CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

“Sometimes you get more than you bargained for…like being someone’s dirty secret.” - Gia

 

The past few days with Hawk had felt more like a fairytale than her real humdrum life. When she’d proposed they spend time together, and then switched it up to being friends, never in her wildest and dirtiest dreams would she have imagined it would end up with her in bed with him, repeatedly.

She’d dreamed it, sure. She loved the obstinate biker after all, every scowl of his, so he’d always featured heavily in her fantasises over the years when she allowed her Hawk fascination back into her mind for a short while. But to assume it would ever become a reality, not so much. Who waits ten years to approach the woman they want?

Hawk apparently.

He was a breed of man all by himself. Like a relaxed caveman who liked his meat to come to him.

While she’d come to know him to be one of those alphahole-personalities, protective and caring underneath all his gruff and bluster, at least with her, it was Gia who was the driving force with the emotions. Would she have gotten this far without pushing him a little?

He was just a man with his own speed limit, nothing to worry about even if he did scowl like a professional in hopes of scaring her away. He was just a normal man, he put his pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of humans, ha, who was she kidding. He probably scowled, and the denim just slithered onto his legs with fright.

She held herself in giddy check while she unglued her dry tongue from the ceiling of her mouth as she watched him stride in from the front entryway of the Renegade Souls clubhouse. Her body fine-tuned to his frequency began humming on a low boil until everything from clit to eyebrows was aching for him to change direction and to put his grease heavy hands all over her.

Dressed in dark gray overalls bunched around his waist to reveal a grease smeared, ribbed white tank shirt and all those muscles on display, he looked so damn good it was hard to work her brain cells, what with them all melting at once.

Oh-my-god, she thought, his shoulders were ridiculously wide, and she knew now how they felt under her lips. Sharp and toned. His hair caught up in a tail at the back of his head, his beard was longer than it had been in Texas but still clipped to his face.

Since Zara was the office manager and around the club most of the time, and Harper was attached to her mama’s boob, it was a no brainer to meet her sister in law there.

It might also have something to do with seeing Hawk as well.

And when his eyes skidded over to her she swore she felt branded by those blues. He didn’t smile, but she felt his warmth nonetheless. She grinned and mouthed Hi to him. It was unavoidable to miss the feminine shrieks of Hawk's name when he continued his stride through the MC and a horde (it was three) of women came running over to him.

Gia felt her blood begin to boil with jealousy that they had the right to run over to greet him.

So, did she!

Their faces radiated both happiness and lust. They made sure not to approach Hawk too closely, she noticed, didn't try to touch him or god forbid try to hug him, but each woman hovered closely and didn't that bite through Gia's stomach lining.

Not used to feeling jealousy over any man she was involved with, since she never attached to them in the romantic sense because no previous boyfriend had the gravitational pull on her heart Hawk did.

The gust of violence witnessing their adoring, lusty fawning billowed up into her throat and if not for Zara coming out of the back rooms to distract her then Gia might have gone full banshee and did something she'd be embarrassed over later.

Without giving the women or Hawk a second glance, her spine straight she made her way over to her sister in law.

But her peripheral was on her man dismissing the woman with a grunt and a side step. She noticed he looked over again and she willed him to come her way, to claim her in the way that bikers did. Or at least come give her a kiss. This hiding baloney was ridiculous, and she didn’t know why she couldn’t tell Rider she was dating his friend.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” Zara said hugging her before handing over Harper.

“Me too. I couldn’t wait to see this little one again.” Blowing raspberries on Harper’s belly, the baby giggled pouring happiness into Gia’s chest.

“Oh, yeah. Harp’s is a good reason,” snickered Zara in a hushed whisper, “but what I really am dying to know is; what the hell happened with Hawk the other day when I left your place?”

Gia almost swallowed her tongue turning startled eyes on the other woman. Zara was so damn gorgeous and tiny and just overall the perfect woman for her brother, she’d loved her instantly as both a friend and her brother’s significant other. And now that Grace Kelly wasn’t so easily accessible for their girl talks Gia was going to need a squad here in Armado.

