CHAPTER EIGHT

“Roomies…” - Gia

 

 

Hawk followed Gia at a slower pace into her house. Every step felt like he was treading through concrete and his head buzzed so fucking badly for the danger she’d been put in.

If something had happened to her. He didn’t know what he’d do. It would be bloody and ongoing but as to the exact details he couldn’t say since it was impossible to think about something bad happening to Gia.

He felt his jaw crack under the weight of his teeth crunching together. He took the few seconds to turn his back, to close and lock the door, his fingers shook a little with suppressed anger bubbling through his veins.

When he turned around to trace Gia’s steps into her kitchen he found her right there.

Her shoulder brushed his chest.

That’s all it took to pop the lid off his emotions.

Growling, he cupped a hand under her chin, seeing her eyes darken to deep blue pools, he stooped down and crushed her mouth under his.

Alive. His mind whispered. She makes me feel alive.

He all but fucking devoured her, just ate at her lips, revelled in how quickly she opened and permitted his savage tongue inside to taste her. He bit at her soft lips, soothed his inner rage with a lick, held her around the neck so he could just take her over, not that she was trying to get away, in fact he had her breasts crushed into his chest as she tried to reach up on her toes to press them even closer.

Jesus Christ. He licked his way in, pushing in deep, tonguing Gia for all it was worth, pushing her head back to get more, taste her deeper

The blood in his head roared.

His cock throbbed.

Reel it the fuck in, dickhead.

God. His dick was so goddamn hard.

He couldn’t, she’d detonated his bomb. He grabbed a hand full of her hair, gently easing back, her lips puffy and pink and wet. “Hawk…”

He pictured her face back in that restaurant, squashed between Russians. Every scenario of what could have happened to her in the thirty minutes she’d been alone with them drove him mad. He growled low in his throat, dove back, crushing her mouth, swallowing her moan, giving her his own.  

She was a straight shot of heroin to his veins, he didn’t know he’d crowded her against the wall using his hips like a rutting bull until he lifted his mouth off hers, cursing internally for his weakness he stepped back, huffing in air through his nostrils.

She took fingers up to her smiling mouth. Her eyes were like two stars. Hawk closed his eyes for a second.

“I was going to ask how you are. I think that answers my question.”

“I shouldn’t have done that.” All the air sucked out of the hallway when her hands came to his chest and rubbed. Caressed. Soothed his inner beast.

“You can kiss me anytime you want, if you need permission.” Hawk couldn’t believe he’d put that dreamy sound in her throat. He didn’t do nice, he certainly didn’t give nice to a woman. He was a fucking animal.

Eyes raked down over her.

He remembered when those sexy hips were all straight lines. Now they were lush curves. Handles for his greedy hands.

He stepped away from her touch, and prowled the hallway to the kitchen, gave his hands something to do and fixed a coffee pod in the machine for her.

“I gotta call Rider and fill him in on what’s happened.”

“First you can tell me what all that was about.”

“It’s club-only business, Gia.”

“I was detained by Russian thugs when all I was trying to do was eat lunch. It’s more than MC business now, Hawk. Spill it or I ask Rider myself. And if he is as tight lipped as you then I’ll ask my father.”

Mashing his teeth together, he turned around and arched his brow at her. Daring little girl. 

He shrugged out of his leather duster, tossed it over the back of a chair. Rolled his Henley shirt sleeves up his forearms. The chain connecting to his wallet in his back pocket clinked when he moved to grab the coffee cup, he slopped in enough milk for her and the sweetener and then placed it in front of her on the table.

“That man back there is very dangerous. All of them are. If you see them again, even if it’s a thousand yards away, you call me.”

“That much I got. He said you killed his men. Was that just all bull-crap.”

Sucking his teeth, Hawk lowered his eyes and kept his trap shut. What could he say that she hadn’t already heard back there? He’d killed those men. Killed more than that in his life.

He killed when he was only eleven. An accident through his only defence, but a death was a death.

The human body was a dickhead.

As unfeeling as Hawk was most of the time it took one glance at Gia and everything he'd lived by for most of his life crashed down around him.

His body no longer his own.

Didn't matter that he told it to calm down. His heart pounded.

Don't you dare look over at her. His eyes swerved, staring.

Don't you get hard. His cock grew stiff.

His body; a useless piece of disobedient meat under the control of one five feet, four inches force of reckoning. A mere mortal man whose addictions ruled him, leading him around by the heart.

