Chapter Three
Lucian
Lia has been in the hospital now for three days. Yesterday, they started decreasing her sedating medications, planning to slowly bring her back to consciousness; they need her awake soon so they can assess her condition. So far, other than more movement during her sleep and twitching of her eyes, she hasn’t shown any signs of waking. She has had a CT scan daily, and thankfully, the swelling in her brain has been responding to the medication, but they still need to monitor her closely.
When a knock sounds at the door, I look up to see a tired-looking Aidan standing there. He and I haven’t discussed the possible change in Cassie that happened before Lia’s attack. When Aidan found out about Lia, he came back right away, taking over the operations of the company until I return. I haven’t left the hospital grounds since Lia was brought in. Cindy makes sure I have clean clothes daily, and Sam runs any errands that are needed. This is the first time Aidan has been here, so I’m momentarily surprised to see him.
He stands uncertainly in the doorway, and I motion him further into the room, walking over to greet him with a one-armed hug. When we step back, he looks at Lia and blurts out, “Holy fucking shit, I just…”
“I know,” I say. “All of the bruising makes it look even worse than it is.” It still astounds me when I see the black marks marring her face and arms, so I know well how it must be for Aidan, who is seeing her for the first time. Her nurse comes in at that moment, asking us to step out while she examines Lia. This happens multiple times per day, and I generally use the time to walk outside and smoke. When Sam saw how agitated I was on my second day without my drug of choice, he slapped a pack of cigarettes in my hand and told me to exchange one evil for another until I could get it out of my system. It’s no miracle cure, and I actually find the whole smoking thing disgusting, but it does help to take the edge off. Right now, I need that any way I can get it short of using again.
Aidan trails after me until we reach the small courtyard at the back of the property. This is the one and only area where smoking is allowed. Aidan’s mouth drops in surprise as I quickly light up, inhaling deeply before exhaling. “Damn, when did you start smoking?”
After another puff, I say, “Yesterday, before lunch, and yes, I know it’s fucked. I just…need something to get me by while Lia’s here.”
Understanding dawns on Aidan and he steps closer, saying under his breath, “Luc, I can get you something. Fuck, you must be about to come apart at the seams.”
In truth, I’ve gone far longer than three days without cocaine. I’m normally not a daily user; I could go weeks if I needed to. It is, however, my go-to answer for major stress, and Aidan is correct: three days under the type of pressure I’ve been dealing with has been hell, but I’m fighting it. “No, I’m trying to come off it. I’ll just keep smoking these nasty things and eating a pack of gum afterwards to combat the taste. I think I brushed my teeth fifty times yesterday.”
“Yeah, okay, man. Let me know if you change your mind.” I wonder idly why all of my friends are always so quick to offer to supply me. Maybe they should have staged an intervention long ago instead of enabling me. I offer him a cigarette, knowing he smokes on occasion—usually promoted by stress, as well—but he shakes his head, dropping to one of the cement benches. “What are you doing?” He asks so quietly I almost miss it.
I turn to face him, raising a brow. “I thought we already established that.”
Rubbing his face, he shakes his head. “No, what are you doing in this situation with this girl? Luc, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever known, but you can’t be here again. Lia reminded both of us of Cassie almost from the start, and now you’re back at the exact place where you almost lost it all before.”
Anger races through my veins, pissed he would dare to approach this subject right now. Feeling the need to hit back, I say, “You forgot one big difference. I’m not here because my fucking throat has been slit by my crazy girlfriend.”
Aidan blanches, looking as if he’s taken a blow to the face. “Luc…that’s not fair…”
“What the fuck was fair about the whole thing, Aidan?” I snap, still angry over this whole conversation. “Was it fair that Cassie killed my child, almost killed me, and damn near killed herself? Was it fair to you that you were there to witness most of it? And it sure as hell isn’t fair to Lia to compare her to Cassie! That woman lying in there beaten all to hell by her fucking stepfather has never done anything to deserve what’s happened to her. I have no idea why everyone suddenly feels the need to warn me, put a label on my relationship with her, or compare her to Cassie, but I’m sick of it. I’m not leaving her here alone, and I’ll destroy anyone who attempts to harm her. As my employee, I need you to run my company while I’m here, but as my friend, I need you to support my decisions. Even if they don’t make sense to you.”
