Chapter 5
Brian woke up the next morning alone in bed. Sadie had freaked out the night before and left. He had watched her do it, disbelieving. Judging by what she had packed, she would be back. That was the only consolation he had. He couldn’t believe Sadie would just up and leave like that. She had always been volatile, more so since the accident, but he had thought that he knew who she was by now. It turned out he was wrong.
Brian couldn’t believe the fight they had. He was hurt that Sadie hadn’t told him she was applying for new jobs. They could have talked about it, come to some kind of compromise. But with her applying behind his back, and to different cities as well– some of them not even in Florida– Brian had been left in the dark.
The news that she wanted to move to Kentucky had come totally from left field. Sadie should have known not to dump information like this on him. When she did that, it always escalated into a fight.
It had never been this bad, though. Sadie had never felt the need to leave. Maybe Brian had done things that were unnecessary. He could have sat down with her and explained to her he couldn’t leave the Sharks, instead of saying that he would leave her if she went to Kentucky. Leaving her was the last thing on his mind. But the way she had come into the living room, telling him that she had landed her dream job, he had the feeling she had already accepted it.
How could she make decisions like that without consulting him first? Weren’t they a team? Brian and Sadie were both involved with sports, both involved with teams. They knew what it meant to work together. Why was it so hard to translate that into a marriage?
Brian scrubbed his face with his hands and groaned. God, he fucking hated fighting with her. If he could go back to yesterday, he would have handled things differently. He would have tried to reason with her. But she had jumped on him, and she had made him feel like his job wasn’t as important as hers.
Brian understood that Sadie’s career was important, but it wasn’t quite the same as his. Brian had so much pressure to perform all the time. He couldn’t risk being injured because being off the team for longer than three weeks would jeopardize his position. He always had to be in peak condition. He could never drink a lot or eat something unhealthy.
Everything he did was for his team and for the game that he loved. And after everything, he only had a couple of years left before he would be replaced by a younger, fitter version of himself. Even when he did everything right, his career would not last forever.
If Sadie would be willing to hold on just a few more years, everything would be fine.
Brian got up and showered, trying to sort out his thoughts and his feelings. He wanted to know exactly what he wanted to do and say before he tried to call her. Whatever he did now, it would make or break them. Sadie had already left for the night. He didn’t feel like it could get any worse between them.
When Brian finally picked up his phone, he was nervous. For a football player that was happy to run head first into a meaty wall of men, that was happy to risk being injured on the field, Brian hated conflict. He didn’t miss the irony in that, but it wasn’t quite the same thing. He dialed Sadie’s number and pressed the phone against his ear, waiting.
The phone rolled over to voicemail right away. Her phone was off. He hoped it was something like the battery being dead, and that she’d forgotten to charge it where she’d been staying last night. A small part of him felt like maybe she had turned off her phone so that she wouldn’t have to speak to him.
He tried another time. Maybe she wasn’t getting a signal. When the call was forwarded to her voice mailbox again, Brian swore. He was frustrated. He wanted to throw his phone against the wall, to break something. But enough had been broken–his relationship suddenly hung from a thread. Less than twenty-four hours ago, Brian was the happiest man on earth. His marriage had been perfect. Now, he wasn’t sure if it would make it through the day.
What was he going to do now? He could hardly run around Miami looking for her. Before, when he was still trying to convince her to spend time with him, Sadie would run to Lauren whenever something was wrong.
Not only was Lauren Sadie’s assistant coach, but her best friend. This time, Brian doubted she would have gone to Lauren’s house. They were all friends now. Something told him that Sadie would avoid any other people that had direct contact with Brian. Which meant that he had no idea where his wife was.
For a moment, Brian didn’t know what to do. He hated this feeling, hanging in limbo, not knowing which way life would go. This wasn’t the first time he felt like this about Sadie. Before she had regained her memories, their relationship had been a big question mark. Half the time, she had let him believe that he was the one that she wanted. The other half, she had been so unsure about her life and everything she couldn’t remember that she had pushed him away as hard as she could.
Somehow, he thought they were past that. It looked like he was wrong.
Finally, he made up his mind. He tried her number one more time. When he got her voicemail again, he cleared his throat.
“I hope you’re safe,” he said. “Take care of yourself. I just wanted to let you know I’m going out to a bar to have a drink. I love you.”
There was so much more he had wanted to say, but it wouldn’t be appropriate on a voicemail message. So, he would go out to a bar and drown his sorrows.
Sadie felt in her pocket for her cell phone. It was turned off– she didn’t want Brian to try to call her– but she felt lost without it. She knew he would be trying to reach her. Still, she couldn’t just let this slide. She didn’t understand what Brian was going on about the day before. He had been so supportive of everything she had done. He’d been there for her during her amnesia, let her feel that she was the biggest priority in his life. And now? Now, he was choosing football over her happiness.
