25
Adam
I headed out of LAX to the car that was waiting outside for me.
A group of paparazzi swarmed me, as I tried to find the car that was supposed to pick me up. When I finally did, the driver drove me back to my home in the Hollywood Hills.
I took off the jacket that I’d been wearing, the warm Los Angeles weather was a stark contrast from my hometown.
Though the weather was warm, being in Los Angeles always felt cold and empty.
I tried to call Pacey before I left, I even stopped by his place again one evening but he didn’t answer the door. I went to his parents’ place to make sure he was alright, and they said that he must’ve just been busy with the Symphony.
Leaving was hard, but I had to get back to reality eventually.
When I arrived back into my home, it was exactly as I left it.
My Porsche and Lamborghini were still parked in the garage. Dishes that I hadn’t washed in my sink were still there. My Xbox controller was still sitting on the couch. My plants were still dead.
There was an echo when I walked through my house that I hadn’t noticed before.
It made me realize how big this place was for just one person. It was nothing like Pacey’s cozy beach house that felt warm and cozy.
I went into my liquor cabinet and made myself a drink to de-stress from all the traveling. Since my fight with Pacey, I’d been drinking every day from the moment I woke up to the moment I passed out. It was the only way I could get through it without thinking about him.
I stepped out into my backyard, my infinity pool reflected off the clear blue sky.
I looked out at the city that I’d never been able to truly call home. I couldn’t help but compare it to the beautiful snowy view from Pacey’s home. The rush of the waves that crashed against the cold beach coastline paled in comparison to the L.A. smog.
Pacey’s home was what a home should be like. Mine was just a place that flaunted my wealth to people I didn’t even like, in a place I couldn’t care less about.
I stepped back inside and made myself another drink. Then, I headed upstairs to my Jacuzzi bathtub.
I ran some hot water.
The gin was starting to kick in, and it made my head buzz and my whole body warm. It was the closest feeling to the warmth of holding Pacey in my arms.
I stripped naked and looked at myself in the mirror.
All the tattoos that’d covered my body were a sort of armor that protected me from people seeing the real me. It was this tougher version that fit with my persona in Kingdom 4. It was this bad boy image that made people wonder who I really was, when I myself had no idea.
I climbed into the bathtub and scrolled through the contacts on my phone. I could have called any girl to show up at my house in an instant. But those connections paled in comparison with the one I had with Pacey.
Even sex with Pacey was different. It wasn’t even because he was a guy, it was because we understood each other more than anyone else. It wasn’t just sex, it was love making. Even though the condom broke and I had fucked him so hard and so passionately that he bled, we both knew how special that evening was.
I looked through my photos on my phone and saw a selfie that we took the evening of his concert.
I remembered that uncomfortable suit I wore just to impress him. The performance had left me on the edge of my seat all night. Then, I’d chased him down like I was some predator and he was prey just so I could hold and kiss him.
The thought of fucking it up again with Pacey made me chuck my phone across the bathroom. I watched it hit the wall and fall on the white marble floors. The glass screen smashed to pieces.
A phone? I could replace that easily.
But losing Pace?
I’d never forgive myself for it.
I couldn’t believe I screwed up such a special thing.
What was it all for?
To come back to this place that I hated?
Nothing mattered—nice cars, big house, fame—when there was no one to share it with.
I sank down into the tub, the jets massaged my tense muscles, one jet in particular shot right at my cock. I put my hand on my shaft and closed my eyes, imagining I was inside Pacey’s ass again. I imagined his soft moans and coos in my ear, and I rocked my hips into him. I imagined his pursed open lips that eagerly awaited to be kissed.
I pumped my cock harder, watching my pre-come leak into the water.
Then, I thought of the evening that Pacey sucked me off at the party, slurping up all my juices.
In my half-drunken state, that memory was so vivid, and the jet that massaged my balls felt so good, that it put me on the edge.
My balls tightened and I felt myself on the verge of coming.
Then, semen erupted, spewing out in many rounds into the water. I took a deep breath and wiped away some of the come off my cock and chest.
I thought I’d feel better after I jerked off, but I felt even emptier than before.
I got out of the tub and dried myself, then went and picked up the broken pieces of my phone and placed it on the counter. A sharp piece of glass dug into my finger and cut me. I watched the blood drip down my forearms then onto the white marble floors.
As I rinsed my hand off in the sink, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw the dark circles under my eyes. I had a scowl on my face that I couldn’t wipe off even if I tried.
I looked so miserable here without Pacey.