Aidan looks at the ground for a moment before raising his head and grinning. “Damn, man, when did you become such a drama queen? Yeah, I’ll run your company, probably better than you, but when this is over, I better get fucking Employee of the Month or shit’s going to hit the fan.”
I barely miss a beat at Aidan’s quick-fire change of subject and mood. Sometimes when things get the better of him, he starts talking about the past, but just as quickly, he pushes it away. In truth, he can’t deal with it any better than I can. The difference in us, though, is that Aidan is still very much tied to the past through his love for Cassie. He cannot walk away from her; therefore, he has never been able to move on. Sometimes, I think that out of everything that happened between Cassie and me, Aidan might actually be the one who has suffered the most for it. He’ll never leave Cassie, though, so trying to convince him to move on is useless. We all have our crosses to bear in life, and his is tied solidly to the girl who was once one of us. I’m not even sure he loves her in the way he thinks he does anymore. His need to save her colors everything he does.
We talk for another few moments before I start to get restless. I don’t like leaving Lia for long, and I want to be there when she awakes. Aidan and I continue to discuss the most pressing business matters as we walk back through the hallways of the hospital and toward Lia’s room. When we are halfway there, I hear a commotion coming from that direction and take off running to the partially open doorway. When I step inside, I’m met by utter pandemonium. Lia is not only awake but also standing in the middle of the room, wires hanging off her body as she fights against a nurse who is holding her arms down. Another nurse circles her with a syringe, trying to talk to Lia soothingly. “What is going on here?” I say, but my words are lost as Lia screams, sounding weak and terrified.
“Fuck,” Aidan breathes from behind me.
As I really look at what’s going on, I immediately understand part of what is upsetting Lia. She’s being restrained. To someone so recently overpowered by another, this is the worst form of torture to her right now. Moving in front of Lia, I say, “Release her; you’re scaring her.”
The nurse holding Lia ignores me while the one attempting to sedate her says, “Sir, please step out of the room. We’ll handle this.”
As if the sound of my voice finally reaches her, Lia lurches forward, trying to extend an arm toward me. “Luc, I need to get it off! Please, help me!” I have no idea what she’s talking about, but I know she needs me and that they’re hurting her more than they are helping. I ask them to release her a few more times before I’ve finally had enough.
“Take your fucking hands off her right now!” I roar. “If you hurt her, I’ll own you and this hospital!” Both nurses freeze, seeming too shocked to move for a moment. The one holding Lia drops her arms, stepping back uncertainly. Lia takes a few halting steps toward me before I quickly cover the rest of the distance, scooping her into my arms as gently as I can. There is blood dripping from her hand caused by the IV, which she dislodged during her struggle. I know she needs medical attention immediately, but I also know she needs to feel safe before that happens. She curls into my arms as if knowing I’ll protect her from the world. I perch on her bed, juggling her on my lap before finally getting us both settled. “I’ve got you, baby,” I whisper against the crown of her head. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. Shhh,” I continue to soothe her until her body relaxes against mine.
By this time, two security guards stand in the doorway, along with Aidan and my aunt. The two nurses seem to have calmed down somewhat, and I motion to the one with the syringe. It kills me to have to do it, but I understand that unless Lia is sedated, they’ll probably be unable to reattach her IV lines without hurting or subduing her. I continue to speak softly to Lia, trying to reassure her with my presence. When the needle goes into her arm, she flinches but doesn’t try to pull away. I can feel her breathing grow heavier, and just as I believe she is asleep, her eyes pop open and she grips my arm. “Don’t leave me, Luc,” she pleads in a voice that slays me.
