Chapter 11
Beau
Charlotte Mattis, I read the name on the exam paper then proceeded to tick her answers with my red pen. From where I sat in the middle of my bed, pillows propped behind my back, I had been comfortably grading exam papers and ignoring the ticking of the clock on the bedside table. In the quiet of my bedroom, even the faint ticking reached my ear. The sound also had me focusing on the way my heart raced with every passing minute.
I glanced at the time. Ten minutes to nine. Gordon was probably on his way to the pub right now. I had kept myself busy by bringing home exam scripts to grade. I’d barely made any progress though. The pile on my left that was marked was small, and the one on my right mocked me. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to meet Gordon tonight.
I tried not to give in to my desires, reminding myself that this was too much trouble in so many ways. He was the father of my student. He probably would never come out of the closet any time soon either, and I didn’t want to live the life of a closeted gay man. I had nothing to be ashamed of, and sooner or later, I would have an issue with him not even wanting his kids to know about us.
But he’d looked so good today when I ran into his car. While technically I was at fault, I still blamed him a little. I’d been thinking about him, not paying much attention then suddenly there he was. The way he’d raked his eyes over me had been hot, and I could see he wanted us to pick up where we had left off. I wanted it too.
I tallied Charlotte’s grade and wrote down her percentage along with an excellent because she had scored over ninety percent on the test. She had come a long way and I hoped Gordon noticed. She had been a little reserved today more than usual. I’d caught her looking at me strangely from time to time. Every time I found her staring, she would glance away. At one point, I wondered if Gordon had told her about us but then I realized how silly that was.
Before I could reach for the next paper, I rolled out of bed. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay here, not knowing why Gordon wanted to speak to me. I hadn’t even taken a shower yet. I hurried to the bathroom and took the quickest shower in my life. After washing up, I called a cab to pick me up since my car was at the garage. The damage from this morning’s run-in with Gordon had resulted in only superficial scrapes, but I had to leave it overnight at the mechanic’s.
After the cab company assured me a driver would be here in the next ten to fifteen minutes, I flipped through my closet, trying to decide what to wear. I glanced at the clock. It was five minutes after nine, and I was afraid Gordon would leave if he thought I wouldn’t show up.
I dragged on jeans, a dark green shirt and a black blazer over it. I was combing my hair when the cab arrived. Leaving my hair still slightly damp, I could only hope it wouldn’t dry looking like a hot mess. This cab driver was friendly and chatted all the way to Bottoms Up. I didn’t hear half of what he said because I was busy checking the time on the dashboard and silently urging him to go faster. It was my luck he didn’t expect a response and liked to hear himself talk.
The time was creeping to the hour of ten when the cab driver finally pulled into the pub’s parking entrance. I was out the door before he even parked properly.
“Thanks for the lift,” I told him, pulling cash out of my wallet and passing it to him.
He glanced at the tip in surprise. “Here’s my card,” he announced and removed a business card from the glove compartment of his car. “You need a lift anywhere, just give me a call.”
“Will do. Good night!”
I half-ran, half-walked up the steps of the bar and pushed the front doors open. An upbeat jam from upstairs filtered down to the bar area. The bar was busy, several men and women locked in conversation. Others played or watched the pool games with interest. I dismissed everyone around me who wasn’t Gordon. I glanced around, tipping my head every which way to locate him. If he really wanted us to talk, he would have waited a few minutes, wouldn’t he? Even if I was forty minutes late. Hell, I’d waited on him for a week at this same spot before I gave up.
Disappointed in not seeing him, I slowly approached the bar. I didn’t even think about going upstairs. Gordon wasn’t the kind of man to dance and tonight was dance night for partners and would-be lovers. Maybe he would participate if persuaded but he wouldn’t go on his own. I selected an empty bar stool and sat, waiting for Cody to join me. He glanced up, saw me and smiled, but it fell a little flat. He looked over my shoulder then continued serving the customer in front of him.
