Parrish

Twinkle lights are sparkling from every corner of the ranch, and the music of the only local band that is any good is echoing from every corner. People from town are mingling with investors that Sam has invited from all over Montana, and the men responsible for building the stable are laughing and drinking by the buffet table. Anna and Gracie are on the dance floor, and Sid joins them. I feel my heart swell at the sight of everyone so happy, and having so much fun. I’m standing behind the serving dish, helping people with entrees, and chatting with investors, when Carter walks up with a grin.

“I’m having some serious deja vu,” he says with a laugh.

I freeze for a second, and then it clicks. “Oh, god. Graduation. That’s the last time we were all together like this, wasn’t it? Though… I don’t remember you being at graduation.”

“Of course you don’t. That’s the night you met Hawk.”

My eyes go wide, and Carter stuffs a roll in his mouth.

“What are you talking about?” I ask as I hand the serving spoon to someone else and follow Carter while he tries to run away from me.

“Nothing,” he mumbles through a mouth full of roll. I grab his jacket and pull him back.

“Spill it, Carter. Now,” I growl. He scrunches up his face and sighs.

“I know about you and Hawk, Parrish. Now, and when we were kids. I appreciate why we kept quiet about it for so long, but really. There is no point to any of this anymore. You like him. He likes you. Figure it out, kid.” He pats me on the shoulder a few times, then wanders off in the direction of the dessert table. And I am left standing in the middle of the grassy pasture, staring off at the party, wondering what I should do next. I don’t even know how long I have been standing here when Anna walks up to me, looking perplexed.

“Parrish? What are you doing? You look like a deer in the headlights, honey.”

I turn to her, feeling like I might cry. “Anna, do you think I have feelings for Hawk?”

Now it’s Anna’s turn to freeze. “Parrish, I don’t think it’s my place to…”

“Anna, just tell me.”

She sighs and checks around her, to make sure no one else has wandered up. “Yeah, I think it’s pretty obvious you two have something going on. And maybe it’s time to acknowledge it, instead of running from it. Especially because you’re running out of time to discuss it properly, before he leaves. And we know Hawk. There is no telling when he might come back.”

I feel the color drain from my cheeks. “Do you really think he’d do that again?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. But is it worth taking the chance?”

I shake my head. “No. It’s not. Do you know where he is?”

Anna glances over her shoulder. “I think he’s over by the new stables. He was checking the doors again. He’s been OCD about that since he actually built that part himself.”

I laugh. “Fair. Okay. I’m going to do it. And Anna, thank you. For everything. For being you. For being my sister.”

Anna hugs me, then shoves me in the direction of the new stables. “I love you. Now get out of here.”

I jog toward the bright, shining lights of beautiful new building and am a little surprised to see that no one is really over there. For the most part, everyone seems to be sticking to the food and the alcohol. The tours of the stables were earlier, so my guess is the free booze is a bigger draw.

I walk around the edge of the building, and then, when I get to the door, I see Hawk standing by the stall we’ve designated for Moonfire. And he’s talking to Simone.

Part of me wants to barge right in, but then something holds me back. I hover near the edge of the door, just close enough that I can hear what is going on. Simone is keeping her voice low, but it’s never really low. She always seems like she’s trying her best to be heard.

“Hawk, I don’t know why you’re fighting this. You know we’re perfect for each other. In a few days, you’re going to leave this crappy little place, and go back to LA. And will it have really been worth resisting me all this time?”

My stomach drops. I can’t see Hawk’s reaction, because he’s not facing me. But hear him say, “Simone…”

She doesn’t give him a chance to answer. She leans in and kisses him.

She kisses him and he just stands there.

She kisses him and he just stands there, and before I realize it’s happening, a little shriek of terror escapes my mouth. Hawk spins around and looks right at me.

“Parrish,” he calls out. “Parrish, wait.”

But I don’t give him the chance to say anything. I just turn and run as fast as my legs can carry me.

* * *

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he was kissing her. I feel like all of the rage I feel bubbling inside of me is about to explode as I stalk into the old stables. I don’t even know what to do with my anger. I just want to scream and cry and…

“Parrish! Would you stop please?” Hawk calls out to me as he follows me into the stables. I feel his hand on my arm and I shake him off as hard as I can.

“Get the hell away from me, Hawk. Now.” My words come out in a furious growl I barely recognize, and it actually scares me. Hawk takes several steps back, but he doesn’t leave.

“Parrish, I need you to listen. She kissed me, and I froze, but the minute she did it, I pushed her away. I didn’t want it. I don’t want her. I want nothing to do with her. I’ve been trying to let her down gently for weeks, but she just hasn’t been getting the message. And if I have to go to the ends of the earth to make you understand that I don’t want her, I will do it. But please, just give me a chance. I’m begging you.”

