13
Adam
The light coming through the window blinded me and washed away all the colors in the room.
There was a dog in my arms, and I reached down on his tag and read his name. Cadence. I remembered Pacey mentioning it was his dog.
What the hell was I doing here?
I thought hard to recall what happened that night—the great show we put on, the fight with Gray, talking to Pacey. If it wasn’t for my massive hangover, I’d say it was a pretty fun evening.
I sat up on the couch, then instantly regretted it and laid back down. What a fucking brutal hangover. Cadence looked at me weird and tried to lick my nose, as I squirmed away.
From the couch, I could see Pacey’s black harp next to the window. On the other side was a black grand piano.
Together, the two instruments framed the view of the snowy backdrop.
Tree branches were covered in snow. The ground was white. When I looked a bit further, there was blue. It was water. A beach.
Waves rushed and crashed on the shore.
It was quiet.
No cars, no birds, nothing. Just the sounds of Cadence’s breath.
I walked towards the bookshelf across from the couch and thumbed through the books. There were rows and rows of sheet music, history books on music, biographies of musicians, and textbooks.
I took a closer look at the harp. I’d never seen an actual one before. Pacey’s was beautiful.
The black wood with gold detailing didn’t have a speck of dust on it. It was grand in size, about as tall as the grand piano next to it.
I ran my fingers along the strings, and the harp sang a calming hum.
I heard footsteps and turned around to see Pacey descending the staircase.
He was wearing a white t-shirt, his usual glasses, and grey sweatpants that were rolled up just below his knees. His hair was disheveled, unlike how clean-cut he usually looked.
“Morning,” I said.
“Good morning, you want some coffee?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.
I nodded, the thought of coffee brought a smile to my face.
We walked up a couple steps, with just a railing separating between his living area and the kitchen.
“I can’t believe you live here,” I said.
He opened his cupboards and pulled out two mismatched mugs.
“You like it?” He asked.
“It’s like paradise, is it always this quiet?”
“Not always. There’s actually a lot of people in the city who come here in the summer to hang out at the beach, so it could get pretty crazy. Especially at nighttime if there are teenagers outside throwing bonfires.”
Pacey put some coffee beans in the grinder. The machine made a whirring sound and turned the beans into dark fine powder.
“I’m sorry about last night,” I said.
“Sorry about what?” He turned to me, eyes wide behind his brown framed glasses.
“You know…that you had to take care of me again.”
“Oh. It’s cool, it wasn’t as hard as the other time. We Ubered home and you passed out right away on the couch. It’s no big deal,” Pacey said, putting the ground coffee into the French press.
He turned to the stove to boil some water.
“How long have you lived here?” I asked, taking a step towards the French doors.
I looked out into the back where there was a small shed, the roof of it was covered in snow.
“Almost a year now,” he said.
“You rent or own it?” I asked.
“I own it.”
“That’s great, I’m guessing it’s just you here.”
“Well, me and Cadence, yeah.”
He walked towards me and opened the doors. Cadence ran out into the small field where he sniffed around then took a piss.
“Must be pretty expensive living in a place this nice in this part of the city,” I said.
“It’s not bad. It was foreclosed when I bought it, so the cost wasn’t too bad but the house itself needed a lot of work,” Pacey said.
“Were you working for the Symphony Orchestra at the time?”
“Yeah, I bought this place when I realized I could afford it. For a while, I was working at a coffee shop. Even picked up a few hours on weekends at a bookstore to make ends meet. Once in a while, I got lucky when someone would buy the rights to the songs that I’d written. I was lucky when the Orchestra hired me.”
“It’d be a shame if they didn’t. I’m glad you stuck with music, man. It was always something you were good at.”
Pacey whistled to call Cadence back inside. His ears perked up and he ran back into the house, bringing in a bit of snow on his paws that melted on the kitchen tiles.
“I’m glad things worked out for you too, it’s been quite a ride for you, I imagine,” he said.
