Chapter 11
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Kenzie bit her lip as she stared out the window at Eli’s cabin. After delivering her dramatic speech and stomping out of the bar, Theo had followed her, and they’d gone to the B&B to go over footage and discuss shoots for the next week. She’d gotten back to the cottage over an hour ago and she’d spent the entire time pacing and checking the window to see if she saw any lights on at Eli’s.
She’d let her emotions get the better of her, and the worst part was that the only person she wanted to talk to was the one person that she couldn’t.
She’d thought it was difficult being away from him during the years she didn’t know where he was, but those times had been nothing compared to the torture of being this close to him and still not being with him.
When she was younger, she could see his bedroom window from hers. Now she had no idea which one of the three darkened windows that lined the back of his house was his bedroom. Or if none of them were.
She hadn’t had nightmares since she’d started therapy eight years ago. But she’d had one last night and the night before that. She’d woken up in the middle of the night both times and was unable to fall back asleep.
The dream was the same one that had haunted her in her youth. It always started the same way. It was her tenth birthday, and the phone rang, and she answered it. It’s her mother saying that if she doesn’t get to the hospital, her brother is going to die. She drops the phone and takes off running, but all of the doors of her house are locked. She bangs on the doors, on the windows, but can’t get out no matter how hard she tries.
The phone rings again, and when she picks it up, it’s her brother crying out for help. So she keeps trying. She keeps running around to all the doors in sheer terror but none of them open. It feels as if she’s trapped there for days. Sometimes she wakes up while she’s still in the house. But sometimes, the really bad times, it ends with her in a coffin with her brother. They’re both alive, but she can feel herself and her brother being lowered into the ground. She tries to scream, but no sound comes out. She tries to kick and punch, but she can’t move.
When she finally wakes up, she’s usually in the middle of a full-blown panic attack. She feels like the walls are closing in and she can’t breathe. The claustrophobia is all-consuming. That’s how she ended up climbing into Eli’s window the first time.
She’d had one of her dreams and ran out of her house, needing to get air. She’d run over the train tracks, no idea where she was headed when Eli had seen her and called out. He’d been in his room playing video games and he climbed down the tree that sat on the side of his house. It had branches that made the perfect ladder.
He’d asked her what was wrong and she told him that she had a bad dream. She didn’t go into detail because she didn’t want him to think she was crazy and saying she had been scared by a bad dream was embarrassing enough. He didn’t even blink, though. He just smiled and asked her if she wanted to hang out and play video games with him.
She could still feel the relief that had rushed through her when she’d followed him up the tree, stepping where he stepped and then climbing through his window after him. They played Street Fighter for an hour and then when she started yawning, he’d put on The Sandlot. And she’d fallen asleep. He’d woken her up at dawn so she could go back to her house and not get in trouble.
After that, every time she had a nightmare, she’d run to his house and climb through the window.
Her heart was pounding as she stood now, staring out at his house. There was a huge part of her that wanted to say screw it and run over to his house. But she knew that if she did that lines would be crossed. Not like the lines when they were dancing. Those had been written in pencil and could be erased. If she knocked on his door, the lines that would be crossed would be the ones that were drawn in permanent black marker.
“Stop,” she told herself as she dropped the curtain and stepped away from the window.
She picked up her phone to try and distract herself and saw that she’d missed a call from Happy Trails and she remembered she’d never turned her phone off silent after filming today. She quickly pulled up the voicemail and pushed play.
“Hey, Mackenzie. This is Ingrid at Happy Trails. I just wanted to let you know that Kenny is displaying some behavior that would lead us to believe he’s anxious about your visit. His behavior has been growing increasingly more agitated by the day. I know that we’d discussed it and the plan was to give him time to acclimate to the idea of seeing you in person. However, in light of his change in behavior, I spoke to Dr. Rylan and he thinks it would be best if you don’t wait until Saturday to visit. He believes that the sooner you can come visit the better. Give me a call if you have any questions.”
Kenzie deleted the message and immediately called Theo. He answered on the second ring. “Hey.”
She heard a giggle in the background.
“Where are you?”
“At the B&B.”
She’d left him fifteen minutes ago. The guy worked fast. “Am I interrupting something?”
“Nah, what’s up?”
She’d make it quick. “Do you think you can handle filming tomorrow? We don’t have any one-on-ones scheduled.”
“Where are you going to be?”
“I need to go see my brother.”
“Sure. I can go with you,” he offered. “All we planned on covering was sparring and day-in-the-life stuff. We can grab that anytime.”