I frowned. Cody had never ignored me before tonight. While I could appreciate him not flirting with me, I still could have used a drink. Or six. I needed to get Gordon off my mind. Permanently.
“You’re sitting on my stool.”
I spun around the stool upon hearing the complaint. I could always lie to myself that the slight dizziness I felt had to do with my messed-up equilibrium from turning too fast but in reality, it was all Gordon messing with my libido. He had his hand pushed into his back pockets while he observed me, a look of relief on his face.
“I thought for sure you’d left,” I said, trying not to show him how relieved I was to see him.
“I was hoping you would show up,” he answered. “I’ve been here since eight thirty, but I needed to use the restroom.”
“I didn’t plan to come,” I admitted.
“I know.”
I cocked my head to one side and tried not to show how much standing so close to him affected me. “How did you know?” I asked.
“Because I’ve been a fool,” he replied. “And although I thought you wouldn’t come, there was a part of me that clung to the hope that you’d give me a second chance.”
My cock nearly bore a hole through my jeans at his words. Nothing turned me on more than a man discussing what he wanted, especially when what he wanted was me. Gordon opening up to me and vocalizing what he wanted without me trying to drag it out of him, was more refreshing than a glass of lemonade during a trek through the Sahara.
“You want a second chance?” I asked, just for clarity.
He nodded and moved closer. Fuck, his eyes were mirrors to his soul. If we were alone, I’d jump his bones right there.
“Yeah, I kinda screwed up things the last time,” he admitted. “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, you know. Us. In fact, to be honest, I’d planned to end this before it got out of hand.”
“But it’s already out of hand, isn’t it?”
He nodded, his eyes dropping to my lips. “You have no idea how often I stay awake at nights thinking about you and what we did, wanting to do it again.”
As much as it pained me to ask, I had to. “Is this just a fuck for you Gordon? Are you going to fuck me tonight then like last time run off without even a hey, thanks for the BJ?”
His face turned red. “Thanks for the BJ?”
My lips twitched as I tried not to laugh. He looked so damn cute, unsure of what to do. I wanted to stay mad at him but could already feel a coat of hope covering my disappointment.
“You’re welcome,” I answered, looking past him to Cody who still hadn’t stopped to take my drink order.
“I guess this whole thing could have been avoided if I had told you how I truly felt when you called,” he said.
“Or if you’d stopped by my apartment,” I pointed out. “Or the bar after the night we slept together. I stopped by for a whole week.” I shrugged. “You know, just because I had nothing to do.”
He shifted and placed his hand over mine on top of the counter. He stroked the back of my hand and my cock lost the battle.
“So, did I. I dropped by as well and the bartender told me you were here the other nights. When you called me I was sure it was about us, but you only wanted to talk about Charlie. It kinda drove me a little crazy that here I was thinking about you so much, and you didn’t seem to care.”
“I dropped by the bar every single day for a week!” I exclaimed. “Does that sound like a man who doesn’t give a shit? If anything, I care too much about you when I know very little.”
He trailed circles on the back of my hand. “Do you want to? Know more about me?”
Fuck yes, I wanted to know more about him. In fact, the way he was touching me, I was pretty sure how much I would get to know him tonight. Either Gordon, my shy Gordon was hitting on me from the way he was stroking my hand, or he was utterly clueless how much he affected me.
“You can’t just run away this time,” I told him. “I know it’s all new to you but talk to me about what’s going through your mind before you act. If you want to walk away at any time just say so. I’d rather a clean break than be left feeling like an egg dropped on the sidewalk.”
He wrinkled his nose and damned if I didn’t want to kiss him right there. “That’s a bizarre analogy.”
“Fuck, I’m French. I may not get the English expressions right all the time, but you know damn well what I mean, Gordon.”
“Yeah, yeah. I do.”
I finally smiled at him at the same time Cody finally dropped by.
“Kissed and made up, gentlemen?” he asked with a grin. He glanced at Gordon. “I was sure you would be mad as hell when you found out I didn’t give him your number.”
“What number?” I asked in confusion.
