“I can’t believe I am going through with this,” I say to Kayla as I’m doing the finishing touches on my hair while trying to calm the butterflies in my tummy.
“You can do this Julia, don’t chicken out now.”
I’ve decided I’m going to tell Jaxson how I feel. Right now I am so thankful for Kayla’s support. She’s always known my feelings for him and thought I should have said something long ago but, I couldn’t! Even now I am so scared this is going to ruin our friendship. No, I won’t let that happen. I know he probably doesn’t feel the same way and it will hurt to hear it but I can’t let him go without telling him that I love him. I’ve thought long and hard about this. What if he gets sent out right after his training? I know I would always regret not telling him how I truly felt if something happened to him. Just the thought makes me sick to my stomach.
“I’m so scared this is going to strain our friendship,” I look over at Kayla worriedly.
“If he tells you he doesn’t feel the same way, he’s fucking lying,” she says coming up behind me in the mirror. Leave it to Kayla to say exactly what she thinks. It’s something I admire her for.
“I don’t know Kayla, you know Jaxson, he doesn’t believe in love.”
“That’s his daddy issues talking Jules. Believe me I have seen the way he looks at you. If he denies it he’s lying.”
I take a big breath and shrug, “I guess I’m not expecting him to say it back. I’m doing this so I have no regrets and he knows how deep my feelings are for him.”
“Well when you tell him you love him, if he says he doesn’t feel the same way, you could always say ‘just kidding’,” we both burst out laughing. Then her smile vanishes and she looks at me seriously, “He’s lucky to have you Jules, and believe me, when he sees you tonight he’s gonna flip his shit. You look amazing. I mean, you’re always beautiful, but tonight that boy is not gonna know what hit him.”
“Thanks Kayla,” I say softly, my throat feeling tight at her compliment. I’m so lucky to have her in my life.
I look again in the mirror. I decided on a short denim faded skirt that shows off more leg then I ever have. It has some light pink peekaboo lace around the bottom that makes me feel cute but sexy at the same time. I borrowed Kayla’s top, which isn’t indecent by any means but a little more revealing than what I’m used to. It’s a spaghetti-strapped light pink lace tank that matches the bottom lace of my skirt. It shows just enough cleavage of my C cups that it’s sexy but not trashy. Thank goodness I wasn’t any bigger or the tank wouldn’t fit.
My long chestnut brown hair falls in loose waves since I went against straightening it. Kayla says people pay big bucks to get loose waves like this so I should appreciate it more. Kayla did my make up tonight and made my aquamarine eyes really stand out with the smoky eye shadow she did. Her mascara makes my eyelashes twice as long and they already weren’t lacking in that department. Mama always used to tell me she loved my eyes, she said they reminded her of the Caribbean Sea.
Grams tells me all the time I look like mama, but I wouldn’t go that far. We do have some similarities but I don’t even come close. I have yet to see anyone as beautiful as my mother. Thinking about this makes me smile and remember the night I fell completely in love with Jaxson.
It was almost a year after we had met. I always had a little crush on Jaxson because he was so darn sexy. The more I got to know him I realized there was so much more to him then he let people see. We were at our usual spot on the beach where I would sneak out at night and meet up with him, just to hang out and talk. We would do this often and sometimes stay until sunrise. We were lying side by side staring up at the stars and out of the blue he asked if I was happy living in Sunset Bay…
“Ya, I guess I am. I think it’s a great town, I just wish the circumstances of what brought me here were different,” I say sadly.
“You’ve never mentioned your dad before. Tell me to mind my own damn business if you want, but I’m curious why you aren’t living with him?”
I get a little uncomfortable when I say, “That’s because I don’t know who my father is,” before he gets the wrong idea I rush to explain, “it isn’t because my mom slept around and doesn’t know who he is. To make a long story short, my mother fell in love with my father in college and got pregnant. He didn’t feel the same way and didn’t want a kid. He told her if she didn’t get rid of me he would leave. When she didn’t, that’s exactly what he did. She said if I ever wanted to know anything about him I could ask but to be honest I never thought too much about not having a father. My mother was everything I needed. She never dated, so I didn’t have any male figures while growing up. My pappi died before I was even born.