“It has. You remember when we met?” I asked, running my hands through Cadence’s soft puppy coat.
“First day of high school, in music class.”
“Hah, you do remember.”
“We were both sitting in the hallway outside of the music classroom. We were the last ones to take our placement tests to see how good we were at our instruments,” Pacey said.
There was a slight grin on his face as he slid a fresh cup of coffee towards me across the kitchen island.
“I was learning to sing at the time,” I said, recalling that unforgettable day that happened ten years ago. “The music teacher, Mr. Maule, said that singing wasn’t an instrument.”
“I remembered hearing you two argue while I waited outside.”
“I was adamant that I wanted to sing. And since I was stubborn as fuck, I wouldn’t even listen to what he had to say, I just walked right out of there. He eventually put me in the beginner’s class, and made me play the guitar.”
“And now you sing and play the guitar,” he said.
“I’m happy that he assumed I would be good at it because of my arrogance. But wait, how did you end up in the beginner tier? Weren’t you already really good at the piano?” I took a sip of the steaming hot coffee, and it was extra strong just like how Pacey had always made it.
Pacey shook his head. “I only took music because it was during third period, which meant I could take it during my lunch. So I wouldn’t have to actually socialize in the cafeteria.”
“Really? So you had five courses in your freshman year?”
He nodded.
“I’d always remembered how painfully shy you were,” I said, giving him a wink.
“Still am,” he said, with a shy smile.
“Really? Because you talk to me just fine.”
“I always have. I’m just more comfortable around you, I guess.”
“You ever invite any girls here?” I asked looking around at his cozy place.
He looked down onto the kitchen island he was leaning against, then looked back up at me.
“You don’t know, eh?” He said.
“Don’t know what?” I asked, raising my brows.
“I’m…gay,” Pacey uttered so quietly that I could barely hear him.
“Oh, sorry—I mean...not sorry that you’re gay. Sorry that I assumed you were into girls. I really had no idea.”
“That’s cool. I wasn’t out in high school, so you wouldn’t have known. I only came out in college.”
“Was it hard to come out in college?”
“Not in an arts program, and people kinda figured it out because I played the harp…”
“I wouldn’t really just assume that. Maybe I’m kind of dumb though. But your harp looks so fucking bad ass,” I said.
I gave a head nod in the direction of his black harp that sat so beautifully in the living room. It reflected the white light coming in through the window.
“College...how was it?” I asked.
“It was okay, I had quite a normal experience, I don’t really have anything to compare it to,” he said.
“I’ve always had that thought in the back of my mind that I missed out on something...missed out on being fucking normal instead of what I have now.”
“You were born to do this, Adam. You really think you’d be happy if you had a normal life?”
“Happier than I am now? Probably.” I said, chugging some more coffee like it’d magically make my hangover disappear.
“You’re doing great though, your own house in the Hollywood Hills. Fame. Girls. Isn’t that all you ever wanted?”
“It was what I wanted when I was eighteen. Now, I’m not so sure. It feels...empty, you know? Like I have all these toys—all these things. Now what?”
I knew I was being ungrateful, but it was the honest to God truth.
I finished the last bit of coffee, then looked at my phone.
“Hey, Pace,” I said. “Thanks again for last night, I promise you won’t have to do this again. Really, taking care of my drunk ass twice is more than enough. I’m going to head back to the hotel so that you can get on with your day.”
“What? You’re going to leave? Just like that?” He asked.
“I mean...yeah, I just figured you have stuff to do.”
“It’s Saturday, and look outside, it’s freezing. I’m not doing anything today. You can leave if you have to, but it’s been a while since we actually got to hang out...like the good ol’ days. And you’re here for how much longer? A few more weeks?”
“Yeah, six weeks, well five now, then God knows where I’ll be,” I said. “But, alright. I guess I can stay. I don’t have any commitments with the band, and it’s probably wise for me to wait a bit until this fucking hangover passes.”
