Later that night another nightmare plagues me and it’s the mother of all nightmares…the night I finally got out of hell, but not before others paid the price.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I pull against my chains with all the strength I have left. Feeling like my wrists are going to snap from the strain of it. Little bits of gravel from the cement wall fall around me and I’m shocked to find out I still have this much strength left in me. Looking over I see Sawyer’s feet raised over his head and braced against the wall, trying to pull his chains from its engraved place. Cade struggles as well, but I can’t see exactly what he’s doing.
Jesus, please let one of us make some fucking leeway. Anna’s screams are still filling my head, fueling me with adrenaline and strength I didn’t know I still possessed.
The sound of our cell being unlocked has me stopping my attempts, Sawyer and Cade immediately follow and go lax. Looking at the door we see Irina walk in. She’s the wife of one of our captors and the mother of the boy who set us up. She also works at the local whore house in town where we have visited. Sawyer fucked her a few times. Knowing that we could have been fucking women that weren’t there willingly, makes me want to puke.
She walks in, holding her finger to her lips, her gaze darting around nervously. Tears are streaking down her face. I’d like to say I feel sorry for the bitch, but I don’t.
“Okay, I’ll help you,” she says, whispering to Sawyer.
I immediately tense, suspicion rearing inside of me.
“Why now?” I croak out, pulling her attention from Sawyer to me. We have been asking for her help all week and each time she coldly refused; she also helped inject that shit into us at the beginning.
“Because they just killed my boy,” she says, throwing her hand over her mouth to quiet the sob.
“Fuck!” Cade barks out roughly. Even though the kid helped with the ambush, you could see Cade had a soft spot for him.
Shit! Even I felt bad for the kid.
“Listen I don’t have much time. Something’s going down in about an hour. I don’t know how much I can help once they’re in here, but if you guys can overpower them, I will help get you out. There’s only going to be six of them on the whole compound tonight. The rest are picking up a shipment at a location hours from here and they’re not due back till tomorrow.”
“Where’s the American girl? Anna?” her eyes dart away from mine and dread fills my stomach.
“Where the fuck is she!?” I ask harsher this time.
She licks her lips nervously, “She’s in one of the rooms at the other end of the building. Same floor as you. She’s set to have a customer in less than an hour.”
My heart pounds in fear, “You need to get her out of there, I won’t make it in time.”
She shakes her head, “I can’t, I can’t help her. They will kill me. And then I will be no good to you guys.”
“She’s right Jaxson, listen we need to come up with a plan, then once we overpower the fuckers we will go get her. We have no other choice.” Sawyer says trying to reason with me.
“Fuck!”
“I will try to stall the customer,” she says trying to make me feel better; it doesn’t, not one fucking bit.
“Can you tell us what’s happening? What their plan is?” Sawyer asks.
She glances at Cade, “I honestly don’t know, but they’re bringing his woman down with them.” Cade’s head snaps up, fear and fury filling his expression. “They said they were going to test your guys’ loyalty and honor.”
Well that doesn’t fucking sound good at all.
Someone barks out Irina’s name. She jumps in fear, “Listen I have to go, I will do what I can.”
“Irina,” Sawyer calls out stopping her, “We will take you with us. We can get you out of here.”
She shakes her head softly and starts crying again, “I don’t care if I live or die anymore, I only lived for my boy. He wanted you guys out of here, that’s why I am going to help you,” she closes the door and hurries out.
We’re silent for a moment with our thoughts, “They’re going to try turning us against each other,” I say quietly.
“Ya and they’re going to use Faith to do it,” Cade says through clenched teeth. “Fuck! I’m going to kill them, every last one of them. We don’t leave here until they’re all fucking dead,” Cade’s rage starts fueling my own.
“What’s most important is getting Anna and Faith out of here. That comes even before killing them. And we need to take Irina too.”
Sawyer always the sensible one.
Sure enough less than an hour later heavy boot falls make their way down the hall to us. In the week, anytime we heard this sound, pain and torture always followed.
Not this time.
A complete calmness settles over me, one that leaves me cold and detached from my body. One where I don’t feel human but like a machine.
“Where are you taking me?” A female voice breaks through the air, thick with tears, but filled with strength. I’m assuming this is Faith.
Only four out of the six guys enter our cell. Two of them on either side of a slender woman that’s dressed in a long black silk nightgown. Bruises mar every inch of bare skin that shows, including her face.