“No, I’m good. But thanks.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I want to do this alone.” That was a lie. She wanted to do it with Eli. She was nervous about seeing her family, even her brother and he’d always had a way with them. When Kenny got upset he could always calm him down and her grandmother had always loved him.
“Okay,” he agreed, but she could tell he wasn’t happy about it.
Another giggle sounded.
Mackenzie smiled, at least one of them was having a good time tonight. “I’ll let you go. Have fun.”
“Always.”
The line went dead, and she decided the best thing for her to do would be to take a shower. Go to bed. Hopefully get a good night’s sleep. And then wake up early and head down the mountain. Maybe after a day away from here, she’d gain some perspective. Maybe she wouldn’t feel sick to her stomach every time she thought about Eli. Maybe it would be just what she needed to process her feelings.
Or maybe she’d come back just as confused and miserable as she was now.
If she were a gambler, her money would be on the latter.
*
Eli was up and out of bed the second he heard the knock. It had taken everything in him not to go to the cottage when he’d seen Kenzie return. But he was trying to respect her wishes, even if it killed him.
Hearing the things she’d told him tonight had been a harsh reality check. It had put a mirror up and he hadn’t liked what he’d seen. She’d called him out on what he’d been doing, and he felt like shit about it. He’d thought for sure that he’d completely blown any chance he had to talk to her again.
But she was here. He didn’t need to answer the door to know it was her, he felt it in his bones. Maybe she’d come to yell at him. Maybe she’d come to tell him that she didn’t want anything to do with him again. Or maybe she’d come to demand answers he couldn’t give her to questions she deserved to ask. He didn’t care what had brought her banging on his door, all that mattered was she was here.
The thundering heartbeat in his chest was matched only by the pounding on the door.
He swung the door open to find a dripping wet Kenzie in a robe. “There’s water coming out of the ceiling! There’s water everywhere!”
“Shit!” He rushed past her and took off at a sprint across the grass area that sat between his house and the cottages.
He’d warned Jay about this issue when the Pell’s had complained about a leak. He’d patched it up for them but knew that it wouldn’t hold forever. He could hear the water spraying as he rounded the corner and turned off the water. When he went back around to the front, he saw Kenzie standing in front of the cottage out of breath and shivering as she held her robe. She was shifting from one foot to the other with a grimace on her face. She must’ve stepped on pinecones and twigs as she’d run in the dark.
Without saying a word, he stalked over to her and scooped her off her feet.
“Hey!” She shrieked as her arms snaked around his neck. “What are you doing?!”
He didn’t slow his long, purposeful strides. “Taking you to my house.”
“I can’t…I need to…The water…” she stammered.
“I’ll take care of it,” he promised as he did his best not to let his eyes drift down. When he’d picked her up, her robe had fallen open enough that there was a significant amount of cleavage peeking out at him.
“I can walk,” she argued.
“You have bare feet.”
“So do you.”
Just like the tantalizing skin that was exposed he ignored her observation and how good she felt in his arms. He tugged her closer to him, holding her tight as he took the stairs to his porch two at a time. After he opened his front door, he ignored the significance of carrying her over the threshold like a groom would his bride.
By the time he made it to his bedroom, he was so focused on ignoring every sound, sight, and feeling that he almost missed her exhaling the word, “Wow.”
“That’s a big bed.” Her eyes were huge as he passed his solid wood four-post California King-sized bed.
“I’m a big boy,” he teased and immediately regretted it.
She’d been right. He had been pushing her, trying to get a reaction out of her and it wasn’t fair. He’d been selfish, only thinking about what he wanted. He wanted to know that she still felt something. He wanted to show her how much she meant to him. He wanted to leave no doubt in her mind that what they’d had was real. But he’d never given a single moment’s pause to think about what she wanted.
That ended tonight.
Her body trembled in his arms, and he didn’t waste any time. He stepped into the bathroom and set her down on the memory foam mat that covered the tile in front of his shower. After opening the glass door, he turned the water on hot. Then he went back into his bedroom, crossed to his dresser and pulled out one of his Hope Falls Fire Department T-shirts and sweats.
When he walked back into the bathroom, he found that Kenzie hadn’t moved from where he’d left her. She was standing slack-jawed in front of his shower. “How many people can you fit in here?”
His shower was oversized with a waterfall showerhead directly in the middle. When he’d bought the house he’d torn out the master bath first, and it had taken him about three months to renovate.
“I’m not sure. I’ve never had a shower party,” he said as he grabbed clean towels from the linen closet that sat beside the sink.
“Maybe you should,” she said, still looking at it with wonder and awe.
The only person he’d invite to it was already there. Visions of what that party would look like filled his head. He pictured water dripping down her naked body. That line of thinking would only lead to a severe case of blue balls, so he forced himself to erase those images from his mind.
