Chapter 9
Beau
“Good job, Charlie,” I praised the girl who must have done the most awkward performance I had ever seen on stage. No one else had shown up for the minor role she was playing, so I had to assign her the part. Now that I was seeing her on the stage, I worked hard to hide my grimace. She was so brave for even getting up there in the first place, and I refused to crush this young girl’s spirit. With a few more practice she would get better. In the meantime, I had to work on the other kids who were becoming frustrated by her lack of talent. Those were the words I’d heard the other kids whisper behind her back. I wasn’t yet convinced she lacked talent though. I’d have to see her give her best before I could make that judgment, and she was barely trying.
This evening she seemed more aloof than usual, and I wanted to offer her some comfort. Above everything, I wanted to ask her how her dad was. I still couldn’t believe I’d been to the bar every single day for one solid week after we had run into each other at the conferencing. I didn’t know why I expected him to be there. Maybe I was relying on the chemistry that we had experienced and trusted in it, that it would lead him to me.
Three weeks had passed since he’d taken me home and allowed me to pleasure him, and I still hungered for him. I knew better than to kid myself that it was just because I never had my turn. It was much more than that. I had the urge to call him, to find out if everything was going well at home and if he was happy. He frowned a lot, and I wanted to be responsible for his smiles. He had a beautiful smile which was locked up in such brokenness I still didn’t fully understand.
His daughter was just as broken. She was like a butterfly who had her wings clipped before she even learned how to fly. She was an oddity in the rest of the group which consisted mostly of vibrant kids, who goofed around and were eager to act on stage. She had guts to come here evening after evening, probably knowing how much she sucked. She must have heard the whispers around the rehearsal area. I had to ask some kids to quit it already, or they’d be thrown out of the play. Even when I was short on volunteers I was against meanness.
“Katie!” I called to the actress who was on stage with Charlie. She looked upset and about to blow up any minute now. “I’d like to speak to you, please.”
Katie exited the stage and approached me. I gestured for her to walk a little ahead of me as I brought us out of the hearing range of the other kids.
“Mr. Moreau, I don’t know how much more of this I can take!” Katie growled at me. “She is a horrible actress. She is no actress. Period. And having her on set is going to ruin everything.”
“Katie, I want you to exercise some patience with Charlie,” I told her. “We all know you’re the leading lady. Charlie has a small part so if you could help her to get through it, instead of snapping and pointing out all her mistakes, I am sure she’ll perform better. Can you try that?”
She shrugged. “Okay but I think she’s still going to suck. She can’t act to save her life.”
Except I believed acting right now was something Charlie needed. She looked relieved when she dropped by in the evenings. As difficult as it was seeing her around, not only in class but after-hours, I wanted her to stick around. Even if seeing her reminded me of her father all the time. She resembled him, the shape of her face, her eyes, and the blond hair. The more I saw her, the more pronounced her features became to his.
“Alright everyone, let’s call it a wrap,” I announced, walking back to the group. “We still have a whole lot of work to do. We are not studying our lines which makes everything more difficult. We do want to pull off this play, don’t we?”
“Yes, sir.”
I frowned at them. “And also, those of you who haven’t brought in your permission letters yet from your parents for you to be a part of the production, you need to do so tomorrow, or you’re out.”
The kids grumbled on their way from the room. They didn’t think it was serious for them to bring in the permission letters, but I preferred to err on the side of caution. The last thing I wanted was for a parent to not know where their child was in the evenings. I had already called the parents of those who had brought in their permission letters signed. I hadn’t received any from Charlie either, so I hadn’t been able to contact Gordon. My heart skipped a beat at the idea of calling him and hearing his voice again. Would it be the same conversation as during the conference? Would he ignore what had happened between us?
“Mr. Moreau.”
I turned to find Charlie walking towards me, waving her permission slip at me. My heart sank. Now that she had brought it in, I had no excuse not to call Gordon.
“I’m sorry I kept forgetting it,” she explained. “Dad signed it last week, so it’s all my fault for not bringing it on time.”
“It’s fine,” I reassured her and reluctantly took the permission letter from her. I kept it folded and didn’t even look at it. I wanted to see the number in private, not when Charlie was looking up at me expectantly. I stared back at her, cocking my head to one side. She looked thinner than I remembered.
She blushed and glanced away. “I-I’m sorry I mess up my lines,” she remarked. “It’s such a tiny part, but I always mess it up. Maybe you should find someone else to take this role.”
To be honest, that would have been the best route, but I wanted to give her a chance. “I think you are perfect for the part you are playing,” I told her. “Unless you don’t want to be a part of the play anymore.”
“I do! I do!” she affirmed. “Everyone thinks I suck though. Do you think that?”
“I think with a lot of practice and your heart in the right place, you’ll do fine,” I said. “Who knows? You may become a regular Scarlett Johansson one day.” Okay, so maybe that was pushing it too far, but I felt better at her shy smile. She was really her father’s daughter. Both smiled very little. Just what had that family been through anyway?
“I’ll give it my best shot,” she said with renewed determination.
“Great. Each part no matter how small is vital to the play. Without you, the play wouldn’t be what it is, so your part is just as valuable as any other. Don’t forget that.”
She nodded. “Thanks, Mr. Moreau.”
“You’re welcome, Charlotte.”
