Chapter 13
Meri
It was a lot to take in. I had been so worried about having a job and what I was going to do about rent, that I hadn’t saw that offer coming. I was glad for it, ecstatic even, but it was hard to not see where the complications were going to come from. Sam didn’t know how to just be friends. He was looking at me during lunch like I was what was on his plate. Now I knew what he had in mind and my body responded.
So what did that mean for me? For us? He had been the one that said that there wasn’t going to be a future for us. I didn’t like the sound of that, but at the end of the day, I was okay with it too. I knew that it was going to happen. As soon as I saw him again, I knew it was the inevitable. All I could do was try to hold back my heart, but I feared that it was gone as well. It had been lost on the other side of the world and I still hadn’t gotten it back yet.
I got up early and went to my new job. I was early and it was quiet in there. My eyes were looking for Sam, even though I knew that he wasn’t a morning person. I had always been up early at the hotel and there had been several times that I had marveled at how deeply he could sleep in the late morning hours. It was clear that he hadn’t had to get up for a job in a very long time.
I made myself a cup of coffee and found the accounting wing on the third floor. There were already several people in the office and I was introduced to Sheila and Grant, both were going to be working with me. I was excited to get started and it didn’t take long to figure out what I was doing. The more I thought about it all, the more I was convinced that this was the perfect place for me, sans the devil of a boss.
Grant was extra helpful and we spent most of the morning talking and he showed me around. It was a big place, six floors and the accountants had to pick up reports daily from several people. I was the one that was going to be running around, so I had to get to know the place as well as I could.
“So how did you hear about the job? I didn’t even know that we were hiring when I heard that they were adding another person to the staff.”
“Oh really? I found out about it yesterday. A friend of mine knows the owner and he told me that he would find a place for me.”
“Oh.”
I didn’t like the way he said that. “What?”
“I didn’t know that you knew Sam.”
“Does it matter?”
“No, not really, but it just means you aren’t going to be looking to go out with anyone huh?”
Grant was sweet and even though he was my age, he felt like he was younger. There was a naivety in his eyes that I had seen a few times before. I don’t know if I had ever been that way. He was a sweet guy and though he wasn’t really my type, I certainly didn’t want anyone thinking that there was anything going on with me and Sam. There really wasn’t as far as I was concerned. There had been in Thailand, but that ended when we got back home. Even before we got on the plane, I knew what it was going to be when we got back, no matter how badly I wanted it to be something else.
“Why would you say that Grant?”
He started to get a little red in the face when he realized what he was assuming. “I mean, it’s just that the boss has a bit of a reputation around here. All of the women want him and since he was the one that hired you instead of HR, I guess I just figured that you were one of his.”
I didn’t like the sound of that at all, but I couldn’t ask anymore. It might make him wonder and I didn’t want that. I waved him off. “No, I think he did it more as a favor to my friend than anything else. I am just thankful to have a job. I am definitely not his.”
“Oh, well that is good to hear.”
He was red in the face and his bushy hair seemed to be even bigger as he smiled back at me. I didn’t say that I would go out with him, but I was starting to realize that is what he had heard from our conversation.
We got back to talking about work and it was almost lunch time before I saw Sam come in. Grant said something about him never coming in to the part of the building unless something was wrong. I almost wished that something was wrong, instead of him bee-lining it towards me, right after I had told Grant that there was nothing going on between us. I couldn’t be that lucky though.
“Meri, there you are. How do you like your first day so far?”
Sam was looking at me, but I could see that he was eying the man next to me as well. Grant took the hint and mumbled something under his breath about having to go check on some quarterly reports that were supposed to be turned in today. After trying to explain how I wasn’t Sam’s girl, it didn’t help for him to pop up and act like I was. We had a history, but I didn’t want anyone there to know anything about it. It was embarrassing and what had come after he saved me from a dirty jail was even worse. What I had allowed to happen.
As I looked at Sam, I hated to think it, but I was going to allow it to happen again. “It has been good so far Sir. Are you just getting in?”
He smiled at me and I knew that he had just gotten up and managed to finally get to work. He really wasn’t too worried about getting in on time. It was his company after all. Sam could take as much time as he wanted. Everyone that was here was here mainly because of him in one way or another. That was hard to deny and I was certainly here because of Sam. He was a lifesaver in more ways than one.
“I have been here a little while.”
I nodded my head and agreed with him, though I didn’t believe it. I had a feeling that his little while was actually about fifteen minutes. I knew Sam too well. I knew things about him that a woman like me shouldn’t know. It was hard to forget them now as I was looking at him, so close to where he was standing.
“Well it is a beautiful day. I think I am going to go see if it feels as good out there as it looks. Are there any good places to have lunch around here that you could point me in the right direction? I am still trying to get my bearings back.”
“How about I just take you to a nice place? I don’t want you to have lunch alone.”
I should have told him no. It was on the tip of my tongue to say that very thing, but I just couldn’t. I don’t know why, but instead I told him that I would go. I wanted to be around Sam, even if I was going to faller deeper into a hole that I was never going to be able to get myself out of. Men like Sam didn’t fall in love and if they did, it certainly wouldn’t be with someone like me. So maybe I should just enjoy it while it lasts.
Following him to the elevator, I noticed a few looks as we were walking out that I tried to ignore. I didn’t want the reputation that I was making. I had already been asked about it, but at the same time, I wanted to see Sam more than I cared of someone seeing us together. I didn’t want people to look at me like I was ‘his girl’ but I also didn’t want to ignore the way I felt about Sam. I was pulled in too many directions.
When the doors shut, he turned to me and I felt like we were back at the hotel again in Thailand. He had this look of conspiracy on his face and it made me smile.
“I have missed you.”
His words took me off guard and I waved him off. “I am sure there are plenty of women here to keep you busy Sam. I have already heard all about your reputation around here.”
He put his hands up like I had struck a blow. “Those are the rumors of the old me. I am a different man now. You should know that. You are the one that changed me.”
“Last time we talked, you told me that we were going to go back to the city and go one with our own lives? Do you remember telling me that to lower expectations?”
Sam was quiet for a minute and then shook his head. “No, I don’t think I said quite that and if I did, I was wrong. I don’t want to go back to the way that things used to be before I knew you. That is why I miss you so much because I worried I wouldn’t get to see you again.”
I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I was still so sure that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. It was of course, exactly what I wanted to hear from him. It was what I wanted to hear the night before we came back. What had changed his mind now? Why did he think it was possible now?
The elevator stopped and someone got on. They said hello to Sam and even though there were so many employees, he seemed to know their name like everyone else in this place. It gave me time to think about what he was saying and it gave my face time to lose the rose glow that Sam caused me. Everyone in the elevator got off at the ground floor and I was left waiting for Sam to stop talking to one of the other employees. He didn’t mention going out to lunch when he was asked. When I asked about it, he just kind of shrugged. “I don’t want to have to share you with anyone. I just don’t want to right now. Is that selfish of me?”
He made me smile all the way to his car. I had told myself this very morning that I wasn’t going to do that very thing, but I was doing it and I don’t know if I was going to be able to stop myself or not. It looked like I was just as much under his spell here in New York, as I was in Thailand when he was my lifeline. Sam was still my lifeline, no matter how much I knew that he really wasn’t. I wanted to cling to him like he was. He had proven that there was another side to me and I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t want to lose the feeling I got when I was with him, no matter how long it was for.