Chapter 3
Austin
“Josie,” I greet Lea’s mom as she steps from the dock onto my boat. I can’t say that we’ve ever been close; I sure as hell can’t say she’s ever come to see me. Hell, when I was searching for her daughter, I thought at one point she was going to place a restraining order against me.
“Austin,” she says then walks to the wheelhouse, opens the door, and gestures toward it.
Growling, “Fuck,” I follow her inside, letting the door slam behind me. This is not what I fucking wanted to deal with today, not after tossing and turning all night, haunted by the look in Lea’s eyes after I told her I hate her.
“We need to talk,” she states as I cross my arms over my chest and lean back against the control panel.
“Gathered that much, Josie,” I tell her, trying to keep the bite out of my tone, but failing. I thought I was over this shit, but now, after seeing Lea, I realize I’m far from over it; I just tucked it away, and now it’s all bubbling to the surface. Lea is even more beautiful now than she was when we were teens. Her face was still soft and round, her skin still creamy in complexion but her lips seemed fuller. Her body filled out giving her curves in all the right places, curves that any man would beg to study with his hands and mouth. Her brown hair was the kind that you could picture spread out on your pillow or wrapped around your fist., and her eyes, though sad, still held that sparkle of wisdom that called to me. Everything about her spoke to me, but there was no fucking way I would ever go there again no matter how badly my dick disagreed.
“Are you even going to ask what we need to talk about?” Josie asks.
“No, I know what you want to talk to me about, and like I told Lea last night, I know why she’s here, and I’ll stay out of her way, but she needs to stay out of mine.” I feel like an asshole, but this is how it has to be. There’s no other choice.
“That’s very diplomatic of you,” she says sarcastically, making me grit my teeth.
“The floor is yours Josie.” I sweep my hand out.
“You’re so damn stubborn. You know, you remind me a lot of my Jacob—so ornery, always thinking you know everything,” she says, referring to her late husband, a man I respected and cared deeply for. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, some worse than others, but seeing how God is giving me time to right my wrongs, I’m planning on taking advantage of it and doing just that,” she says, taking a seat in my captain’s chair then looking out the window, into the harbor.
“When I lost Jacob, I may as well have been buried at sea with him. I was drowning in grief and couldn’t find my way to the surface. I have a lot of regrets from that time.” She shakes her head then lowers her voice to almost a whisper, but still doesn’t look at me. “When Lea told me she was thinking of leaving home, I knew it was the right decision for her. I knew I didn’t want her to stay here in this town with you, and risk her suffering the same fate I did. I wouldn’t wish the pain I suffered on my worst enemy, and I definitely wouldn’t wish it on my daughter.”
She sighs, returning her gaze to me. “I knew you loved each other, but I thought your lives would move forward with time and that each of you would move on, but you didn’t. Neither of you were able to settle, and my sweet, beautiful girl married a man who didn’t really love her, because she was searching for something to fill the void of leaving you,” she says, causing a sinking feeling to fill my chest.
“I lied to you both, told each of you the other had moved on. I believed at the time I was doing the right thing—”
“Get out,” I cut her off before she can say anything else.
“Austin.” She says softly as tears fill her eyes.
“No.” I lean forward.
“Get.
Out.
Now.”
I open the door and step out onto the deck, pulling in a lungful of air as rage burns through me.
“I’m not telling you this so you guys get back together,” Josie says, coming to stand in front of me. “I’m telling you this, because my baby doesn’t have many people to lean on, and when I’m gone, she’s going to need good people around who truly care about her, and as much as you may not want to admit it, you still do.” With that parting blow she turns away, and I watch her step off the boat onto the dock then disappear.
“Are you okay, baby?” Anna asks, walking upstairs from the lower deck, where she had been taking a nap. When she told me she was coming into town for the weekend, I figured this visit would be like all the others, but then she started talking about moving here after the summer, and I knew then that along the way, I somehow fucked up, making her believe this is more than it is. I haven’t even touched her since I laid eyes on Lea again.
“I gotta head out.” I move to the wheelhouse, grabbing my keys, slipping them in my front pocket before pulling my hoodie on over my head.
“I’m leaving in an hour,” she reminds me while her eyes track my movements.
“Text me when you get home.” I move past her and stop when her fingers dig into my arm.
“I heard what her mom said, and I’ve heard people in town talking since she came back. She left you, and you’re going after her?”
I watch as she attempts to force tears to come to the surface, but none fill her eyes. Anna doesn’t care about me any more than I care about her, and this moment proves just that. “Anna—”
“No, don’t Anna me. I thought that we had something, that we were building something.”
I don’t want to do this, but I can’t lie, either. I have loved really loved three women in my life: my sister, my mom, and Lea. Since the moment Lea left me, I have been forcing myself to move forward, never really gathering the momentum to do so. How Lea got married to someone else, I don’t fucking know. No one could replace her for me, even if all I was holding onto was a memory.