There were a few times I wondered if I was missing out, like when I was young, living in our old house. We lived in a pretty nice neighborhood, nothing big and fancy but peaceful and kid friendly. There was a girl close to my age that lived next door. She had this big tree in her front yard and her dad put a wooden swing on it for her. He would push her on it every night after supper, they would laugh and she would beg him to go higher. I’d watch them sometimes out my window and I’d wonder what that felt like. But I wouldn’t let myself dwell on it because I knew no one had a mom out there like I did.”
I turn to him with a soft smile and I’m caught off guard when I see him staring at me so intensely. I’m about to ask him what he’s thinking but then he looks away and says, “Well trust me when I say, sometimes it’s better not knowing your father than knowing him.” I see a quick flash of pain in his eyes before he hides it.
“Will you tell me about your mom?” his question catches me off guard. It was the first time he’s asked about her. We have become close and he knows she had died from cancer but other than that I never brought it up because it hurt too much to talk about her. But I was feeling stronger lately so looking back up at the stars I let out a breath and say: “She was beautiful Jax, not just on the outside, but the inside too. She was so graceful and sweet, she never judged anyone. She was the kindest and most forgiving woman you would ever meet. Sometimes I think God took her because he needed her as one of his angels.” I sense him staring at me again and I let out a frustrated moan, “I’m not making any sense, am I? I’m trying to describe just how amazing she was and no matter what I say you will never fully understand how beautiful she was.”
As a tear slips free, Jaxson leans over wiping it away with his thumb affectionately. “Actually I know exactly what you’re saying, she sounds just like you.”
Something shifted in me at his words, something monumental, and I soon realize it’s me giving Jaxson my entire heart.
I shake my head giving him a sad smile, “I’d give anything to be half the person my mom was.”
“Believe me Jules, you measure up, more than you will ever know.”
His gaze makes me feel breathless and I thought he was going to kiss me, I prayed for it. Instead he broke the moment by lying down, looking back up at the sky.
I get pulled back to the present by hearing Kayla rant about Cooper.
“I still can’t believe that fucker kept this from me. He said he knew I would have told you. Can you believe that?”
“Well, would you have?”
“Of course I would’ve!” she states as if I just asked the dumbest question in the world.
I chuckle, “Than why are you so mad at him?”
“Because he is supposed to tell me everything anyway, that’s why,” she says, as if the answer is so obvious. “I told him he is not getting a piece of ass for at least a week. Although I may have to take that back, it has been 2 days and I might die if I don’t get him naked soon,” she wiggles her eyebrows at me and we both giggle.
Kayla and Cooper are adorable, they are the all-American couple. Kayla with her long blonde hair, dark blue eyes and a body that girls only could dream to have. And Cooper, well… let’s just say that other than Jaxson, Cooper is the next sexiest guy I have ever laid eyes on. He has warm green eyes and keeps his brown hair short and neat. He’s built much the same as Jaxson, long and lean, an athlete’s body. Except he’s a little shorter, around 6’1” instead of Jaxson’s 6’4.” Together both of those boys are lethal to a girl’s hormones. I smile when I think of all the seductive tricks Kayla used to snatch him.
“Don’t be too hard on him, he was just being loyal to Jaxson. You would’ve done the same for me,” I say taking pity on Cooper.
“Ya, you’re right, I’m gonna make him sweat it for a bit longer though.” I shake my head and smile at her. “Are you ready for this?”
I take a deep breath, “As ready as I’m ever gonna be.”
I pull up to Julia’s house just a few minutes before six and try to pull myself together. I’ve been in a shit mood these last few days, leaving Julia is bothering me more than I thought it would. Even Coop has had enough of me. As I walk up to the door and begin to knock, Julia’s grandma, Margaret Sinclair, opens the door.
“Jaxson, I thought that was your bike I heard. Come here and give me a hug.” I do so, awkwardly. I’m not used to affection, especially with elders, but Margaret is a real affectionate lady and likes to hug a lot.
“How ya doing, Miss Margaret?” I ask as politely as I can. I never cared much about my manners but Margaret has been good to me. She never treated me like I wasn’t good enough to be friends with Julia, so I make sure to always be respectful to her.