“Never,” I vow, which seems to give her enough peace to close her eyes and drift off. I hear my aunt dismissing the security guards. She walks over to me, looking down at Lia with concerned eyes.
“She’s out now, Luc. Lay her down so we can work on getting her lines reattached.” Grudgingly, I stand with her in my arms. Dropping a kiss on her forehead, I slowly lower her to the bed and step back to let my aunt and the other nurses do their work. Aidan walks up beside me looking unnerved.
“Is she going to be okay?” he asks doubtfully. I know this is torture for him, and he’d rather be most anywhere else. Nevertheless, he is loyal to a fault and doesn’t want to leave until he knows I no longer need him.
“She’ll be fine,” I say with more confidence than I feel right now. “I know you must have a million things to take care of today, so why don’t you take off. I’ve got everything handled here for now.” I see the relief that flashes across his face for just a split second before he disguises it. It’s a testament to the strength of our friendship that he would stay here for as long as needed even though this hospital is filled with painful memories for both of us.
“All right.” He briefly clasps my shoulder. “Keep me updated, and let me know if you need anything.” With those words, he is gone and relax slightly. Having my friends and family study Lia and myself so intently is exhausting. I’m tired of trying to explain our relationship when even I have no clue as to what it is. All I do know is that she is mine and I am hers. The particulars of that statement are too complex to ponder, so I don’t even attempt to try.
I walk back toward my aunt who is talking with her co-workers. “Do you have any idea what caused her to get so upset?” I ask, needing to know what happened in the short time I was gone.
The nurse who had been holding Lia spoke up, looking at me warily. “We were taking her vitals when she started to thrash around in her bed. Her eyes were closed, so I assumed she was having a bad dream. We tried to calm her, but it only seemed to upset her more. She had gotten out of the bed before she opened her eyes. I knew she was hurting herself by trying to walk with her injuries, but the more I tried to reason with her, the more upset she became.” Pointing to the other nurse, she said, “So, Lettie ran to the nurses’ station to get a sedative, and we were attempting to give it to her when you walked in.”
His aunt stepped forward after checking Lia’s IV line one last time. “It’s not unusual for someone who was the victim of a violent attack to cycle between dreams and reality. More than likely, she was still asleep when she jumped from the bed but woke up at some point. She recognized you, Luc, and responded to your reassurances. Moving around in the manner she was would have caused her pain which is likely what finally woke her.” His aunt dismissed the other nurses and took a seat next to the one I had pulled up at Lia’s bedside. “Even though she wasn’t raped, Luc, she’s still going to need therapy when she is stronger. Lia has been traumatized in ways we probably can’t even imagine.”
“I’ll get her all the help she needs,” I say, feeling sick at the reminder of what was done to her. Her stepfather has gone completely off the grid, and no one has been able to find a trace of the bastard. The police have questioned her mother several times, but if she knows anything, she isn’t talking. What a freaking waste of space it is for those two to even exist. Something I’d love to remedy. There are too many people looking for Jim Dawson for him to stay hidden forever. Before I can finish my conversation with my aunt, the door opens again and a woman and man who I’ve never seen before stand there staring across the room at Lia in horror. I know instantly that this is Lia’s friend Debra and her boyfriend Martin. I had expected them a few days ago, but their car had broken down on their way home, delaying their arrival. Debra had kept me updated over the phone several times a day as she called to check on Lia.
My aunt’s pager goes off, and with a smile of apology, she hurries from the room. Debra rushes forward, stopping when she reaches Lia’s bedside. Martin trails slowly behind her. “Oh, my poor baby,” Debra whispers brokenly, looking as if she’s trying desperately to keep from breaking down. Martin puts a supporting arm around her shoulders, looking just as unsteady. It’s readily apparent that they both care deeply for the woman lying so still and pale in the bed. Debra turns, surprising me when she pulls me into a firm hug. “You must be Lucian.” When she finally pulls back, Martin and I shake hands and then we all turn back to Lia. “How is she today?” Debra asks as she gently strokes Lia’s hand.
