Chapter 21
Beau
“Beau, Beau wake up, honey. You’re scaring me.”
I shuddered out of my nightmare to find myself in Gordon’s arms. My heart thudded so hard it hurt. My face was tear-soaked, and I was trembling. It was too much for me now. I broke down, burrowing closer to him. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest. The tears I had worked so hard to hold back for the past four days found release.
“It’s okay,” he mumbled. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
I could feel how much he had me. Since his friend had handcuffed me and beaten the crap out of me four days ago, he was always around. I had taken the days off from work with a note from the doctor to give my ribs time to heal. His kids were back at school, but he’d left someone named Glenna in charge at his trucking business so that he could be at my beck and call. Because he was always around, I rarely ever had the chance to relax and let it out alone. I pretended everything was okay because I didn’t want to alarm him. But everything was far from fine.
The nightmares were back. Before Gordon shook me awake, I had been back in England, Ian’s hands around my neck, as I lay broken and bleeding. I thought I was over it but not. It had been so real. Instead of Gordon’s love, what I had felt was my fear, and all because his friend had reminded me what it meant to be helpless and broken before another person.
I hated myself for being so weak. I should be tougher than this. I’d tried to be tougher, so Gordon didn’t have to question what was wrong with me. Maybe it was finally time he learned the truth. The whole truth. While I’d never faced the discrimination I had from Eric, I had felt fear and hatred from the man I had loved at the time.
Eventually, I calmed down enough for the tears to stop. I lay against him spent while he stroked my back. The bandage had been removed from my ribs which were healing just fine. My face was almost back to normal as well, and tomorrow I would be showing up for work. Afterward, I’d work vigorously with the drama group at the community center to make up for the days we had missed. Physically everything seemed to be healing, but it was inside that was broken.
“You were screaming,” Gordon whispered, dropping a kiss on my forehead. “Want to talk about it?”
I sighed and moved away from him to lie on my back. “Turn off the lights.”
“What?”
“Please. I’ll feel less naked talking to you about it.”
He sighed but complied and turned off the bedside lamp. He lay back down next to me, feeling between us for my hand. I never knew how much I needed that touch until he did it. It was amazing how thoughtful he could be.
“I know I’ve said this like a dozen times since it happened,” he whispered in the dark. “I’m sorry about Eric, that I let him hurt you. I brought you into the situation. He was my friend, and I should have known what he was like. I swear to you I didn’t know.”
I squeezed his hand to reassure him. “You have to stop apologizing for that, Gordon. It wasn’t our fault.”
“For all my life I was afraid of this same thing happening. That’s why I took the easy way out and married Barbara.”
“Don’t worry. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you.” I forced the words out past the panic that threatened to close up my windpipe. “You tried to protect me. Ian was the opposite.”
I paused, waiting for his reaction but he was silent. I couldn’t read his body language. He stiffened beside me, holding his breath for a few seconds before he let the breath out in a slow and controlled manner.
“I told you I never hid that I was gay while I was growing up,” I continued, starting over from the beginning. “My dad was the hardest to come around, but eventually he did, and they loved me regardless.”
“I wish I knew how my mother would react. You’re lucky to have open-minded parents.”
“Yes, I was lucky, but I didn’t appreciate it.” I sighed and stared straight ahead in the dark, the memories returning. “I should have never been in the situation I ended up in with Ian.”
“Go on,” he said when I paused for breath.
“I fell in love with him. I thought he was the greatest guy ever. He treated me well, bought me gifts, took me out, showed me around London. We flew to Thailand, France. I felt alive with him.”
“You told me about this before, Beau.” His tone was terse. "Is there a reason we're rehashing this?"
“The physical abuse was bad," I answered. "Real bad. He put me in the hospital a couple of times and swore each time was the last.”
“Shit.”
“The last time he picked a fight, it was bad. I had cracked ribs, a concussion and while I was unconscious, he used me in the worst possible way. When I couldn't have consented. I was too humiliated to press charges. I woke up in the hospital broken and feeling like shit. The other night when Eric had me hand-cuffed, it brought back everything to me. I’d never been so scared in my whole life.”
Gordon scuttled over close to me, lying on his side. He brought a hand up to my face in the dark and leaned forward to kiss me. His mouth connected with my nose.