“Oh my god, Cade!? Oh god, oh no!” She rips away from the two bastards that have a hold of her and runs to Cade. Sinking to her knees in front of him she wraps her arms around his neck, “Oh no! I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Cade!” she sobs hysterically into him.
Why the fuck is she sorry?
“Not so fast bitch.” One of the assholes who helped drag her in grabs her by the hair and pulls her away from Cade.
“Ahhh! No! Let go of me!” she screams, kicking and fighting.
The guy turns her around and back-hands her across the face, knocking her to the ground.
Shit!
A pained roar rips through the air, ricocheting off the walls, “I’m going to fucking kill you, every single one of you mother fuckers.”
Shit! Shit! Shit! Cade needs to keep his cool.
The son of a bitch starts laughing, “Is that so soldier?” The one whose nose I broke gets closer to Cade, “I can’t wait till you see what I have in store for you,” then he leans down getting in Cade’s face, “I’m going to fucking break you.”
Cade goes completely calm, “You can’t break something that’s already broken.”
Jesus Christ! What the fuck is he doing?
“We’re not soldiers you fucking idiot, how many times do we have to tell you assholes that? We’re N-a-v-y S-e-a-l-s.” Sawyer says as if speaking to a child. Most people would think he was an idiot for taunting these fuckers while we’re still chained but I know he’s trying to deflect their attention from Cade.
The fat bastard walks over to Sawyer and sends a blow to the center of his chest with his baton. Other than the slight flinch, and his chest heaving to pull in a breath, Sawyer makes no sound.
“Navy Seals. Soldiers,” the dick spats the words out, “they’re all the same, you all live and breathe your honor. Well boys, we’re going to see just what it will take for you to break your so-called honor.” He turns to the men behind him, “Set her up,” he barks out.
Two of the men grab Faith again holding her up but keeping her kneeling on the ground. The bastard walks up and leans down to her face. Faith stares back at him with her gaze narrowed, defiance raging in her eyes.
Glad to see the fuckers haven’t broken her completely.
“We’re going to have some fun with this man you seem so smitten with. Maybe you can show him some of the new tricks we have taught you.” He straightens and looks over at Cade, “Did you know soldier, that many of us have fucked her?”
Oh fuck!
“Tied her to a bed and fucked her while she begged us not to. And after we fucked her she got to choke on our dicks.”
All the perverted fucks start laughing. Crying, Faith hangs her head, as if ashamed. Jesus, my heart clenches with rage and pain. I can only imagine what Cade’s feeling right now.
“Akram! Get the Soldier ready.”
The one referred to as Akram walks nervously over to Cade. Shit! Please let him keep his cool. He keeps Cade’s wrists chained, but unlocks them from the steel in the wall and drags him over to the other end of the cell. He sets him up the same way Faith is, holding him up while on his knees. Then taking his baton he starts beating the living shit out of him.
“No stop! Oh God, please stop!” Faith’s cries echo through the stale air that reins with rage, fear and death.
Finally the fucker tires out. Other than Cade panting for breath he stays calm and still.
The fat one that’s calling the orders walks over relieving a guard from Faith’s side and takes up his position. Then he points to me, “Grab that one first. The one who broke my nose.” He smirks at me, “I told you, you would pay for that.”
The guy comes and unlocks me the same way he did Cade, keeping my wrists chained. I make it difficult for him to pull me, letting him think I’m weaker than I am. I keep my body lax and my heart rate slow and even; waiting for the right moment to strike.
The guard positions me in front of Cade so I’m standing over him. Then the asshole who’s calling the orders asks, “Tell me soldier, would you ever turn on a fellow brother?”
I keep silent while trying to figure out what exactly his plans is.
CRACK!
Oh mother fucker, that hurt.
The bastard next to me sends a blow to my spine, making my legs give out from underneath me.
I grind my teeth and try to breathe through the pain. “Get up!” the asshole yanks me back to my feet, “now answer Allah.”
Allah? The dickhead named himself God?
I shake my head and answer, “No.”
Allah laughs, “No? There’s nothing that would make you kill this man in front of you? Nothing? What if it was to save this woman here? His woman?”
I shake my head again.
“Give him the knife,” Allah orders Akram. Faith whimpers. Akram stands behind me and hands me a dagger.
Sawyer’s right, they’re fucking idiots.
