“Sophia Collins, for Dr. Duarte,” I say as I come upon the front desk, giving the receptionist my insurance card.

“Yes, Mrs. Collins, the doctor will be with you in a moment. Can you please take a seat?” the receptionist asks as she motions to the waiting room.

I walk to the waiting area, sitting down on one of the sofas to wait for my appointment. I recognize that it can be conflict of interest since I know Nicholas in more personal level, but I don’t want to change doctors. It has taken me a long time to feel normal with a doctor. As I wait, I take the time to look at the waiting room, never seeing it before with a decorating eye. Now that I feel happy my decorating sense has been triggered, all I can see is how to improve any room I am in. And by the looks of it, I think I am going to have to get after Nicholas. This room is depressing, which doesn’t help for the patients that have to wait here to be seen. I think they are depressed enough.

“Sophia.” I look toward the voice and get up as I see Nicholas, waiting for me.

“Hi, Nic… Dr. Duarte,” I say as I join him at the door leading to his office.

“Hi. How are you today?” he asks as soon as he closes his door.

“Good. By the way your waiting area is dreadful. Why had I not seen it before? It is so depressing. I think I can give you some pointers later. Free of charge of course,” I say with a smile. I take a seat on his couch. A couch that has been witness all my tears and my silence. I lay a hand the armrest, rubbing it like I can comfort the sorrow that has been left behind. And for once I smile because I can leave my happiness on it for the first time in months.

“Glad to hear it. I can see the glow of your happiness on your face Sophia. Is anything or anyone the cause for it?” he asks, but his face doesn’t mirror mine. That starts to make me a bit anxious. I reply anyway truthfully.

“I would say both. The fact that I am going to become a mother brings me a peace in my heart that I didn’t know I was searching for. After Will died I didn’t think I could ever go on without him. That I could never love another human being as much as I loved him. But I was wrong, I know I haven’t met my baby yet but I love her. I love her more than anything and anyone.” I lay a hand on my belly, rubbing it. “And the fact that I have a good man by my side helps. He has helped me so much during the last couple of months. Even today he has asked me to help him on a project and for the first time I am seeing colors and patterns. The artist in me has awakened and that is thanks to your brother,” I reply almost giddy.

“I thought it was to soon to know the gender of the baby.” That’s the only thing he comments on.

“Well, your brother insists its going to be a girl. So, we are going with that. Until we know for sure.”

“Tell me, did anything else that happen this week?” His eyes are looking me right at me, making me nervous.

“Yes, I went over to see William’s mother and nanny. I had to talk to them about the pregnancy and let them know what was happening with me. Out of respect.” I looked at Nicholas, as he writes everything down.

“How did that make you feel? What was their reaction to your news?” he asked finally looking up from his note pad. For a moment, it feels like I am looking at Matias when he looks up from his drawing board. But they are nothing alike. Where Matias’ features are more refined, stronger, harder, Nicholas is softer. I don’t know if it’s because of his profession but I can’t help but feel embraced by his presence. You just want to tell him everything. But when he is being stern, you feel like I am twelve in the principal’s office.

“I was very nervous. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to speak with them. But as soon as I got there and saw Marthita, Will’s nanny and Amelia, I felt like I was still part of the family. It was like word vomit as soon as we were done hugging each other. William’s father wasn’t there; he was at the office. I could see how heartbroken they still are. William was an only child, and when they might be a bit sad about not being able to have any grandchildren, and the fact that I am now expecting without Will was heartbreaking. I could see it in her eyes, even when Amelia congratulated me. She is going to need some space and time, I think. I want to bring the subject with Matias about them being part of our baby’s life. Like a third set of grandparents. Do you think he would agree to that? Would it be too weird?” I ask. He knows Matias a lot more than I do.

“I think you would be better at answering that, don’t you think? I mean your relationship has been a lot closer in the last couple of months. Besides you both are the only ones that can make that kind of decisions regarding your family,” he says. I don’t know but I get the feeling he is not on board with mine and Matias’ relationship. I thought he would be ecstatic as my doctor that I am moving on.

“Dr. Duarte, Nicholas, is there something you want to say?” I ask.

“Matias is a great man; he is in his late twenties, architect, handsome, loves his family, and drives a motorcycle. That has led me to believe that maybe that he is exactly like a carbon copy of William. Isn’t he?”

What? I mean I know the thought has crossed my mind, but I would never…

“I believe that what you feel for Matias is just a spillover from your feelings for William. You are projecting your feelings to someone that strongly resembles the one you lost. I am sorry if this sensitive subject for you, but we need to address it before anyone gets hurts.” First his mother and now his brother.

“Anyone or Matias, Dr. Duarte?” I say, with anger lacing my voice. How could I have been so stupid to believe that I could continue having a professional relationship with the brother of my lover? I get up to pace the office. I can feel the walls going up. “Yes, at the beginning I wished that Matias was Will, but don’t underestimate your brother, he made his room in my heart with his persistent and caring nature. And I know your worries, they are your mother’s too after all. I know this is moving fast, our relationship, but I think that was going to be the only way I would have moved on. I don’t think I would have started dating on my own ever,” I say stopping to look at him. He knows I’m right.

“I was actually talking about all of you, Sophia. As you doctor I have to safeguard your wellbeing before anything else. You were in a very deep depression a few months ago, followed by your heavy drinking. I am worried that you are coming to realize that maybe there are some truths to my concerns and this might start a chain of events that maybe I won’t be able to help you with.” Oh. “You are becoming a family pretty soon and that will be a big change. Do you not know what this would do to my family if you one day you decide to wake up and not want to be a part of my brother’s life? I just don’t want for your mixed emotions to have a negative impact on our lives.”