“How many times I got to tell you to stop with the ‘Miss Margaret’ and call me Grams?” she says with kindness, and a slight hint of frustration.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“You’re forgiven handsome. Now come on into the kitchen, Julia will be down in a minute, Kayla’s up there with her. They should be done soon.” I follow her into the kitchen. “Sit here and have a cookie,” she says grabbing a plate from the counter. “Julia and I baked them this morning.”
Sitting down next to me she cuts right to the chase, “Now what’s this that you’re leaving?”
“Yes ma’am, I am. I’m going to train and hopefully make it in the Navy, I wanna be a Seal.” She’s looking at me strangely, making me feel uncomfortable.
She goes to the living room and grabs a big photo album. Pulling a picture out she brings it back to me, “Julia’s Pappi, my Ben, was in the Navy. He was a sailor, a darn good one too.” Sure enough the black and white photograph was of a young man in a sailor suit who looked to be even younger than me. Which was confirmed when I turned the picture over and read Benjamin Sinclair, 1952, 18 years old. “He served 10 years and then was honorably discharged. He could have stayed but after I had Julia’s mother, Anabelle, I wanted him home with us, safe. Who would’ve known it would have been a drunk driver to take him from us.”
I stare silently at the picture because I’m not really sure what to say. I look up at her in surprise when she puts her hand on mine. “You remind me a little of my Ben, Jaxson. You’re fierce, loyal and strong. I think the Navy would be lucky to have you help serve this country.”
It was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. “Thank you.”
“Now tell me, are you gonna come back to my Julia?”
Jesus, speaking of Julia… Where the hell is she? What am I supposed to say to that, when I don’t know the answer? “I’m not sure what will happen if I make it, but I do expect to see Julia again. I care about her; she’s a good friend. I’ll miss her but it will be good for her too. I know it’s been tough at times for her, being friends with me.”
Next thing I know Margaret comes to stand right in front of me. I look up wearily, wondering what the hell she’s gonna say now. This conversation is way too much for me. She takes my face in both her hands and gives me a kind smile, “You’re a good boy Jaxson, never think any different. Julia is lucky to have you; she’s much stronger than you give her credit for. She needs you in her life though, you make sure you come home to her, ya hear?” I swallow thickly and nod at her. I feel bad doing it because I’m not sure I will keep that promise.
Finally I hear Julia’s bedroom door open. Margaret pats my shoulder and yells, “We’re in the kitchen girls.”
I quickly stand up, thankful the conversation is over, and suck in a sharp breath when Julia walks in. Ho-ly fuck! All the blood from my head rushes south to my cock and I immediately regret that I’m standing. Every time I see Julia I’m always struck with the reminder of how beautiful she is, but right now, it’s more than that. I have never seen her look this way. She’s showing way more skin than I have yet to see and I don’t want anyone else to either. With her hair and make-up done like this she is not looking like beautiful wholesome Julia. No, she looks like a sexy vixen. What the fuck!?
“Oh Julia dear, you look beautiful.”
“Thanks Grams,” Julia kisses her on the cheek, then looks at me.
“Hi Jax.” She fidgets with the bottom of her skirt and my eyes are drawn to her long smooth legs. Legs that I wanna feel wrapped around my waist while I drive myself into her. Fuck me! I look back up at her.
“Hi,” I croak out. Shit, pull yourself together man! I clear my throat trying again. “Hey Jules, you do look nice,” that’s a fucking understatement. Then I notice Kayla staring at me with a sassy smirk as if she knows something I don’t.
“Hey Jaxson!” she says. “Well I’m outta here folks. Have fun and call me later Jules.” She gives Julia a hug and whispers in her ear something no one else can hear. “Good luck Jaxson, with the Navy thing. I’m sure you’ll do great.”
“Thanks Kayla. Make sure to keep Coop in check. Don’t let him get too big of a head while I’m gone.” She laughs then waves as she walks out the door.
“Are you ready?” I ask Julia.
“Yes. Um is it alright if we take my car instead? I’m not really dressed for the bike.”
No fucking kidding.
“Ya that’s fine.”
“Where are you two headed tonight?” Julia looks over at me not sure.
“I thought we’d go get a pizza at Antonio’s. Then go to the beach later?”