She started to leave, but then she paused and checked out the room. The kids had left the chairs in disarray instead of fixing them up after use. “Do you want help straightening up?” she asked.
I shook my head, touched that she had offered. Gordon should see his daughter, I thought. He was so hard on himself that he was doing a shitty job, but here, his daughter was the only one who had volunteered to stay back and help.
“No, that’s fine,” I told her. “Get on home and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Good evening, sir.”
I wished her a good evening as well, and when she left, I was alone. I straightened the chairs which took some time. Afterward, I stood staring at the makeshift stage. Apart from my love for teaching, I loved the theater. I had been in the drama club at high school, and later at university I’d opted into electives that had to do with drama. I’d chosen to teach as a safety net. The job was more stable than going into an unpredictable acting career. Over the years, I found a love for the job. Being able to do both in Louisiana was just perfect.
I locked up the community center and headed straight for the gay pub to get a drink. I harbored no illusions this time that Gordon would somehow sense my longing for him and show up. How ridiculous I had been. If he ever knew I did such a thing, he’d probably be embarrassed for me. I only felt comfortable returning to the bar because he didn’t know about it.
The bartender, Cody was accustomed to me by now and I, him. When he approached me just a few seconds after I sat at the bar, he had done it so often to me that it didn’t bother me anymore. I didn’t even bother to order my usual martini. Without asking, he took care of my drink and placed the flute on the countertop.
“There you go,” he said. “If you need some company just let me know.”
I smiled at him and shook my head. “Aren’t you worried you’ll get fired for ignoring your other customers?”
He grinned at me. “Honey, this place needs me,” before running off to his next customer.
Left alone to my own devices, I removed Charlotte’s permission letter from my pocket. My hands shook as I unfolded it to reveal the information inside. The first thing that jumped at me was Gordon’s untidy signature and the barely legible scrawl of his name. Good Lord, the man couldn’t write well to save his life. When I found myself grinning at his godawful handwriting, I scowled instead. I was pissed at him for not getting in touch with me. He knew where I lived, although the little I knew of him, I didn’t expect to see him outside my apartment anytime soon. Beau was cut from an old-fashioned cloth which was charming but had the potential to be irritating as well.
I finally looked at his contact information. It was a standard that I used with children. If their parents signed anything that involved me, they were required to write their contact information in the case of emergencies and also for me to verify if their parents had been the one to sign the document. Kids weren’t above asking their friends to sign permission slips for them. I was tempted not to call Gordon but doing that would only show me that I really was bothered by what he had done.
I spent almost an hour at the bar, nursing my drink and getting some liquid courage in me to call Gordon. I didn’t want to call him too late, however, so long before I was ready to leave, I was paying for the one drink I had ordered since I arrived. The last thing I needed was to be drunk on a call to Gordon and blurt out that I wanted him back in my apartment, so we could pick up where we left off the last time. And boy did I want to pick up things with him. So much had been left unexplored between us.
“Leaving me so soon?” Cody asked with a pout.
“Yeah, I’ve some stuff to do at home.” Shit, I was starting to sound like Gordon that night he had tried running out on me. Maybe I should have let him leave. Then I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to be hurt by him leaving me without saying goodbye.
“Hmm, whatever did become of you and that guy?” he asked as I slid off the stool. “You know, the one you claimed was your boyfriend.”
I shrugged, making it out to be unimportant. “People come and people go. It’s a part of life we learn to deal with.” I hated the hurt that I heard in my tone.
“Well, I got something for you,” he told me.
I backed away from the counter, not in the mood for his attempts to get me into bed with him. “See you around, Cody.”
“Your loss,” he yelled at me. “I tried giving it to you.”
No kidding. His wasn’t what I wanted though. I couldn’t wait any longer to call Gordon so as soon as I was in my car, I turned on the ignition, and while I waited for the engine to warm up, I punched in the number from the letter. The phone rang, and I smoothed my hand over my thigh.
“Hello.”
I startled as Gordon’s voice interrupted the ringing. I didn’t respond at the same time. Damn, I had to pause because I could sense the words about to come out and they didn’t concern his daughter.
“Hello?” he repeated.
“Hello, is this Gordon Mattis?” I asked, to buy some time.
“Yes. And who am I speaking to?” Ouch. He didn’t even know my voice.
“This is Mr. Moreau, Charlotte’s French teacher,” I answered, deciding I’d need my formal voice to get through this call.
“Please don’t tell me she’s failing again. I’ve been checking her books, ensuring she does her homework, and I even helped her to study for her last test.” He paused and sucked in air that I could hear from over the phone. “Damn, maybe that’s why she failed.”
“Actually, she did very well on that last test,” I answered.
“Oh, is she in trouble then?”
“No, she’s not. I received her permission letter today, and I’m just following up that you did, in fact, sign the letter.”
“I know my handwriting isn’t worth a lick but yes, I signed it,” he answered. “Is there anything else?”
Yes, why did you leave? “No, that’s it. Have a good night.”
“Thanks. Same to you.”
I hung up the phone, my face heated from the conversation. “What the fuck was that?” I was stunned at the way the conversation had played out. I’d anticipated that after discussing Charlotte, we would get around to talking about us. I felt like calling him back and asking him to be upfront with me, but I refrained. To ensure I didn’t do anything so foolish as to call him back, I threw my phone in the backseat to ignore it for the rest of the night.
Gordon’s silence had been loud and clear.