“Now don’t go getting too excited and fill that head of yours with any ideas,” Allah pulls a knife and holds it to Faith’s throat. “Now, let’s just see how loyal and honorable you are. I want you to end this so-called broken soldier’s life. If you don’t we will fuck this beautiful woman again, but in front of you, all of you. And we will make you all watch her beg until the exact moment I end her life.”
“No!” Faith sobs hysterically.
“Shut up bitch!” Faith takes another backhand to the face.
Cade’s jaw clenches. Fury like I’ve never seen rages in his eyes. “Do it! Just fucking do it!” Cade seethes through clenched teeth.
Wait, not yet.
“No! No, don’t. Please don’t hurt him. I don’t care what they do to me. Don’t hurt him!” Faith screams through her sobs.
Allah laughs, “He is even telling you it’s okay. You must choose soldier: this bitch’s dignity or your honor to your brother?”
I raise the knife over my head, the blade pointing down at Cade. He stares into my gaze, nodding his head.
Not yet, wait for it.
“No! Stop, oh god, please don’t!” Faith pleads again.
“Bitch, if you don’t shut the…”
Now.
It happened so fast, catching everyone off guard, My dagger going right in the center of Allah’s forehead. The knife he was holding to Faith’s neck goes slack and falls from his hand. Before the sons of bitches have time to react, Cade and I are on them. As soon as the dagger left my hands, I turned around and grabbed the bastard behind me. My chains going around his throat, pulling tight. I briefly see Cade taking down the guy who was holding him.
Grabbing the keys from the one I just strangled, I run to Sawyer. I hear Faith scream and Cade’s roar behind me. Shit! Quickly freeing myself and Sawyer I turn around to see who else I need take down and see nothing but a fucking blood bath.
Ho-ly fuck! Every single man that was in here is massacred. Most of their insides lie on the cold cement floor, including Allah who I had already killed with the dagger. Cade is holding a hysterical Faith in his arms while she kisses him and hides her face in his neck.
Irina comes running in and sees the mess. She doesn’t bat an eye at the gory scene, “This way.”
“Wait!” I yell stopping her in her tracks, “The girl, Anna, where is she?”
“You don’t have time. There are 2 other guards who are going to come in here any…”
I grab her arm and yank her to me, “Listen bitch, I’m not leaving here without her, so tell me where the fuck she is.”
She points, “Down that hall and to the left, then it’s the 3rd door on your right. You will not make it out of here in time if you do this.”
I look to Sawyer and Cade, “Go! You guys get Faith out of here. I’ll go get Anna and meet up with you.”
“I’m not fucking leaving you,” Sawyer says.
“I’ll be fine,” I say holding up the two guns I grabbed from the floor. I throw one to Sawyer, “You cover Cade so he can focus on getting Faith out. I swear I’ll be right behind you guys.”
Then I’m running, faster than I thought possible in my condition. My thoughts only on Anna now.
God please let me make it in time. Within less than a minute I’m at the end of the hall turning left and then I hear her: screaming, crying and begging for it to stop.
“Fuck!”
I make it to the third door, her screaming getting louder. “Anna!” Twisting the knob to find it’s locked I back up and kick the fucking thing in. What I see will forever be ingrained into my head. Some dirty mother-fucker on top of her, raping her.
I was too late.
He turns around making eye contact with me, “Wait your turn asshole.”
A white hot fury fuels a rage so deep inside me, it coils around every part of my body like a snake and I completely lose control. A loud roar fills the air before I make the connection that it’s my own. I pull the son of a bitch off her and start landing blow after blow to his face. I think about every other little girl he has probably done this to and beat him harder and faster until my arms start to give out.
“Ja, Jaxson?”
Anna’s panicked voice snaps me out of my rage, and I quickly realize I’m beating a dead guy.
I drop him to the floor and turn around; Anna is huddled in the corner of the bed, a bloody sheet pulled around her naked body. Her face swollen and bruised, tears mixing with blood down her face. Her innocence stolen. I swallow past the lump in my throat and push aside my emotions, getting my ass in gear.
I look around the room, “Where are your clothes?”
She cries harder, “They took them from me. I don’t have any.”
“Can you walk?” I ask her.
“I don’t think so. The fat guy hit my ankle with the baton, I think it’s broken.”
I clench my jaw so tight, I’m surprised it didn’t snap. “Alright, it’s going to be okay.” I look around again and spot another gun, clearly the customer’s. I pick it up and make my way over to Anna, “Let’s go, we’re getting out of here kid.”