“Sounds great,” she says smiling. A smile that always hits me like a blow to the chest.
We start walking to the front door when Margaret grabs me again and wraps her thin wrinkly arms around my waist. “You take care of yourself now Jaxson, I have no doubt you’re gonna do great. You remember what I said, ok?”
I nod, “You take care too… Grams.” She smiles big as I add that last part.
“I’m not sure what time I’ll be home. Don’t wait up for me just in case I’m late,” Julia says blushing, looking away from me.
Jesus, what’s up with her?
“Actually dear, don’t wait up for me. My knitting club and I are partying it up tonight at Joyce Becker’s. She’s making monster margaritas.”
Julia snickers, “Ok, be careful, and call if you need a ride.”
“Oh you know me, I’ll be fine and I have a ride home. You kids have a good night, bye,” she waves as we walk out the door.
Once we’re outside by ourselves Julia turns to me with a smile handing me her keys, “I imagine you want to drive,” she rolls her eyes playfully. I take the keys from her, then before I can think better of it I grab her hips and pull her against me. She gasps when she feels my hard cock against her stomach.
“You look really fucking good tonight Julia.”
“Thanks,” her response comes out breathless.
I lean down and press a hard kiss to her forehead. Then I grab her hand and drag her to the car before I do something really dumb, like hike up that skirt of hers and fuck her right here on her front porch.
The drive is filled with awkward silence, or maybe it’s just me? My heart is still pounding from what happened on the porch. Maybe tonight will go better than I think. We make small talk on the way and before I know it we pull up to Antonio’s pizza parlor. Antonio is a very loud, happy Italian who makes the best pizza in the state.
“Did you wanna just order it to go and eat at the beach?” Jaxson asks as we get out of the car.
“Ya that sounds good,” I smile and link my arm easily with his.
We walk into the restaurant and see it’s quite busy. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t my favorite customers.”
“Hi Antonio,” I say with a big smile as we get to the counter.
“Come on over here beautiful and lay one on me,” he says patting the side of his face. I push myself up on the counter and give him a big loud smooch on the cheek. Antonio turns to Jax now and shakes his hand.
“How you doin’ Jaxson? I hear you’re leaving us to become a Seal,” he chuckles, “aren’t you dangerous enough?”
“I’m hoping so, but Antonio, we all know you’re the dangerous one in this town,” Jaxson says with a smirk.
Antonio proudly puffs out his chest, “You know it kid. What can I get you two?”
Jaxson stares down at me, “A large cheese pizza, thin crust.” I smile at him; he always orders my favorite.
“Grab some drinks and take a seat. It’ll be a few minutes.”
Jaxson grabs both of us cokes and we go sit in a booth.
“Are you all packed?” I ask sadly. He answers with a nod. “Grams and I made cookies for you to take. Remind me to give them to you later when you drop me off and pick up your bike.”
“Thanks Jules.” He looks past me to the door. His easy expression vanishes in a flash and is replaced with a cold hard glare.
“What?” I ask, as I look behind me. Oh shit! Wyatt Jennings walks in looking right at us. Crap, this is bad. I look back at Jaxson and see rage in his eyes. Turning back around I anxiously watch Wyatt walk over to our table with a cocky smirk on his face. “Jaxson,” I say cautiously with a bit of warning.
“Well hello, Miss Julia,” Wyatt says as he approaches. I know he’s trying to get under Jaxson’s skin. Wyatt has always been polite to me so I would never be rude back.
“Hi Wyatt,” I respond nervously while looking at Jaxson, who has yet to stop glaring at him.
“You look mighty beautiful tonight Julia. Where are you headed?”
Jaxson growls, “None of your fucking business. Get lost Jennings.”
“I wasn’t talking to you, I was asking this beautiful lady,” Wyatt places his hand on my shoulder and Jaxson stands up, quickly knocking it off me.
“Don’t fucking touch her.”
Oh lord! I stand up too but neither of them notice. They both stare each other down, looking like they want to kill one another.
“I hear you’re leaving soon Reid? It’ll be nice to finally get to know Julia. This town will be better without you and so will she.”