A need washed over him. One he never thought possible. Because he never trusted anyone enough before to confide in; to vomit out his life and tell Gia everything from start to finish.

Then she’d really be done with him, he thought. Then she’d run so fast he’d never catch up to her.

And as logical as that seemed. The right thing to do. He couldn’t do without her. That flaw made him weak, dependable on a fix of her even if it meant holding her apart from him where he could have her, couldn’t he? He could live a lie and pretend to be a normal man and have her for a while.

And as madness eroded through his skull, like any insane bastard, the whispers of what could be forefront and taunting, seeing images he’d rather not, he replaced them with ones of Gia. She calmed him and soothed his noise.

But he couldn’t give her all that. His restraint was threadbare, but it existed. He’d rather she just thought of him as a volatile bastard than what he was. Unhinged.

He gripped the counter behind him, his chest inflating before he met her eyes. “Yeah, they were right. I’d do it again.”

He watched Gia suck in a quick breath. The coffee cup trembled in her hand before she placed it on the table.

Watching the woman he worshipped with horror on her face, was probably going to be the one defining moment of Hawk’s miserable life. On his death bed he’d recount back to this time and that look on her perfect face.

In any scenario he could have rehearsed he never expected her next words. “If it means you stay alive, then yes, do it again.” Shock punched through his lower stomach. “So, they’re dangerous, and Rider and your club are in a deal with them over what I’m assuming is something illegal?” He didn’t confirm but she nodded. “Got it. And I was what, a way to pull Rider into line?” This time Hawk nodded and reached into his back pocket for his phone. “I gotta put this through to Rider. Why don’t you start your packing?”

She rose her stubborn chin at him and Hawk wanted to laugh.

She stared.

And he stared back.

Gia won. He left her sitting at the table while he leaned into the counter and put the call through to her brother.

It took a matter of a minute to fill Rider in and then another minute to wait out his tirade on the other end, Hawk lifted the phone away from his ear to stop the impending deafening.

“You done?” He asked his friend.

“That motherfucker, I’ll string him up by his goddamn balls.” Not done then. Hawk let him go another minute. While watching Gia sip her coffee and watch him.

She wasn’t just watching him, she was fucking eating him up.

Everything on his body hardened.

And when she noticed his pants he had the pleasure of seeing her turn pink.

Your fault, little bit.

“I need you on her, Hawk.” Hawk nearly snorted at Rider’s direct order. If only Rider knew how hard he was to get on Gia. He’d string him by his balls. “And fast track her relocation here, you got it?”

“I’m already here at her place. I won’t leave her.”

Gia’s curved brows winged up.

She smiled so fucking wide his stomach hurt.

He’d pleased her?

Running a hand over his head, he sucked in a breath at the pleasure it brought him.

“What about your old man?”

“Fuck.” Cursed Rider. Hawk could hear sounds of the club in the background as Rider strode through to the quiet of his office.

Hawk couldn’t come out and ask if he thought Ajax was involved with the Russians and Rex. Not in front of Gia, but Rider caught his meaning. “I’ll deal with that on this end. I’ll also pay that commie asshole a visit.”

“How’s Lawless getting on, on his end?”

Rider snorted. “We’re getting closer to wrecking the Russian from the inside. We got that handled, you just stay on Gia, right? If you need more men I can have Red-Light there overnight.”

“Nah, don’t need anyone else. I can get Juicy stationed outside if need be, did you know he wanted to put his transfer papers in for our chapter?” Rider confirmed he’d talked to Ty about it already. He watched Gia’s eyes take a roll and she emitted the same snort as her brother. He kicked a brow. “I think your sister has something to say to you.”

He passed over the phone and for the next ten minutes he listened to a one-sided heated conversation between siblings. Those half-Greeks had no concept of noise levels when they were in the middle of ranting.

Gia huffed.

He heard Rider curse.

Hawk made his own coffee; this shit could go on a while.

“Here,” she shoved the cell phone into his chest, he barely caught it before she flunked out of the room and stormed up the stairs. “Sorted then?” He asked.

“Jesus. Good luck watching her, bro. Pain in my fuckin’ ass. Keep her safe, okay?”

With my life. “Yeah.”

The call ended. And he’d made Gia a sandwich with stuff he found in her fridge before she emerged again.

She eyed the food. And then him. She sat and ate silently.