“I just don’t understand,” Sadie said to Lauren. She had spent the night at Lauren’s place, purely because it was the last place Brian would think she would go. It felt stupid hiding from her husband, but his reaction to the news had been the last thing she had expected.
“It feels like he’s being unfair to me,” Sadie said. “I can’t sit in the same position for the rest of my life. The point of a career is to excel, to move up.”
Lauren nodded. She had made coffee for them both, and she had her fingers wrapped around her own cup. Sadie’s cup sat cooling on the coffee table.
“I know where you’re coming from, Sadie,” Lauren said. “But you have to try and see it from his point of view. He’s been giving up everything for you for so long, and you didn’t speak to him about this.”
“I know.” Sadie sighed. She knew she should have spoken to Brian about this. Even if not about that job, then at least about the idea that she was looking for a job. But she had been scared about what he would say.
Brian was so dedicated to his team that she had been worried he would choose the team over her. So much for believing that she was his number one priority. Maybe that was what she hoped for and didn’t necessarily believe.
“Why didn’t you?” Lauren asked. Her friend was always so logical.
“Because I was scared he would have told me I wasn’t allowed to. No one can tell me what I should do.”
Lauren shook her head. “You know Brian isn’t like that. He only cares for you. To be fair, this is something he should have known about. I understand why you feel neglected, why you feel like he doesn’t care, but when something goes wrong, Brian shuts down. You should know this by now.”
Sadie nodded. She didn’t need Lauren to tell her that she was overreacting when she left. Sometimes, she wished she had the patience that Lauren had. Then again, Lauren could be objective about everything because she wasn’t involved with any of the men, not romantically. That was what made her such a great confidant.
“Do you want to know what I would have done?” Lauren asked.
Sadie chuckled without emotion. “You would probably have handled it perfectly,” she said.
Lauren was someone to be envied. She was Sadie’s assistant coach because she knew how to keep her head when everything was going wrong. Lauren applied this to every aspect of her life.
“I would talk to my husband,” Lauren said. “I’m not here to tell you what to do. I’m here to listen because I’m your friend. At the end of the day, Sadie, you have to decide what you want.”
That was the problem. Sadie knew exactly what she wanted; she wanted Brian. But she wanted that coaching position in Kentucky as well. How was she supposed to choose? Brian was never supposed to be the man that would make her choose.
“You’re right,” Sadie said to Lauren. “You’re such a stunning person to speak to. Thank you for being there for me when I need you.”
Lauren smiled. “I’ll always be here,” she said. “What I want to see is you happy.”
Sadie was wrong. She knew it. She had known from the start, but once Brian and she started arguing, it was a matter of winning. Sadie had never been very good at arguing and admitting defeat. Apologizing was the hardest thing for her to do.
When she switched on her phone, Sadie got a message from Brian. Even though they were fighting, he was concerned for her safety. He didn’t want her to worry. He had told her exactly where he would be. He was a fantastic husband, and Sadie felt like an idiot for being so difficult the day before.
Sadie walked into Batting Cage and spotted Brian straight away. The men all came to the sports bar on a regular basis. It was the one place where they could unwind. Usually, it was the three of them, bulging muscles and raging egos crammed around one tiny table. Now, it was just Brian sucking down a lonely beer.
When Sadie approached him, Brian looked up. He had expected her to come to him, but he half expected her to stay away for a lot longer. She sat down at the table with him, and even though they were arguing, she was a vision. Everything about her was perfect–from her raven hair, to her stormy eyes, to the way she carried herself. Brian wasn’t drunk yet. A moment ago, he wished he responded to the alcohol better. Now, he was glad he didn’t.
“You found me,” Brian said.
Sadie nodded. “I want to talk to you,” she said. “Is that okay?”
“Why do you think it wouldn’t be?”
“Because I was a bitch for walking away,” Sadie admitted. “I handled it wrong, and I want to make it right.”
Brian nodded slowly. “I would like to talk,” he said.
Sadie took a deep breath. This was hard for her. She had freaked out so badly and pushed it so far that it was hard to bounce back. But Brian was her husband, and she loved him. She wanted to do what she could to make it right.
“I should have spoken to you about all of this before,” she said. “It was unfair of me to expect you to give up the team. I know your career is just as important to you as mine is to me.”
Brian nodded, finishing his beer. “That’s all I wanted you to understand,” he said. “This means a lot to me.”
Sadie held out her hand, and Brian took it.
“Let’s go home, my love,” she said.