Well now that was rude. I glare at him and I’m just about to say something when Jaxson moves me to the side and grabs Wyatt by the shirt slamming him into the wall. Oh shit. “Jaxson stop!”
“I fucking warned you Jennings and I mean it. If you go anywhere near her, I promise, you will live to regret it… Are you fucking listening to me?”
Jaxson’s shouting now and has a very frightening look on his face while Wyatt looks at him smugly. Everyone in the place is quiet, watching the scene unfold.
“Jaxson please. I don’t want our night to end because of this. Let’s get our pizza and get out of here,” I try to reason with him.
I don’t want him spending his last night in prison instead of with me. Wyatt’s dad is on the council and is very influential in this town.
Thankfully Antonio breaks in, “Ok you two, that’s enough. Jennings you got a death wish? Go get a table. Jaxson, let him go son. Your pizza’s ready, take Miss Julia and go wherever y’all are headed for the night,” Antonio says this firmly but is glaring at Wyatt.
“I mean it, you stay the fuck away from her,” Jaxson says dangerously, shoving himself away Wyatt.
Antonio hands me the pizza and puts his hand on Jaxson’s shoulder.
“Let’s go Jax,” I say quietly, tugging on his arm.
He looks to Antonio, “How much do I owe you?”
“Nothing, it’s on me. Good luck out there kid, make sure you come back,” he claps Jaxson on the back.
“Thanks Antonio. Sorry about this.”
Antonio nods at him then turns to me, “Take care Miss Julia, I’ll see you soon.”
As soon as we get into my car Jaxson loses it and starts punching my steering wheel, “FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” I jump, not expecting the outburst. I know he would never hurt me. I’ve seen him like this enough times that I just stay quiet till he gets himself under control.
He looks over at me, rage and worry consuming his expression, “Jules you have to promise me that you won’t go anywhere near that asshole. Not ever!”
“Jesus Jaxson, what is it with you two? Why do y’all hate each other so much?”
“Just promise me you’ll stay the fuck away from him. If he gives you any problems you go to Cooper right away, ok?”
I’m a little surprised at how intense he is about this. “I’ll be fine Jax, I am pretty sure he only talks to me now just to get under your skin. He’s always been nothing but polite to me.”
“That’s because he wants in your fucking pants! Christ Julia, will you just trust me on this? I know shit about him that you don’t,” he looks so panicked that I lean over and hug him.
“Alright, I promise. Don’t worry. I’ll go to Cooper if I need to, but I’m sure it’ll be fine.” I try to reassure him as best as I can. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tight.
“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”
My heart melts and I wonder what he knows about Wyatt that has him so concerned for my safety. “Nothing is going to happen to me. You’re the one who’s going to be a Seal, you are in more danger than I am.” I get sad now thinking about him leaving. I pull back from him and smile, “Come on, let’s go to the beach. In the future please don’t beat my car again.”
“Sorry,” he smirks not looking very apologetic.
“When do classes start for you?” Jaxson asks, while picking up our garbage from supper.
I brush off the crumbs from our blanket, “Three weeks. I just purchased my text books.” I’m attending college in Charleston to get my teaching degree. “I’m not really looking forward to four more years of school but I’m hoping the elementary school will have a position for me when I’m done.”
Jaxson walks over and sits back down beside me. “You’re gonna be a good teacher Jules.”
“Thanks,” I say giving him a smile. “So tell me what all this training is going to entail for you?”
He looks at me doubtfully, “You really want to hear about it?”
“Of course I do.” I scoot closer to him and get into our familiar position of me wrapping both my arms around his one and lean back on the log behind us. We stare out at the sun that’s just starting to set.
“Well BUD/S, which stands for Basic Under Water Demolition/SEAL, is a 6 month process with different stages. The first 8 weeks are the toughest on recruits, both mentally and physically, or so I hear. They call it ‘hell week’. They put us through a lot of shit to see how much our mind and body can endure. I’ve heard a lot of people drop out before the 8 weeks are finished because they can’t handle it.” Jaxson stops explaining when he looks over and sees my horrified expression, “Ok, that’s enough info for you!” he says chuckling.
I stare at him like he’s crazy, “What if something happens to you?”
