Chapter 14
Lea
Placing another batch of cookies on the cookie sheet in front of me, I look out the double doors to the deck and watch Austin as he talks on the phone to his mom. His feet up on the railing and a beer in his hand, which is resting on his stomach.
A week and a half ago, I closed on my office. Austin’s mom actually surprised me with an antique desk from one of the secondhand stores in town and she’s bringing me a truck full of office supplies from Anchorage over the weekend. She is making an effort to get to know me, and I’m doing the same with her, only cautiously.
I pull my eyes from Austin and place the cookies in the oven then take three off the plate, wrap them in a paper towel, and head out to the deck, handing two to Austin as I take a seat next to him. He mouths, Thank you, then pulls my feet up to rest over his thighs as he continues to talk to his mom.
“I know, Mom,” he mutters, taking a bite out of his cookie while looking annoyed. “Yeah, love you too. Later.” He pulls the phone away from his ear and sets it on the table next to him then shoves the rest of the cookie into his mouth.
“Is everything okay?” I ask when he’s done chewing.
“Mom asked when we’re getting married,” he says simply, like he is telling me what color the sky is, and the bite I was taking of my cookie flies out of my mouth as I practically shout, “What?!”
“She says it’s inevitable, so we may as well stop wasting time and just get it over with.”
“Get it over with?” I repeat in shock feeling my mouth fall open.
“Those were her words,” he says, looking out at the water that is turning a beautiful color coral as the sun begins to set below the island off to the side of the house. “I agree with her.” His gaze comes back to me and locks on mine as his face softens.
“You agree with her,” I repeat, because I’m at a complete loss for words.
“I’ve been in love with you for almost eighteen years. I think it’s safe to say that isn’t going to change.”
Okay, so he has a point. My feelings for him never changed; well, they grew and expanded into something different, but I’m still in love with him, even more so now than I was back then. But marriage?
“We already live together,” he states, making me frown, causing him to shake his head. “You’ve been with me every day. You haven’t slept without me unless I’m on the boat, even then you’re still here. We live together.”
“Okay, we live together,” I mutter. I mean, I know that, kind of. My clothes are in his closet, but we never talked about it. It just kind of happened.
“You don’t want to get married?” he asks as his eyes search my face.
“No,” I say, and anger fills his eyes. My face softens and I move from my chair, climbing onto his lap and straddling him. “I want to marry you, no one else,” I explain softly, pushing my fingers through his hair.
“Damn right, only me,” he grunts, grabbing my ass and pulling me tighter against him, making me smile.
“We still have stuff we haven’t talked about,” I say, worried as I watch pain slice through his features.
He shakes his head like he’s getting rid of whatever put that look in his eyes, then murmurs, “We have years, Lea. As long as we’re together, nothing else matters.” He leans in and places a soft kiss on my mouth then holds my face gently in his hands. “Now, tell me you’ll be my wife.”
“Is that really how you’re going to ask me to marry you? You’re going to tell me what to say?” I laugh, leaning my forehead against his.
“Whatever works.” He smiles, then his eyes go soft and he pulls my forehead away from his. “Lea Lamb, will you marry me?”
Tears sting my nose and I squeeze my eyes closed briefly before opening them back up and meeting his gaze. “I have always been yours, Wolf, so the answer is yes.”
“We’re gonna be happy, Little Lamb.” His hands wrap around my jaw and he tugs gently, bringing my mouth to his, nipping my bottom lip then the top one before wrapping his hand around my hair and tilting my head to the side, deepening the kiss.
“What are you doing?” I squeak, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and legs around his hips as he picks me up.
“Taking you to bed,” he mutters, carrying me upstairs to the bedroom, where he makes love to me gently before tucking me into his side and falling asleep.
“Austin,” I whimper, pressing my heels into the mattress and lifting my core farther into his mouth as he devours me. I woke up moments ago, with his face between my legs.
“Fuck my face, Lea,” he growls, adding one finger then two, pressing them deep inside me, then curling up and hitting my g-spot.