“She was awake earlier but had to be sedated again,” I answer honestly. At Debra’s questioning look, I add, “She was upset and trying to leave the room. She pulled her IVs out. I was finally able to calm her enough for them to sedate her.”
“What a fucking mess,” Debra sighs, echoing my thoughts exactly. “I don’t guess the police have found Jim yet, have they?” When I shake my head no, she grits her teeth, looking angry. “My little girl has been nothing but a punching bag for both of those animals all her life. I’d love to go pull Maria out of her house by her hair and show her how it feels.”
“Calm down, honey.” Martin rubs Debra’s back, trying to settle her down. “We just need to be here for Lia in any way we can. Jim and Maria will get theirs in the end.”
I resist the urge to comment on how soon I hope that end is. Instead, I lean back against the wall and let Debra and Martin spend a few moments with her until they turn their attention back to me. After being grilled for twenty minutes, I’m more than happy to see them leave. The love they feel for Lia is obvious, but they are also very protective and spent quite a bit of time questioning my place in her life. In the end, though, I think it was clear that I’m not going anywhere, regardless of whether they are comfortable with it or not. I have little doubt that I’ll be under a microscope from them for a while, and instead of being annoyed, it comforts me to know that Lia has people in her life who care that deeply for her.
The rest of the day passes uneventfully. The nurses and doctors make periodic checks, and I see no one else until Cindy and Sam arrive with a surprise dinner for me. A greasy cheeseburger isn’t something I indulge in often, but it’s sheer Heaven after a few days of hospital food. Cindy sniffs me as she steps closer, causing me to cock a brow in question. “Have you been smoking?” she asks while wrinkling her nose.
Sam chuckles then turns it into a cough when she shoots him a glare. His ass would really be in trouble if I told her it was his idea. Of course, she has no idea that smoking is a lesser evil than what I’m trying to avoid using. I feel like a guilty child as I say, “Yeah, but it’s just temporary.”
She puts her hands on her hips in a move I know heralds a lecture. “Lucian Quinn, are you crazy? Why in the world would you pick now to start smoking…temporarily?”
I have to give Cindy credit for managing to inject an amazing amount of sarcasm and disgust into just two sentences. I can only imagine what she would have to say to me if she knew of my real vice. I can almost picture her putting me over her knee, and not in a kinky way, either. It makes me that much more determined to quit and to make sure she never finds out. I don’t think I could handle being such a disappointment in her eyes. “I’ve just been a bit…unsettled since Lia’s attack. This helps to take the edge off. I promise I’ll stop soon.” Grimacing, I say truthfully, “I can’t stand it any more than you can.”
She gives me a look of sympathy before shaking her head. “I’m sure this has been hard on you, Luc, but puffing on those vile things won’t change anything. I swear I don’t know what I’m going to do with you and Aidan. To be such intelligent men, neither of you have the sense God gave a piss-ant sometimes.”
I can’t help it; I burst out laughing, not used to being scolded and called an idiot. There are few people who I’d let get away with talking to me like that, but I know she does it out of love and since that is in short supply in my life, I choose to just enjoy the fact that she cares enough to lecture me. “I’m sorry to disappoint you; I’ll try to correct it as soon as possible.”
They stay for a bit longer, while Cindy and I go over some messages she brought and I give her instructions for returning calls. Unfortunately, even with Aidan at the helm, there are things I must handle personally, and tomorrow I will need to find a quiet corner to do it. Sam has brought me more clothes, and Cindy not-so-nicely lets me know I should take care of that as soon as they leave. Hopefully, that’s just a dig at the smoke smell and not my hygiene. I’ve managed to use the tiny shower in Lia’s attached bathroom each day, but it’s a far cry from what I’m used to and even I’ll admit to feeling much less than my usual, well-groomed self.
