Chapter 18
Adam
I knew there was a risk in playing in Boston. I could run into River anywhere, but hell if I thought it would be at the venue we were playing in. River should’ve hated me after the way I left things. For a long time, I hated myself for the way I left things. I swallowed as I looked at the band behind me and gave a nod. My eyes caught Tara standing on the side of the stage. She didn’t know River was here because otherwise, she’d be seething. She always got that way when River or the fact most of the songs on the EP were about her was mentioned. I tried not to look back at River. I didn’t want Tara to fly off the handle at a concert. She’d been on edge since we’d headed back up the East Coast. I went through the motions, my body hitting autopilot as I sunk into the riffs of the song. I kept my eyes off River until I saw that sparkly silver shirt of hers darting towards the exit as the song came to a close.Followed by West Brighton.
And right behind her was West Brighton.
I didn’t have time to figure out why he was following her. Instead, I sunk into the music, keeping my mind occupied with not forgetting any words. River had to know these songs were about her. It had always bugged me that these simple words could burn a hole through her, but I’d told myself I knew River would never listen to them. Just like I wouldn’t watch the video of her singing at Bobby’s memorial. We continued through our set, and I kept my eyes moving through the crowd, connecting with them blindly as I tried to avoid seeing her. I didn’t know where she’d gone, or if she’d stayed. My stomach twisted as we finished our last song, and we headed off stage.
“Hey,” Tara said, tossing me a towel. I wiped my forehead and neck with it. “The crowd loved you guys! I bet a lot of them came out to see you and not Makeshift.”
“Oh, thanks, thanks a lot,” Zach said as he passed us on his way to the stage.
I chuckled to myself. “That would be cool.”
Tara squeezed my bicep, letting her fingers linger on my warm skin, made warmer by her touch. Her brown eyes twinkled. “Soon you’ll be headlining your own tour.”
“If you have anything to say about it,” I replied, wiggling my eyebrows at her. Her cheeks blushed, and I fought the urge to kiss her. I’d been trying to resist the urge for months now. When River and I split, Tara had chosen sides. I hadn’t wanted her to, but when she agreed to come on the road with us, I was happy. She kept me level when River only derailed me. My eyes rose from hers to see Mark standing outside of the band room.
“Brighton’s here,” Mark said, and his jaw clenched.
“Yeah, I saw,” I replied, ready to head inside, but Mark barred our way with his arm.
He lowered his head, his voice thick. “River’s here with him.”
“With him?” I repeated, and I felt Tara tense next to me. Her fingernails dug into my arm. I’d forgotten her hand was there when Mark mentioned River.
“With him.” Mark’s voice intoned the meaning.
River was with West.
I nodded, and Mark went inside. I caught the sound of her voice, and my feet moved forward, only to be stopped by Tara’s firm grip on me.
“Please don’t,” she whispered, and I turned to face her. Her eyes rushed over mine, and I pulled on my ear.
“It’ll be fine, Tara, as long as you don’t try to beat the shit out of her,” I replied, and she swallowed hard. She didn’t find it funny, and that wasn’t why she was upset. “Why are you so worried about us seeing her?”
“We…I mean.” She looked down at our hands, now woven together. I hadn’t even realized it happened. That’s the way it was with her. Natural. That’s why I’d asked her to come on tour with us. She’d kept me level even when I was falling off the edge. Where River tried to stop my drinking, Tara just made sure I didn’t kill myself. She understood. When I couldn’t talk to River, she’d been there, and I’d been there for her as she found herself again.
I lowered my head. “We’ll be fine; you and I.”
“Once you walk in there everything will change,” she said, and I tilted her chin up.
“You’re my best friend, Tara. You get me. River doesn’t. Nothing that happens in that room will change that.”
“But you and Bobby both loved her.”
“Loved, Tara, as in past tense,” I said, and my body leaned towards her. I should’ve told her how I felt, but I couldn’t. She was my brother’s girlfriend, or she had been when he was alive. I’d fucked up stealing River from him. I wasn’t going to betray him in death by hooking up with Tara. Her lips trembled along with the rest of her. Fierce Tara was mortified of River. It was laughable. “The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get you that eggplant parm you’ve been craving.”
