Day two at the job. I’ve already watched two shoots. Wiped off three dildos and a set of anal beads—while wearing gloves and gagging. I don’t care how many enemas they use before that crap, an asshole is an asshole. Shit or no shit.

“Hey, Jemma,” Hudson shouts from behind the camera. I push away from the wall and make my way across the room. “The lighting in here is shit,” he says, handing me a reflector. “Hold this just like…” he adjusts it in my hands, “…that. Perfect!”

“How long do I need to do this?”

“I don’t know, thirty minutes or so…but, uh, you don’t need to be holding it right now.” He laughs. “We’re not even filming.”

I drop the reflector. God, I feel like such a dumbass.

“This will be a good one. Two girls, one guy.”

“I’d prefer two guys, one girl,” I mumble. “Double penetration is all the rage you know?”

Hudson glances back at me, a smirk pulling at his thin lips. “Interesting. Wonder how long before you’re the one on screen?”

“Oh, hell no. I don’t think so.”

“Sure. They all say that.” He laughs and walks behind one of the cameras.

A few minutes later I hear high heels click on the hardwood floor. Glancing up, I see the blonde girl I met the day I interviewed.

“Hey!” She smiles. “So you got the job. Congrats!”

“Thanks.”

“You’ll love it here. Promise.” She holds her hand out and shakes mine. “So, my name’s Brandi. Brandi Clit.”

Of course it is. “Jemma,” I say.

“You liking it okay so far? Fun, huh?”

I nod and open my mouth to speak to her, but a guy—a really familiar looking guy just walked in the door, and I’ve lost the ability to form words. He’s talking to Hud, and, I mean, he’s so far away, anyone could look like Tyler from here, right? Because Tyler would not be here. I mean, he said he did services for a…I swallow…a multi-million-dollar company. My heart suddenly takes off in a sprint. This cannot be happening. No. There is no way in hell. I narrow my gaze and my heart pounds harder. He just looks like Tyler. Dark hair, honey colored eyes. Strong jaw and profile. Not him. So not him because that boy that I used to be in love with would never do something like this. He has depth, he has morals, he loved me…I just fucked him…He wants to take me to dinner tonight…

“You okay?” Brandi asks. “You look a little—sick, or shocked, or…something not good.”

“Uh, yeah,” I say, not taking my eyes off the guy who is defiantly not my ex. “I’m fine, just…” I feel my chest heaving and realize I’m breathing hard. Swallowing, I glance at her. “Who’s that?” I ask as I point at him.

“Oh, you don’t know him? He’s pretty new, but really blowing up. Johnny Depth. Hot huh?” She winks at me. “Not gonna lie, kinda excited about this one. I’ve been waiting to get cast with him.”

I feel like I’m going to hurl. And then—he laughs. If there were any doubt before whether that is actually Tyler, there is none now because he has the most distinctive, deep laugh in the world that all these years later still makes my stomach flip. Fuck my life right now, just fuck my life.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” I nod. “Fine. Just fine.”

Brandi looks over my shoulder and smiles. “He’s really hung. Wait until you see his cock.”

“Oh, yeah…” I swallow. “Pretty sure a guy that looks like that is hung, and most likely an asshole.”

“Huh.” She laughs. “Probably.”

I hear Hudson’s voice grow louder as they cross the room. “…so, basically, rough but tender, hard, yet soft. Give me a little romance, but make it dirty. Like, smack her ass a few good times.”

“Yeah, sure thing, Hud,” Tyler says. The sound of his voice makes my skin prickle and not in a good way.

“Hey,” Hudson says, and I drag in a breath because here we go….

“Yeah?”

“This is Johnny. Johnny this is Jemma.”

And now I turn around, forcing myself to look at him. The smile on his face quickly fades. The olive complexion of his skin turns pale. And our eyes lock. Shocked. Embarrassed. Floored.

“Nice to meet you, Johnny,” I say.

“Holy fuck…I uh… I…” He keeps shaking my hand, and I snatch it back. “So uh…” his eyes are still plastered to my face. “That thing—the things, I…uh—”

“Dude,” Hud smacks him on the back. “Pull your shit together. She’s not the one you’re fucking.” His eyes stray over to me. “I mean, by all means, feel free, but after hours, okay?”

“No, it’s just…” Tyler trails off, unsure of what to say.

“Okay, places. I have an orgy to film in an hour. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go. And where’s Vee? I need her in here now. Two girls, one guy. How hard is that to understand?”

I shoot a nervous, stop-looking-at-me-like-that smile at Tyler and then pull the reflector up, blocking my face. Brandi walks over. I hear her make small talk with him. I’m in a fog. Did this really just happen? A week ago I ran into him at a bar and fucked him, freaked out and bailed, and now—now I am standing in a room, holding a reflector when he’s about to strip butt-ass naked and pound into this girl in front of me? When I read his email last night, I did question if running into him like that may have been fate, well fate just said fuck you.