“I suppose I need to start packing. You can help, babysitter.” Oh, lovely sarcasm dripped off her pink tongue. The same pink tongue he had in his mouth not so long ago and hungered for more. “I don’t need to be watched,” she informed, in the same snipped tenor. Her eyes flashing. “But since you’re here I’ll use you.”

Use me hard, baby.

“Put me to work, little bit,” reaching into his front pocket he fished out an elastic hair tie, pulling his hair back he secured it at his nape.

Gia gaped at him. Hawk answered it with a frown.

“I can see more of your face now. You still need a beard trim, ZZ.” Hands went to the hair hanging off his face. He never gave it any thought, he wasn’t a vain man, what would he need to look good for? But as she continued to watch him. Hawk’s belly stirred. If she wanted him to cut it, he could.

Her sigh mowed through his thoughts. “This is all a giant mess.” She turned her back and rubbed her forehead. He heard her sniff.

Frowning, he moved across the kitchen quickly, hands on her stiff shoulders, he turned her to face him. Saw her eyes glistening. No. No. Dammit. No, tears. He couldn’t handle tears, not from Gia. Hawk’s soul fucking crumbled.

“This was supposed to be my big adventure, Hawk. The first thing I did for me, moving across country, to do something I wanted to do, not because it was expected of me or in my boring ten-year plan. And now I’m doing it to run away because some mad idiots want to have something over my brother? It’s bullshit.”

Those dancing tears on her lashes began to fall and before Gia could brush them away Hawk’s thumbs were there doing the job. He bent over her, rested their foreheads. “Don’t cry, little bit. Beautiful things shouldn’t cry. Nothing is gonna happen, I swear it on my life. The only asshole to walk through your front door will be me.”

He managed to get a laugh out of her. “How do you say something so sweet yet blow hot and cold with me, Hawk?”

He sighed heftily. Because he was a moron in love. “Little bit…”

“I wish you’d stop calling me that. It makes me want things you won’t give.”

One last brush under her eyes, he stepped out of space. “I’ll get you some packing boxes, then I’ll grab my stuff from the club.”

He was moving in with Gia for the duration.

God help him.

 

******

 

 

“I want to make something crystal clear if you're going to live in my house this week,” every time he pulled away from her she felt it in her heart. He left behind a fresh scar and soon Gia's heart would be coated in them.

Year after year of dismissal and rejection and she kept coming back for more. She was a literal failure to her job when she advised the love troubled. If she were counseling herself, knowing the entire miserable situation of never reaching step one with Hawk she'd tell herself to give up, to find a love truly worth her while, a love that was returned.

Knowing her brother wanted her to have a babysitter, oh, she was spitting mad over it. She was being dragged into his MC life when all she'd ever done was keep on the fringes.

It stung less to know that babysitter was Hawk, she'd been thrilled.

Then realization set in. Hawk in her house for a week. With the way she felt.

He might kiss her at odd times, that kiss in the hallway was one of relief, she was sure of it. But it didn't stop her hoping for more.

“I'm attracted to you, Colton.”

That look right there on his face, swirling in his pale eyes was what always gave her a shred of hope. It was pure heat. His nostrils flared while his fists bunched.

He wanted her. He couldn't deny that. And yet he did. Again, and again.

“If you're in my house, you need to be aware of that. You blow hot and cold continuously and it's confusing.” A pause.  “Attachment hurts, Hawk. When it's not returned, it's the worse feeling. I was attached to you the moment I laid eyes on you. As though I was waiting and there you were.”

He looked at her solemnly. Could he understand? Did he feel emotions like she did? She hated not being able to easily read him. His scowl could translate to pissed off or happiness.

“You were a baby.”

She'd expected that. “My age was no reflection on my feelings. I had them for you.”

Something twisted on his face and she felt a flicker of...hope?

“Had?”

His eyes were moonlight shining—no, they glowed. Gia had been in his company for all of two minutes while her brother dropped off her school bag. Just two short minutes of staring at the nasty scowl etched on his chiseled face and that was all it had taken. Fifteen-year-old Gia was in love. Something in that second changed and realigned her organs to make way for the fresh, consuming young feelings she was experiencing.

Two minutes and she was never the same again.

It was two more years of unrequited love before Hawk saw her.

“Have.” Her throat tight. “I have feelings for you. My attachment didn't go away, and I don't know what to do about it because as hard as I push, you're pushing back, and I feel like I'm getting nowhere. That hurts me.”

“I don't want to hurt you.”