Gordon glared at Cody and looked like he wanted to drag him over the bar. “You didn’t give him the number?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, seeking clarification. At Cody’s guilty look, I glared at him as well. “What did you do?”
He shrugged and eased back from the counter with his hands up. “Hey, I didn’t ask to be caught up in this love affair drama you guys got going over here. Besides, I did try to give him the number, but he wouldn’t listen. He just walked on right out of here. Now if you guys don’t want a drink, I think it’s best I get going.”
“Coward!” Gordon growled at him.
I reached up to tug Gordon’s arm. “What was that all about?”
“I left my number with him in case you dropped by,” he answered. “That night you called I thought you were calling about that but then realized you just wanted to talk about Charlie in your play.”
I grinned at him and got up from the stool. “It’s not all I wanted to talk about. You just kinda made it hard to broach the topic I wanted to discuss after. Charlie was a cover-up.”
“What topic is that?”
I moved even closer to him and placed both my hands on his chest. I didn’t care who was watching us. I missed touching him. I captured his eyes with mine when I felt his heart skip a beat. “I wanted to ask you to come over that night and pick up where we left off.”
He inhaled deeply. “Try asking me now,” he said, his voice lowering to a sexy purr.
“Okay.” I smiled up at him mischievously because he deserved to wait after making me wait so long. “Here goes. Would you like to dance with me upstairs?”
Chapter 12
Gordon
“God, I love this song,” Beau murmured as I pulled him into my arms for the dance he had asked for. He settled right against my body, and I was glad I hadn’t given in to the urge to tell him I didn’t dance. The only other time I could remember dancing was at my wedding, and I had been freaking out then, so I hadn’t enjoyed it. Even during the most significant moment of my life, I’d known I was making a big mistake. Afraid of the shame and humiliation when everyone was so happy about our union, I’d excused myself exactly twice to throw up in the restroom then returned to my wife’s side as though I was the happiest groom alive.
Now I realized it wasn’t the dancing that had been the problem on my wedding day. I had the wrong person in my arms. We weren’t the only ones dancing. In fact, it seemed Thursday nights were designated for dance nights. Several gay and lesbian couples were dancing in each other’s arms, so I didn’t feel out of place with Beau. I was more relaxed than I’d been in a long time. I felt like I belonged, like I could be myself around these people, and it was ecstatic.
A woman dancing with her wife, judging by the wedding rings on their fingers smiled at us, and I even managed to smile right back at her.
“I stink at dancing,” I whispered in Beau’s ear. “I’m giving you fair warning.”
He casually wrapped one arm around my waist while he clutched my hand. He smiled up at me, looking ridiculously happy. “Warning noted,” he murmured. “If you crush my toes you’ll just have to suck them later.”
He winked at me and apart from my initial knee-jerk reaction, I was getting used to him saying things like that. “It would be remiss of me not to trample on at least one in that case.”
He chuckled and drew closer to me. With my hand splayed on his lower back, I helped move him even closer. I closed my eyes, allowing the soulful sound of Nina Storey’s Till There Was You to set the mood for us. He felt wonderful in my arms as we swayed against each other. We were so close that our cocks bumped and swelled. Given the way this dance was shaping up, we would hardly need foreplay when we arrived at his apartment.
Beau leaned forward, resting his head on my shoulder. It was the damn sweetest thing a lover could have done. He was singing the words of the song in my ear, the deep timbre of his bass hitting me in the gut with lust.
“I know this road we travel won't be an easy one
I know the odds are higher loving on the run
You give to me in every way I never knew
You make impossible real
You make it come true”
I tightened my hold on him, his hot breath warming the side of my neck. I ran my hand in small circles, wishing I could bypass the material of his shirt to touch his skin.
I could feel the sweat beading on my back. I never knew dancing with someone could be so erotic. The way he moved against me, resting his hand just above the swell of my ass. Our thighs brushed against each other. I was certain I stepped on his foot at least once, but it was hardly the highlight of what he was doing to me. The highlight would be how amazingly he fit against me. His cock was as rigid as mine, and when our flies scraped together, I damn near shot my load in my jeans.