“Jules I’m in training, they’re not going to try and kill us. They’re just gonna make us we wish we were dead,” he laughs at this while my stomach clenches and my throat tightens.
“It’s not funny Jaxson,” I say quietly.
He puts his arm around me, “Hey, I’ll be fine, I can handle it Jules. Nothing is going to happen to me, I promise.”
We’re both staring at each other now; we’re so close that I can feel his breath on my face. It wouldn’t take much to have our lips touch. I see him stare at my mouth and I wonder if I should make my move now. But then he looks away and the moment is gone. Darn! It’s kind of awkward so I decide now is a good time to give him his present.
“I have something for you,” I sit up and start digging in my purse.
“What? Why the hell did you get me something? I don’t need anything Julia.” I know he doesn’t like receiving presents, but I don’t care.
“Stop your grumbling, it’s nothing big. It’s important to me for you to have this.” I turn back to him and hand him the small wrapped present. He looks at me annoyed and then starts unwrapping it. When he gets to the small jewelry box he stares at it uncomfortably.
“Don’t worry, it’s not an engagement ring,” I say teasingly. Jaxson grins while opening the box. He looks confused at the stainless steel chain with the medal pendant, I can tell he’s wondering what it is, so I explain: “It’s a medallion of Archangel Michael, it’s for protection. I had Father Gabriel bless it for you. Promise me you will always wear it Jaxson, no matter what you’re doing, or where you are, you’ll always have it with you.” He’s staring at me with an emotion I can’t decipher and I start feeling unsure, thinking he might not like it.
“How much was this?” he asks suspiciously.
I roll my eyes, “Not much I swear. I already had the pendant, I just bought the chain.”
He looks back down at the necklace, “The pendant was yours?”
I take a deep breath knowing he’s not going to like what I say next: “Ya, my mom gave it to me.”
He drops the necklace back in my hand so fast I barely have time to register it before he shouts, “Fuck that Julia! I’m not taking something your mom gave to you.”
I expected this. “Stop! It’s my pendant and I will do what I want. I have many things from my mother Jaxson. I know she would be happy that I’m giving this to you.” I shift now so I’m sitting right in front of him. His ice blue eyes are burning with frustration and I’m worried he’s not going to accept it. “Please take it Jax, you need it more than I do. It gives me comfort knowing you’ll have it.”
He rests his forehead on mine then lets out a breath, “Damn it Julia!”
I’m not sure what that means but I place the necklace back in his hand and close it into a fist. I look up at him and with our lips so close I know now is my chance. So before I chicken out I tentatively place my lips on his and give him a gentle kiss. His eyes widen in shock, but he doesn’t pull away. I take this as a good sign and brush my lips against his again, more firmly this time.
“Julia,” he growls out warningly against my lips, “ah fuck it!” He grabs the back of my head, crushing his mouth to mine, and kisses me with an intensity that steals my breath.
Oh god!
Jaxson thrusts his tongue in my mouth and I become completely intoxicated with his erotic taste, it’s a taste I want in my mouth forever. His big hands encircle my hips and lift me so I’m straddling him. I wrap my arms around his neck and eagerly thread my fingers in his soft, messy hair while we kiss each other with greedy desperation. His warm hands run up my bare thighs to the bottom of my skirt, playing against the lace. He groans with a primal need as he slips them under and grabs my ass. I moan and move frantically against him, feeling like I can’t get close enough. Suddenly he flips us over smoothly, without breaking contact with my mouth. A whimper escapes me when I feel how hard he is between my legs. His rough jeans rub against my smooth satin panties, spiking my slow burning need to full intensity. I raise my hips, craving to feel more of him.
“Jesus Christ, you taste fucking incredible,” he mumbles against my lips before he tears his mouth from mine, moving to my neck. I suck in lungfuls of much needed air as his soft lips travel down my neck, nipping and tasting my skin. He grasps the straps of my tank top sliding them down my arms, then pushes my shirt to my hips. His eyes ignite as he stares at my hot pink satin bra, and his fierce expression has me aching desperately for his touch.
“Touch me,” I plead, with a whisper.