“I can give you a tour of the rest of my house if you want.”
“For sure, let’s check it out.”
I followed Pacey upstairs and he showed me the guest bedroom. It was where I was supposed to stay, had I not passed out on his couch.
He showed me his bedroom that had a white grand piano next to a balcony that overlooked the beach. Next to his bedroom was his bathroom. He’d renovated it himself with white-quartz countertops and a claw-foot tub.
Everything had that delicate touch that Pacey put in everything, and his home was small but cozy.
We went downstairs back to the living area and kitchen. Then we walked to a back staircase that led downstairs.
There was a matcha-green colored sectional that faced a TV. On the floor was his gaming console.
The same one that would occupy us for hours and late into the night on school days. Pacey’s parents would find us still awake at four in the morning and shut it off themselves so that we’d finally go to bed.
It took all of one glance at each other for Pacey to turn it on.
The retro music of our favorite game brought me back to Pacey’s bedroom when we were teenagers. I could almost smell his mom’s homemade cinnamon rolls coming from the kitchen.
We played a few rounds.
I was sitting up on the couch with a pillow wedged between my chest and my arms. The controller felt much smaller than I remembered.
Pacey sat on his rug, leaning against the sofa with Cadence quietly curled up by his feet. We alternated wins. I must have been rusty after not playing for so long because I remembered that I used to beat Pacey every round.
I hadn’t felt so...at home in so long.
It was a mixture of being in my hometown and playing a nostalgic video game with Pacey in his cozy house.
It made me wonder why I’d left in the first place.
My place in Los Angeles, as hot as the climate was...felt cold. Even being at my mom’s new house here wasn’t the same.
I could never feel comfortable while on the bus during our tour either. Even flying on a private jet didn’t bring me this sense of peace that I had in Pacey’s home.
The faint sounds of waves crashing onto the snowy beach. Cadence’s steady breath in his sleep. The clicking of the video game controller buttons. Pacey in sweatpants with his messy hair.
Nirvana.
In my trance, I hadn’t realized that Pacey had already beat me again.
“Earth to Adam,” Pacey said waving his hand in front of my face.
I snapped myself back to reality and put on a tight smile.
“You want to order a pizza?” I asked. “I haven’t eaten since before the show last night. I think it would really help me with this hangover.”
“Yeah, let’s do it. I actually promised that we’d get pizza last night to try and convince you to leave the party. There’s a pretty good place that has vegan options down the street. Sometimes, if I ask nicely, they’d walk down the street to deliver it. But only because I leave a really nice tip.”
“Hell, if we can avoid the cold, I’d tip them double what the pizza’s worth.”
“I’m guessing you want wings too.”
“Extra hot, you know it.”
Pacey got on his phone and ordered for us while we played more games, then a few more until it finally arrived.
We thanked the pizza guy and gave him a very handsome tip. He left the house, practically skipping down the sidewalk.
I opened the first box that had a gross vegan pizza in it and handed it to Pacey. The box underneath was mine and I stuffed a slice in my mouth.
We paused the game as we devoured the pizza, not even bothered by the fact that it was noon and our first meal of the day.
We ate quickly, as Cadence hovered near us, waiting for us to give him some of it.
“This is really good pizza,” I said, with a big bite of it still in my mouth.
“I know, you should try some of mine. You wouldn’t even know that it’s vegan,” he handed me his slice and I took a huge bite out of it to see what he was talking about.
“You’re right, it tastes like real cheese. How the hell do they do that?” I asked.
“It’s soy, I think,” Pacey said. “We should go to this restaurant sometime. They serve something called the impossible burger. You wouldn’t even know that it’s not a real beef patty. It even bleeds like it’s cooked medium rare.”
“My God, is anything ever real these days? I deal with enough fake people living in Los Angeles.”
“Why do you live there, then?” He asked.
