The bartender slams two Jager bombs on the counter. Jake grabs the first one and holds his glass up for a toast.

“To five million views on Pirates of the Lesbians.”

I tip the shot back, the thick liquid burning on its way down.

“Man, five million people have watched you fuck a roomful of chicks. Amazing.” He slaps me on the back. “You gonna hook me up with a job or what?”

“Hell no, dude. My fucking luck, we’d end up getting cast in a double penetration scene, and I am not having my balls smack up against yours.”

Jake laughs and shakes his head. “Nah, don’t wanna take it to that level.”

“Fuck,” I say with a groan as I drag my hands down my face. “Man, you aren’t gonna believe the shit that happened today.”

“I’m a connoisseur of porn, try me.”

“Nah, man, listen to this. The girl I used to date—the one that bailed the other morning…”

“Dude, you just found out your video’s gone viral and you want to talk about Elsa—”

“Shut-up. How about she’s the assistant to the director.”

He burst into laughter, leaning over his knees to catch his breath. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me?”

“It’s not funny,” I say, flagging down the bartender. “It was awkward as shit.”

“God, I want your life. You can’t write shit like this. That’s it, I’m calling MTV and telling them you need a reality show. I mean,” he’s now laughing so hard tears are running down his face, “you had to fuck a girl while your ex watched.”

“Two girls,” I correct him.

He laughs even harder.

The bartender leans over the counter. “Another shot?”

“Yeah.”

Jake slams his hand on the bar top, crying in laughter.

“Is he okay?” she asks.

“Oh…” he takes in a deep breath. “Oh, I’m fine… and yeah, another shot.” He wipes the tears from his face, grinning. “Amazing, Tyler. Amazing.”

“Fuck off, man. I don’t know how in the hell I’m supposed to deal with this. It’s hard enough to concentrate when middle-aged men are standing around, and now I have to fucking worry about her?” I shake my head just as the girl comes back with our drinks.

Jake glances up at the bartender. “Can I ask you a question—a serious question.”

She shrugs. “Sure.”

“Okay, so my friend here,” he pats me on the shoulder, “well, he’s a porn star.”

Her gaze swings back to me. She bites her bottom lip as her eyes drag over my face, then down my chest, and then she pushes up on her toes to peer down my body even farther, stopping on my crotch. She cocks a brow. “What’s your name?”

I shake my head and down the shot.

“Johnny Depth,” Jake says, laughing hysterically.

She smirks. “Good name.”

“Yeah, real creative one,” I say.

“Anyway, look, what I need to know is, what would you do if you started working on a porn set and found out your ex was one of the actors?”

She fights a laugh and directs her attention to me. “This is a joke, right?”

“No,” I say. “Wish it were.”

“Oh, God. I would die. I mean, how terrible would that be? And awkward and just, oh, my God.”

“Wait!” Jake says, fighting another fit of laughter. “It gets better. Let’s pretend a week before you found out he was a porn star; you’d had a random fuckfest with him?”

Her mouth drops. One of her thin brows arches and she tilts her head to the side. “Really? Tell me you aren’t that big of an inconsiderate asshole?”

I groan, and she smiles as she pushes back from the bar. “I’d fucking kill you.”

“Awesome,” Jake says.

“But…” she looks back at me and smiles, “you’re not my ex. So, Johnny Depth, what I’m about to go do is look up some of your work.” And then she walks off.

“Thanks, Jake. That was helpful.”

He holds his hands up before grabbing his shot glass. “Always here to help.”

A few minutes later, I glance to the side of the bar to find a group of girls gathered around that bartender. She has her phone in front of her face, and all the girls are smiling.

“Hahaha, no way, they’re watching you fuck right now.” Jake points. “You’re a fucking cock star.”

“Great.” I wipe my hand over my mouth and push back from the bar.

“Man, where are you going?”

“Home.”

“Dude…those girls, you could probably…”

His voice fades into the background noise as I shoulder my way through the cluttered bar. I fuck girls all day. I don’t care what I could do with any or all of the ones behind that bar. What I want to do right now is get her off my mind.