Chapter 31
Adam
Tara didn’t react when I came in the door of her parent’s living room. She’d been spending most nights with me over at Mark’s house, but during the day she tended to be here where she was more comfortable. Sometimes she came to the recording studio, but she found it hard to concentrate. I teased her about me being a distraction, which it turned out, I was. I smirked to myself before leaning down and pulling her earbuds out.
“What you listening to?” I kissed her over the laptop.
Her lips were hesitant, and I pulled away with my brows raised. I sat down and looked at the screen. River stood in an ice rink with West and Dad behind her. I wouldn’t admit it, but I’d listened to it hundreds of times since we’d been back in Mass. Curiosity had overtaken my need not to know what she sang. For someone with no voice training, River had nailed it. Her emotions flowed perfectly with the cadence of her voice and the expressions on her face.
Tara’s chest rose up to her chin, and she tilted it towards the screen. “She loved him, and she didn’t even know it, didn’t she?”
Her eyes came to mine, and I ran my hands through my hair. The thought had crossed my mind. It was probably why I’d listened to it so many times over the past few weeks. I was trying to figure out exactly what she meant by each of the words, but it was like all songs. The words would always mean something different to me than they did to her, and she’d never be able to explain anyways. That’s what songwriting was to me; something deeply personal and I figured it was the same for her.
“Yeah.” I swallowed, licking my lips. The words slipped out, and my throat thickened. “I think so.”
“I’m sorry.” Tara’s head rested on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm around her. The tightness in my chest unwound itself. It was one of the reasons I’d fallen so hard for her. She got it.
She got it.
“It’s okay. I miss my brother, but I’m starting to see everything happens for a reason,” I replied, kissing the top of her head.
“I never realized she had such a good voice,” Tara said as she pulled the earbuds from the computer and hit play.
The words I’d memorized echoed out of the computer, and I closed my eyes.
“She does,” I said, thinking of her standing on stage as a pre-teen, her braces glinting against the lights. She always had a good voice, but after a few talent shows, she realized she hated being on stage. River didn’t enjoy being the center of attention, but she’d do anything for Bobby.
We sat and listened to the song, watching all the way until the end where West pulled her into her arms. I inhaled through my nose. It was apparent then, even months ago, how much he loved her and each of her flaws.
Flaws. That’s what Bobby and I had been in River’s makeup, but we were distinctly a part of what made her her.
Bobby was the best friend she never told anyone she loved; even herself.
I was someone she had a past with and still wanted in her life.
Goosebumps rose on Tara’s arms, and she looked up at me. “It’s a beautiful song. I love the lyrics. I think he’d appreciate it.”
“I think so, too,” I said, attempting to smile but I knew it was more of a grimace. The perfection of the song reminded me of how shitty my day had been.
Tara cocked her head. “What’s wrong?”
I pressed my fingers into my eyes. “Rough day at the studio.”
“Why?” Tara stood, and I watched as she went into the kitchen and grabbed a plate of cookies. She raised her eyebrows as she popped a coffee pod into the coffee maker. “I can hear you from here.”
I sat forward, leaning on my knees. My hands slipped to the back of my neck. “Somethings missing from the album and none of us know what the hell it is. It’s a song short, and we’re all spent creatively.”
Tara came back into the room and handed me the mug, along with a cookie. She sat back on the couch, and I took a deep sip of the black coffee and then a bite of the oatmeal raisin cookie. It had white chocolate chunks, just like I liked them.
Tara pulled her knees up to her chest and nodded to her laptop where River stood wrapped in West’s arms. “Maybe you should ask River to be on the album with that song.”
My breath caught in my throat, and Tara’s shoulders lifted to her ears.
“I think you two could have a great duet,” she said, and her eyes faded before locking on me. “A perfect tribute to your brother.”
“Are you sure?” I asked as I put the mug down and took the last bite of cookie.
She nodded, leaning forward and kissing me. “You’re mine. I’m not worried about it.”
I leaned in, moving my body over hers, our fingers entwining. My lips trailed up Tara’s neck to her ear. “I love you.”
Tara’s body shuddered beneath me, and her hands moved up into my hair as she turned her mouth to mine. I pulled away when the front door opened, shooting off her and running my hand over my mouth as we laughed.
“Hey you two,” her mom called as she went into the kitchen. She stuck her head in the living room, a cookie in hand. “I’m going to miss these when you go back on tour, but my hips won’t.”
“I’ll freeze some dough before we leave,” Tara said, and her mom winked at us before going upstairs.
Tara leaned over and whispered in my ear. “I love you too, Adam Beckerson. Now, call River and see if you can convince her to sing on the album so we can get back on tour. I don’t think my hips can take any more cookies.”
“Ha.” I chuckled to myself as I stood and dialed the number. “Hey, Riv.”
“What’s up?” she asked, her voice cheerful. It was nice to hear her happy. My body tensed and I looked over at Tara. Her brows rose, and she nodded for me to continue.
“Ur…”
“Adam?” River’s tone turned worried.
“I have a question for you.”
“Okay?”
“That song you sang at Bobby’s memorial…”
“Oh, that,” she said, and an embarrassed laugh followed. “You’ve seen that?”
I glanced down at the number on the computer screen. “Yeah, me and five hundred thousand others.”
Her breath caught. “Really?”
“You haven’t looked recently?” I asked, and I could practically imagine her face turning red.
“I try not to. You and West are the famous ones. There doesn’t need to be another one of us in the mix,” she replied, and she sounded small.
“That’s kind of why I’m calling,” I replied, looking over at Tara. My limbs felt numb. I was pretty sure by her response that she wasn’t going to be thrilled with the idea.
“Yeah?”
“So…you know we’re recording the album…” My voice drifted off.
“I thought you’d be done by now. Isn’t it releasing in a few months?”
“Ah.” I bit my lip. “Yeah, don’t remind me. We’re one song shor–“
River cut me off. “You can totally have the lyrics if you want them.” my mouth hung open as I tried to think of how to ask her. Tara rolled her eyes.
My mouth hung open as I tried to think of how to ask her. Tara rolled her eyes.
“Grow some balls,” she mouthed.
I straightened my back. “That’s great, but I was kind of wondering if you’d sing it with me.”
“With you?” she asked, and her voice was airy.
“Yeah. You wrote it, and I think it’d be a great tribute to Bobby.”
I could hear her breathing on the other end of the line. Otherwise, I would’ve thought she hung up.
“Riv?” I asked.
“Okay,” she replied.
“Okay, you’ll do it?”
She took a deep breath, and it rattled through the phone. “Why the hell not?”
“Perfect. You think you can come to the studio tomorrow around nine?” I asked, forgetting she had a normal life, unlike me.
“Let me give Jesse a call, and then I’ll shoot you a text,” she replied, and the hesitation in her voice made me wonder if she hoped he’d say no.
“Sounds great. Thanks, Riv. It’s going to be great.”
“Yeah, talk soon.”
I hung up the phone and looked over at Tara. “She has to check with Jesse.”
“He’ll say yes. If he doesn’t, I’ll get involved,” Tara said, wiggling her eyebrows at me.
My phone beeped.
River – See you at nine. Bring cookies.