He growls, “Oh baby, don’t worry I fucking plan on it.” I shiver from his erotic promise. Sliding his hand up my stomach, he grazes over one breast before flicking the front clasp of my bra. My cups fall open baring me to his stare, the warm ocean breeze triggering yet another erotic sensation to my aroused body.
Jaxson hisses in a breath, “Jesus, I knew you’d be beautiful.” Leaning down he closes his hot wet mouth over my hard aching nipple and groans.
I gasp as the sensation hits me right between my legs. “Jaxson,” I arch up to give him more of me while his hand cups my other breast, pinching and rolling my nipple between his fingers roughly. He gives just enough pressure that it’s almost painful yet feels so good that the pulse between my legs becomes agonizing. I reach down and start tugging at his shirt.
“Please, I want to touch you too,” I plead desperately.
He sits up swiftly, pulling off his shirt, we both groan when his hot skin collides with mine. “Holy fuck, you have the softest skin I’ve ever felt.”
Jaxson’s back ripples and flexes under my touch as I hold him desperately close; I’m scared if I don’t then this won’t be real. He moves his hand down between our bodies and I gasp when he gently runs one finger down the center of my panties.
“Christ Julia, you’re so wet,” he groans out. He pushes my panties to the side and runs his finger through my wet slit then freezes, “Oh fuck! You’re bare?” he asks, sounding surprised that I’m waxed. I start to feel unsure of myself until I realize he likes it. “Jesus, I might actually die from this,” he mutters under his breath.
I cry out when he starts circling my clit skillfully with his finger. “Oh god!!”
“I can’t fucking wait to make you come Julia.”
I whimper from his erotic words and feel myself getting close. I know I’m going to explode any second but suddenly he moves his finger away.
“No please don’t stop!” He reassures me by sticking first one finger inside me then follows quickly with another. I cry out and clamp my legs around his arm, trapping his hand inside of me.
“Easy Julia, let me in, trust me I’m gonna take care of you.” He pushes my legs apart from his arm and starts pumping his fingers in and out. “Fuck baby! You’re so hot, so tight!” his rough voice in my ear adds to the sensations that are over-taking my body. My need becomes so strong that I hold his arm while riding his hand, begging for release. He starts flicking his thumb over my clit while his fingers move faster inside me. I shut my eyes feeling so close…
“Open your eyes Julia, I wanna see you when you come.” I open my eyes and feel consumed by his possessive gaze. “Let go baby, I’ve got you.”
He presses down on my clit and that’s all it takes, my body becomes overwhelmed with sensations as my orgasm slams into me. I keep my eyes trained on Jaxson’s until the pleasure is too much and they close on their own accord. Jaxson’s fingers keep their momentum, drawing out every bit of pleasure from me, till I’m soft and limp.
Smiling I open my eyes and slowly become aware of my surroundings. Jaxson stares down at me with an emotion that holds affection and vulnerability.
Before I lose the chance I reach up and trace my finger across his lips and softly whisper… “I love you Jaxson.”
I feel his whole body tense and the tender expression that was just on his face is replaced with one of shocked horror.
Uh oh! Anxiety spikes, making my heart start to pound. Jaxson doesn’t move, it’s as if he’s frozen in place.
“Say something…” I choke out softly. He quickly stands up, my voice snapping him out of his shock.
“Shit, shit, shit. What the fuck am I doing? Shit,” he mutters while frantically pacing.
Ok, not exactly what I wanted to hear. Feeling cold and completely exposed now I quickly put my bra and shirt back into place. I sit with my arms wrapped around my knees waiting for him to start talking to me instead of himself.
Finally after what seems like forever, but in actuality was probably only a few minutes, he turns to me with an expression full of regret. Ouch!
“Jules I’m so goddamn sorry, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I got carried away.” I stare at him in complete astonishment.
“Really Jaxson? That’s what you have to say about what just happened? What exactly are you sorry for?” I feel my blood start to heat back up but for a whole different reason than it was 10 minutes ago.
“What we just did Jules, it shouldn’t have happened,” he drops his head to his hands, “Fuck I can’t believe I did this.”
“Well you know what Jaxson? I think what just happened was pretty amazing and I’m not sorry. Do you not recall it was me who kissed you first?”