“You are sounding more like a worried brother than a doctor, Nicholas.” I know what I am feeling. I have come a long way from the girl I used to be. And on that note I leave his office. I walk right out, not even bothering to reschedule. I won’t be back. Doesn’t he know what he just did? He just made me wonder again. After I felt so sure about my feelings. I have fallen in love with Matias.

I WENT HOME, but I couldn’t get Nicholas words out of my head. I know they are stupid words. Crazy coincidence. Maybe I have a type, sexy architects that like to ride motorcycles. I never connected the dots before. I’m sitting in the couch lost in thought drinking some tea to help with my nausea when I hear the clacking of keys as they open the front door.

“Hey, big momma,” Katia says as she walks in.

“Hey, you,” I reply.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Nothing.”

“Really.”

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

“Ok.”

“You do know that I don’t believe you, right? All these one word answers are not going to fly with me, sister,” she says as she goes back to her room and changes into comfortable clothes. She is back in two seconds. “So, spill,” she says as she bounces on the couch. She stares at me without blinking. She knows that I hate that. Because it makes me feel weird and I can’t ignore her. One of her eyebrows arches.

“I had an appointment with Nicholas today. And he told me that he thinks that…” I can’t bring the words forward, because maybe she will agree too.

“What did Dr. Hot-quack say?” she asks with a smile.

“Stop it.”

“What? Stop stalling. Out with it.”

“He thinks that William and Matias are exactly the same. That my feelings for Matias are probably not real. That I am projecting my feelings for Will on Matias.

“Well that’s a bunch of bull. They are like totally different.”

“Yeah totally.” I am glad that she agrees with me.

“Sophia, this will never be easier. Your relationship might mirror your past one, but that’s because you are still you. And the way you project your love for someone still the same. And yes, maybe Matias and Will are in the same professional field, but that’s doesn’t mean anything. Shit, I have a thing for police officers. We all have our type. And besides Matias is freaking hot. Your Dr. Quack is crazy. He is not hot anymore. Don’t listen to him. Don’t let him get into your head like that,” she says as she looks at me. She squeezes my hand, reassuring me that she has my back.

“Agh. I hate that he can,” I say as I get up and go to the kitchen.

“Get rid of those thoughts before you see Matias tonight, because he will know that something is bothering you and he will not stop until you tell him. And that could create problems with Matias and Nicholas. They are family after all.”

“You are right. I love Matias. And I can’t second guess myself. I need to take charge of my life again,” I say with conviction.

“You what! I didn’t hear anything after that you love Matias. How? When? Why am I just finding out about this?” she asks coming to stand next to

“I just did and he doesn’t know yet. So…” I get in before she hugs me.

“I’m so excited for you both. Honey, you deserve this. More than anything. And stop worrying about everything; we don’t know what the future holds or what God has planned for us. So just take it a day at a time.” I don’t know what I would do without Katia in my life. I smile at her before giving her a hug.

“You know in a couple of months we might not be able to hug like this since my belly will be in the way,” I say as the doorbell rings.

“I wonder who that might be,” she says with a huge smile on her face, walking toward the door, well more like shimmying toward the door. I laugh as she opens the door. Matias comes in, his eyes lighting up as he sees me.

“I don’t think you could get any more beautiful baby, but then you smile like that and I lose my breath with your beauty,” he says, as he gets closer to me, placing kisses on my lips and hugging me.

“Swoon. You guys are too cute,” Katia jokes. “Peace, I’m out. I will be in my room with a pint of ice cream, feeling so jealous of my roomie and her hot baby daddy.” Katia leave us alone, but not before grabbing her ice cream.

We both watch her leave as Matias moves us to the dining room table. As he sits on the chair, he places me on his lap and hugs me tightly.

“So how was your session today?” Matias asks, going for the kill I see.

“Good. You know Dr. Duarte he just talks and talks,” I joke.

“Yeah he does, he is so full of himself,” he jokes back.

“We talked about my visit to see William’s parents and how I feel about us.”

“So, you talked about me? About how sexy I am?” he continues to be humorous.

“Yes, that’s exactly what we talk about. About this guy that knocked me up, but it seems that he is as full of himself as his brother.”

“Ha. She has jokes today. I am glad. I love seeing you smile and laugh. I hope that’s all I see from now on,” he says in a serious tone.

“Well I am happy.” I know I can go on and on about everything that has happened in the last eighteen months, but I am tired of hurting, of grieving. I don’t know if my heart can take anymore heartbreak. I just need to start living again now that I found peace. Being in his arms, I feel safe and loved. We are lucky in life when we fall in love once but twice, that in itself is miraculous.

I can’t sleep, everything that happen this week still replays in my mind. I love William with all my heart until the day I die. But my heart made room for another. I love him. I could never compare the two and I will never do. They are both part of my story. I walk to the window; seeing the stars has always calmed me. To think that William is part of them now makes me feel that calmness so much more.

I feel his arms go around me, and a warm tingle spreads through my body.

“Can’t sleep? Is the baby giving you trouble?” he asks, kissing my head and rubbing my belly.

“No. I just felt restless.” I close my eyes, losing myself in his love. “I want to ask you something Matias,” I say turning in his arms. He looks at me waiting. “I want to know if it is okay with you for Will’s parents to be a part of our baby’s life. You see Will was an only…”

“Shh… Babe you don’t need to ask. I know how much they are a part of your life. It would be reasonable that you want to share your life with them.”

“God, how I fucking love you,” I say, stunning him to silence. I grab his face, kissing him with the all the love I have for him. He kiss me back just as fierce. He carries me back to bed where we continue to express the love we have for each other.