Sam clasps my arm as they are leaving, saying, “All good?” I know the question holds a wealth of meaning, but I simply incline my head. With Cindy near, that is all the communication he will risk. She is far too perceptive and would ask a million questions at the first hint of trouble.
I am so tired by the time I’m alone again that I find myself drifting off as I return to my chair next to Lia’s bedside. I finally stop fighting sleep and let it take me, knowing it won’t be for long. Rest in a hospital is proving almost impossible, and I’ve learned quickly to take it where I can get it.
Lia
The light in the room seems unusually bright as I open and close my eyes, trying to adjust. My mouth is dry, causing my tongue to stick to the roof of it. I shift restlessly and catch my breath. “Ow,” I moan, trying to figure out why I feel as if I’ve been hit by a car. Again, my eyes flutter and this time, I’m able to keep them open long enough to look at my surroundings. My vision is blurry and I blink rapidly, trying to clear it. My body seems to be throbbing all over, making it impossible to pinpoint the source of the pain.
As I look around the unfamiliar room, I panic until I see him. Luc is sitting next to me with his arms crossed and his head lolling backwards in what looks like an extremely uncomfortable position. He is fully dressed and wearing what appears to be jeans and a polo shirt. Again, I look around the room, thinking we must be at his apartment, but nothing looks as it should. I close my eyes as my head begins to pound. ‘You thought you had me, didn’t you? You stupid little whore, who do you think you are?’ my stepfather taunted. I gasp as the words ring in my head. I open my eyes, looking frantically around the room, but nothing has changed. Lucian is still asleep next to me and no one else appears to be in the room.
“Just a dream,” I whisper. “It’s not real.”
Suddenly, the words are coming again and this time, I’m wide-awake. ‘Not so tough now, are you, without your rich boyfriend? I’m going to show him and the rest of the world what you really are, and this time there will be no mistaking my mark on you, whore!’
As the memories come flooding back, I realize with dawning horror that I’m not dreaming. Pushing the covers back, I start fighting against the tubes attached to my hands and frantically attempt to pull up my shirt. “Oh, God, please no. Please, don’t let it be there,” I cry as I fight to reach my stomach. “Luc, Luc!” I sob. “Lucian, please wake up.” As I struggle against the fabric covering me, Lucian suddenly sits up straight in the chair, looking around the room in confusion. My cries for help seem to finally register, and he jerks to his feet.
“Lia? Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks as he reaches for me. His eyes are wild as he grasps my hands.
“I need to see, Luc; please, I have to see if it’s there.” I struggle against his hold, trying to look under the gown I’m wearing.
“Lia, what? What do you need to see?”
“I need to see my stomach! Did he mark me? He said he was marking me!” The fight is starting to leave me as my body weakens. Lucian seems to finally understand what I’m asking as he pulls the sheet covering the lower part of my body aside and gently lifts my gown. There are bandages on my stomach and I start to gasp for breath, feeling like I’m in the throes of agony as the white coverings mock me. I lower my hands, starting to pluck at the bandages frantically before Lucian stills them.
“Baby, stop! You’re going to hurt yourself. The IV line is beginning to pull out of your hand again.” I ignore him, continuing to dig against the gauze until he catches my hands, trying to subdue me. “Lia, STOP! Christ, I’ll remove them, just please stop hurting yourself!”
My hands fall limp, and the sound of my breath wheezing through my lungs fills the room as I wait for him to do as he promised. I know with a certainty that I’ll lose it completely if he has lied to me. “Luc,” I say once, imploringly, and his hands move to my stomach without further words. Both our eyes are trained on his movements as slowly, piece by piece, he removes the tape holding the bandages in place. I look down as the last section falls away. I see long, angry lines and scratches and I think I can make out a W, but nothing else is readily clear. With a huge lump in my throat, I ask, “Does it…say anything? Can you see the word…whore?”
