Chapter 15
Austin
Reaching out for Lea, I come up empty and my eyes fly open. She’s never left the bed before me, and judging by the feel of the cold sheets, she’s been gone awhile. Last night, when I got home and found her curled into a ball on the couch, with her cheeks wet with tears and the lost look in her eyes. I knew this was the point I had been dreading, the point when I was forced to make her face her fears. I’m not her dad. Yes, men die every day on the ocean, but the chance of something happening to me is as likely as me getting hit by a car while crossing the street.
Last night, I knew she wasn’t in the right headspace to talk about what happened, but I stupidly assumed she would be here so we could talk about it this morning.
“Fuck,” I clip, putting my feet on the floor, then pick up my jeans and stand to pull them on. “Lea!” I roar, opening the bedroom door, only to be greeted by silence as I make my way downstairs to the kitchen, tugging my shirt on over my head as I go.
I’m going to kiss her and tell her it will be okay then spank her for this, for running out on me.
I wasn’t lying when I told Ken I wouldn’t let her go. She is mine and would always be mine, even if she has to go out on the boat with me every time I go, so that—God forbid—we die together, then so be it.
I grab my keys from the counter and head down to my truck, getting in, starting it up, doing a U-turn in the driveway, and then head towards her parents’ house.
Turning on the wipers as the rain falls harder, I curse under my breath when I see parts of the road have been flooded from the storm. I know Lea had been crying most of the night, and I’m sure she was a mess when she left the house before I woke up. Knowing she drove in that state, with the weather this bad, only serves to piss me off more. Her car isn’t a piece of shit, but it doesn’t have four-wheel drive, and something could easily happen to her.
Seeing headlights coming toward me, I slow down then notice its Lea’s car. Flashing my lights, I put my foot on the brake and pull off to the side of the road. Her car comes to a stop a few feet in front of my truck, and before I can even open my door, she’s out of her car, running towards me, her face red and blotched with tears, but the look in her eyes is what causes my gut to clench. She looks sad, yes, but her light is back. My feet hit the muddy ground as her body runs full-force into mine, knocking the breath out of me before I have a chance to prepare myself for impact.
“I’m sorry,” she cries as her nails dig into my skin through my shirt. “I left you again. I’m so sorry.” She sobs as rain beats down on us, soaking through our clothes.
“Baby,” I say softly, running my hand over the back of her wet hair and holding her closer to me.
“You don’t un-under-st-stand I’m so afraid of being left that I believed if I left first, it wouldn’t hurt as bad, th-that I would be okay, but I’m n-not.” Her head burrows into my chest and her arms tighten around me.
“I’m not letting you go, Lea,” I tell her, dipping my head towards her ear. “I’m never letting you go, not again.”
Her head tilts back and her sad, wet eyes blink up at me as the rain falls down, washing away her tears. I hold her cheeks between my hands and lower my head, kissing her, needing her to understand I love her and haven’t given up on us.
“Let’s get you home,” I say, pressing my forehead to hers, feeling her nod.
“My car,” she hiccups as I help her into the truck.
“You’re in no shape to drive, Lea. I’m gonna pull it off to the side of the road and come back for it later,” I tell her, wiping away a few of her tears.
She nods, ducking her head, looking at her lap. Placing my fingers under her chin I pull up until her gaze meets mine. “I love you, Lea.” I tell her gently.
“You shouldn’t,” she whispers, breaking my heart.
“It’s impossible not to. Whatever we have to do, we’ll do it in order for this not to happen again,” Pulling back from her I turn up the heat when I notice that her teeth are chattering hard. Shutting the door I go to her car, backing it up off the side of the road. Once I’m back in the truck again, I make a U-turn and head back to the house.
I don’t know how to deal with what is going on in her head, but I know I need to find a way to break through to her. This is something her mother should have gotten her help for. She should have made sure her daughter was taken care of. I know it’s completely fucked up to be mad at a dead woman, but I’m so fucking angry with her for not only what she did to me and Lea, but for the way she fed Lea’s illness, never understanding she wasn’t helping her by allowing her to ignore the real reason she had left home.
“I know you’re mad at me.” Lea’s soft, sad voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I take her hand in mine, locking our fingers together.
“I’m mad that you drove in your condition, but I’m not mad at you, baby. I’m worried about you.”
“I tried to fight it,” she whispers.