“I’m going to come,” I moan as my head tilts back and my legs close around his ears, trapping his mouth and fingers in place as an orgasm rocks through my body almost unexpectedly, sending me off to the stars. I come back to myself as he thrusts, planting himself deep, I wrap my legs around him, rocking my hips forward, trying to get him to move. As I tangle my hands in his hair, his head bends forward, pulling one nipple into his mouth, stealing a moan from my throat as his hands slide around my back, lifting my ass higher.
“Please move,” I whimper, using the heels of my feet on the back of his thighs to rock up and down his length. “Yes!” I cry as he slides out then slams deep over and over, hitting something deep inside me. His mouth moves to mine as his hand slides up, cupping my breasts, then down over my stomach so his thumb can roll over my clit.
His pace picks up, his thrusts become jerky, and then his mouth moves to my nipple, pulling hard, sending a zing to my core, and another orgasm rocks through me, this one bigger than the first. My limbs tighten as my core convulses around him, pulling him deeper as he groans his orgasm into the skin of my throat.
“Morning.” He smiles, lifting his head. His eyes are soft and there is a new brightness in them that puts me at ease.
“Morning.” I smile back, feeling my eyes begin to slide closed.
“Sleep, baby,” he chuckles, kissing me as he pulls out. Then the bed dips and I hear the shower turn on as I fall back asleep.
“I’m heading out.”
“Love you.” I snuggle deeper under the covers, feeling him kiss me once more.
“Love you, baby. See you in forty-eight hours.” That thought makes me pout. His laugh hits my ears and I open my eyes to glare at him. “I’ll be home before you know it.” Settling my hand on his beard covered cheek, his head turns and he kisses my palm then pulls his fist out of the bed, muttering, “Be good.”
“You, too,” I say as I watch him walk to the bedroom door, closing it behind him as he leaves.
Getting out of bed a few hours later, I make my way down to the kitchen and turn on the radio while I make myself a cup of coffee. Bending double over the counter, I sip my coffee and make a list of things I need to get done today. I need to get the water and electricity turned on at my office, then stop at the grocery store to pick up the basics for the house, and to see if any of the shops in town have any canisters for the kitchen, because Austin doesn’t have any. Knowing now that this is going to be my home too, I want to put my touch on it.
I also needed to get stools for the island, but I have a feeling we’re going to have to make a trip to Anchorage for those. Lifting my head, I look at the open living room and smile as I see the almost blank canvas of the house. I can’t wait to make this our home.
Taking my coffee with me, I head back upstairs and shower. Once out I tie my hair up on top of my head, not bothering with blowing it out or makeup. Going to the closet I find a pair of jeans and a plain red t-shirt and put them on before taking my cup with me back downstairs, setting the cup in the sink, and slipping on my boots by the door. Looking out the window noticing large black clouds I grab my raincoat then pick up my bag and car keys and head to my car.
Pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store, I look up through my windshield and watch as the storm clouds turn the sky even darker as they roll in.
I had been at the electric company when the girl who was turning on the power at my office told me the coastguard had made an announcement. There is a storm coming in and they predict gale-force winds, and waves fifteen-to-twenty feet high.
Opening the door, the wind whips inside, making me shiver. I tuck my bag under my arm, and get out quickly running across the parking lot, using my raincoat as a shield against the wind as I make it into the store.
“Hey, Lea,” Dan, the manager of the store, says as I set my items on the conveyer belt.
“Hi, Dan, how are you? How’s Jane?”
“Good.” He smiles gently. Dan and his wife were the first to stop by after my passed away, to bring me food.
“Good,” I repeat, sliding my card through the card reader.
“Is Austin heading into port?” he asks, looking out the window. I follow his eyes and see the sky has gotten impossibly darker since I came inside the store.
“He should be. I guess the coastguard sent out a warning,” I tell him as a niggle of worry begins to run through me.
“Tell him we say hi.”
“I will, and when you and Jane get time, we should have dinner.”
“Jane would like that,” he says softly, handing me my bags. “Get home safe.”
“I will.” I smile leaving the store and running back across the parking lot.
Rain starts pouring down in sheets as I turn on my car, making it hard to see, even with the wipers on full-blast. I drive slowly home, being extra cautious, which turns a fifteen-minute drive into a thirty-minute one. When I reach the house, I’m surprised that Austin’s truck isn’t parked under the deck in his usual spot. I figured with the warning out he would have been home by now. Trying not to think about it, I head inside to put groceries away.