He had a point.
“I don’t really have a choice,” I said. “It’s where we record, and it’s where all the action is for the music industry. It’s not like I could ever live here and do what I do. I’d have to fly back and forth so often that it wouldn’t be worth it.”
“That’s true, I guess you don’t have a choice.”
“Go figure, eh? When I was eighteen, I was promised that I’d have all this freedom once I joined the band. Now I feel like a prisoner sometimes.”
“Come on, it can’t be that bad,” he said.
“I’d trade to have your life in a heartbeat, Pace. Away and secluded from crazy fans and paparazzi who are standing outside my house. The paparazzi are always trying to catch me naked in my own house. And being on the road twenty-four seven sucks so much. It all gets old quick.”
“How about your bandmates? They keep you company right?”
“We rarely talk to each other. They’re more like people I work with—co-workers, rather than people I’d actually hang out with. It’s nothing like...just chilling with you.”
I leaned back, stretching my arms out across the span of the sectional couch. I ate everything, wings included.
Pacey sat back up on the couch next to me and flipped on the television. He stopped at the music channel where they were playing one of my new music videos.
“I haven’t seen this one before,” he said.
“Yeah, we filmed it not too long ago in the desert,” I said.
“How long did it take to film?”
“A few days, it was hot as balls there.”
I felt weird seeing myself on screen. I never got used to the fact that people watched me on their TV while I wasn’t there.
We watched the video. I was shirtless driving a retro Red Dodge Coronet with the top down.
I grabbed the remote from him and changed it when it got to the scene with close-up shots of me in a motel bed. The camera panning down my abs while I was wearing nothing except underwear.
When I changed the channel, Pacey tried to grab the remote back. I had my hand pressed against his chest as he flailed his arms trying to fight for the remote.
“Change it back,” Pacey demanded, swiping at the remote.
“No, why do you want to see it?” I asked.
“Because...I actually like that song.”
“Well, you can listen to it without watching the video.”
He continued to swipe for it, and he pushed me on to the couch, putting all his weight on me. I held my arms above my head, holding onto the remote. But he pushed my face against the cushion, and managed to steal the remote back and changed the channel.
It was me again on his big-screen TV, sweat was dripping down my body.
“Jesus, you’re ripped here, Adam,” he smirked, trying to get a reaction out of me.
When he was focused on the screen, I shoved him on the couch, and I tried to grab the remote again. This time I was on top of him, and he was faced down with the remote wedged between the cushion and his stomach.
I put him in a chokehold and rolled him off the sofa onto the ground. Our bodies thumped as it hit the floor.
Cadence was sniffing our faces, his tail wagged like we were playing some kind of game.
I had Pacey faced down on the rug now. I tried tickling him, trying to get him to release the remote.
The raunchy music video continued to play in the background.
As he squirmed, his ass in his grey sweatpants pressed up against my crotch and rubbed against my jeans. He bumped and grinded against my cock unknowingly.
I dug my fingers harder into his ribs trying to get him to release the remote.
I felt pressure in my jeans, and when I looked down...I realized that I was hard.
What the fuck?
I quickly backed up off him, as he turned around, wondering why I had stopped. I grabbed one of the cushions beside me and put it on my crotch to cover up my hard-on. I felt my cock pulse against my jeans.
He picked up his glasses off the floor and put them back on.
The video continued to play, and there was a victorious grin on his face as he watched me on the screen.
We were out of breath from all that tackling. I was confused—wondering why the hell I had a boner. It didn’t help that I was still on TV—half-naked, in bed, clutching onto the white bedsheets, flexing my muscles.
When the video was finally over, Pacey looked over at me. “That’s a good song,” he said, casually with a proud grin like he’d won something.
“I can’t believe you did that, man. Not cool,” I said. “Where’s your bathroom, I need to take a piss.”
He pointed down the hall, and I stood up and walked awkwardly to the bathroom with a boner in my pants.
