Chapter 19
I pressed my head against the back of the door, inhaling as my head pounded. Emotions flooded my system, but one above all was apparent. Love; aching and painful in how quickly it completely ruled all the others out. I lowered my head and West came into my line of vision. He sat on the bed with his head down, and fingers weaved together over the back of his neck. His body tensed as I stepped forward and he lifted his gaze up to mine. His green eyes looked tormented as they flickered back and forth over mine, and his thin lips parted as if he wanted to speak, but there was nothing to say.
Really, there wasn’t.
He just sat in a room with my ex and I while we reminisced. How easy could that be for him?
West pressed his fingers into his eyes before looking up at me. “Maybe I should go.”
I shook my head and knelt down in front of him, putting my hands on his neck. His eyes closed as I pressed my forehead against his, and his body remained rigid. My lips grazed over his once softly, and the aching in my chest increased. I needed far more than that. I needed him to understand how much he meant to me.
The kiss deepened, and his body relaxed beneath my touch as his hands came up to my face, causing a momentary pause in the movement of my lips as I sighed. When he held my face like that it made my body fill with warmth. There was so much said with just that simple touch. I slid my body up, pushing him back onto his elbows on the bed and the kiss moved from sweet to passionate. I drew his lip into my mouth, letting it slip out through my teeth, so the muscles of his chest bunched beneath my hands. His fingers slid down to my hips, pulling me closer to him as his lips parted my own, tongue dancing over mine. I could feel him beneath me, and my body shuddered against him. His mouth opened in a moan, and I pulled away slightly, so I could see his eyes. To see if he understood this kiss was far more than physical for me. His chest heaved against mine as he reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes seemed less tormented, but beneath them, I could still sense hurt.
“I thought you would rush into the room and kiss him like that,” he finally said, and his jaw clenched as he looked at anything but me.
“Not possible,” I replied, and my voice cracked as tears thickened my throat. I tucked my face into West’s neck, my lips just below his ear. “I’m in love with you, not him. I can’t believe you’d be willing to sit there in a room with the two of us, let alone be the person to bring us together.”
I felt his chest rise against my hand before he took it into his and lifted my fingers to his lips. “I’d do anything if I thought it would make you happy, but you have a choice to make.”
My throat constricted. “Adam will always be a part of my heart.”
West’s eyes locked on mine. “I know.”
“How is that fair to you?” I asked, and my voice was barely audible. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
“Because you’re in love with me,” West replied.
I leaned up again, pressing our foreheads together once more. “Being with you is what makes me happy. Promise me you’ll stay.”
“I’ll stay as long as you want me,” he whispered, his lips grazing over mine as he did.
My pulse rushed in my ears. “Forever wouldn’t be long enough.”
“Than eternity it is,” he replied before placing his lips against mine again. There was no urgency this time.
There was no urgency this time. I pulled West’s thin cotton t-shirt over his head before removing my own and then moving further up in the bed. I pushed him back into the bed, and he rolled his body over mine, his lips never leaving my mouth. West’s hands moved to my waist, slipping off my remaining clothes, and his body trembled as his chest heaved into my own. I leaned up, holding his face before kissing him again. My hands moved over his shoulders and down to his jeans. West buried his face in my shoulder as the final pieces of fabric separating moved free. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and his eyes closed as his lips parted. We moved with each other, lips pressed against one another as if we didn’t need to breathe.
“River,” he said, his voice filled with passion that caused my pleasure to spiral up against his. My mouth parted against his shoulder and my fingers tightened around his.
We lay tangled in one another for a long time, neither of us speaking. I did have a decision to make. I turned to face West, running my fingers over his jawline. He closed his eyes, inhaling.
“If I have to choose between the two of you. I choose you,” I said, and West’s eyes snapped open.
“I wasn’t asking you to choose him or me. I’m not going to be that person. You just have to choose whether you want him in your life still, and how you want him in your life. I’ll support you no matter what,” West said, sitting up and pulling me to lay against his shoulder.
“I don’t know that I’m going to be given a choice.” My voice cracked as I thought of the way Tara had rushed from the room and the way Adam and she looked at each other. “Tara wants nothing to do with me, and it’s obvious they’ve fallen for each other.”
“You miss more than just Adam?” West asked, and I nodded. “I think she just needs time.”
I tipped my head back, my eyes tracing the swirls of spackle on my ceiling. “I don’t think we have it. They’ll be off to the next tour stop soon enough.”
West shrugged. “I might be able to convince Adam to stay. I’m his friend.”
I turned to face West. “You’d do that?”
“It’s almost Christmas…” His eyes moved to the box on the dresser that contained Bobby’s jersey and a bottle of his cologne. “I think it’s important for everyone to be together to support each other. It’s not going to be easy.”
I stood, wrapping myself in a blanket and making my way to the box. I lifted its lid that I kept tight to keep the scent I cherished so much in. It still hadn’t worn off, and it filled my body with warm while sending tears pricking behind my eyes.
“I think it’ll be easier to be around Adam now that I understand what Bobby and I had more,” I replied before closing the lid and turning. “But it’s going to make this whole time that much harder.”
West patted the bed, and I slipped back into his arms. “Not to mention Tara.”
“How do I even begin with her?” I asked, closing my eyes.
“Adam,” West replied, and I laughed.
“He was always a good barrier between the people who despised me most and me,” I replied thinking of his parents.
“She doesn’t despise you.” West kissed my bare shoulder. “She’s hurt and lashing out.”
“I tried to stay friends with her. She chose Adam over me. She didn’t have to choose either of us. I wouldn’t have made her choose,” I replied, my voice strained.
“I don’t know, Riv. I feel like there’s more to the story that Tara’s not telling you,” West replied, and I clenched my jaw, tipping my head back.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
West’s phone beeped, and he glanced over at it. Adam’s name showed on the screen. He picked it up and swiped the screen. His eyes came up to mine.
“I think Adam does.”