He moved toward the door, not looking at her as he left. “There are towels and clothes for you to change into. I’ll be back soon.”
“Eli,” she called after him.
He stopped in the doorway and let his head fall back slightly before turning on his heels to face her.
“Thank you,” she said earnestly.
Kenzie had always thanked him for things that she didn’t need to. Whether he was looking out for Kenny, making sure her brother was okay or keeping his window open so she could climb in if she’d had a nightmare or giving her his sweatshirt so she wouldn’t be cold.
She was always so surprised when he took care of her. What she never understood, no matter how many times he’d explained it to her, was that taking care of her felt as natural to him as breathing. In fact, now that he knew she’d be staying here tonight, he felt like he could take a full breath for the first time since the day he’d had to give her up
“You don’t have to thank me,” he told her the same thing he’d always told her. He hadn’t meant to say it, it had just come out.
The smile that her lips turned up in made his heart ache with its sincerity. But when he saw her shiver, he ordered, “Shower. Now. I’ll be back.”
Lifting her hand, she saluted him. “Yes sir, Captain Bossy.”
He was stunned at her use of the nickname but tried not to let it show as he grinned and rushed out.
Hearing her use that nickname nearly knocked the wind right out of him. It was something that he’d never thought he’d hear again. Before he even made it to his porch, he was blinking back the liquid that was filling his eyes.
The crisp night air hit his face as he crossed to the cottage. His mind was flashing back to the last time she’d saluted him and called him her pet name. It was the last night they’d spent together. She was going home to pack so that they could elope the next day. He’d reminded her to pack her antibiotics because she’d just gotten over a severe ear infection.
She’d jumped down from his tree, looked up at him and saluted. “Yes sir, Captain Bossy.” Those were the last words she’d said to him until he’d seen her again in Vegas.
He pushed all of that out of his mind as he made quick work of sweeping out as much water as he could. He put down towels to soak the excess moisture up and put in two calls to Jay. Neither were answered. His clean up took longer than he’d expected due to the amount of water that had already pooled. Not to mention the detour he took when the couple staying in Cabin A came over and asked if he could fix the pipe that was leaking under their sink. As much as he’d wanted to tell them that wasn’t his responsibility, he couldn’t. They were nice people just trying to enjoy their vacation, and the drip that had been driving them crazy was now concerning them after they’d seen him working on the other cabin. So he’d taken care of it.
Eli knew that this couldn’t keep going on. He needed to have a serious talk with Jay, and he might even need to look into moving. As much as he loved his house, he couldn’t keep doing this. Jay owned the cabins but Eli owned the land, he didn’t want to take the income away from the guy, but if he didn’t start taking care of them he’d have no choice.
After taking care of the cottage, the Wilson’s pipe leak, and collecting Kenzie’s things, he finally headed back to his cabin. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been gone, but it had to be at least an hour. When he opened the front door, he wasn’t sure what he expected to find, but what he did stopped him up short.
Kenzie was curled up in the corner of his couch, sound asleep. Her blonde hair was fanned out behind her, and her dark lashes rested gently on her creamy cheeks. He couldn’t count the number of nights he’d watched her sleeping next to him. It wasn’t in a creeper or Aerosmith “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” way; it was just that once he hit a certain age, every time she slid into bed next to him, he’d pop a boner. His sleepless nights spent staring at her had been born out of discomfort.
But tonight his desire to sit beside her and watch her sleep definitely bordered between Aerosmith and creepy. He shook his head and walked softly across the hardwood floors, careful not to wake her. Reaching down, he easily scooped her into his arms. A soft mewing noise sounded from the back of her throat as she nuzzled into him.
Halfway down the hall, her eyes fluttered open. “Eli?”
“Yeah. It’s me. I’m here.”
“Where am I?”
“In my house.”
The light was dim as he entered his room. The only illumination came from the moonlight shining through the slits of his plantation shutters. Using extra care, he pulled back his comforter before lowering her down. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she turned and snuggled into it. He grinned as he covered her up.
“Good night, angel,” he whispered as he reached down and brushed soft strands of hair off her forehead.
As hard as it was to leave her, he forced himself to do just that.
“Where are you going?” her sleepy voice stopped him before he made it out the door.
He turned back and saw that she was looking at him through heavy lids.
“I’m going to be on the couch. I’ll be right out front if you need me.”
Her lids closed again as she whispered, “I need you.”
At least that’s what he thought she whispered but as he took a step closer to her, he heard her snoring softly.
He exhaled as he headed out to spend what he knew would be yet another sleepless night. On the couch.