“Beau.” My voice came out strained to my ear.
“Yeah?”
“I’m not sure how much more of this I can take,” I gasped. “I’m harboring thoughts of you.”
“What kind of thoughts?” he asked.
“Don’t make me say it.”
“Say it. Please.”
I slipped my hands down to his ass and pressed the lower half of our bodies together. I was too horny to care who was watching us. Besides, we weren’t doing anything everyone else wasn’t hoping to do to their partner anyway.
“Ooo,” he moaned.
“Yeah.” I shuddered against him. “I want to undress you and finish what we started.”
He slipped his hand from my waist and discreetly tucked it between our bodies. He cupped my hard cock through my jeans and squeezed. “I don’t think we’re still dancing, love. Move.”
My eyes cracked open in disbelief. “You’re grabbing me by the cock. The only movement I feel coming on is shooting my load and I’m trying not to do that until I’m inside of you.”
“Gordon. Gordon.” I could hear the smile in his words. “I wasn’t sure you had it in you. Where did all this tough talk come from?”
“It’s your damn fault,” I growled at him. “You gave me head, showed me a glimpse of heaven and left me wanting the whole grand tour.”
He stopped in the middle of the dance. “Okay, let’s go. No sense torturing ourselves.” He winked at me.
Hand in hand we hurried down the stairs. I wanted him so badly I couldn’t resist halting us halfway down the stairs and backing him up against the wall.
“Gor—”
I kissed him, swallowing his words. I kissed him hard. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me even closer to him. Cupping the back of his head, I sifted his hair through my fingers while sucking on his bottom lip. He groaned, giving me the perfect opportunity to slip my tongue into his mouth. He kissed me back, moaning and sucking on my tongue. He leaned heavily against the wall, and I crowded into him, getting as close as I dared without becoming one with him.
Neither of us was conscious of our surroundings. I could feel the blood rushing into my cock and making me harder. All I wanted was to bury my cock inside the sweet ass I had massaging in my hands. The way he was moving against me was phenomenal. I was responsible for the way he was writhing against me. I, Gordon, who had pretended for eighteen years that this wasn't who I was. The revelation boosted my confidence, and I slipped a hand up under the hem of his shirt to stroke his lower back.
“Fuck that’s hot!” someone muttered, as footsteps trampled by us up the stairs. We both startled to discover where we were.
I groaned and kissed him briefly again before burying my face into his neck.
“Tell me there’s a fucking portal that can teleport us to your place.”
He laughed, the sound rumbling in his chest. “No, but I know a competent driver.”
I cocked my brows at him. “Why do I feel like you’re talking about me?”
He shrugged as I stepped back and pulled him off the wall. “I can drive us if you want me to. I took a cab.”
“Nah, you’ve caused enough accidents in one day.” He grimaced at the distinctive bulge of his crotch. “And if we don’t get to your apartment soon, you’re about to cause another.”
I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed the back of it. We tumbled down the stairs together and headed straight for the door.
“Now that’s some action I would want to see!” Cody shouted at us, shifting all the attention from the bar our way. I could feel my shyness coming on as everyone stared, some snickered, and others were nodding in agreement. Then Beau flipped him the bird, and I decided I friggin’ loved this guy.
We left the bar with laughter at our backs. “This way.” I pulled him in the direction of my truck and unlocked the vehicle for us to get in. The doors slammed, the engine rumbled, and I backed out of the parking spot.
“Hey, hon, slow down, will you?” Beau said when I took a corner too sharply. “After waiting this long, and yeah I know it’s barely two weeks, I’d rather not go six-feet under until you deliver what you promised.”
I glanced over at him and grinned sheepishly. He’d called me hon and damn if it didn’t sound great.
“Let’s talk while you drive us there,” he stated.
“You want to talk?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, you know, to figure out things a bit.”
“Figure out what. We’re going back to your place, right? And please don’t offer me beer when we get there. If I wanted beer, I’d stay at the bar.”