“It’s okay to feel scared,” he told me. “I was scared to leave you alone with Eric. I didn’t know what he would do to you.”
“That’s not just it,” I said, taking a deep breath before I told him the rest. “That day when you slammed Eric in the wall for coming after me, I’d never seen you so angry before. You-you reminded me of Ian.”
When he moved away from me, I squeezed my eyes shut. I would surely lose him after being honest with him about that. Instead, he turned on the light and joined me on the bed again. He straddled my hips, and I stared up at him and how sober he looked.
“Are you taking a good look at me, Beau?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Good, because I’m nothing like Ian. I’d never hit you. I'd never force myself on you.”
“And I know that,” I answered, clutching at his thighs. “Deep down I do, but it just popped into my head that there’s so much power in you.”
“I don’t want to be in control of you, Beau. I want us to be equals.”
He leaned forward and kissed me. I melted beneath him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him down.
“I don’t want to hurt your ribs,” he said, staring into my eyes. “I also want you to make love to me.”
The meaning of his words took a while to sink in but then he switched our position, so he was lying flat on his back. He reached for his underwear and tugged it off before I could say anything to him.
“Are you sure?” I asked him, though my blood was already running hot to see him naked and waiting to give himself to me.
He nodded. “Yeah, I want you to.”
I tugged off my shirt and underpants, rolling over to my side of the bed to get the lube and condom. I returned to Gordon and dropped the items beside him on the covers.
“Gordon.” I kissed his neck, running my hands over his broad shoulders. He didn’t have an ounce of fat on him, and I enjoyed the feel of his muscles.
“Hmm?” He moaned as I sucked at the side of his neck just above his pulse.
“I love you.”
His hands tightened around me, and he pulled me on top of him. “I’ve not heard that from anyone except my kids in seventeen years. Thank you.”
“No need to say thanks. Love is freely given and when it comes back to us, there’s nothing more beautiful.”
“Still, thanks for saying it.”
I smiled down at him. “You’re going to hear it often now.”
“Good.”
I kissed him, so he had to swallow any other words he might have had to say. Running my hands over his arms. I brought them upwards and over his head. I sucked on his bottom lip, flickering my tongue over its plumpness. He moaned, raising his head as I kissed down the side of his neck. I soothed the area I had sucked red by licking it. I teased his nipples with my fingers, and he pressed his lower body upwards into me.
“Goddammit, Beau,” he moaned. “That’s so good, baby.”
I wasn’t anywhere near through with him. I teased his nipples with my tongue and lips. I scraped my teeth over them, remembering how sensitive his nipples were. I had him writhing beneath me and my confidence returned. Sliding down his body, I pressed kisses over his flat stomach and down to his shaven pubic area.
“Baby, take me into your mouth,” he begged. “Please. I want to feel your wet-ooh fuck-lips!”
I kissed the tip of his cock, sucking it into my mouth. I sucked on the head only, circling my tongue over his flesh. I lowered my head, pulling more and more of him into my mouth and down my throat. I released my hold on his cock and continued sucking on him while I searched for the lube on the bed. I reached the container, removed the cover, and squeezed a generous amount in my hand.
I licked the length of his cock while running my thumb over his taint and towards his asshole. He tilted his hips forward to push his hole up more to my access. I deepthroated him at the same time I pushed my thumb inside his mushroomed opening. He was tight, and I knew if I didn’t prepare him enough, it would hurt. Either way, it would cause some discomfort the first time, but I would make it as good for him as I could.
I released his cock and kissed down to his balls. I popped one into my mouth and gently replaced my thumb with my index finger. In and out, I slowly pushed, keeping up a steady rhythm. His legs started to relax, his hole loosening up. I added some more lube and aligned my middle finger with the other. I pressed both into his opening. Above me, he hissed and blew hard.
“Easy,” I cautioned, kissing the inside of his muscular thighs. He was tightening back up on me, his legs trembling a little. “Easy, Gordon. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He was still way too tense, so I took his cock into my mouth and started a lazy, wet sloppy sucking. When he moaned, focusing more on the pleasure than what I was doing to him, I slipped my slick fingers into his asshole up to my knuckles.
“Oh God!” he grunted as I kneaded his thighs to relax. “That’s so fucking tight.”