“Listen Julia, our emotions are all over the place right now. I should have stopped…”
“…Do you really think I just told you I loved you because my emotions are all over the place? Seriously!?” He’s looking unsure now, seeing how angry I am.
He’s still shirtless and I hate myself for thinking how sexy he looks right now. He takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair. “Julia I know you care about me…”
“No Jaxson I told you I love you, there’s a big difference!”
“You don’t love me Julia. My leaving is screwing with our heads.”
That’s the final straw for me: “Don’t you dare tell me, Jaxson, what I feel. If you think I said ‘I love you’ just because you had your fingers inside me, well, think again mister! Clearly you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” My heart breaks and I realize that it’s true- he should know me better than to think I would just spout those words and not mean them.
“Damn it Julia, listen, you may think that you love me… “
“Don’t fucking patronize me!” I can tell my screaming and choice of language has surprised him. “UGH!” I start packing up the blanket, realizing this was a mistake, “I’ve been in love with you since I was 17 years old but I’ve kept it to myself because I didn’t want to mess up our friendship.” I turn to him: “Are you really that disgusted with me Jaxson?”
I can tell my question pisses him off, “Watch it Julia, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
“Oh really, I don’t? Then tell me why you have screwed almost every girl in this town and act like it’s no big deal but then you touch me and you have so much regret and disgust on your face it looks like it might kill you?” I know the pain I’m feeling has crept into my voice now.
“I do not feel disgust! You’re different than everyone else!”
“Ya, I got that I’m different,” I choke out.
I turn and start walking away when he charges after me grabbing my arm, he spins me around to face him, “Oh for fuck-sakes! I didn’t mean it like that! This is about me Julia, not you. I’m too fucked up to love you,” he says brokenly, “why tell me now, huh? Why the fuck would you tell me the night before I have to leave?”
I try to swallow past the lump in my throat, “Because I didn’t know if or when I would ever see you again and I knew I’d always regret it if something happened to you and you never knew how much I loved you.” I’m too tired to stop the tears streaming down my cheeks. There’s so much pain in his eyes after I say this that I cry harder.
“I’m sorry Jul…”
I rip my arm out of his grasp, “Jaxson if you say ‘sorry’ one more time I swear to God I’m going to hit you!” I sigh frustrated, “whatever, I just wanna go home.”
I turn and start walking to the car with the blanket under my arm. I hear him swear and shuffle around grabbing his shirt, then he’s following behind me.
I stare out my window while we ride home in silence. So many feelings consume me: hurt, anger and, most of all, fear. I’m so scared that we won’t be able to fix this and I’ll lose him forever.
We pull up to my house and both get out of the car. Before I can think of what to say, he says: “Remember Julia if you need anything, go to Cooper.”
I stare at him, trying to see what he’s feeling but his eyes are cold and distant, he’s completely closed himself off to me. I can’t believe after everything we’ve been through together that’s all he’s going to say. I shake my head sadly, “I don’t need a damn babysitter, I can take care of myself. Goodbye Jaxson.”
At that I turn and run into the house before I completely lose myself in front of him. As soon as I close the door behind me, I fall against it and shatter, knowing I just lost the one person that will hold my heart forever.
I watch the one person that means the most to me in the entire fucking world run out of my life. And I don’t stop her, because I know in the end it’s for the best.
“Jesus, what the fuck just happened?” You lost control and fucked up, that’s what happened.
I can’t believe I fucking did this. I run my hand through my hair in frustration and get a trace of her scent from my fingers. The memory of her tight hot pussy contracting around my fingers will haunt me for the rest of my life.
‘I love you Jaxson.’ It’s the first time anyone has said those words to me and it makes my chest hurt so fucking bad that I want to rip my goddamn heart out so I don’t feel it.
I want to go in after her and tell her just how much she means to me but I know in the end it still won’t change why we can’t be together. I wish things were different, I wish I had different blood running through my veins, I wish I was good enough. I look up at her house one last time before I get on my bike.
My throat feels so tight I can’t swallow. Jesus Christ, what the fuck is happening to me! I haven’t cried since I was 7 years old and I swore I never would again. But that’s what Julia does to me, what she has always done to me, makes me feel shit I never thought I’d feel again.
Pissed at myself now for being weak, I start the bike up and take off.