He chuckled. “Duly noted. But I mean other stuff.”
I rolled my eyes. “For a guy who’s usually bold with his words, you’re hesitant tonight.”
“You know, I’m beginning to prefer shy Gordon.”
I scowled at him before becoming thoughtful. “You don’t mean that, do you because I don’t think I’m either. Well, I think I’m a mix of shy Gordon and the new daring Gordon. I discovered the latter because of you.”
“I’m kidding. I love both sides of you.”
I was speechless. His words were hardly a declaration of love. When people said they loved something about you, it didn’t necessarily mean they loved you, so I really shouldn’t give a second thought to his words, but I couldn’t afford not to. I couldn’t even remember Barbara telling me once that she loved me, other than reciting our wedding vows.
“Anyway, what I meant was, what kind of lover are you?” he asked. “You know some guys act as tops only and others are bottoms only.”
I paused, thinking hard about it. I wasn’t sure what answer he was looking for. I wanted to fuck him. In fact, I was ninety-nine point nine percent certain that I would top him tonight, but I couldn’t say for certain that I wouldn’t want him to do it to me too in the future.
“I want to top you tonight,” I told him, hoping I was using the correct terms. “But, I wasn’t averse to what you did that night. When you poked your finger inside my ass. I guess what I’m saying is that I’d be open if you wanted to top me too.”
I glanced at him to garner his reaction. He was looking at me with a smile. “Sounds good.”
“And you?” I asked. “You’ve clearly been in relationships with other men before. Do you have a preference?”
“Just to clarify, I might have fooled around a bit when I was in my teens, but I’ve only ever gone all the way with one guy.”
His response surprised me into silence. I’d have never thought him to have taken only one lover. He acted so experienced that I would have guessed him to have had at least a handful of lovers. If he’d only been with one guy, did it mean that relationship had been serious? I was curious to know but didn’t want serious conversations to ruin the night.
“So were you a bottom or a top?” I asked him.
“Mostly a bottom,” he answered. “But I did enjoy being the occasional top. Although I wouldn’t mind just bottoming for you.”
I pulled into his apartment building and parked in his spot. I cut the engine and released my seatbelt, turning to him. “Good. You can be the occasional top. I bet you’re great at it.”
He released his seatbelt and leaned over to meet me in the middle as we kissed. He released my lips, and I captured his again, loving the feel of his mouth pressed to mine. “Let’s go up and find out how great you are at it.”
I chucked his chin. “Way to pile on the pressure, man. Just remember, I’ve never done this before.”
“Don’t worry. Between the both of us, we’ll figure it out.”
Chapter 13
Beau
“Kiss me,” I told Gordon to distract him from the towel, lube, and condom I had placed on the bed. The nervous look was back in his eyes, but I didn’t want shy Gordon to appear now. He had been great all evening, just living in the moment. I loved seeing him like that, without a worry of what others thought about him.
At my command, he dipped his head and kissed me. I moaned, loving the way he swept his tongue into my mouth. He was hands down the best kisser I ever had. Unlike lovers, I had kissed a lot of men. His mouth was firm yet gentle and did not taste at all like the ashen kisses I’d become used to from my ex. I pushed Ian from my mind. Tonight was about Gordon and me, and nobody would come between that. Not now.
I walked him back until his knees hit the bed. I tugged his shirt up, revealing the toned body I had seen only once but had not forgotten. I tossed the shirt to the edge of the bed on the other side. We were both going to be wrapped up in each other’s arms anyway. I doubted we would reach the other end.
“Take off your shirt,” he said, and I obeyed, pulling the material over my head. His hands immediately came to rest on my ribcage. He ran them upward to caress my lean muscles. He tweaked my nipples with his fingers, and I groaned. As much as I wanted tonight to last as long as we both could, I had a feeling we were not going to waste our time in unloading soon. Too much pent up sexual frustration existed between us. I didn’t mind hard and fast either, as long as there was a promise of slow and steady the second time.