“Well…” she bit her lip and chanced a look over at the man in question. He was sat at the bar gulping a glass of water, but his gaze was solely on her. For someone who didn’t want anyone to know he was warming her bed he sure was not discreet in eye-fucking her.

A ripple of hot awareness rolled through her stomach.

Zara must have followed Gia’s gaze because she exclaimed. “Oh my god…”

“We’re sort of seeing each other, but you can’t tell Ambrosio, Zara. I mean it, he can’t know yet. You know how he gets about who I date. And it’s Hawk … so, yeah.”

“Oh. My. God.” And then Zara honest to god squealed right there in the middle of the MC clapping her hands. “I knew it. I knew it.”

“What’s brought on the theatrics, Z-girl?” Asked Snake stepping out from the back rooms in an easy swaying gait. The tall, tattooed man wearing a pair of black specs and carrying a newspaper under his arm was wearing the usual biker garb of jeans, long shirt and the leather cut with the grim reaper on the back.

Both woman shut up instantly. “Never you mind.” Zara informed him, winking at Gia.

Subtle much. She grinned at him. “Move along, nothing to see here.”

“Chicks, all of ‘em crazy.” Snake shook his head and went about his business.

“You and Hawk? I can’t believe it. I mean I guessed he was into you.”

“You did?”

“Gia! Yeah. It was obvious. His eyes stalk you like you’re cake and he’s damn hungry. I’m just surprised Rider hasn’t noticed either, but he’s not looking at his best buddy and his sister like I have. Eek, this is so exciting, we can double date!”

“Whoa there,” Gia warned cuddling her niece to her chest. “I would totally love that, but technically I don’t even know what we are yet. I can lead a horse to water …”

“But you can’t drown him in it, right?”

Both women cracked up laughing.

“Seriously, I’m happy for you. I mean, he’s all growly scary on the outside, and he doesn’t really say much, least, not when I’m near, but Rider missed having him around this past year.”

“Why was he even away from the MC that long?” Gia questioned. She’d asked Hawk several times and each time he put her off with it being MC stuff or something to the like.

Zara sobered taking Harper back when she began to fuss. When she buried her face in her baby’s neck and rocked her gently Gia felt like she’d stepped on an unknown minefield. “That’s for Hawk to tell you, Gia. But you should know he’s a good man. No matter what he tells you. Some bad things happened to me,” Gia had known that, not the details, but Rider made her aware Zara was going through things and not to put pressure on her to talk if she didn’t want to. Instead Gia had forged a friendship with Zara of the things they did have in common and knew if Zara ever wanted to talk she’d be there for her.

It involved Hawk somehow? Her belly began to tighten. “And Hawk was there to help me. He’s a good man, Gia.”

She felt tears prick the back of her eyes. She sent a glance over to him, his gaze still on her, and she watched his eyes narrow and he took a step down off the stool as if to say what the fuck is wrong with you and who do I have to kill for making you cry? She smiled and shook her head at him. I’m fine, she mouthed.

Everything about Hawk screamed leave me alone. From his walk, demeanor and overall prick attitude. Even now, more than an hour later while she sneaked glances at him in among his boys, he sent out his stay back aura to everyone who would dare approach his invisible fortress.

But here's the thing: She'd never been able to do that. All the times he'd actively dismissed her existence from sight and still she went back for more.

People would question her sanity. And many times, she'd asked herself why? It wasn't only attraction that kept her vigilant to break down his walls. She saw a loneliness in Hawk she suspected no one else did and it just tore her up. She had to force herself to stay in her chair and not go and wrap her arms around him. They hadn’t discussed telling her brother they were together yet and flinging herself at Hawk in a room full of bikers, her brother being the head boss biker wasn’t her best move to ease him into knowing his sister was in love with his best friend.

So, she sat, and she watched. And when Capone ambled over to her she rose to give the big man a tight hug and a smile.

