Chapter Fourteen
Chance
“Knock, knock,” Lindsey said, as she opened the door to my office and peered inside.
“Hi.”
“Am I disturbing you?”
“Only a little.”
She laughed but walked in anyway. She was wearing dark pants and a sexy red blouse that revealed just the right amount of cleavage. I could understand why all the male students around campus went wild for her. She took a seat opposite me.
“How was your weekend?” she asked.
“Good,” I said, trying to keep the smile off my face. “How was yours?”
“Oh, you know… Quiet.”
“Quiet?” I repeated. “I can’t imagine you having a quiet weekend.”
She smirked. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
I laughed. “How’s your boy toy?”
“It’s already over,” she revealed.
“So soon?”
“I told you, these things never last very long,” she said. “These boys are good for sex, but little else. It’s not like you can have an actual relationship with one of them.”
I looked up. “Why not?”
“Oh, come on, Chance,” she said. “The generational gap is too wide. These boys have no real-life experience; they can’t hold a conversation for long.”
“Harsh.”
“But true,” Lindsey said, with a shrug. “In any case, I’m going to have to take a little break from my…forbidden rendezvous.”
“Oh?” I asked. “And why is that?”
“Because apart from teaching, I’m also working on a paper of my own. I hope to have it published within the year, so I need to concentrate.”
“Some say sex helps with concentration,” I teased.
Lindsey laughed. “In my case, it’s just a distraction. Once my paper is published, then I’ll be able to resume my extracurriculars.”
I smiled. “So, just out of curiosity…”
“Yes?”
“You’ve never had a real relationship with a student, have you?”
Lindsey raised her eyebrows. “Why do you ask?”
“Like I said, just curious.”
“You’re not thinking of trying it out, are you?”
“Of course not,” I said coolly.
She smiled teasingly. “To be honest, with my first experience, I did think of it as a relationship. We were together for a few months, and it wasn’t all about sex.”
“But?”
“As I said, the differences between us started creeping in after a while,” she explained. “He was eleven years younger than I was, which granted, doesn’t sound like a huge age gap, but I felt it.”
“What did you talk about with him?”
She smiled. “You know, I can’t remember for the life of me.”
“Did you talk to him about… Oh, I don’t know, your personal life?”
“My personal life?” Lindsey repeated.
“Your parents, your family, your…ex-boyfriends?” I asked, trying to make the questions sound innocent.
“No, I don’t think I ever did share all that with him,” she admitted. “That requires a different kind of connection and ours was never that deep.”
I thought about all the intimate details I had already shared with Natalie and wondered what it was about her that had caused me to open up like that. It was certainly out of character. I had to admit, that bugged me a little.
I wondered if Lindsey was right and after a few months my preoccupation with Natalie would wear off, too. Maybe all this was a simple matter of sexual frustration. Maybe once we’d slept together, I wouldn’t think of her nearly as much.
Even as I thought that, I felt a stab of guilt and it unsettled me. Why should I feel guilty? I haven’t made her any promises, and she hasn’t asked me to. We are two consenting adults who are having dinner on Friday night, and if we happen to have sex, then it would just be sex…right? I was well aware of the fact that I was starting to psyche myself out.
“Chance?”
“Yeah,” I said, looking back at Lindsey. “Sorry.”
“Where were you?”
“Just…thinking.”
“I can see that,” she nodded. “What about?”
I smiled. “Was there a reason you chose to honor me with your presence?” I asked pointedly.
She laughed. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m not going to try and pry your secrets from you. You are perfectly at liberty to share what you want with me.”
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
“I just wanted to thank you,” she said. “For agreeing to keep my secret.”
“Oh,” I said. “Well, no problem. Don’t worry about it.”
She rose to her feet and headed for the door. “Just so you know, if you have any secrets you want to share, I’m all ears.”
“I don’t,” I said. “But when I do, I’ll let you know.”
Lindsey gave me a wink and headed out, leaving me to my empty office. I finished grading the last five papers on my list and when I looked up again, an hour had already passed. I put away my files and headed towards the parking lot. I had agreed to join my sister and her family for dinner. Usually, I made an excuse at the last minute, but this time, I actually wanted to go. It would take an hour to get there, but the drive would allow me time to think.
Sophie lived in a quiet little suburb that was so quaint it was almost a cliché. She even had a white picket fence and a minivan in the driveway. I parked behind it and headed towards the front door. Before I could even knock, the door flew open and a tiny little boy with big red hair and freckles stared up at me with a huge toothless smile on his face.
“Hi, Uncle Chancy.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “The name’s Chance, kid,” I said.
“Mommy says your name is Chancy.”
“How about I tell you what Mommy used to be called in high school?”
“Careful, little brother,” Sophie’s voice was loud and firm as she appeared beside her son at the door. “You don’t want to go there.”
I smiled. “Are you going to let me in?”
She moved aside and Tommy grabbed my hand. “Do you like fish?”