“Hey,” Tyler says in a deep breath. “Hey, Hud?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not feeling so good. Uh, you know, I think maybe I should let somebody else do the shoot…”

“What?”

I peer over the top of the reflector, watching as Hud walks up to Tyler. “Johnny,” he says. “You look fine to me. What do you need a Viagra or something?”

“No. Fuck.” When Tyler’s eyes dart back over to me, his face goes a little white again. “I just, I’m just not feeling it.”

“Not—” a snarky laugh tumbles from Hud’s lips. “Not feeling it? It’s porn. It’s acting. It’s not about feeling it. I paid to rent this space. You’re here, they’re here, the whole crew’s here. Oh, fuck. Don’t tell me you’re gonna be a damn diva?” He slaps his palm over his forehead, shakes his head, and walks off.

“Hey,” Brandi hops up, rubbing her hand over Tyler’s arm. Even all these years later jealousy bubbles to the surface. “I’ll make it fun. Promise,” she says.

The inner bitch in me is simmering in rage now. At her. At him. At all of this shit.

“It’s just…” Tyler starts as Brandi strips down to absolutely nothing. “Aw, fuck.” He drags his hands down his cheeks and turns to face the wall. “I mean, what the hell? God hates me. That’s what this is. I’ve pissed him off, and now he wants to play jokes.”

“What?” Brandi asks.

“Just, nevermind.”

Hudson comes over to me, taking one side of the reflector in his hand. “Hey, Brandi, do me a favor, chicken, bend over the bed real quick so I can show Jemma where I need the light.”

Brandi does as told, eyeing Tyler the entire time she’s bowed up on the bed.

“Okay,” Hudson moves the reflector around. “You see how there’s a little extra light right on her ass cheek?”

“Yeah…” I stare at the soft glow of light on the middle of her ass.

“Keep it there…or you know, on his ass, just close to where the action is.”

Kill. Me. Now.

“Alright, here we go people.” Hudson claps his hands and moves beside the camera man. I watch in horror as Hudson counts down from five on his fingers and that little red light flashes on.

I shift on my feet, trying not to look embarrassed or uncomfortable. I will my body to stop pouring sweat out of every fucking pore. And then, Brandi pulls his pants down and rams his dick down her throat, and I nearly die. I close my eyes and pray the light stays somewhere around somebody’s ass because I cannot watch this. A few minutes later, I can’t take it. Morbid curiosity takes over. I open one eye, peeking around the reflector. My stomach churns. My chest goes tight. Porn is porn. To me, this is not porn. I’m watching the guy I lost my virginity too bang another—wait, there comes Vee and now she’s stripping—bang two girls. Two fake tittied, super tan, over made girls. And he always hated makeup.

A loud clap echoes around the room. Oh, my God. He actually just smacked Vee on the ass while slamming into Brandi.

“Stick it in my ass, Johnny. Put that big cock in my ass.”

Vomit literally hits the back of my throat, and I close my eyes because I do not want to know if he’s actually going to grant that wish. And now that I’ve come down from the abrupt shock of this all, I have a moment of real fear. I fucked a porn star. I slept with a porn star. Holy shit! I fucked. A. Porn. Star. My stomach twists and turns. I flip through that night’s events completely in panic mode. I didn’t suck him off. He wore a condom.

Hudson claps his hands. “Okay. Break.” I drop the reflector and make a beeline for the refreshment table on the side of the room. I grab a water, twist the top and turn the bottle up. The plastic pops and crinkles from how hard I’m gulping it down.

Brandi bounces up, still naked, and grabs a banana—of course. “He’s good.” She smiles and takes a huge bite.

“Yeah. Bet so.” I have this visceral reaction to her that I should be slightly ashamed of.

“I’m beat.” She sighs and walks off. I want to die. Literally die.

I finish off the water, toss it in the trash, and grab another cold bottle. I hear a throat clear behind me, and I tense.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

I shake my head. “Go to hell.”

“I wasn’t planning on seeing you until dinner.” He laughs nervously.

“I can’t even right now, Tyler.”

“Not gonna look at me?”

“Wha—Um, I just—it’s weird.”

I turn to face him, and my heart starts pounding again. Thank God, he’s at least got on a robe. “I tried to tell you the other night,” he says.

“Really?” I take a step closer to him and lower my voice. “You said you provided services for a multi-million-dollar company, Tyler.”

“Well, that’s not exactly a lie.” A slow smirk works over his lips before his eyes drop to my mouth.

“And it’s so not the fucking truth either.”

“You know the other night, how I kept saying there was something I needed to tell you, well, this was what I was trying to tell you. I didn’t exactly plan on fucking you, and I’m sure you can understand my hesitation in telling you I do porn when I haven’t seen or talked to you in four years.”