She starts crying and launches herself at me, keeping the sheet around her. “Thank you, thank you so much for not leaving without me.”
My heart clenches in my chest, I feel like a dick because I pull her back, knowing we don’t have time. “Tie the sheet around you, I’m going to carry you out.” I hand her a gun and she takes it with no questions. “Have you shot one before?” She shakes her head. “Okay Safety is off, you’re going to have to wrap your legs around my waist for me to carry you out. It’s the only way I can cover what’s in front of me. I need you to point this gun behind us. If you see anyone you aim and pull the trigger. Do you understand?”
She’s shaking and crying but nods her head and does what I ask. “Wait!” she yells, stopping me from lifting her. She unwraps her arms from around my neck, reaches under her pillow and pulls out my mother-fucking pendant.
“I got it back from that guy. I saw it hanging out of his pocket when he was dragging me so I grabbed it. He thought I was trying to get keys, that’s why he hit me with the baton.” I shake my head, emotion clogging my throat, my chest clenching so tight that I have a hard time breathing. She wraps it in her fist and wounds her arms again around my neck. “Okay, I’m ready.”
I wrap my arms around her and hug her before I pick her up, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she whispers into my neck.
I pick her up and we get the fuck out of there. I start running the way Irina told me. My limbs feeling heavy, the strain of my broken body fighting against me. I clench my teeth and push through it. I will not stop now.
Suddenly Anna’s scream fills my ear, instinct has me turning around and pulling the trigger. A guard drops, the bullet hitting him in the head.
I turn back around and push myself harder, faster.
“I’m sorry,” Anna says crying, “I froze.”
I don’t answer back not wanting to waste any energy I have left. Finally I hit the side door and push through it into the night. I try to train my eyes in the darkness.
“Jaxson, straight ahead,” Sawyer yells from a distance.
I run, trying to keep a steady pace, my lungs burn and my broken limbs try slowing me down. Out of nowhere Irina comes running up to me, “Over here you have to… “
THWACK!
Irina falls right in front of me, a bullet hitting her in the chest.
“Fuck!” I drop to the ground on top of Anna, not knowing what direction the bullet came from.
“Shit!” Sawyer comes running over, his gun shooting wildly over top of me.
He leans down to pick up Irina, “Leave me,” she chokes out.
“No!” Sawyer picks her up, “Come on man, we have no choice we have to make a run for it. I think I hit the fucker.”
Somehow I find the strength to get Anna and I both up. I run with heavy limbs and soon come up to bush. Just before I enter it another shot goes off…
“FUCK!” I shoot up in bed, my body covered in a cold sweat, my heart pounding wildly.
“Jax?” Julia says softly sitting up beside me, her hand going to my shoulder.
I throw her off, “I’m fine. I just need a fucking minute.”
Getting up I head to the bathroom.
I jump when the bathroom door slams, hurting that he’s shutting me out again. I lay back down and let out a heavy breath, this nightmare was by far the worst one yet.
Do I go to him?
I get pulled from my inner torment when I hear the shower turn on. Glancing at the bedside clock I see it’s only 4 am. That’s it. I throw the covers off me. All I can do is try, if he shuts me out then I’ll try again next time.
Walking into the bathroom I close the door behind me and watch Jaxson through the glass shower door. His hands are braced on the wall in front of him, his head hanging low in defeat under the pounding stream of hot water. My trepidation vanishes when I see how much he’s hurting. I pull his shirt from my body and take off my panties. Opening the shower door I step in behind him. Hot steam enveloping me as soon as I enter. I know he’s been aware of me in here the whole time but he still tenses when I wrap my arms around him. I ignore it and kiss his back, his scars, the angel.
“Not a good idea Julia. I don’t have a lot of control right now.” The pain that laces his words has me coming around to stand in front of him. He keeps his head down under the spray, avoiding my gaze.
“Look at me Jaxson,” I say softly.
He shakes his head. I step in closer and grab his face with both of my hands forcing him to look at me. And what I see shatters my heart: despair, guilt and most of all, self-hatred. His eyes are brimmed red with tears that desperately want to be shed but he won’t allow them.
“Oh Jaxson baby, talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”
His pain becomes my own but I hold in my tears to be strong for him. Stepping closer so I’m right under him, I stare up into his face that I cradle in my hands. Water drips from his dark hair and thick lashes, falling onto my face. His guilt and despair lay heavy in the humid air.
“It’s me Jax, let me in, let me help you.”
