We’re in the middle of the bathroom, dripping wet and staring at each other. For a second, I think she may hit me, but instead, she drops her chin to her chest. A piece of wet hair falls in her face, and I sweep it behind her ear. I can’t leave it at just that simple touch. I trail my fingers down her jaw, gripping her chin and forcing it up, but she refuses to look at me. I skim my fingertip over her plump bottom lip. “Look at me,” I say.

Her eyes lock with mine and she sighs, her warm breath blowing over my hand. I keep my gaze trained on her as I slowly inch my face toward hers. “I never forgot this…” I whisper against her mouth before I kiss her. “Letting you go was a mistake. Everything since that day has been a mistake,” I whisper against her ear.

“Don’t tell me that,” she says in a desperate tone. “Don’t…”

“It was.”

There’s a knock on the door. The handle jiggles. “Jemma,” Heather’s voice comes from the other side, “you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Let me in then,” Heather says.

“No,” I say.

“Oh, fuck you, dude. Let me in.”

“I said no. Go the fuck away.”

“Tyler, I can’t do this with you. I can’t.”

“You can’t not do it.” I shake my head, grazing my mouth over hers. “We belong together, and you know that.”

“Maybe in another life we did, Tyler.” She pulls away from me, staring at me with hurt for a brief moment before she closes her eyes. “But not now.”

“What the fuck? Really?” I drag my hands through my damp hair.

There’s a loud whack over the door. “Open the fucking door. I’ll rip your diseased balls off your body and shove them up your ass if you don’t, fuckface.”

“Why not now?” I ask, ignoring Heather.

“The thing is,” she glances up at me and the hurt filling her eyes a moment ago has morphed into anger. “I was in love with that boy I grew up next door to, but Tyler, I could never be in love with the man you’ve grown up to be.”

“Are you kidding me?” Anger bubbles inside of me, and I take a step toward her. “You are kidding me, right?”

“Tyler, you’re a fucking porn star. You fuck women for a living. Do you think I want to deal with that? I mean, think about if the situation were reversed. What if I was the one fucking people in front of a camera—people other than you?”

I shrug. “I wouldn’t like it, but you know what? I know there’s more to you than a goddamn job title.”

“Oh, please. You would flip your shit.”

And she’s right. I would. It’s fucking stupid that I thought we could do this, and it makes me livid, but what the hell am I supposed to do? Quit over a girl I wasn’t even sure would take me back? I love her, but fuck it, I’m not going to throw away my livelihood on a chance.

“You know what?” I say, pacing in front of the sink. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll fucking quit. I’ll go out there right now and tell Hudson to shove this job up his ass. I’d be fucking poor to have you.”

Her eyes tear up, but she quickly blinks those away which means I’m fucked. If she won’t let herself cry, her mind’s fucking made up.

“I mean it…” I reach for the door. “I’ll quit—”

“It won’t matter.” She sighs. “I mean, what the hell? You quit, and then what? We ride off into the sunset?”

“Sure. Why the fuck not?”

“Because no matter what, you will always be a porn star. It’s not just a job you can wash your hands of.”

“So…” I turn to look at her, my hand still resting on the doorknob. “It’s not really that I fuck other girls, it’s that you’re too good for it?” My pulse is in my throat. I can’t blame her. I can’t blame her, and it makes me angry.

She swallows, her eyes drifting to the floor again. “I—that’s not what I meant, Tyler, It’s just—”

“Oh, fuck no. You are perfect and untainted, huh?” I grit my teeth. “You can’t fuck a guy you were in love with because he’s a porn star, but it’s sure as shit okay for you to fuck a rock star that’s probably cramming his dick inside fifteen different cunts a night, huh? You can bend over for him all day long, film it, let that shit get all over the internet. Do you have any idea how many random fucking girls he’s had his cock in?” I laugh even though I see the hurt flooding her face.

“I dated him.”

“Oh,” a disbelieving laugh flies up my throat. “You dated him? So you can date a rock star. A nasty fucking rock star because he’s famous, right. Is that why?” Hurt drowns her face, but I keep digging because I can’t help it. “So fuck everything we went through. Fuck our entire lives growing up together. Loving each other. Fuck all that because I’ve done porn, but you can date a guy that probably fucks more girls in a week than I have my entire life. But just because I made money from it, you are too damn good?” I shake my head. “If you ask me, that’s way more disgusting than doing porn. That video, Jemma, is degrading and basically makes you look like a whore. A desperate fucking whore.”

“Fuck you!” She shouts, brushing past me. “Just fuck you.”

“Oh, so you can dig at me all day long, but let me take one jab at you and you lose your shit?”

“I’m not talking about this anymore, Tyler.” She slings the door open, and before she can slam it shut, I grab onto the edge and pry it open. Heather’s right outside, already blocking my path.

“Leave her alone or I’ll cut your dick off and shove it so far up your asshole it comes out of your throat. What a way for a porn star to go: fucked and choked by his own cock.”

She spins around, chasing after Jemma. And I stand here like a fucking pussy because what can I do? Really, what can I do?