No one knew Capone called her sometimes. Oh, nothing weird, he wasn’t into her. But he’d known her career choice and one day while she’d been visiting they’d gotten into deep conversation about how he’d lost his family suddenly and from then on, they spoke at least once a month. He said it helped him deal with his grief and lingering anger and if that were the case she would always answer his calls.

Besides which she liked Capone. He was a good man, a good biker. She’d gleaned a lot of details in their chats over the last two years. He loved kids but said he’d never have any of his own. He listened to Spanish music exclusively and even taught her how to swear in his native tongue. He enjoyed watching basketball and cheered for the Knicks and he loved being a biker. Loved the camaraderie it brought, he said. She suspected he liked the family life of it, but he wouldn’t admit it, when she’d pressed him he’d gone silent and told her he’d had a family once and wouldn’t put himself through that again. That, though he cared for his boys, they weren’t his family and never would be. There was also an unobtainable woman in his past. But that topic was always off limits.

“You are a sight for these sore eyes, bomboncita.” He laughed setting her back on her feet. His dark chocolate stained eyes twinkled. He’d called her little candy for years and one time she asked him why, he said it was because she was stuffing her face with hard candy when they first met. Go figure.

Maybe it was just she was so hyper aware of being near Hawk made her gaze slip over to the right to find his dark and stormy, not on her, but on Capone sitting at her side. Even from her vantage point she saw how tight Hawk’s jaw was ticking. What on earth? Why was he looking like he was chewing rocks?

She raised her brow in silent question.

Capone’s hand jostled her arm gently. “You okay, Gia? You spaced out.”

Hawk popped up from his stool so fast her she felt the surprise of the action stir her belly. Not uncomfortably, more like a twisty kind of expectant heat because he was showing signs of jealousy again. When it appeared as if he was about to take a step in her direction, his massive chest inflated, and he stormed outside with fire in his eyes.

“Oh, yeah,” she smiled finally. “Yeah, I was just thinking of something. What was it you were saying?”

Ten long minutes she caught up with Hawk outside working on a bike. He rose, wiping his hands on a rag when he saw her like he’d been watching the door this whole time.

“Hey. You looked mad. Is everything okay?” It felt as though nervous tension bubbled between them when they’d been perfect for days.

“Do you want to know what I think when I look at you? Besides the obvious of you being the most beautiful fucking thing I ever saw before.” Gia wanted to swoon off her feet, to dive at his face and lick his full lower lip while simultaneously dry humping his upper thigh. Instead she managed a jerky nod. She really wanted any part of what was inside Hawk’s mind. “I’m reminded that I can actually feel things.” That was a good thing, she thought. Especially for someone so closed off like he was. Until he added with an animal rumble gurgling inside his throat. “I wanted to kill Capone for touching you.”

“Hawk, he—”

“I would have killed him, Gia. My brother who I respect, and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.”

Gahhhhh.

Her heartbeat did a crazy skip. He wasn’t touching her, not even standing as close as she wanted him to, but she felt his grip on her nonetheless.

“We’re friends. He and I. That’s it.”

“I didn’t like him touching you. Didn’t fucking like not being able to touch you.”

“You can always touch me. I didn’t say you couldn’t.”

He dipped his head and scratched fingers roughly through his hair as if the thought of what he needed was paining him. Gia frowned and went to step forward, but he warded her off. “Don’t. Don’t fucking come near me, Gia. I’m not stable right now, I can feel my fucking skin humming, I want to fucking claw it off. I wanted to hurt him, you fucking get that? For touching you, for sitting so fucking close to you.”

“Hawk. Let’s just talk about—”

A great big snarl came out of his whited out thinned lips and Gia’s heart stopped beating. She didn’t know where his mood flip had come from, but she wasn’t surprised by it.

With Hawk it was always like waiting for the other shoe to fall.

“No. Just get the hell outta here before I do something you’ll hate me for, Gia.”

That same heart restarted and sunk.