“No,” I said.
His face dropped immediately. “But… But… That’s what we’re having for dinner.”
“Uncle Chance is only kidding, sweetheart,” Sophie said quickly. “Aren’t you, Uncle Chance?”
“Are you?” Tommy asked, looking up at me hopefully.
“Urgh…sure,” I nodded.
Again, the smile reappeared on Tommy’s face, and he zoomed off in the direction of the kitchen. I turned to Sophie, who was shaking her head at me with a reproachful look on her face. Sophie had been the one to take after Dad in looks, while I had favored my mother’s features. But every now and again, Sophie would do things that reminded me of Mom.
“You look like Mom,” I said.
“Fuck off.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You kiss your son with that mouth?”
Sophie rolled her eyes. “He’s in the kitchen. And I look nothing like Mom.”
“No, I know that. I just meant your mannerisms… That look you just gave me. She used to do that.”
“Remind me never to do that again then,” Sophie said harshly.
I decided to let that lie. Mentioning Mom was never a good thing around Sophie. Her mood went from happy to sour in a matter of seconds.
“How’s Tommy been?” I asked.
“He’s been really into cooking lately,” Sophie revealed, as we sat down together. “He’s the one that helped Tony with the fish.”
“I hate fish,” I reminded her.
“Tommy found the recipe and was excited to try it out,” Sophie said, with a shrug.
“You couldn’t have convinced him to make…pork ribs or something?”
“He’s been looking forward to this dinner all week, okay?” Sophie said. “Would it kill you to play the doting uncle?”
“I am a doting uncle,” I said.
Sophie glared at me, and I smiled guiltily. “You know I’ve never been good with kids.”
“He’s your nephew,” she pointed out. “And, he idolizes you.”
“Why?”
“Beats the hell out of me,” she said.
“I’ve barely been around.”
“I know that,” she nodded. “Which is why it baffles me that Tommy could be so interested in you. But the fact is, he is interested, so I would appreciate it if you could interact with him a little.”
I groaned. “Fine, just as long as I don’t have to play games.”
Sophie rolled her eyes at me. “You’re his only uncle, okay?” she said. “Tony’s an only child, and you’re my only brother.”
“Well, then I blame Tony.”
Sophie looked at me with an odd expression in her eyes.
“What?” I asked.
“You really will do anything to keep your distance, huh?”
I bristled at the subtle confrontation. “That’s not fair.”
“Oh no?”
“I came back, didn’t I?”
“Because Dad died,” Sophie said.
“I could have just stayed for the funeral,” I reminded her. “I chose to stay longer.”
“For what?”
“For you.”
She snorted. “Please…”
“What?”
“How many times have you come visited us in the last three months?”
“A few times,” I said evasively.
“Twice,” she said. “Including today.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“And, I understand that.” Sophie nodded. “Which is why I offer to come to you every now and again, but you’re too busy for that, too.”
I sighed. “And, I was hoping for a nice family dinner.”
“This is what family dinners are like, Chance,” she said.
“No wonder I avoid them.”
Sophie narrowed her eyes at me but didn’t say anything. After a moment, she stood up and walked towards the kitchen. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked at the threshold.
“Do you have any beer?”
Sophie nodded and disappeared around the corner. A few minutes later, Tommy appeared with a chilled beer in hand. He ran up to me and offered the bottle to me like a prize.
“Mommy told me not to drop it.”
“Good kid,” I said, taking the bottle from his hands.
Tommy sat down and looked at me curiously. He didn’t even seem to be blinking. Even when I met his eyes, he didn’t turn away.
“What?” I asked.
He looked a little shy. “Did you like the temples?” He asked the question as though he had been rehearsing it for the last hour.
“The temples?” I repeated.
Tommy nodded vigorously. “The ones in Greece.”
“Oh… I… Sure.” I nodded. “Your mom told you I went to Greece?”
Tommy laughed as though I had said something funny. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “Mommy doesn’t talk about you much. What was your favorite trip?”
“Uh… I can’t really say,” I said. “I’ve been to too many places to choose. They’re all special in their own way.”
“Japan was my favorite,” Tommy said unexpectedly. “I liked the buildings; they were strange. I saw you with all the girls…the girls in the…ki…kinomos…”
I smiled. “It’s pronounced kimonos.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You seem to know a lot about my travels.”
“I do,” he nodded. “Lots and lots.”
I raised my eyebrows. “But you didn’t learn it from your mom?”
“No,” Tommy said, as he leaned in and lowered his voice. “She gets sad when we talk about your traveling.”
I frowned. “Tommy…”
“Hmm?”
“Who talks to you about me?” I asked curiously.
Tommy’s face changed immediately, and he looked unbearably sad. For a second, I actually thought about pulling him in for a hug. He shuffled his feet as though he didn’t want to answer me.
“Tommy?” I nudged gently. “You can tell me.”
“He used to tell me stories about you,” he replied softly. “Before…before he went to heaven.”