“What the hell?” I look at the clock, realizing it’s been two hours since I arrived home. Picking up the house phone off the counter, I dial the number for Austin’s satellite phone and listen as it rings over and over again. “He’s probably docking, Lea. Get a grip,” I tell myself, setting the phone down and turning on the TV. Nervousness begins to settle deep inside of me as I watch the Weather Channel.
An hour later, after pacing the floor and calling Austin repeatedly, I dial Rhonda to see if she’s heard anything from Ben. “Hey, did Ben make it in?” I ask her as soon as she answers, not even giving her a chance to speak.
“He just docked and said he would be home soon. Are you okay?” she asks, sounding worried.
“I can’t get ahold of Austin. Can you ask Ben if he’s heard from him, or seen him?” I inquire, stopping to look out the window.
“Honey,” she whispers, and I shake my head. I don’t like that tone; it makes me feel like I’m dumb for worrying.
“Just let me know if he’s heard from him, please,” I say, hanging up, not waiting to hear her reply. Tears start to fill my eyes, but I choke them down, whispering over and over, “It’s okay. He’s okay,” as I pace back and forth with the phone in my hand, clinging to it like a lifeline, and then almost drop it when the ringing startles me.
“Austin?” I breathe, pressing the phone to my ear.
“Lea, it’s Ben.”
My heart sinks and my eyes go to the window, not actually seeing anything as I look outside. “Have you heard from him?” I ask as my hands start to shake.
“No, I tried to use the CB, but I couldn’t get through.”
“Oh, God.” Bile crawls up the back of my throat, and I’m sure I’m going to be sick.
“I’m sure he’s fine, Lea. He probably dropped anchor and is waiting out the storm.”
“You’re probably right,” I whisper as my eyes squeeze shut. “If you hear from him, will you please call me?”
“He’s okay, Lea.”
“I know.” He has to be. There is no other option. My heart couldn’t take any more loss as it is. The fragile pieces Austin had put back together again are far too splintered to make it through anything else.
“Why don’t you come hang out with us at the house until he gets home?”
“No, it’s okay,” I say, walking over to the wall of windows, watching as the storm beats mercilessly against the sea.
“Do you want us to come to you?” Ben asks, sounding almost panicked.
“No, I’ll be fine. Kiss Rhonda and Braden for me.” I hang up, hearing Ben curse before the phone clicks off.
I sit down on the couch and continue to press redial over and over on the phone as I watch the storm outside. Every time he doesn’t answer, my worry increases until I’m practically vibrating with anxiety as I sit there with the phone in my hand.
“Hello?” I answer the phone when it rings.
“Lea.”
“Oh, Ben.”
“Hey, I just wanted to tell you there are a few boats that are docked near Shelter Bay. I’m sure that’s where Austin is.”
“How do you know?” I practically beg.
“It’s where most of the boats went that were too far out to make it to port,” he explains.
“But you’re not sure Austin is with them, right?”
“No,” he mutters, and that sinking feeling in my chest grows even bigger.
“He’s not answering,” I tell him, wiping my cheeks.
“I’m sure the storm is making it hard for him to get a signal.”
“You’re probably right,” I say, but even to my own ears my tone sounds defeated.
“Lea, he’ll come home.”
“Okay,” I tell him, holding the phone to my ear as I lie on the couch, facing the windows. “Call if you hear from him.”
I hang up then dial Austin’s number again, begging him to answer, only he doesn’t. No matter how many times I call, he doesn’t answer, and every time, I feel myself sinking deeper into the darkness until I’m drowning in it.
“Lea, baby.”
I feel myself being shaken and my eyes fly open. Austin is in front of me, wearing what he had on when he left this morning, only his clothes are soaked and his hair is wet.
“You came home.” I throw myself into his arms as a sob rips from my chest.
“Of course I did, baby.” His arms slide easily around me and he moves, sitting with me as I cry into his shirt, trying to reassure myself he’s with me, that he’s okay, but no matter what I do, it’s not working. I want to tell him I’m scared, that I don’t know if I can do this, but no words come out. All I can do I sit there and cry.
