When they tell me Graham is here, I spring to my feet from the cot I’ve been sitting on for the last hour. “Okay, good.”

I have to slip my hands through the rectangular opening in the bars and let them handcuff me. I’m grateful for them because I know that when I see Graham, I might be tempted to pick up the nearest object and stab him to death.

My heart is beating out of my chest by the time we reach the room where Graham is sitting. I see him through the observation glass and stop in my tracks.

His hair is gone. The buzz cut he’s sporting is similar to how he’d worn it the summer I met him.

The officer opens the door, and I hurry to catch up. I step into the room, and Graham stands up, his eyes wide and wild with worry and … fear. Yeah, he should be afraid.

“Sunsh—”

“What the hell did you do to your hair, Graham?” I ask him as I approach the table.

“No touching, please,” the officer says from behind me, and I stop. I huff in frustration and stop.

“Have a seat.” He stands by the chair across the table from Graham and nods his head toward it.

I walk over and comply. They’ve been nice to me, but I’ve also seen what happens when the other people they have in holding don’t listen. I sit sullenly in the chair.

“Put your hands on the table.”

I obey. He takes the cuff off my left wrist and secures it to a small bar that’s welded to the table on my right.

“Okay, I’ll be outside.” He looks at Graham and snorts, “Good luck, man.” And walks out.

I stare at the table and wait for Graham to speak.

He sits back down and slides his hand over my free one. I yank it back.

“Apollo, I’m so fucking sorry,” he says, his voice full of anguish.

I raise my head slowly to look at him. The pain in his eyes hits me like a fist in my chest. But I push it away. “What are you sorry for, exactly?” I ask him angrily.

“Everything. For tonight. For the last five years. For the two before those. For everything.”

“Everything? For lying to me? For making me think that you were fucking everyone but me because you wanted to? For not telling me how desperate you were so I could have tried to help you?”

He hangs his head. “Yes, for all of that, too,” he says quietly. He looks up, and the unshed tears in his eyes dissolve my anger like water poured off a lump of sugar. It seeps into the crevices and destroys the structure of it before it completely disintegrates. I watch him, my heart so full of sorrow for him that I can’t speak.

“Look, I know you’re disgusted by me. I know what I did was disgusting. I’m so ashamed of myself, Apollo. I don’t expect you to want to touch me again, or … whatever,” he says dejectedly, regret all over his face.

“Graham, I’m not disgusted by what you did for money. I mean, I wish you would have confided in me, so we could have found another way …”

His face hardens, and he stands up. The change in his demeanor is so swift that I lean back in surprise. “What other way? Were you going to give me the money?” He starts to pace, and I hate that I can’t get up and put my arms around him.

“Wait, no—”

“I couldn’t have found a job that paid what that did. And I wasn’t going to let my mother die.” He laughs, and it’s dark and humorless. It is slathered in a despair I now know has been eating him alive for years. I wish I had been able to kill Nanette.

“I wasn’t,” he repeats emphatically without looking at me. “I said no at first. I turned her down. And then, Mama took a turn for the worse. Suddenly, sex with strangers didn’t seem like such a high price to pay for my mother’s life. I agonized over what it would mean for you and me. I couldn’t touch you Apollo. Not when I was still doing … that.”

His anger loses its steam and he falls back into his chair, his broad shoulders sagging, his head hanging as he stares into his lap. I stare at his head and recall the day I saw him tied to that tree, so broken. I had left there on a mission. To do whatever I could to make sure he survived.

It did it. I got that letter into the mail.

He survived that and he—no, we, would survive this. But first, I had to give him some hard truths. Get some things off my chest, too.

“I was angrier than I’ve ever been in my life this morning, Graham,” I tell the top of his still bowed head..

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers his eyes not leaving the table.

“You should be.” I soften my voice, take away the anger because it has no place between us.

Not now.

“I hate that you experienced that all by yourself. That you felt like you couldn’t tell me. That you thought I’d leave you.” Tears clog my throat, and I have to swallow hard to push them back. “Do you think I wouldn’t do the same thing right now if it meant I could have my sister back? Would you leave me?” I ask him even though I already know the answer.

“Never,” he says without hesitation and for the first time, meeting my eyes. The fierce love shining out of those stormy grays, puts the wind back in my sails.

“Of course, you wouldn’t. So, why do you think I would? Do you love me more than I love you?” .” I smile at the man whose big beautiful heart has held mine in a glorious snare for more than half my life.

“No ...”

“What? You’re only good for your body? Your face? If that’s what you think, then you’re missing out on the greatest parts of Graham Star Davis.”

He laughs without any humor. “You and Mama are the only ones who seem to think that. Nanette certainly didn’t think I—”

“She’s not fit to lick dog shit off your shoe.” I say in disgust and anger that is bubbling inside me. God. I wish I’d been the one to break her nose. If that waiter hadn’t tackled me…

He narrows his eyes at me and cocks his head to the side, “How did you know where she was? When you got out of the cab to ‘use the bathroom,’ you managed to find her really quickly,” he says.

I flush with embarrassment at my little disappearing act. “Lucas. He’s been seeing her. For months. She approached him at a bar, we had just broken up.. Can you believe that I’d seen her walking into his place twice and didn’t even realize it was her?