“You knew what this was Anna,” I sigh, pulling from her grasp.
“You’re such an asshole, Austin!” she screams.
“I know,” I agree, walking to the edge of the boat and stepping onto the dock. I wasn’t going after Lea, not the way Anna believed. I would do as her mom asked. I would try to be her friend, and when the time came for her to leave, I would let her go this time, and get the closure I need to move on with my life.
“What’s up, Wolf?” Ben answers on the second ring.
“Meet me at the bar.”
“Is everything okay?” He asks and I hear shuffling coming from his end.
No…fuck, no. “I need a beer.”
“On my way.”
The line goes dead and I tuck my phone into the back pocket of my jeans then walk the three blocks to the bar, trying to get my head straight on the way.
As soon as I enter, I scan the bar and see Ben sitting alone at one of the high-top tables.
“You want the usual?” Maggie asks from behind the bar as I pass her.
“Yeah.” I pull out a five and slide it to her as she passes me a bottle of Alaskan Amber. As soon as I take a seat across from Ben, I put the bottle to my mouth and tip it back.
“What’s going on?” He questions wearily.
“Josie just came to visit me.”
“Who’s Josie?” he asks, then his eyes close in realization. “Shit, what the fuck did she want?”
“She came to tell me that she lied to me and Lea.”
“What do you mean, ‘lied to you and Lea’?” His voice has an angry tinge to it.
“She kept us separated, because she didn’t want Lea to suffer the same fate as her. She didn’t want Lea to loose me the way she lost Jacob.”
“Are you shitting me?” He slams down his beer bottle, making the table shake.
“You know I searched for Lea. I begged her mom to tell me where she was, and she always had the same story Lea had moved on, and I needed to do the same. Only, Lea didn’t move on; she was hurt and alone, thinking I was living my days happy without her.”
“Christ.”
“Yesterday, I told Lea I hated her.”
“You did what?” His eyes get big and I rub my forehead once again, bombarded by the memory of the way she looked when I told her.
“I was pissed! Seeing her brought everything to the surface.” I scrub my hands down my face.
“Rhonda hung out with Lea and Josie yesterday.”
“I know. I saw them together while I was with Anna.”
He nods, tips back his beer, and then puts his elbows on the table, taking a deep breath.
“She told me Lea seems depressed, that even though she smiled, she could tell it was forced.”
“She just found out her mom only has months to live,” I remind him.
“Yeah, she also has no one here besides her mom.”
“Jesus.” I know he’s right, but there is still so much pent-up anger inside me when it comes to her.
“Ro told me to tell you to be nice to her.”
“She did, huh?” I laugh. Rhonda has Ben wrapped around her finger and is the one person my best friend is afraid of.
“She also invited her to the baby shower.”
“Good.”
“Wait…what?” he asks.
“Lea’s a good person. She was always sweet, and she needs a friend right now. Rhonda’s a good one for her to have.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?” I ask, confused.
“Are you going to be her friend?”
“I need to let the past go. I need to let Lea go and finally move on with my life.”
“That didn’t answer my question.”
“I’m going to try to be her friend, and hopefully, when she leaves town, I can finally get the fuck on with my life,” I say, while deep down I know it’s not going to be that easy. Nothing ever is.
“What about you and Anna?”
“You know it’s been coming to an end for a while.”
“Interesting,” he mutters, and I raise a brow, indicating for him to continue. “Nothing, Wolf.” He shakes his head, smirking. I know what he’s thinking, only he’s wrong. Lea and I aren’t kids anymore, and the only thing I have to offer her is friendship.
*
Lea
I look around Ben and Rhonda’s backyard and force a smile at yet another person as they walk past me into the house. Since showing up here an hour ago, I’ve received a lot of looks—most of them pity. I’ve also received a lot of smiles—most of them just as fake as the ones I was giving.
Growing up in this town held its benefits. The community was close-knit, everyone knew everyone, and if there ever came a time you needed something, there was always someone around to help you out. The thing that made this town special was the thing that was working against me now: everyone knew Austin. He was well liked, and so was his family. I knew people spoke about me leaving, that they probably knew about Austin and my history, and more than likely, they hated me just as much as he did.
“I’m sorry about your mom.” I turn my head and look up at Ben, who is holding a beer in his hand. “And I’m sorry about the way I spoke to you.”
“Thank you, and it’s okay,” I tell him, but my insides get tight.
“How are you holding up?” He asks folding his large body into the chair next to mine.
I give him a shaky smile and shrug; I’m not sure how to answer that. Right now, I’m doing okay. Later tonight, when I crawl into bed and my brain has a chance to take over, that will be a different story. “Okay, I guess.”
“You don’t seem okay to me.”
