The dry California heat surrounds me the second I step out onto the sidewalk. I adjust my dick in my pants. Shit feels all dry, and there’s little crumbs of plaster in my pubes. Jemma sighs behind me, and I turn to look at her. The wind catches her dark hair and she swats it out of her face, swearing. Fuck, I want to kiss her. It’s weird actually wanting a girl. When you do what I do, it really doesn’t leave much room for desire.

We stop at a crosswalk, and I blatantly stare at her, remembering the first time I saw her. We had just moved into our house, and I was in the driveway riding my bike with my little brother, Brent. She came out on her front porch dressed up in a pink tutu. She hopped down the porch steps, waving a wand in the air and singing the theme song from Aladdin. I stopped pedaling my bike and just stared. I may have only been six, but even at that young of age, she had me mesmerized. She went leaping through the yard, coming to an abrupt stop when she realized I was watching her. She waved. I waved. And later that afternoon she and her mom came over with chocolate chip cookies. From that moment on, we were always together. Thinking about that, it’s really fucking sad we let things end the way they did. I loved that girl right there so deep, so hard, and I had since the first time I saw her. I can’t remember a time in my life I didn’t love her, and if I’m honest, I never really stopped. This is fucking dumb as shit. There’s no reason for us to be dicks about this.

“Wanna drive down to the beach?” I ask.

“No.”

“Titch…” She glances up at me. I smile. “Come on, Titch. Just friends. That’s all. You can’t stay mad at me forever.”

“I’m not mad, Tyler.”

The crosswalk lights up, and we make our way to the other side of the street. “Your left eye twitches when you’re pissed.”

She huffs.

“It’s been twitching most the day,” I say.

“Spasms. People get eye spasms.”

Grabbing onto her arm, I stop her. “Look. I am sorry. For everything, okay? The thing is, I’ve missed you and if nothing else, I want to be friends. You were my best friend; you shouldn’t just throw that away.”

“I didn’t.” Her eyes narrow and she exhales. “You did, remember?”

And there it is. The tiniest slice of anger bubbling to the surface. “I was stupid and hurt.”

She stops walking and glares at me. “Look, Tyler, we’re going to work together, that’s fine, but I’m just not ready to go there with you. Maybe one day I will be, but, I can’t force things.” She walks away from me to a black Honda parked on the side of the street. “See you at work.” She opens the door, climbs in, and cranks the engine. She doesn’t even wave as she pulls off.

The thing is, Jemma is stubborn. I know that. And if I really think about it, this is not much different than it was for the first seven years of our relationship. I chased her, and she fought it. The Good thing is, I’m persistent.

On the way to my car, I pull my cell from my pocket and dial Hud’s number.

“Yeah?” he answers, sounding annoyed as usual.

“Hey, Hud, so Jemma…”

“Yeah, what, you wanna try to do a scene with her?”

“No.”

He sighs. “Then what?”

“I don’t want her on my shoots.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s fucking complicated, but I can’t keep my shit up when she’s in there.”

“Oh, fuck. Already? You’re already turning into a diva?”

“Look, dude, she’s my ex-girlfriend. It’s a distraction from my work, okay? I mean if you need her in there, fine, but if you could just try not to have her in there, my cock would really appreciate it.”

“You fucked Elsa?” He laughs. “Whatever, Johnny. Just as long as your dick is happy, I’m happy.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Sure thing. See you on Thursday.”

I hang up and climb inside my car, sinking behind the wheel. Glancing at my reflection in the rearview mirror, I groan. You’d think she’d appreciate the fact that I asked Hud to keep her out of my shoots, but I can almost garaun-fucking-tee it will piss her off. Maybe it’s fucking stupid of me to think that anything can come from this. But I’m damn certain the possibility of something happening between us is much higher if she’s not watching me ram my dick up pussies all day long. Since I’m not about to give up my job for something that may or may not happen, it’s the next best thing.

Out of sight. Out of mind.