“I know you did, but you don’t have to fight alone, not anymore,” I tell her, giving her hand a squeeze.
When we pull up to the house, I get out and go around to her side and lift her out of the truck to carry her slight weight in my arms up the stairs. Her teeth are still chattering, and tears are still falling from her eyes as I get the sliding door open then closed, taking her up the stairs through the bedroom, into the bathroom. I set her on her feet so I can start up the bath. When I turn around, she’s watching me closely, looking unsure of what to do.
Pulling my shirt over her head, I toss it toward the laundry basket then do the same with her sweats, bra, and underwear. When I help her into the warm bath, tears are still falling from her eyes. I didn’t know one person could produce so many tears. Helping her lean back in the water then grab her shampoo and conditioner from the shower stall. Once I have her hair washed and begin using the conditioner, her eyes close and her teeth stop chattering.
“You can’t leave me again, Lea,” I rumble, feeling my throat go tight with emotions. I can handle a lot, but being without her ever again is something I don’t ever want to face.
“I’m so sorry,” she sobs, leaning over the side of the tub, soaking my shirt with her tears and water as her arms wrap around my shoulders. Kissing her hair, I unwrap her arms and use one of the bars of soap to wash her off quickly before grabbing a towel and picking her up from the tub. Carrying her into the bedroom I lay her on the bed. Then, pull off my clothes and get in with her.
“Did you ever talk to anyone when you left home? Ever talk to anyone about your dad’s death?” I ask her once I have her body almost completely under mine, where I know she won’t be able to get away again.
“No, I didn’t want to think about it.” She squeezes her eyes closed.
“Did you talk to your mom about it, and how his death affected you?” I ask softly.
“No, I told her I had to leave, and she made it possible for me to do it. We never talked about him, not really until I came home.”
“Yeah.” I shake my head, looking out at the view as the dark clouds are replaced by blue skies.
“I know what she did,” she whispers, and I frown, tilting my head down to look at her. Her eyes open slowly and meet mine.
“What who did?”
“My mom…I-I got a letter from her today.” I nod and she pulls her bottom lip into her mouth. “She lied.”
“She did,” I agree, holding her a little closer.
“I don’t want to be mad at her.” She closes her eyes.
“Baby,” I say softly as tears stream down her cheeks.
“I told her I wanted to come home. She told me there was nothing for me here, that you had moved on.”
Fuck! “I never moved on, Lea. I didn’t know it, but I have always been waiting for you to come home to me.”
“You’re my home,” she says, gutting me wide open. “I don’t know how to get rid of this fear, but I know I want to. I don’t want to be without you.”
“We’ll find you someone to talk to.” I assure her.
“I can’t be without you,” she reiterates.
“Then you’ll come on the boat with me. We’ll find a way to make it work until you’re strong enough,” I reassure her, running my fingers through her hair. “But you never leave me again without talking to me. The only times I have ever been afraid in my life have been the times I’ve been forced to think of a future without you.” I need her to understand that my fear is the same as hers.
“You don’t deserve that.”
“I don’t and neither do you, baby. That’s part of what you need to understand; you deserve happiness, just as much as anyone else. We deserve to be happy, Lea, to start a life together, to have babies, to watch them grow. We both deserve that,” I whisper the last part, and her body shakes against mine as new tears fall from her eyes. “The tears are killing me,” I tell her, kissing her forehead.
“I haven’t stopped crying. I don’t know what’s wr-wrong w-with me.”
“You have a lot you need to let go of. You can cry as long as you need to,” I reply, resting my hand over her stomach.
An hour later, when the tears haven’t died down and she still hasn’t slept, I kiss her forehead and move away from her. “Be right back, baby,” I whisper to her. She nods, curling into a ball and hugging my pillow against her chest. Grabbing a pair of sweats, I pull them on then find my phone and take it with me downstairs, where I call Keith and ask him if he can get me something that will help her sleep. When I get back upstairs, she’s still crying while staring out the window.
“Is everything okay?” she asks as I hand her a bottle of water.
“Keith is going to stop by and drop off something to help you sleep,” I tell her, helping her lie back down. She nods, but doesn’t say anything, just watches me closely. Twenty minutes later, the doorbell goes off and I kiss her forehead again, muttering “I’ll be right back. When I reach the kitchen Keith is looking through the glass door with his hands in his pockets and a concerned look on his face.
“She okay?” he asks, when I open the door.