“Lucas?” he asks in disbelief. I still can’t believe it myself.

“He didn’t know who she was until the day after you left for LA and he overheard…her talking to someone about you.” I don’t want to say her name again.

“He texted me this morning. I didn’t see it until we landed. He was frantic about the news he’d been seeing, and he was scared that somehow, she’d used him to get close to you. I still don’t know what she wanted with him, but he was ready to give her up. He invited her to breakfast and then shared his location with me. So, I called Reena and told her I was going to kill that crone.”

Bile rises in my throat, and I take a few deep breaths before I continue. Graham is staring at the table, his head shaking back and forth.

“She told me she took your virginity,” I grind out. He flushes hot and red. His eyes widen with surprise before they narrow defensively.

“It didn’t mean anything and … I wasn’t your first either.”

“But it should have meant something.” He looks at me wearily like I’m telling him what he already knows. “I wish it had been me,” I add.

“Me, too,” he whispers without looking at me.

Suddenly, I can’t look at him either. But I want him to know what sent me over the edge. “When she told me that … It was like being hurled back in time, at the speed of light. Suddenly, I was back in your apartment, five years ago. And I was enraged.” My hand clenches into a fist at the memory. I stare up at the fluorescent light on the ceiling in amazement. “I was so mad at you. And the thing I resented more than anything was that you had deprived me of giving my virginity to my soul mate.” I wince at the agony I’d been in for the year following our fight. I look up at him then. He looks mesmerized. He doesn’t move a muscle; he’s just watching me like he used to when I read to him sometimes in our hammock.

So, I tell him the story

“Most people lose their virginity before they meet their soul mate. I also know that some people never meet their soul mate. They go on to have perfectly happy lives. Not me … I’m a fucking romantic. I wanted it all.” I shake my head in disgust at how naïve I’d been. How head-over-heels in love I’d been.

“I met my soul mate. And, then I lost him. And my virginity stopped feeling important. What did it matter who it was, where it was ... if it wasn’t you? When I let Lucas fuck me in the back seat of his car, less than two hours after I met him … it had seemed a fitting end to a meaningless token.

His eyes fall to the table. His shoulders slump.

“I know, it’s sad, right?” I sigh wearily and lean back in my chair, fatigue starting to seep in now that my heart wasn’t racing anymore.

“Lucas is a nice guy. He’s not perfect, but he was good to me. Thinking about that …” I search for a word vile enough to describe her. “Medusa touched you is bad enough, but that she was your first enraged me. Reena was at a baseball game for some work league she plays on when I texted her. We didn’t go over there with that bat thinking we were going to use it. I was just going to use my hands.” His bark of laughter is full of shock, but yeah, it’s also funny. I’ve never lifted a hand in anger to anyone in my life. After the way I was raised, it was anathema.

“I was,” I insist. “But then, she said that, and I told her she was going to die. I don’t even remember asking for the bat, but oh, I remember the excitement I felt when I saw fear in her eyes. Ugh, it felt good to chase her around. She’s a viper. And she has always thought she had the upper hand. I only chased her because seeing that look on her face felt like vengeance. When the hunter becomes the prey.”

“God, I’m sorry. This is a mess.” He covers his face with his hands. I stare at his shorn hair and shake my head.

“Why in the world did you cut your hair?”

He shrugs and looks up at me through tired eyes. “I had to get to you. I didn’t want to be recognized and draw any more attention to any of this,” he says as if that’s a good enough reason to cut off what he used to consider his lucky charm.

“For me? You love your hair,” I protest. I was horrified that he cut it off for my sake.

He laughs and shakes his head as if I’d say something ridiculous. “That hair did nothing but make me look good. I don’t need it. I don’t miss it.”

“What? You said that hair was your secret weapon,” I remind him.

He shakes his head. “Nah. At first, it did help me sleep well. It took me a few months to grow it out. By then, we’d started exchanging letters and talking on the phone. I think it was having you back in my life that made me sleep better. It’s gone, and I don’t feel a thing. But, Apollo, it wasn’t even a choice when it came to trying to get to you. Nothing would be,” he says glumly.

“What about your shampoo endorsement? The campaign for Gucci? What’s Dean going to say?” I ask him, still disbelieving.

“I don’t care.” He shrugs.

“What are you saying? What about the life you’ve built?”

“You are my life, Sunshine. My cape, remember? Without you … I can’t fly. I don’t want to lose you,” he says, and God, the bleakness in his voice breaks my heart.

“You won’t. Just let me show you how much I love you. Hit me with your worst shot, Graham. I’m not going anywhere.”

His eyes fly to mine and fill with tears. “Thank you,” he says.

The door opens, and the officer walks back in.

“Your lawyer’s back. You taking the DAT? Or are you still planning to kill him?” He tips his head at Graham.

“Can I talk to Mr. Kimball, please?” I give him a small smile. They’ve all been very nice to me, considering the ruckus I caused when they brought me in.

“Sure thing.” He turns to Graham. “Time’s up. You can wait upstairs.”

Graham stares at me. His eyes are bloodshot, and he looks so tired. “Do you want me to wait?”

“No, I’ll come to you when I’m done.”

He nods slowly and stands up. He wipes his palms down the front of his suit pants and squares his shoulders and walks out.