I say, and bury half of my face against the pillow and try to cover the other half with my hair. My heart jumps hurdles and I’m praying my hormones don’t give off some kind of mom-detectable guilty scent.

“I heard some strange sounds,” she says as she takes a look around my room.

Absolute mortification. I was almost caught making out with my boyfriend by my mom. I’m nineteen years old, for crying out loud, and it’s still horrific. I groan and flop over in bed. I mumble, “Music’s on.”

“It didn’t sound like what’s playing,” she says.

“Umm, I was having a weird dream. Sorry for waking you.”

She moves farther into my room and I peek through a screen of hair as she walks to the window and glances at the floor between my bed and the wall. Like where Nathaniel would be hiding if he wasn’t an angel and couldn’t evaporate into thin air.

She turns to my closet, slides the door closed, and says, “What’s all this? Have you been out camping again? It smells like smoke.”

“No. Kind of. It’s a long story. I need to catch up on sleep, Mom.” She’s attempting to not look obvious about searching my room, but with my ultra-sensitive nature, it’s sooo obvious.

“You’re really okay? I thought I heard moaning or something. And with everything that happened before, I couldn’t ignore it.”

So maybe she’s looking for a poltergeist in my closet and not Nathaniel. Regardless, I know the humiliation is plastered all over my face and I don’t want her to notice it.

“Sleep, Mom. Please. We’ll talk later.”

She pats my foot at the end of the bed. “Be careful at Red Rocks tonight, sweetie. I wish I could go, but I’m out of paid days off at the hospital. A friend might cover my shift, but if I’m not there, take some pictures for me. This is Jared’s biggest concert yet.”

“I will, Mom. I promise.”

“And please call your Grandmother. She left a couple of phone messages.” With a last squeeze of my toes, she leaves my room. I listen for her to close the door before taking about a thousand deep breaths.

The bed shifts under Nathaniel’s weight. I brush my hair from my face to look at him. He’s out of arm’s reach. Before we have a repeat appearance from Mom, I turn the volume of the stereo up slightly.

“Where did you go?” I whisper.

“Outside. I needed to cool off.”

Unable to stop myself, I feel a teasing grin take over the corners of my mouth. Nathaniel is fully dressed again in the T-shirt and jeans he so often chooses to wear. He looks truly miserable and quite serious. One of my favorite looks. But who am I kidding? I always like looking at him no matter what mood he’s in.

“That was too close,” he says.

I want to think he’s talking about my mom walking in on us, but I know he means what we were about to do for the very first time.

“Come here.” I reach toward the corner of the bed where he’s keeping his distance.

He stares at my hand and doesn’t take it.

“Please,” I say.

“Sweet vixen, you’re the devil incarnate, aren’t you?” He rises and sits at the head of the bed with a pillow propped behind him. He stays on top of the comforter, keeping me neatly pinned underneath. He positions another bed pillow across his lap.

“Sleep time for Juliana,” he says. “And no more temptations or I may become my next suicidal client.”

I squirm over and rest my head on the pillow in his lap. “It’s not fair,” I pout. “You’re the only thing that makes my reality any fun, and I can’t have all of you.”

“Tell me about it.” He drops his head back against the wall with a thump.

His arm curls around me and trails down my back.

“Someday?” I ask. My body settles into the warmth and comfort of Nathaniel’s presence. Sleep is becoming a sudden necessity.

“I don’t know, love. My hope has been stomped on and ground into the dirt.” He sighs and presses his hand tight against my back. “I just don’t know anymore.”

Today is the first time I’ve ever heard him sound depressed with such finality. It frightens me. “Don’t give up. There’s always a way.”

“I’m afraid the path I want to take doesn’t exist.”

“It does. It has to.”

“Get some sleep, Jules, and don’t worry about me. I’ll figure it out and I’ll be here for you always.”

“I love you,” I say.

“No, you don’t. You love torturing me.”

I smile into the pillow as sleep casts a magic spell over me and I disappear into its secret depths.