“Yeah, we’ve to work you up to receive my cock,” I told him. I was so hard, my shallow breathing turning into pants. Being a top had never been a big deal to me before. I was content being a bottom but seeing Gordon like this, so openly allowing me to claim his body gave me a powerful feeling I’d never experienced. He’d never been with another man before, and I wanted to feel me inside of him, raw.
“Gordon?” I murmured, kissing his inner thighs.
“Yes?” he gasped. I continued twisting my fingers inside him, allowing his body to get used to the invasion.
“I want to feel my cock inside you.”
“Yes, me too. Do it.”
I removed my fingers and wiped them onto the sheets. I’d have to change them anyway. I crawled up his body and leaned forward to kiss him.
“I mean I want to feel you without rubber,” I told him, ensuring he understood. “I don’t want to use the condom. Is that okay?”
“Umm,” he hesitated.
“I know you’ve never been with anyone else besides your wife, right?”
“No. But you and Ian...”
“When I found out about his cheating, the last time I was in the hospital I had to get checked out,” I answered. “I know I don’t have the proof with me, but you know I wouldn’t ask you this if I suspected I’d put you at risk. I'm not looking to be with anyone else, and I know you're not either. Just the two of us, right?”
He frowned, thinking about it. If he had to consider that much, I didn’t want to ruin the mood, so I dropped a kiss on his lips and reached for the condom. “Don’t worry about it. First thing tomorrow we’ll do a test then, so you have the evidence.”
I ripped the package open, but before I could remove the condom, he plucked it out of my hand. Sitting up in bed, he tossed the condom to the bedside table.
“I trust you, Beau,” he remarked, cupping the back of my head and bringing my lips to his. I kissed him, squeezing my eyes tight because it was so easy to get emotional with this man. He said the sweetest things and was just so damn perfect even though I knew he wasn’t. But, he was perfect for me.
We kissed over and over, arms wrapped around each other. I cupped his face, kissed his cheekbones, and his chin as he trailed his hands down my back.
“Now?” I asked him.
He nodded. “Yes.”
“I’ll be honest, Gordon. It might hurt a bit, but I’ll try to make it good for you.”
“I know. I trust you. Remember?”
I didn’t show him how nervous I was about making love to him. Usually, Ian was displeased the couple times I had done it to him. No sooner would I penetrate him than he flipped us, so I was at the bottom once more.
Kneeling between Gordon’s spread legs, I pushed his legs forward up to his chest to give myself a better angle. I could feel him tensing which was not a good thing. I had to get him to relax. I didn’t want his first time to be like mine. I hadn’t been able to walk properly for days after Ian had finished with me, not to mention the throwing up afterward. There had been so many warning signs and I'd been too foolish to see them.
I slathered the lube generously over my cock and fingered some of the liquid into his asshole as well.
“You need to stay relaxed,” I told him when I grasped my cock and glided it over his pucker which caused him to stiffen.
“Okay,” he gasped. “That already feels so good.”
I smiled and continued gliding my cock over his flesh, teasing his hole with the head of my cock. I sucked air between my teeth at the throbbing in my dick. I wanted him something awful. Each time my cock passed over the mushroomed hole I wanted to push deep inside him and claim him.
“Fuck, Beau!” he exclaimed, getting impatient. “Just do it already.”
I chuckled. “Okay, hang on.”
I grasped my cock and guided it to his opening. I could hear his slow shallow breathing as he tried to follow my instructions and not tense on me. I caressed his ass, squeezing it before pressing my cock, skin to skin inside him. It felt like I was tearing through the walls of resistance. Holy fuck it felt good. I pressed the head deeper, so it finally popped in.
“Oh God!” he gasped. “You’re too big.”
“Trust me,” I told him. “Remember, you trust me to make this good for you.”
When I felt him relaxing once more, I pressed another inch of my dick inside his ass. I stared in awe at the way his mushroomed hole clung to my cock, tugging at me even at the same time it resisted my entrance. Gordon groaned when I inched even deeper inside him, and I paused for the moment. This was enough for now.
I remained still inside of him so he could get used to my size. Leaning forward, I ran my hands up his thighs as I kissed him. He wrapped his hands behind my head and kissed me back, moaning. He bit into my bottom lip, pulling as I started rocking us with intense care. I barely moved, but I could feel his tight muscles adjusting and giving way for more of me to slide inside him.