Running my hand over my head I shrug. “She hasn’t slept. I don’t know how much of our history you know, but last night, I got stuck out in the storm. It took a while to make it into port, and by the time I got home, she was almost catatonic. She’s been crying since then, if not before, and she hasn’t slept.”
“Christ,” he mutters, looking toward the stairs. “Do you want me to check her out?”
“No, I don’t think that will help right now,” I tell him, and he nods then hands me a small bag.
“I put two pills in there. If she needs more after today, just have her call and I’ll get her a prescription.
“I appreciate this, man.”
“No problem. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Will do,” I say, watching him leave, then I head back upstairs.
“What’s this?” Lea asks as I hand her a pill and the bottle of water I sat on her bedside table earlier.
“A sleeping pill,” I say, brushing some hair off her forehead. She nods, puts it in her mouth, and then takes a gulp of water. “It will all be okay, Lea.” I lie back down with her pulling her into my arms.
“I know.” She snuggles into me as I run my fingers up and down her arm. Only when she’s breathing evenly and her body has relaxed against mine do I feel myself relax. I know it’s going to take sometime for her to be okay but I know that we just made it through the worst of the storm.
Turning my head, I let my eyes roam over Lea as she stands at the mouth of the living room. Her hair is up on top of her head, and her eyes are no longer red from crying, but still look soft from sleep. “Hey.” Her soft voice washes over me, and I stop stirring the soup and hold out my hand towards her.
“Come here, baby.”
She moves to me slowly then wraps her arms around my waist and presses her face into my bare chest.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better,” she mumbles, kissing over my heart.
“I was going to bring you some food.”
“Can we eat outside instead?”
“Sure, grab some bowls,” I tell her, pulling the sourdough bread out of the oven then filling both bowls with clam chowder, putting both on large plates.
“What would you like to drink?” she asks.
“Just grab me a water, baby.” I say walking out to the deck, setting both the plates down on the table then pulling out her chair before she takes a seat.
“It’s so nice out,” she says, looking out at the water that the sun has just began to set over.
“Ben and Rhonda stopped by while you were sleeping. They said they would be by in a couple days,” I tell her, watching as she nods, fills her spoon, and takes a bite.
“Did you tell them what happened?” she whispers, sounding unsure and sad.
“Look at me, Lea,” I say, waiting for her gaze to meet mine. “I didn’t tell them, but you have no reason to feel embarrassed. They’re your friends and are worried about you. You scared them yesterday.”
She nods and lowers her gaze again. “I’m going to ask Rhonda if she knows anyone in town that I can talk to.”
“I think that would be good, baby,” I agree softly.
“My mom told you what she did, didn’t she?” she asks, while her eyes are glued on the view.
“She did.” I agree feeling my fist tighten around the spoon in my hand.
“When?” she prompts and I drop my spoon and place my hand on her thigh. “Is that why you changed your mind about me, about us?” She asks softly turning to look at me with fresh tears in her eyes.
“We were inevitable, Lea. Even if your mom would have kept her secret, I eventually would have gone after you.”
“But—” Her bottom lip trembles as I shake my head.
“There are no buts.” I run my thumb over her lips. “When I saw you out with Keith, I wanted to beat the shit out of him, then I wanted to follow you into the bathroom and fuck you until you told me that you were mine.”
“Oh,” she mumbles, looking adorable.
“It’s always been you Lea. There has never been anyone else for me but you.”
“I’m sorry I left you.” She whispers and I get up from my chair and crouch down in front of her holding her face gently in my palms.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. Sometimes bad shit happens so that you know when you have something good and don’t take it for granted. I wish we didn’t miss out on so much time baby but we cant change that now, now all we can do is work on building a future together and making every moment count.” I tell her wiping away her tears as they fall.
“I wont leave you again.”
“It wouldn’t mater if you tried because you wouldn’t get far.” I say and she shakes her head and I watch her lips tip up in the corners.
“We good?” I ask and she nods once. Tugging the underside of her chin forward I kiss her softly muttering. “Eat, baby,” against her lips before moving back to my chair.
By the time we’re finished eating, the sun has sunk below the horizon, casting a glow across the deck, so I lead her inside, putting our dishes in the sink on the way, then take her to the wall of windows in the living room and wrap my arms around her.