“I know that, Hawk. Maybe I just need to start listening to you. You've told me plainly enough, brutally so and I didn't hear. You don't want me in the same way.”

He only hung his head. She pleaded silently for him to correct her, tell her he wanted her, to prove it. He didn't say a word. Instead she did what she always did when Hawk rejected her in his cruel way. She pasted on a smile, knocked the dark waves of her hair over one shoulder, and lifted her chin.

The battle was lost. The war was still up for grabs. She played a new tactic.

“Then as my houseguest, I propose something new. Something that might scare you, Colton.”

His eyes narrowed to slits.

She grinned.

“Will you be my friend?”

 

 

******

 

 

Will you be my friend?

It went around and around his empty skull, crashing into corners of dust.

The back of Hawk's brain was bleeding, he could feel the trauma even as he answered incredulously with his pale eyes glued to her oh, so lovely face. “Yeah.” His voice box sounded like he deep throated nails in his spare time. He cleared it as best as a man could whose body was leaking oxygen. “Yeah, I will.”

Her smile was priceless.

“Then follow me, you're going to die for the sandwich I’m about to make you before we dig into packing my house up and don't beg me for the recipe, Colton, it’s a family secret.” She turned to wink. At this point in the conversation Hawk wasn't even sure he was conscious. Maybe he was dead. He followed behind. Like a puppy in love with its master. “Unless you want to bribe me. I'm open to bribes.” She went on.

She was his friend.

She was his friend.

A friend he wanted to fuck over her nice, neat dining table.

Her dirty minded fucking friend.

The friend who had jacked off all week in the morning shower until his cock was sore just, so he could deal with being so close to her. That kind of friend.

Hawk, as his brain checked back in while Gia pulled condiments from the fridge, wondered if her scent was a hallucinogenic... He inhaled taking it deep into his lungs. Coconut.

Whatever it was his dick liked it, that piece of filth wanted inside her so badly it pulsed to life, the eighth time today.

Pulling out his phone he tapped quietly all the while watching Gia put food together for him.

 

Hawk: Is coconut a hallucinogen?

Lawless: Are you high on it?

Hawk: Fucking answer the question!

Lawless: If you're huffing it and you start talking to little green men bring some of that shit home.

 

Scowling, Hawk shoved his cell away. So much for thinking that bastard knew everything. Lawless was as dumb as he was.

The hours went by quickly once he collected packing boxes and they started on the lower level storing up her shit.

He felt like an A-grade predator stalking with his eyes. Wherever she went his eyes followed, stroking her in ways he denied his fingers. God, she was so fucking lovely.

Had he been too deep in his own psyche-bullshit to notice she'd grown into a smart, amazing woman who could make the choice of which man she wanted? Even now as he swept his dank gaze over her picking through a floor full of her books, carefully wrapping them in bubble wrap and putting them into boxes, knowing he didn't deserve to look at her, she was so soft in her little blue sweater molded to her chest. Hawk pictured sliding his hands under and cupping her breasts, feeling how heavy they'd be in his two palms. Would she protest? Would she cry for more? If ever there was a perfect form of a woman, Gia was it. With her long legs and slim hips that flared just right. Her face was etched in his mind. He both saw her at seventeen and now ten years on. She was ever lovelier, and he couldn't shake the thought that all this time ... what if.

He dug fingers into his eye sockets. Stop being a fucking maudlin pussy, he mentally kicked himself. Long since accepted this illness would go with him to the grave, there was just no shifting Gia from inside his bones, she was in his skin and blood, every slam of his heart was a fucking song of her name.

The monster was in love and he wouldn't accept anyone else.

Only Hawk was smarter than the monster residing in his head.

They said he was evil, they said he was a cancer.

Well nothing bad would touch his little bit of a thing, not while he breathed.

He didn't believe a word of what they'd preached to him. But it still lived in his skin. The dirt. His own filth. There was no amount of washing to make himself good for Gia, was there? Fuck knows he'd tried over the years.

Earn her. Hawk had thought.

Win her.

It was all no good.

Nightmares were a thing of his past. He walked and breathed among them, he didn’t need them in his sleep as well.

Be her friend? Fucking torture. But he’d take it. He’d take it in both hands and cradle it.

And when she got a boyfriend deserving of her? He’d kill him.

Fuck.

No. That’s not what friends do. He’d be happy for her.

Fuck that, he growled internally. His blood turning to battery acid at the thought of some lucky bastard with his hands all over Gia.

He’d kill that guy.