He clenches his jaw, “I tried to get to her in time. I tried so fucking hard. But I didn’t make it, I was too late.”
Oh no.
Every word is through clenched teeth as he tries to hold his pain in. My heart aches so bad that I have a hard time taking a breath.
Be strong Julia he needs you now.
“Who baby? Cade’s girl?”
He shakes his head, “Anna,” he chokes out, as if I should know who this person is, “fuck Julia, she was only 14.”
Oh God!
I swallow past the bile that tries to choke me, “Did she die?”
He shakes his head again, “No, but they took her innocence, they robbed her of something she will never get back. I almost made it in time, if I could have gotten there ten minutes sooner I would have made it… Fuck!” he breathes out the curse through his still-clenched teeth. His chest heaves rapidly from holding in the pain that desperately needs to be let out.
“Jaxson. Cry. It’s okay to cry. You’re hurting yourself by keeping it in.”
He looks panicked as I say this, he squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head frantically and I know I’m about to lose him.
“Did you get her out in the end?” I ask, hoping to pull him from his panic.
When he opens his eyes they’re flat, with less emotion raging in them. Damn! He nods his head once in response.
“Then that’s what matters. I know I don’t know the whole story and I probably couldn’t even begin to understand it if I tried. But Jaxson you need to understand, you’re only human. You can’t control other people’s actions. You did the best you could and in the end it turned out to be enough because you saved her life.” He shakes his head, not believing me. “Yes. You have to work through this or it’s going to kill you.”
He hangs his head again in despair. I wrap my arms around his body, my breasts pressing against his hard chest. I hold him close and give him all the comfort I can. I kiss his chest right over his heart while the hot water pours down on us, catching the rivulets that run down his body with my tongue. His cock swells against my stomach and his arms come around me, holding me tight.
“I need you,” he rasps in my ear, “I need you to remind me of the good.”
He picks me up by my ass then turns around and pins me against the wall. He stays still for a moment and we watch each other through the steam that billows heavy around us. It’s as if we are in our own world and no one else can enter it but us.
Sorrow and pain still fills his gaze, breaking my heart. Even though I tried so hard not to a single tear leaks down my face, “All you need to do is look in the mirror and you will be reminded of the good this world has to offer.” His eyes close wanting to shut out my words, not believing them. But I won’t let him. I kiss his jaw, his cheek, when my lips are by his ear I push on, “You’re the best man I’ve ever known Jaxson. You’re strong, honorable and loyal. The best thing that ever happened to that little girl was having you be in the wrong place at the right time. Just like me.”
He shakes his head, “Stop,” he croaks out, not wanting to hear my words, feeling like he doesn’t deserve them. He grabs the back of my hair, his fingers gripping the heavy wet strands to pull my head back, then his delicious mouth is on mine. The kiss is filled with so many emotions, I pour all the love that I can into it, trying to erase the pain and anguish that doesn’t belong there.
He arranges my legs so they hang in the crook of his arms, then in one smooth motion he slams himself inside of me, completing me. I sob against his lips at the perfection our bodies make. “You’re so good. Perfect, perfect for me,” I cry into his mouth as he thrusts deep inside of me. I cling to him and give him all of me, letting him use my body as an outlet for his pain.
I drop my head back against the wall as he bends down drawing a taut nipple in his mouth. I whimper, water and tears mixing down my face as I feel my orgasm begin to build.
Jaxson groans, “That’s it baby, I can feel it, you’re close.” He speeds up his pace, slamming into me faster and deeper, hitting the exact spot that I need him to. Closing my eyes I let the orgasm wash over me. Jaxson holds me through it all until I’m limp and sated.
Opening my eyes I see him watching me while he continues to thrust inside of me. I bring my head forward from the wall and kiss his lips, “I love you, every amazing part of you.” His breathing kicks up and his hands grip my wet skin tighter, “Let go Jax. I wanna feel you come inside of me.”
And he does; he buries his face in my neck and groans through the intensity of his pleasure. We stay in our position, soaking in a state of bliss. I feel myself starting to slip so I go to unwind my legs from his waist but he holds me tighter, “No. Don’t leave,” he rasps in my neck, the desperate plea tugging at my heart.
I lean down where his face is still buried in my neck and bring my lips to his ear, “I’ll never leave you Jaxson. I’ll stay for as long as you will have me.”
“Forever,” he mumbles in my neck.
“Forever,” I repeat the word, my heart filling with peace.