Willy-Nilly… Hazel
CHAPTER 4
“Sophie, I do not understand what you are talking about?” Eden was surrounded by her fellow Bluebells. It was their usual weekly meeting, which had fallen to Tuesday at two in the afternoon, held in the Duke of Norfolk’s blue salon. Eden thought it fitting for the Bluebells to meet in the blue salon; she was, if anything, witty.
“I am just saying that the primary purpose of this club was to share information about how to better entice the male gender. I think that you need to have a better idea of what the male mind is about. Do you know what they are thinking, feeling?” Sophie tried to phrase her concerns constructively and yet kindly. She had no desire to criticize her friends, and yet she knew that, if something wasn’t done, they would remain wallflowers.
“I agree with Sophie,” Lady Hazel piped in from the settee. “For the past, few months we have gotten to be much better friends, and I do appreciate that, but we haven’t learned anything useful for engaging a gentleman.”
“Your sister-in-law was going to help us, but then she had to go back to the country when her twins took ill, and then you were away on your wedding trip,” Eden protested. “How are we to know what to do?”
“I am not saying that you were doing something wrong, Eden. I am saying that we need to start doing something now,” Sophie smiled, gently touching her arm.
“Oh, all right, what suggestions do you have?” Eden gave in when she saw how eager the other Bluebells seemed.
Little Eva Johansen raised her hand: “I’ve got something in my bag.” She rushed over and pulled out a book.
Sophie’s face immediately flushed upon seeing the old brown book cover: “Oh, we don’t need any special books. I just think an overall knowledge is necessary.”
Eva cocked her head to the side while turning the book over: “It’s only The Perfect Ladies’ Guide to Proper Etiquette?!”
Eden’s eyes narrowed: “What did you think it was, Sophie?”
Sophie squeaked, “Nothing, absolutely nothing!”
Lady Beatrice snorted, “You turn puce, and you expect us to think that it was nothing? Try again, Sophie.”
“Truly, it is not something that I should ever mention in company. I’m an idiot.”
“That makes it ten times more valuable to us,” Eden could tell that Sophie was highly uncomfortable. “Nevertheless, if you feel that this is something that you cannot share...”
Sophie let a sigh of relief, “I could never....”
“Even with those that you swore were closer to you than sisters,” Eden went on as if Sophie hadn’t spoken, “far be it from us to force you. After all, you have already found love. It is only the rest of us that are floundering alone in the dark.”
Sophie closed her eyes: “Must you be so dramatic, Edie?”
Eden smiled beatifically: “It’s a gift.”
“I don’t have it, nor do I know the name, but I have seen some of it. But, Bluebells, let me tell you: it is a naughty, naughty book.” Sophie took a deep breath. “What do you ladies know of the marriage bed? Because what happens in the marriage bed… men think about that 95% of the time.”
“Close your eyes and think of England?”
Hazel and Beatrice snorted, while Eva looked wide eyed at Eden’s joke.
“Very funny,” Sophie murmured,” I am not teaching copulation to you all. If you can figure that out, I will tell you about what I read in that book. That is my compromise. Please, Edie?”
Eden grinned: “Done! Hold on, ladies.”
She raced from the room and was only gone a few moments before returning with a book of poems. The girls read and tried to decipher the Greek and Latin, but they were difficult to discern.
Sophie rolled her eyes - this was getting them nowhere. “Stop, you are making this out to be harder than it needs to be.”
Beatrice smiled: “My maid has been very forthcoming with her promiscuous activities. She said that the stable master is hung better than any horse in the stables.”
Sophie choked “Good heavens! She actually said that to you?”
“She also said that the first time hurts and that there could be blood, like your first monthly.”
The girls all looked apprehensive.
Sophie shook her head: “Therefore they do not want a bunch of innocents talking about such things: you will all decide that it is too terrible and no one would ever marry.”
“So, it is not true then?” Eva ventured carefully.
“I didn’t say that,” Sophie evaded.
“So, it is true,” Hazel prodded.
“It can hurt, yes, and I suppose that some could have a bit of bleeding. I have heard that some do and some do not. It helps if the person you are engaging with is patient and going slowly.”
“Why would that matter?” Eden asked.
“Let me start at the beginning - it would appear that we are having a lesson after all,” Sophie said tiredly. And for the next two hours they had a long discussion on the ins and outs of marital relations.
“I’m never doing that!” Eva exclaimed. “He can keep his bloody cock to himself.”
“It won’t be bloody unless he gets it into you!” Hazel laughed.
Beatrice just laughed: “If our mothers could hear us now, we would be in so much trouble.”
“I would be in so much trouble!” Sophie exclaimed.
“They can’t do anything to you, Soph,” Eden’s arms came around her friend.
“They can blackball my children,” she whined, “if I ever have any.”
“You will,” Eden assured her, “and they won’t.”
“So, what is on next week’s lesson? Now that we know what all the men are thinking about all the time. Do they just walk around with their cocks getting hard willy-nilly? That would be very inconvenient,” Hazel grinned.
“I know I am certainly going to be looking!” Eden grinned wickedly.
“I never should have told you, any of you.” Sophie hung her head. “I’ve created monsters.”