“You’re so fucking hot,” Gordon said, running his hands back down my chest. He didn’t stop there but down to the swell at the front of my jeans to cup my hard cock. He squeezed gently, and I tossed my head back and closed my eyes. He released the pressure before pressing again, a little harder this time. I gazed at him through hooded lids and licked my bottom lip. I wanted his mouth on my cock, like the way I had sucked him off, but I didn’t want to ask. I wanted him to give what he felt comfortable giving, as I had done our first night together.
With his free hand, he cupped my ass and pulled me even closer to him. He continued caressing me, and pressed wet kisses to my abs. Each sweep of his tongue over my skin sent shivers through my body. I cupped the back of his head and slowly rotated my hips, pressing my cock harder into his eager touch.
“Oh God, I want you so much, Gordon,” I moaned. “Can you feel how much?” I’d thought my first time with someone other than Ian would have been harder because of my last encounter with him, but nothing intruded on the sensations Gordon created in me.
“Yeah and it’s such a turn on.”
I held my breath when he left my cock alone to fumble with my belt buckle. I didn’t help him but watched and waited while he was all thumbs. Removing a belt had suddenly turned into rocket science. He finally got the belt undone and I wanted to tease him about it but remembered he had been so skeptical the first time we did this, doubtful that sex and fun could become one. He unsnapped my jeans and pulled down the zipper.
“You’ll have to tell me where you got these jeans,” he murmured. “They fit you well.”
“Fuck, rock my world tonight and they’re yours.”
He chuckled which pleased me much. The change in him was a turn-on in itself. He was making jokes when I was itching to pull him on top of me already.
“I don’t think they’d fit,” he murmured, his voice trailing off when he pushed my jeans down my hips. I shimmied my hips a little to help him get them off. I was wearing a pair of Calvin Klein’s briefs beneath. Without a word, he hooked the briefs with his fingers and pulled down. My cock popped free from the material, curving upward toward my belly.
Gordon knelt before me to remove my briefs and left them right there on the floor. He didn’t get to his feet but remained kneeling. He ran his hands up my legs and up to my thighs. He hesitated a little before he reached for my cock. I held my breath, bracing for the impact of his touch. His hand enclosed around me gently, stroking up and down.
“Do it harder,” I told him. “It’s not much different from your own. Remember the way you jerk off when you think about me that night.” His eyes snapped up to me in surprise. I smiled at him. “I know because I do the same thing. That night was all I had of you.”
I gasped the last word when he tightened his grip around my cock. He pumped me at the base, rubbing the skin of my cock up and down.
“Suck me in your mouth,” I begged him because I couldn’t wait anymore. I wanted the feel of his lips wrapped around my cock.
He dipped his head eagerly as if he had just been waiting for my permission. His lips settled over the tip, and he slowly kissed the head. I widened my feet to give him better access between my legs.
“Oh God, yes, that’s it,” I moaned when he took me deeper into his mouth. He got midway before his head bobbed slowly up and down. He got the hang of it quickly enough, and only his initial reaction was a dead giveaway he had never given head before. Soon he was sucking me faster and deeper, the wet slurps filling the room. I rolled my hips in small circles as I thrust inside his mouth. He couldn’t deepthroat me as I had done him, but that was just fine. His mouth was already torture and my balls tightened. I badly wanted to finish but not like this. The climax would be much greater with him pumping inside my body.
“Gordon,” I moaned his name. I couldn’t resist giving a sharp thrust into his mouth before tugging on his hair. He released my cock with a pop, and I bent forward to kiss him, drawing his tongue into my mouth. “I want to feel you inside me,” I said against his lips.
He stood, his lips still clinging to mine as he kissed me passionately. “I don’t want to mess this up,” he said, his face a little worried. “Will you show me what to do?”
I nodded. “It’ll be fine. I’ll start off on top.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he remarked, brows knitted in worry.
I tugged his head down to kiss him again. I was touched at his concern. “It’s been a while, but you won’t hurt me. The secret is being well-lubed. I’ll show you how. First, take off your clothes.”