“I’m working on it.” I say truthfully. I am working on being okay. I want to give my mom what she wants. I want her to see me happy; she deserves that much.
“Why aren’t you inside?” he questions putting his beer to his mouth and tilting it back.
Because Austin’s inside, I think.
I knew that Austin—being Ben’s best friend—would be here today, but just like every other time I’ve seen him, nothing could prepare me for actually being in his presence. I expected him to glare at me when our eyes connected as I walked into the house, carrying Rhonda’s gift, but instead, he surprised me by taking the large package from my arms and giving me a smile. That’s when I figured out what he was doing. He was being nice, because people were around, but that didn’t mean his smile didn’t do something to my insides, causing them to light up.
“I like the fresh air,” I say then smile a real smile when a little girl runs by, followed by a boy with something in his hand that has her screaming loudly to stay away from her. “Why are you out here?” I ask, looking at him.
“I wanted to come check on you.” He must read the disbelief on my face, because he sits back in his chair and runs a hand over the top of his head, and then his mouth moves to say something, when he’s cut off.
“Want another beer?” I pull my eyes from Ben to look at Austin, who’s standing in the doorway of the back deck, with his hands on either side of the frame, causing his shirt to pull tight across his broad chest.
“Nah, man. I’m good,” Ben says, and then Austin’s gaze comes to me, so I sit up a little taller, just in case he delivers another blow like the one the other night.
“You want some more wine?” he asks, dipping his head towards the table, where my wine glass sits empty.
“Um…” I blink, because he’s talking to me and there is no anger, no emotion in his eyes.
“Babe,” he calls, and I blink again.
“No.” I clear my throat. “Thank you, but I have to drive mom home later.”
“I can give you a ride,” he offers and I feel my jaw drop open.
“Pardon?” I finally get out when I find my voice.
“If you want to have another glass, I can give you a ride.”
“No, but thank you.” I smile and his eyes drop to my mouth, and that’s when I see anger, only I’m confused by what caused it.
“Rhonda wants to open gifts. You two should come in.” He pushes off the doorjamb then turns, disappearing from sight, leaving me confused by what just happened.
“This should be interesting,” Ben mutters from my side, and I swing my eyes from the door to him.
“What should be interesting?” I ask as a sinking feeling settles in my gut.
“Stick around long enough and I’m sure you’ll find out.” He tilts back his beer, finishing it off, then stands, and without giving me a choice, he pulls me up from the chair I was sitting on and drags me inside to sit on the couch with Austin, where I attempt to watch Rhonda open her gifts. I fail miserably, because Austin is close enough that his scent seeps into my pores and his warmth radiates into my side.
“Your cheeks look a little flushed,” my mom says, tilting her head to look at me as she hands me a piece of cake, then takes a seat next to me.
“It’s hot in here,” I explain, ignoring Austin, who’s still sitting next to me, but now he’s closer because I had to make room for my mom to sit.
“Are you feeling okay?” Austin asks, and I turn my head to look at him, then my lips part as his hand comes up to press against my forehead, causing tingles to shoot through me.
“I’m fine,” I assure him, leaning away from his touch.
“You’re burning up.” He frowns, causing a crease to form between his brows that my fingers itch to smooth out.
“I’m not.” I place a hand on my cheek, feeling heat warm my palm. “Okay, maybe I’m a little warm.”
“You need to leave,” He growls, and tears sting my nose at his harsh tone. I didn’t know I was sick when I came here today, and I sure as hell didn’t come here sick on purpose.
“Come on.” He takes my hand and pulls me up from the couch. I want to kick him in the shin, but I don’t, because there are people watching us. So I allow him to tug me towards the front of the house, jerking from his hold when we reach the front door. “Josie, you can stay if you like, but Lea needs to leave.” Austin tells my mom as she walks out of the kitchen,
Oh, my God, he is such a fricking asshole! I’m sick, but it’s not like I have Ebola! I swear, if there weren’t people around, I would lay him out.
“Do you want me to come with you, honey?”
My mom’s softly spoken question cuts through some of the anger in me, and I shake my head before saying, “No, stay. I know you’ve been looking forward to this.”
“Are you sure?” She asks searching my face like I’m lying, which is almost comical because she is the one with months to live and yet here she is worried about me when all I probably have is a cold.
“Will you be okay here?” I ask ignoring her question.
“I’ll be fine don’t worry about me just get some sleep, I’ll get a ride home with Margret.”
“You’re sure.”
“Get my baby home safe.” She glares at Austin making me cringe.
“See you later.” I lean in then stop myself from kissing her cheek. Her immune system is weak already, and catching whatever I have would do her no good.
“See you in a bit.”