The tiles in the washroom were cold against my feet as I lifted the lid of his toilet.
I unbuttoned my jeans and saw how hard I was. I noticed that there was pre-come that had leaked out of me—so much that it had left a huge wet mark in my underwear.
I swiped my finger against the head of my cock and rubbed it against my index finger and my thumb. It was sticky and hot to the touch.
What the fuck?
Why was I leaking this all of a sudden? I’d never seen myself pre-come like that before. Not even in the company of a woman.
I tried to remember the last time I got laid. It’d been a while, I was super picky lately, and most nights I’d pass out from drinking.
I had too many bad experiences with chicks taking advantage of me—girls who got me way too drunk.
Pacey knocked on the door, and it made me jump.
“Everything alright in there?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’m taking a piss. Go away,” I growled, hating the fact that he’d done this to me.
I pointed my semi-hard dick down and bent myself forward to aim it into the toilet to piss. Then, I zipped myself back up, feeling the wet spot of pre-come in my underwear.
I opened the door, and Cadence was staring up at me with a dopey smile, his tail wagged. He sniffed at my crotch, and I pushed him away. I walked back to where Pacey was sitting and he was now watching some cartoon.
“You good?” He asked.
“I’m good, I’m itching for a cigarette though, I’m going to step outside for a second,” I said.
“We can go for a walk if you want, I need to take Cadence out for one before he gets all looney.”
“Alright, that’s cool,” I said.
We walked back upstairs to the main living area. I put on my hat, sweater, and denim jacket that was slung over the couch.
Pacey rolled his sweatpants down and put on a navy blue hoodie that had his college’s logo on it.
As I was putting on my boots, he handed me a scarf.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re going to need this, it’s freezing out,” he said, with the scarf dangling at my face.
“I’ll be alright,” I said.
“Really. The wind gets pretty strong since we’re facing the water. You’ll be cold.”
“I’m alright, Pace. But thanks for the offer.” I zipped up my sweater and pulled the hood over my baseball cap.
Pacey shrugged and put the scarf on himself instead.
He hooked Cadence’s leash up and the puppy stood right against the door, afraid that we’d leave without him.
When he opened the door, a gust of wind and snow blew in.
We walked across the one-way street that was empty of cars and people. I pulled out my pack of Marlboro’s and my Zippo and lit one up.
Pacey let Cadence off his leash on the grass and we walked towards the water. Pacey was right...the wind was strong and cold as we walked to the water.
Cadence ran carefree on the grass, unfazed by how cold it was as his fur blew majestically.
I took a long drags on my cigarette to warm my lungs. Soon, snot was dripping from my nose and I tried to wipe it off before it got down to my mouth.
“Told you it’s cold,” Pacey said.
He unraveled the scarf he tried to give me earlier and handed it to me.
“I’m good,” I said.
I obviously wasn’t good because I was shivering as more snot poured from my nostrils.
Pacey pushed the scarf against my chest, forcing me to take it, and I reluctantly draped it over my neck. It warmed me up almost instantly.
The field we walked on was covered in snow.
When I looked behind us, I could trace our footsteps back towards his house. It was the first time I saw its façade since I had been so drunk last night.
It was as charming on the outside as it was within and it reminded me of his harp.
The wooden siding was painted beige with black accents on the window trim. His house contrasted the whiteness of the sky.
The field cut off at a bike trail, which quickly transitioned to the snow-covered sand of the beach.
The cool breeze intensified, numbing every part of my body that was exposed. The crashing of the waves numbed the loud stream of thoughts in my mind.
I looked around and it was empty, except for Pacey, Cadence, and me.
It was a bit shocking to be on the outskirts of the city yet feeling so removed from it at the same time.
For a moment, I had forgotten about all my commitments and anxieties. Everything that was expected of me washed away with each passing wave.
When I looked over at Pacey, he seemed content as well.