She nodded, and I squeezed her hands before turning into the room. My chest constricted when I saw West and River. He had his arm around her waist, thumb in her jean pocket, and she trembled with nerves. When she looked up at him, the trembling stopped. He seemed to hold her together. I’d never been able to do that. I swallowed as he looked over at me, and I pulled him into a hug.
“Good to see you, man,” I said, my voice deeper than I meant it to be. I cleared my throat before looking over at River. She licked her lips before giving me a weak smile. “River.”
The air whooshed over her lips, and she turned pink. “Hi, Adam.”
“It’s been awhile,” I said as they took a seat. I sat next to Tara who had her arms crossed.
“Yeah. It’s good to see you.” River’s eyes went to Tara, pain flashing in them. “Both of you.”
Tara scoffed. I hadn’t been a fan of the way Tara had left things with River, but I never pushed the way she ended their friendship because it benefited me. Now, I saw how much it had hurt River. As if I hadn’t done enough damage.
My wallet seemed to burn in my pocket. Inside there was a little piece of paper with River’s half-cursive writing on it and two simple words. My eyes blurred. The words had stung when I first read them, and they hurt even more now.
River didn’t need me to find her. She’d either done it herself or with West’s help. I cleared my throat again, signaling between them.
“So how did you two meet?” I asked. It was filler conversation to anyone who didn’t know our history. Tara tensed even more next to me. I’d have to diffuse her after, otherwise, she’d blow up. Her temper was undoubtedly still there.
River looked at West, and he nodded for her to explain. She rubbed her hands against her jeans, the sparkly silver top twinkling against the fluorescents. It reminded me of the dress. Her lips were moving. She was answering, but I didn’t catch it.
“Sorry, I missed that,” I said, shaking my head clear.
“Tattoo session, and then at a wedding I was doing photography for,” River replied, and her hands became fists as I tensed.
We’d fought about her doing wedding photography. It was a way for her to get away from me when we were together, and from her pained expression, a way to get away from thoughts of me after we split.
“Still doing that?” Tara asked, and the nasty tone of her voice wasn’t something anyone missed. West narrowed his eyes at her before whispering something to River.
“No,” River replied, and her glare was icy. “I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would.”
Tara scoffed, and I nudged my elbow into her. River didn’t bring out the best in her. She was acting like an insolent child.
“How are you liking managing the band?” River asked, leaning back into West. Her tensed body relaxed.
“It’s good. I get to spend a lot of time with the people I care about,” she replied, not avoiding the dig at River.
“Touring seems to suit you,” River said, looking over at me. “You seem…”
Her voice drifted off, and I laughed. “Stable?”
She winced, looking down as she nodded.
“I stopped drinking the day you left,” I replied, and her eyes shot up. She bit her lip, and I knew that was exactly the reason she’d done it. “Thanks for that.”
Tara stood, shaking her head before storming out of the room. I sighed, putting my head in my hands.
“Glad to see she still hates me.” River nodded to the door. “You should go after her.”
The guys were playing pool on the other half of the room, and Mark placed his stick against the wall.
“I’ve got this,” Mark said, and I nodded despite the rock in my stomach. I didn’t want him with her alone when she was like this, but I couldn’t leave River to chase after her. I’d deal with it after.
“Are you a thing?” West asked, and I shook my head in confusion. “Tara and you. She made it seem that way when she was leaving the marketing firm.”
I licked my lips. “No. We’re not.”
River’s eyes met mine, and I could see that she didn’t believe me.
“She’s my brother’s girlfriend,” I added, and West grimaced. I needed to change the subject. “You two seem good for each other.”
River looked up at him, and he kissed her forehead.
“We are,” she said, and the back of my eyes burned. I didn’t know if I was angry or sad.
River had moved on. I knew she would. My eyes drifted to the door. I wished I could, but someone was standing in the way, and it wasn’t the person in this room that I’d thought it would be. We sat quietly for a moment before River cleared her throat.
“I miss you,” she said, so quiet I almost didn’t hear it. West’s hand rubbed her back. He knew she did. That’s why he’d brought her back here.
I stood, pulling her up into my arms. I closed my eyes, burying my face in her hair.
She smelled like her coconut shampoo.
“I’ve missed you, too.”