They were one step forward and ten back yet again.

She sighed and held her tongue.

Held it until she couldn’t keep her own words in any longer. She didn’t care they were getting looks from the men in the shop, or if they overheard a word she said, she was past caring if their relationship spilled over into Hawk’s world before he was ready.

“You can have feelings without blowing up, Hawk. You were jealous of another man. A man who is only a friend.”

“Like we’re friends? Is that how friendly you are with him?” He sneered.

“Right. Because I let every man into my bed?” She couldn’t keep the hurt out of her voice. He chose his bullets well. Gia turned on her heel and avoided the hand he tried to grab her with. “I love you, Hawk. But fuck you for saying that. Believe it if you want, I don’t really care right now if you do. But you need to make a decision and soon.”

With that she climbed into her car and left him there while she tended to her gaping heart wound for the rest of the day.

 

 

******

I love you, Gia. I'll always love you more, every fucking day. He watched her leave and felt the loss of her instantly. Fuck. Fucking hell. He was a moron. A colossal fucking prick.

He wanted to punch something. He looked around for a prospect and seriously thought about it. Those little shitheads were desperate for a patch they’d stand still while he railed on their faces for a while.

He pounded feet back inside the clubhouse, not knowing his direction but he needed something before his fucking skin exploded.

“Only you, king dickhead, would self-sabotage having the woman you’ve dirtily panted over for years when you’re offered a chance at her.” Scoffed Lawless in his condescending tone that had Hawk fisting his two hands laying like clumps of wood at his side. A coin rolled over Lawless’ knuckles in formation as he slouched back in a tall backed chair, two legs off the floor.

Black pants.

Black under-shirt and thick boots.

He had emo bitch down, all he was missing was the eyeliner and mood rings.

“Don’t bait me right now.” Hawk warned. He sounded like he’d gargled nails that morning. What the fuck did Lawless know anyway? He clacked on his little computers and petted his cats. He knew nothing of what the fuck was inside of Hawk’s head or what he wanted.

Fuck him.

A few brothers craned their necks to watch what was being said between the two men since the temperature dropped around Hawk and infected the rest of the club.

“The truth hurts, Cinderella. It’s your time to go to the ball and you’ve given the stagecoach driver the night off.”

What in the ever-loving fuck was he even talking about?

Hawk glared a nasty stare.

It never seemed to faze Lawless no matter how nasty Hawk got.

 “I won’t warn you again, lay the fuck off with your fucking mind games, go poke a pussy.”

 “What? And leave your pussy alone, Cinders?” Chuckled Lawless.

Hawk cranked his head to the side and was met with a toothy grin and a goddamn wink.

Oh, this shithead knew alright.

Had he overheard him with Gia?

“Now, now, play nice, Princesses, or no candy for either of you after dinner.” jibed Preacher in his pleased as punch timber, striding through the main area heading towards the hallway. The road captain, though great with direction on rides, only ever had one destination when he was around here and that was to see his old lady in her tattooing room out back.

Fuck him as well, Hawk scowled at the innocent Preacher who no doubt would be balls deep in something nice soon enough. If he had to overhear one more “I fucking love my little darling.” from Preacher, Hawk would hurl.  

Hawk was feeling like a hating jackass lately for those who got to have what they craved on their tongue and down their throats and in plain fucking sight of everyone. He never thought he’d be the type of man who wanted to do the personal displays of affection or whatever the fuck it was called but seeing Gia today in his clubhouse and not able to walk up and kiss her pink lips about racked a knife to his guts.

He was a living, breathing, dying man.

“Hmm… I’m thinking since you screwed up back there,” Lawless indicated with a nod of his chin to outside letting Hawk know he sure did eaves-fucking-drop. “That maybe…. Just maybe, the road is clear for others to step in and do the job you’re fucking failing at. I mean, she’s not my type at all, but I might give it the old college try...”

Blood began to pour over Hawk’s vision.