I pull my keys out of my pocket and elbow Austin in the ribs hard, causing him to inhale sharply. “Oh, sorry,” I say like I didn’t do it on purpose, but his eyes narrow, telling me he isn’t buying it. Whatever. I move past him to the front door, swing it open, and then step outside and down the three steps onto the driveway.
“My truck’s over here,” Austin says, grabbing my hand and startling me.
“I’m driving myself.” I frown, wondering what he’s up to. He’s been nice—well, except for making me leave the party. Then again, the more time that passes, the worse I feel. I probably would have realized I was sick if I hadn’t been so caught up in being next to Austin again.
“I’m not letting you drive, babe.” He shakes his head.
“Stop calling me babe.” I clench my fist. He didn’t call me that before, and I’m not sure how I feel about him calling me that now. It feels impersonal, yet every time the word leaves his mouth, my body reacts involuntary.
A smirk lifts the corner of his lips and his hand shoots out, wrapping around my wrist, stopping me from going to my car. “Little Lamb, please stop being difficult and let me take you home.”
My chest burns. The nickname he’d given me when we were dating was something I had forgotten about. I was his Little Lamb, and he was the Big Bad Wolf. People would joke about our last names often, but he would tell me it was fate. I tug free from his hold then jerk my head slightly, indicating I would follow him. I want to get this over with; I need to be away from him and alone.
Once we get to his truck, he opens the passenger side door, and waits until I’m inside and buckled to shut it and jog around the front. The air inside smells like him, making me want to either roll down the window, or hold my breath, trapping his scent inside my lungs.
“I’m gonna stop and get you some medication,” he says as the truck roars to life. I turn my head to look at him, wondering where the guy went who stood on the front porch mere days ago telling me he hated me. That Austin, I could handle; this guy here, being nice to me, is not something I’m ready for.
“I just need to take some Tylenol and sleep.” I put my head to the cool glass of the window and close my eyes, waking up when I feel the truck come to a stop. When I open my eyes I notice that were not at my house but at the store.
“I’ll be back.”
I lift my head and watch him run into the local grocery store, coming back out fifteen minutes later carrying two large bags.
“What did you buy?”
“Soup, orange juice, cold and flu medication, and I rented you a couple movies—Horrible Bosses and Dumb and Dumber 2. I figured you still like comedies.” Tears begin to fill my eyes, and I dig my nails into my palms to fight them back. Ken never took care of me when I was sick, and one thing I know for certain is had my life been different and I had stayed with Austin, he would have insisted.
“That wasn’t necessary.” I clear my throat when the words come out on a croak.
“It’s not a big deal.” He shrugs, putting the bags on the bench seat between us. As soon as we pull up in front of my mom’s house, I get out of the truck then find the keys in my pocket, opening the door to the house.
“Why don’t you go get your pajamas on and I’ll make you some soup.” He asks softly making that pain I was feeling earlier come back tenfold. I couldn’t do this with him. I couldn’t have a front row seat to what life would have been like if I stayed at home.
“No, thanks. I’m just going to get into bed.” I say wanting him to just leave already.
“I think you should eat something. You didn’t eat at the party.”
“No, thanks,” I repeat.
“Go get on your pajamas, then come sit down and eat some food.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” I mutter watching his jaw start to tick. How someone pissed off can be hot I have no Idea but he seriously looks good angry.
“Stop being a pain in the ass, Lea, and just do what you’re told. You’re sick, and you need to eat something so you can take some medication,” he growls.
“Fine.” I toss my arms up in the air and stomp down the hall like a teenager, into my room, and slam the door, then pull stuff out of my suitcase onto the floor until I find a pair of sleep shorts and one of my old work out t-shirts that’s three sizes too big. When I get back into the kitchen, Austin has a bowl of soup sitting on the table, along with some crackers and a glass of orange juice.
I’m never going to admit I like being looked after by him, but when I sit down and he comes over to sit with me, handing me a couple pills, a small glimmer of hope alights deep inside of me. Not hope that Austin and I will get back together, but hope that I can right the wrong I had done to him and he will somehow accept my friendship and my apology when I think the time is right to give it. “Thank you for bringing me home and making me food.”
His feet stretch out in front of him and his arms crossed over his chest, he grunts but doesn’t say anything. We sit there until my bowl is empty, then my eyes start to feel heavy.
“The medication was for PM. I can see it in your eyes that you haven’t been sleeping much, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt if you took it now.”
“Since Ken, and now Mom, my brain hasn’t really had a time to shut down,” I say without thinking then want to take the words back as anger once again appears in his eyes. When he’s pissed at me, I don’t have to worry about the way my heart feels when we’re in the same room. At least that’s a plus.
“Go to bed. I’m gonna head home.”
“Sure,” I nod, he doesn’t say anything else, just leaves through the door, letting it softly click closed behind him. I look around my mom’s house and take in the silence, wondering how I’m going to do it when she’s gone and this becomes my norm.