“Oh, trust me, had you told me, I so wouldn’t have let your dick anywhere near me…I mean, this is really, really…” I exhale because I don’t even know what to say. “I hope you didn’t give me AIDS.” I take a breath. “Or herpes.”

His eyes narrow, his jaw tenses. “Really, Jemma? AIDS? I’m not a fucking asshole.”

“Yeah, I’m just…” I shrug and shake my head. “Just never expected you to do something like this.”

We stare at each other for a moment. A really awkward, terrible, horrible moment.

“I could say the same thing for you.” His eyes flash. “Fluffer…”

“Okay, first of all,” I hold a finger up, “I’m not a fluffer, and second of all…” Shit, there really is no second of all. I toss my hands up. “You do fucking porn!”

His eye twitches as he takes a sip of water. “So, back to the other night…You make a practice of fucking guys and then bailing on them?

“Are you serious? Like you can judge me. I’m pretty sure you’re the one who stuck your dick in a girl’s ass after you plowed through the other one like a Kansas cornfield, and you are questioning my morals? Wait, did I mention that you did all this in front of a camera?”

“You forgot to mention you were holding the reflector.” He smirks.

And here we stand, me with another empty bottle of water in my hand, him with a soft long tenting his robe. I narrow my gaze. “You’re an asshole,” I say with a snarl as I excuse myself to go to the restroom.

I go into a stall, shut the door, pull my phone out, and call Heather, gently banging my head against the aluminum wall while it rings.

Two rings in, she answers. “What’s up—beside a penis?”

“Heather. I am fucking dying right now. Do you hear me?”

“Oh, Jesus. What’s happened?”

“You remember Tyler—”

“Uh, yeah. How could I forget that shit?”

“Yeah, well, he’s here.”

“Where?” she asks, confused.

“Here! At my work.”

“He came to your work?” she gasps. “How did he know where you worked!”

“No, Heather, he works here. I just had to watch him plow thru two girls.”

“Oh, you have gotta be shitting me!” She laughs so hard she snorts. “Your ex is a porn star? Only you, Jemma, only you!”

“Oh, God, I thought I was going to die. What are the chances of that, really? I mean, can we look up the statistics for that because I am pretty damn sure it’s more likely that I would find fucking Bigfoot while riding on the back of the goddamn Loch Ness monster.”

“Well, porn stars have to be somebody’s ex…I mean, shit happens. Hell, I’d brag about it.”

“You don’t brag about having fucked a porn star.”

“Yeah, sure you do.”

“No, you don’t, and did I mention I have to watch him fuck people? Peen in vagina. Over and over. I had to watch him do a money shot. A fucking money shot, Heather.”

“I mean; it could be worse…”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he could be a rodeo clown, or a serial killer or some shit.”

“Oh, just shoot me now.”

“Personally, I find this amazing.”

“It’s not.”

“Now, if this isn’t fate,” she laughs, “I don’t know what is.”

“Oh, no, no, no…this is fate fucking me is what it is.”

“Well, at least something’s fucking you.”

“You know what—I just needed to tell someone. I’ll see you when I get home.”

“What’s his porn name? I need to Google him.”

“Heather!”

“Alright, alright. I’ll see you when you get home,” she says and hangs up.

I open the door, turn the corner, and there he is, leaned against the wall of the women’s restroom.

“Really, Tyler? Why are you in here?” I ask.

He shrugs. “You ran off.”

“Oh, my God—like it isn’t enough already, and then you follow me in here?”

Dragging his hands through his hair, he glances at the floor. “Look, I just don’t want you to be mad. That’s all.”

“Mad? I’m not mad, Tyler. I’m disgusted.”

His eyes lift to my face. I can tell that comment just hurt him, but honestly, I couldn’t care less.

“I thought hooking up with you the other night was a dumb move,” I say, taking a breath. “But damn.”

“Look, I tried to tell you. And I didn’t have to. I wasn’t even gonna try to fuck you. That’s on you.”

“Oh, like hell it is.”

“I know you, Jemma, and I know exactly what you were trying to do.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. The one flaw you always had was being vindictive.”

I huff. “Fuck off.”

“You wanted to fuck me and leave me because you think that’s what I did.” He takes a step toward me, and I back up to the wall. “You think I hurt you on purpose. You think I wanted things to end the way they did.” He braces his arms against the wall, caging me in as his face inches closer to mine. “And the one thing you wanted to do the other night was make sure I still regretted it.”

The door swings open and Vee prances in, halting the second she sees me against the wall with Tyler’s face way too close to mine.

“Oh, um… huh, um…” she scoots around him. “Just gonna pee.”

“No. You’re wrong.” I duck underneath his arm. “Wrong,” I say before I push the door open. My hearts sits in my throat in a quivering lump, my skin hot because he is right. I did want to hurt him. I wanted to make him regret it because as much as I hate it, as much as I don’t want to, I still have a thing for him. Always have. Always will. And now—he’s a fucking porn star. Brilliant!