“This is where we were meant to end up.” I kiss the skin behind her ear. “You, with me.” I run my hands down her arms and intertwine her fingers with mine, lifting them up and placing them on the window in front of us, leaving them there as I run my hands down her sides then around to cup her breasts. “We fit perfectly together,” I murmur, licking along her neck, stopping at her ear, biting down on her earlobe while my fingers slide down then up and under her top, cupping her breast where I pull her nipples, causing her to moan and her ass to press back into me. “This is us.”
I lean back and look at us in the reflection of the glass as my hand slides down inside her panties, through her wet folds, and zeroes in on her clit, causing her eyes to go half-mast. “Do you feel that, baby?” I ask, tugging her nipple.
“Yes…” she hisses, wrapping her arm around the back of my neck and tilting her head farther to the side, giving me full access to her neck, where I lick and pull her skin. “Austin,” she whimpers as my fingers slide in, filling her while my thumb slides over her clit in fast circles.
The muscles of her pussy start to convulse as she screams my name. My cock throbs as her body goes limp against me, and I remove my fingers, bringing them to my mouth, sucking them clean. Turning in my arms she runs her tongue over my bottom lip, pulling it with her teeth. Then, drops to her knees in front of me. When her eyes meet mine, she licks her lips, pulling down on my sweats, then wraps her hand around me. Dropping her eyes to my length as she pumps up and down, her gaze then meets mine again as her small pink tongue comes out, licking the drop of precum from my tip.
“Wrap that pretty little mouth around me, baby, and suck,” I tell her, pushing my fingers through her hair at the side of her head. Her mouth opens around me, taking me fully in, swirling her tongue around the length as her hand moves in sync with her mouth. My head drops back as she works me over, and my legs start to buckle as she suctions her mouth. “Fuck,” I groan, digging my fingers deeper into her hair and moving her faster as my eyes drop back down to watch myself disappear between her lips.
When the tingle starts at the base of my spine, I pick her up off the ground, making her gasp as I lift her in my arms, pressing her back to the glass as I move her panties to the side and slam deep. “Did taking me with your mouth get you hot, Little Lamb? Your pussy is fucking dripping all over my dick,” I growl, thrusting my tongue into her mouth as my hips piston forward, taking her hard and deep until I’m balls-deep inside of her heat.
Her hands hold onto my hair as my hands hold her ass, lifting and dropping her hard. This time, when the urge to come hits me, I pull my mouth from hers and look into her eyes. “So fucking beautiful. This is us, baby. This is where we were meant to be.”
I roar, feeling her pussy convulse as my hips jerk forward and my come fills her. Walking backwards to the couch, I collapse, still buried deep in her heat, feeling her core tighten in sync with her heartbeat that is drumming against my chest.
*
“Are you guys okay?” Ben asks, pulling a chair up next to mine on the deck.
I look through the glass doors, into the kitchen, and nod as I watch Lea hold Braden in her arms while talking to Rhonda. “We’re getting there. It’s going to take some time for her to be okay about me being on the boat with out her, but now that she’s been going to counseling, her anxiety has lessened. Every day, it gets a little better.”
“I can’t believe you guys went to Vegas and got married,” he mutters, sounding annoyed, which only makes me smile.
“Told you I wasn’t gonna wait any longer.”
“I know, but I would’ve liked to have gone,” he pouts, crossing his arms over his chest.
“We’ll have a party, brother.” I smile, taking a pull from my beer then turning my head to look through the window of the living room. Above the fireplace, Lea has our wedding picture blown up and hanging there above the picture her mom took of us years ago. We had gone to Vegas two weeks ago, neither of us wanting to wait any longer. We were only gone for three days, because we both had to get back to work, but I promised Lea that over winter, we would spend a month on a beach of her choice. I was looking forward to that—her in a bikini, while trying to get her pregnant, sounded like the perfect way to spend the winter.
“You’re so pussy whipped,” he mutters, breaking me out of my thoughts just as Rhonda calls his name. He gets up, goes to her side, and wraps his arm around her shoulders. I shake my head knowing he’s just as gone over his wife as I’m over mine.
“Are you okay?” Lea asks, coming outside. I pull her down onto my lap and kiss her, then watch as she takes a drink of my beer.
“Couldn’t be better,” I murmur.
Her head turns towards me and her eyes study mine. “I love you, Austin Wolf.”
“Love you too, Little Wolf,” I say, making her laugh as she leans forward to kiss me.