I spin around and give him my back. “Why should I believe anything you say, Hawk? Why should I trust you?”

Hawk takes hold of my arms and turns me around, not letting go, so I have no choice but to look directly into his full, blue eyes.

“Because,” he hesitates. “Because I love you, Parrish. Dammit, I love you.”

Hawk leans down and kisses me, furiously, and I want him to get away from me, but I can’t make myself stop. I pound my fists against his chest as I kiss him. I’m furious with him. Why did he have to come back here after leaving me, in this very spot, so many years ago? I feel angry tears start to stream down my face as I think about the hurt he caused, running away from me, from all of us. I sob, and Hawk disconnects from our kiss, a look of anguish on his face that I’ve never seen before.

“Parrish, please stop trying to run from this, from us. I was young. I was stupid. And I was scared of my feelings for you. I want only you, not Simone, not another woman back in LA. I want you, and I won’t pretend I don’t anymore.”

He pushes me against the wall, that same wall where he first kissed me at the graduation party. I wrench open his flannel shirt in response, buttons flying all over the stall. In return, he hastily yanks my sweater over my head, throwing it into a pile of hay. Our lips and hands are lost on one another’s bodies as we anxiously grab and taste each other, desperate to never let go and frightened to stay. I want this man so badly. I want to be his forever.

I’m also terrified of being left again.

“Hawk, you can’t do this to me again. You cannot leave me with this gaping hole in my heart. I don’t think I could survive another broken heart,” I whisper.

“Parrish, I thought about you every day I was gone. And it tore me apart. I hated myself for still wanting you, even after you married Matt. So I stayed away. And I know that I fucked up. But I cannot live without you. I can’t survive another broken heart either. Please. We can heal together.”

Hawk turns me around. “You are the only one for me, Parrish. The biggest mistake I ever made in my life was leaving you.”

He and grabs my breasts with his strong hands, sending shivers through me. Then he unzips my jeans and pulls them down around my ankles, hastily reaching around my waist for my clit. He slips his fingers into my aching core, discovering that I’m already wet for him. As angry as I am for what he did, I know that I can never hate him. I’ve never hated him. My body needs his body like I need air to breathe. And now, I need him in me.

I bend over the stall door, resting my head on the ledge. Hawk is taken aback at the sudden gesture.

“Make me yours then,” I demand. “Forever.”

Hawk grabs my hips and positions himself behind me. I reach in between my legs and grab onto his fully hard and quivering cock, guiding him inside. My legs reposition themselves, opening wider to fit his girth. I hold on to the edges of the stall door as I begin moving back and forth on his cock, sliding him in and out of me, feeling every ridge of him inside me.

He leans over onto me, reaching his hand around my waist to tease my clit, stroking me almost forcefully as his thrusts begin to match my strokes. I respond by moving faster against him, but Hawk matches my pace easily. My breasts are bouncing wildly with every lunge, and the sound of our skin slapping against each other echoes throughout the stalls in response to our manic, nearly desperate, fucking. I feel my release rising inside of me as his cock hits the back of my passage, finding every sensitive spot along the way.

“Oh, Hawk!” I cry out as I arch myself forward in elation, rocking as I ride my orgasm on his manhood. Hawk’s thrusts become more rigid, and I know he’s finishing inside me, enjoying watching the pain from my heartbreak turn to pleasure.

I stand up, and his penis slips out from inside me. Hawk is glistening in sweat from the effort. I lean into his chest in exhaustion and trepidation, hoping I haven’t scared him away with my anger. If I have, I want to enjoy this one last embrace before I have to face saying goodbye once and for all.

“You are mine forever now, Parrish,” he whispers into my hair. “I will never lose you again.”

The last sense of anger melts away from me, and I begin to feel safe in his arms. He picks me up and carries me over to a pile of hay, then lays me down gently, before sitting down next to me. He brushes stray pieces of hay from my hair, and kisses away the sweat from my forehead.

“Do you believe me now, Parrish? Do you believe there is no other woman I want to be with in this world?” he whispers into my ear.

I feel a desperate cry settling in my chest. It’s a combination of pure love, and need, and fear. As I look into his eyes, I see my future, and for a moment, I can almost imagine letting go of the pain he caused me in the past. I can believe that he won’t hurt me again. I believe… that he loves me.

“Yes, yes Hawk. I believe you.”

As he holds me close against the chill in the air, I find comfort in the peace he is bringing me. If only for this moment, I find peace.