He knew the fucker was goading him into a reaction and it was that realization that didn’t initially have Hawk stabbing Lawless in the fucking neck with a blunt spoon for even suggesting he’d take a crack at Gia.

Over his dead, rotting corpse would any fucker in this place lay a finger on his little bit.

“Is there a reason, other than your usual asswipe self, you’re being a giant fuckstick trying to provoke me? You of all people should know better.” Said Hawk, feeling his bones tingle under his skin and his teeth felt too big for his mouth.

He needed to get drunk and to find a nice coma to lie in for a week.

Having Gia so close went no way to calming his fucked-up brain, it wasn’t a reboot as much as a whole system shut down. She was so damn beautiful. And perfect. And too good for him and his filthy hands and he got hard just looking at her and what the fuck had Capone been doing hugging her?

“You kiss your mama with that mouth?” Smirked Lawless.

Ping.

Ping.

Ping.

Small grenades popped behind Hawk’s eyes like overcooked popcorn until all that was covering his vision was destruction and hatred and he smelled the burnt sweetness as his brain went into meltdown.

Lawless wasn’t to know.

Somewhere logically in the recess of his brain that wasn’t fucked beyond repair he knew.

It wasn’t his fault he’d just walked on a landmine and blew Hawk the fuck to hell.

He wasn’t to know.

Maybe if his murder-mate had been holding one of his kittens Hawk wouldn’t have launched himself off his stool at the speed of hate he did, sending a row of filled glasses careening to the floor as he flung his arm out, he would have spared Lawless what came next.

But Lawless was without those creatures as his shadow and there was nothing stopping Hawk hauling ass the two feet separating them or throwing the first meaty fist that cracked Law’s skull to the side so fast it knocked him backwards out of the chair, the red mist was already covering Hawk’s vision.

So, loud was the next punch it had heads turning from all over, taking them both to the floor with the motion.

“Oh, fuck!”

“Shit!”

“He’s gonna kill him!”

Fists were thrown like bullets from both men grappling each other.

Hawk didn’t feel the pain splintering his skull.

Hard, profound intent on doing damage fists.

Blood shed all over the nice, clean floor.

And the crowd grew quickly.

Hawk was aware of voices, both inside his worthless head and those of his brothers trying to break them apart. He was also aware of a deep timbered cackle coming from the guy he was smashing ten bells of hell out of.

Lawless gave as good as he got cracking Hawk’s head back hard enough to ring his bell.

Two mean-as-fuck animals scrapping down on the floor, not a care about the damage they did to each other’s bodies.

Lawless laughing the entire time like the mad fuck he was.

Hawk had the devil inside his ears, all those nasty bastard swirling noises telling him he was evil, the disgust if someone found out about him, that he wasn’t fit to breathe, and he took it all out on Lawless.

It took four men to pull them apart.

Even then Hawk was swinging, blood dripping down his face like a nightmare come to life, his teeth snarling at anyone in his way of ending Lawless’ life.

It would only be Rider who would dare lay a hand on Hawk.

“Calm the fuck down, you, crazy fuck. Jesus, Hawk. Rein it in.” His MC boss murmured close by his ear, two arms locked around his torso cutting off air to Hawk’s lungs, the other caging him out from even looking at Lawless was Capone. The big Hispanic man with his ear gauges and closely clipped goatee kept Hawk’s stare, giving him something else to hate while he tried to calm his blood from roaring in his ears.

His belly lurched. Air heaved into his throat, he heard Lawless climb to his feet. “Jesus, I think you broke my jaw, asshole.” He didn’t sound mad when he rounded behind Capone and Hawk caught sight of that ruined, bloody face smiling at him.

Rider kept tight hold of Hawk and said. “Jesus, who made you both Lord of fuckwads today?”

“Just felt like a roll around, isn’t that right, buddy?” Asked Lawless making the boys laugh and the tension seeped out of the room.

Not out of Hawk, he was wired as he yanked free and spat out a mouthful of blood on the floor.

His demons followed him out of the room and stayed with him the rest of the night.