In record time, he had his pants down his thighs. He finished pushing them all the way down and dropped his boxers just as fast.
“Good to see I wasn’t overthinking things,” I told him reaching for his cock. I massaged his girth, running my enclosed fist up and down his shaft.
He gave a guttural sound and removed my hand. “A little less of that tonight, please. If you continue touching me like that Beau, we’ll have to carry this into another night.”
“Oh no. We can’t have that happening.”
He smiled. “A man after my own heart.”
Without warning Gordon grabbed me by the back of my thighs and deposited me on the bed. Before I could get my wind back, he was on the bed as well. I spread my legs for him and reached across the bed to take up the lube. “Give me your hand.”
He didn’t ask questions but did what I told him. I squeezed a good portion of the lube on his fingers and instructed him how to rub the silicone-based gel into my asshole to prepare me for his entry. “You won’t hurt me,” I said gently.
Taking my word for it, he rubbed his fingers just on the exterior of my asshole, moving closer until I felt the cool gel against my skin. He coated the ribbed edges of my entrance before dipping his index finger inside. I moaned, the sound encouraging him to be bolder. He pushed his finger deeper inside me and gave me his other hand for me to hand him the lube. He applied some more and continued massaging a second finger into my tight hole. He started slowly at first, barely pushing in and out. As I loosened up under his administrations, he twisted two fingers up inside my body and pushed hard. He crooked his finger inside my body, and I nearly reared up from the bed, my eyes wide open in shock at the delicious sensations that rippled through me.
“Oh God, that’s the spot, right there,” I moaned, rolling my head from side to side. “Do it again. Please.” He did it again, massaging my prostate with his fingers. Precum leaked from my cock. I didn’t dare touch my erection or I’d be busting my nuts.
“Gordon!” I gasped, grabbing him by the shoulder. “No more, please. No more. I want you inside me.”
He didn’t argue but wiped his hands on the towel I provided before I passed the condom to him. He didn’t comment at my shaking hand but made quick work of the condom. He rolled it down his cock, smoothing it to ensure everything was intact. He watched me as he lubed up.
“Let’s switch now so you can ride me,” he said, and we switched positions. Gordon lay on his back, and I crouched over him. With my feet planted on either side of his hips, I leaned forward to kiss him because he had gone tense. I knew at the forefront of his mind was him thinking of hurting me. I didn’t know how to reassure him outside of the fact that I had been doing this since I was nineteen. I didn’t want to allude to any other man while we were making love.
Easing down his body, I grasped the base of his cock and guided it to my mushroomed hole. His tip hit my entrance and pressed into my flesh. He hissed beneath me, his thighs gone stiff. I relaxed, breathing in and out steadily as I pushed downward slowly. He was huge, and I hadn’t been fucked by anyone in over a year. The girth of his cock tore through the tight muscles, stretching me and filling me.
“Fuck!” he exploded beneath me. “You’re so tight around me. Oh my God, that’s so good!”
Without answering, I braced my hands onto his chest and slowly moved upwards and then back down. Each downward movement, I took more and more of his inches until I was sitting on him, his cock fully buried into me. I had to pause and allow the shudders to ripple through me before I could move. Taking him inside me was no fucking mean feat.
“You okay?” he asked with a gasp, running his hands over my thighs and up my sides. Though his pleasure was evident on his face, it was laced with a look of concern. A brief memory of another man barreling inside me even when I wasn’t ready temporarily distracted me. I seized up having thought the memory buried too deep to still affect me. I paled and shuddered against Gordon again. I closed my eyes and tried to fight my demons. The ones I pretended didn’t exist. All it had taken was a kind gesture on Gordon’s part to unravel me, to remind me I wasn’t whole.
I was safe, and this was Gordon who I was with. I tried to concentrate on the man who was lying beneath me. He would never hurt me. But then, I never thought Ian would have hurt me either.
To my humiliation, I could feel the hot tears sliding from behind my closed eyelids.