“Let’s go to bed,” he says softly, picking me up and carrying me upstairs. Once we reach the room, he gets me undressed and puts me in bed. Tears continue to silently fall from my eyes as I watch him remove his clothes, then scoot back when he lifts the blankets, climbing into bed and wrapping himself around me.
“I love you, Lea,” he says, making me cry harder as his arms wrap tighter around me, and he whispers soothing words as he rubs my back.
I lie there until the sun begins to rise, Austin’s breath has evened out, and his hand has stopped moving over me. Rolling over, I slowly slip out of his arms, not even giving myself a chance to look at him one last time before I go to the closet and pull one of his shirts off the shelf. I slip it on over my head then find my sweats, pulling them on before making my way quietly out of the room, shutting the door behind me.
The endless stream of tears hasn’t let up since last night, and I try to fight them back as I head out to my car, but I can barely see as I start my engine and drive back through town. When I reach my parents’ house, I physically have to hold myself together as I go inside. Shutting the door, my legs give out, so I roll myself into a ball on the floor and cry.
Waking up, it takes a moment to realize I’m lying on the floor and that there is someone knocking on the door. Getting to my feet, I pull the door open a crack and look outside, coming face-to-face with a woman I don’t recognize.
“Lea?” she says, looking concerned.
“Can I help you?”
“I’m Elza. I work for Mr. Douglas. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you, but I haven’t been able to reach you by phone since we last spoke, so I wanted to stop by and see if I could catch you at home.”
Home? I’m not home. My home is with Austin, I think, feeling a fresh wave of tears fill my eyes.
“If it’s too much, I can come back another time,” she says softly, studying my tear-stained face.
“No, please, it’s okay.” I move back from the door as she enters, then lead her into the living room, sitting across from her on the chair.
“There isn’t much to go over.” She smiles, pulling out a folder, and begins going over my mom’s assets and information about the house.
I don’t even really hear her as she talks. I need to go back to Austin. Even if I was told the future and found out he would die tomorrow, I would want to spend every minute with him that I can. I can’t live without him.
“There is also a letter from your mom,” she says, and my eyes finally focus on her.
“A letter?”
“Yes, sorry, I didn’t know about it until this morning when I gathered your stuff together. If I had known, I would have sent this stuff in the mail,” she apologizes as she hands me a white envelope with my name scrolled across the front in my mom’s handwriting.
“It’s okay,” I mutter, unable to look away from envelope in my hands.
“If you need anything, don’t be afraid to call,” she says, and I nod, holding the letter to my chest as I follow behind her to the door.
“Thank you, Elza.”
She looks at me over her shoulder and smiles, muttering a goodbye as I close the door behind her. Leaning back against the door I pull the envelope open, carefully removing the letter and unfolding it.
My dear, beautiful girl,
If you’re reading this, it means my time here is over and I’ve moved on to my next adventure.
I wish we’d had more time. That I would have had more time to tell you how proud I am of you, how amazed I am by the woman you’ve become. That every day I spent with you, I realized I had done something right while I was alive.
I also want to apologize; I want to tell you how sorry I am for not being stronger when you needed me to be. When your dad died, half of me died with him. From that day on, I tried to be courageous, but I was so scared that I let that feeling suffocate me.
I didn’t want to see you suffer the same fate as me. I didn’t want to have to look into your eyes if something happened to Austin, so I did what I thought was right. I did what my heart told me to do.
I know the kind of man Austin is, and I know he probably hasn’t told you what I did, because he doesn’t want you to hate me, but I lied to you both. I let my own fears hurt you more than losing him ever could have.
Austin looked for you, honey. He never stopped. Lord knows I threatened him to stay away, but he always came back, begging me to tell him where you were. He never stopped, until I told him you moved on, that you were happy without him and he needed to find his own happiness.
That day, I saw a light go off in his eyes, the same light I saw extinguished in yours when I told you the same thing.
I’m so sorry I was a coward, and I hope with time you can forgive me.
I know if you and Austin can work things out, you two will be happy. You deserve to be happy.
I love you, Lea. You were what kept me alive, when I felt like giving up. Now it’s time for you to find your own light. You are the best of both me and your dad, and know that we are proud of you.
Love, Mom.
Whimpering fresh tears fall from my eyes as I watch the letter float to the floor.