Lucian jerks as if I’ve struck him, and then his eyes scan the area, gently touching the exposed skin before looking up. “I…can’t make out anything, baby. It just looks like a bunch of cuts and scratches to me. What—why do you think there is something there?”
Tears fill my eyes and slide down my cheeks as I whisper, “He said he was going to mark me so you and the rest of the world would know what I really am—a whore. He was going to cut the word into my stomach. I…remember him holding me down and feeling the pain of something digging into me. That’s the last thing I recall, though.”
Lucian looks completely devastated as if my words hit him hard. I see his eyes fill with rage before quickly turning to anguish as I sob in earnest. “Oh, fuck, baby,” he rasps as he drops the rail all the way down on the bed so he can climb up next to me, gingerly taking me in his arms. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers against my head as I cry into the soft skin of his neck. Within moments, he is soaked from my tears. He murmurs low words of comfort as he strokes my hair like a child.
“Please don’t leave me, Luc,” I plead, not caring if I sound desperate because I am. In this moment, as the memories come crashing down on me and my body aches from all the damage inflicted upon it, he is all that is keeping me from insanity. Without him, I would fall to pieces and it’s unlikely I’d ever return to myself.
“Oh, Lia, I’m not going anywhere. The only way I’ll leave this hospital is if you’re with me. You’re mine; I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.” His words are spoken softly, but the steel behind them is easily discernable and immediately comforts me. We lay that way until my sobs have faded into sniffles and then just the occasional shudder. I have started to doze when the door opens and I hear a snort.
“Lucian Quinn, what are you doing in bed with my patient?” I stiffen in his arms until he chuckles lightly against me.
“Sorry, Aunt Fae, I couldn’t resist. I’m lying on top of the covers, though, so don’t get too excited.”
At his words, I look closer, recognizing his aunt. I’m immediately filled with embarrassment and shame at having her know what has happened to me. No doubt, she thinks Lucian is crazy for getting involved with someone so messed up. I can’t even bring myself to meet her eyes when she stops at my bedside. “Honey, it’s great to see you awake. We’ve been so worried about you.” The concern and lack of judgment in her voice brings my head up, and I see only something that looks like affection on her face. How could she possibly feel that way toward me after what has happened? Shouldn’t she be warning Lucian to run as fast and as far as he can?
“I…thank you,” I answer shyly, fighting the urge to cry once again. I’m not used to kindness, and I find I want to soak it up like a sponge. This woman raised Lucian after he lost his parents, and it’s obvious she loves him. My own mother never loved me a day in my life nor has she ever been concerned for my welfare. She’s actually been the driving force behind every threat I’ve faced.
She walks over and looks at the monitors, which display my vitals. “Now that you’re awake, I have to let the police know. They’ll want to come take your statement.” When I tremble, Lucian pulls me closer and his aunt pats my hand comfortingly. “There is nothing to be afraid of, Lia. They just need as much information as possible so they can find the person who did this to you. Remember, you’re the victim here. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
With those words, I start crying again, wondering if I’ll ever stop being the pathetic person I’ve turned into. Lucian and his aunt talk softly as he continues to hold and comfort me. I want nothing more than to go home with him and forget everything. I don’t want to admit to anyone what my stepfather did to me. Feeling dirty, I’m consumed with the urge to be clean, to wash away his scent, which suddenly seems to be everywhere. I struggle against Lucian’s hold, focused on nothing but scrubbing myself clean. “Shower,” I say to him desperately. “I have to shower, now, please.” I’m sobbing the words as he and his aunt try to calm me. I hear her say, ‘sedate’ and freeze. I vaguely remember that happening another time as Lucian held me. If I can just make them understand that I just need to make myself clean again… “Luc.” I turn my head until our eyes are locked. He looks so upset; I almost end my quest, but God, I need it so badly. “I just need to wash him off me. Please, I can still smell him on my skin. Just…I have to be clean.”