Releasing his lips, I grasped both his legs and wrapped them around my arms before anchoring my fists on the bed.
“I love you,” I mouthed to him, maintaining eye contact as I started to move. I stroked in deep but slow, and he blinked several times, a strangled groan emitting from his lips.
“Beau!” he panted my name. “Shit!”
“Feels good?” I asked him because I wanted to know if he felt even half what I did sliding in and out of his tight crevice.
“Yes!” he gasped. “It fucking stings but it feels good too.”
I smiled at him but could not keep it up for the sheer intensity of my emotions, fucking my lover’s ass the way I was. My primal need to be in control struck me from nowhere. I was a good lay in bed, but for all my touting, I’d never considered myself to be much of a good top. As I watched the emotions playing over Gordon’s face, the little winces and flinches wiped away by a look of wonder, I felt larger than life.
My confidence in full swing, I deepened my strokes and quickened my pace. He grunted, and I tried to ease the pressure, but he grasped me by the ass, his fingers digging half-moons into my flesh.
“Fuck me, Beau,” he begged me.
Because I knew exactly how he was feeling, as though fire was inside him ready to consume him, I gave him what he wanted within reason. His knees were up to his shoulders, and I pressed my hands into the back of his knees for leverage. His ass up in the air to me, I plunged deep inside him. He cried out hoarsely, and I withdrew, his whimpers following the void he felt. I filled him up quickly again and found a tempo that sent shivers down my spine but wasn’t too much for him to manage.
I released his legs and grasped him by the shoulders to help him raise himself up. He slid to a sitting position over my knees, my cock still buried inside his ass. I slapped my hands to his cheeks and squeezed as he kissed me. I plunged my tongue into his mouth, moaning as he started to move.
“Yes, baby, ride me,” I moaned, allowing him to do most of the work. He clung to my shoulders and bounced up and down my cock. He grunted; I groaned, thrusting my pelvis upwards when he bore down on me.
“Oh fuck!” he shouted, and I knew I’d hit his sweet spot. I grasped his dick in my hand, jerking him off as he continued riding me. It wasn’t long before his legs started trembling and I pushed him back down on the bed to lie.
“On your side,” I instructed him.
He lay on his side, and I crowded him. Raising his right leg, I found his anus and pushed two fingers inside. I fingered him, fucking him harder with them than I could with my cock. He moaned, pressing his hips back and panting at the sensation. I kissed his shoulder and neck and replaced my fingers with my cock once more. I filled him up swiftly because there was little more I could take. I reached around to grasp his dick and stroked him as I rode his ass.
Although my thrusts were more profound than before, I kept my pace moderate. For as long as I could control it. But Gordon was moving against me, his hips begging for more, his moans and grunts evidence that he was reaching his peak. His skin was flushed and hot, sweat coating his flesh. The scent of our sex permeated the room, mixed with the musky odor of rubbing against each other. Nothing was more of a turn on.
“I’m coming!” Gordon groaned and stiffened, I plundered his ass then, pulling out to the tip before driving deep inside him. His cock jerked in my hand, and I pumped him harder and faster. He swelled even bigger in my hand, pulsing under the jet stream of cum that sprayed the bed.
“Fuck,” I muttered, leaning forward to clamp my eyes shut and bite into his shoulder. I shuddered against him, buried to the hilt inside him and emptied my seed. His asshole clenched around me milking every last drop out of my body.
“Oh my God.” Gordon blew out a long breath as if he had been holding it for the length of time we had been having sex.
I buried my face into his back, unable to speak. I wrapped my hands around him to hug him to me. It felt so good to be able to hold him like this.
“Beau, you okay?” he whispered.
I chuckled. “I should be asking you that question. Did I hurt you too much?”
He shook his head. “Just a little. But it felt better than it hurt.”
I relaxed and nuzzled his back. “Hmm, this feels so damn good.”
Gordon reached behind me to thread his fingers through my hair. I noticed he did that quite a lot. “Yes, it does. Do we move to the bathroom now? It’s your time to run me a bath.”
“Not just yet,” I told him. “Let’s just lie here for a few minutes.”