Lucian drops his forehead against mine, and we are communicating without words. He realizes what I need, and I know that nothing, even his aunt, will stop him from giving it to me. “Unhook her, Fae.”
“Luc, we need to wait until tomorrow. Lia, it’s really not a good idea to rush…” Fae’s words trail off as Lucian gets off the bed and calmly starts pulling the covers from my body. I hear her bite off a curse, which would have probably been highly frowned upon by the hospital administrators. “She’s taking a shower right now no matter what I say, isn’t she?”
“Yes,” Lucian answers firmly, giving no room for arguments. “I could really use your help, though, because I don’t want to mess anything up.”
His aunt brushes his hands aside as she pushes the call button on the side of the bed for the nurses’ station. When they answer, she requests immediate assistance and in less than a minute, another nurse is standing at my bedside. “Wendy, Miss Adams is going to take a shower so we need to start unhooking her. Lucian, please step out into the hall until I call you.” As both Lucian and I protest, she looks meaningfully at the catheter hanging at my bedside, silencing our protests immediately. He all but runs from the room, prompting his aunt to laugh. “Something about the threat of seeing that gets to them every time.”
I feel my face heating. It might be comforting to know my nurse, but in this instance, I’d have rather have a stranger than Lucian’s aunt touching my private areas, even if it is with complete clinical detachment. “Thank you,” I murmur shyly as I’m finally free from everything that had me tethered to the bed. My body is throbbing like a toothache, but I’m determined to see this through. I have to. When Lucian’s aunt asks me if I’m in pain, I say no. She looks at me as if she knows it’s a lie but doesn’t call me on it.
“All right, I think we’re ready to try this. Lia, I’ll change your bandages when you’re finished with your shower. Wendy, I’ve got it from here. You can tell Luc to step back in on your way out.”
Lucian comes back and walks to my side. “All ready?” he asks as he rubs my arm reassuringly.
“Luc, if you’ll help Lia into the bathroom, I’ll get the shower chair ready for her to sit in. Then you can wait for us in the room.”
“No!” I cringe as my voice echoes throughout the room. They both look at me with concern. “I mean, I want Lucian to help me…bathe.” His aunt is looking at me in surprise, but I see nothing but understanding in Lucian’s eyes. “I…he knows me,” I attempt to explain. In truth, I can’t stand the thoughts of anyone else but him being with me as I try to wash the filth from my body.
Without a word, his aunt steps into the bathroom and turns the shower on. She then motions for Lucian and me to go in. Instead of allowing me to walk, he scoops me into his arms and carries me into the bathroom, pulling the door closed behind us. He places me gently onto the shower chair, which his aunt has situated close to the stream of water. He opens the ties on the back of my hospital gown and slowly lowers it from my shoulders before removing it completely. When I nod for him to continue, he picks up the detachable showerhead and brings it to my back, letting the warm waterfall against my skin. He uses his other hand to pump out soap from the wall dispenser into his palm and begins to alternate between soaping and rinsing my body.
I look down at his hand against my breast and silent tears fall as he gently washes the ugly, bruised and bitten areas surrounding my nipples. He sees evidence of every moment of violence I endured, and I know with certainty that it’s tearing him apart. Instead of turning away, though, he looks for and cleans every bruise, scratch, and bite he possibly can. He understands that I need this, and in some ways, I know he needs it just as badly. This is no longer just about a bath for either of us; it’s an attempt to cleanse our minds from the horror of my attack.
When he reaches the juncture of my thighs, he pauses for the first time, waiting silently for me to give him permission. I open my legs and we both see the mass of black and purple marks marring my inner thighs. As I open to him further, I hear him inhale raggedly as one area of my thigh shows a visible handprint etched into the skin along with jagged bite marks. I feel him tremble against me, and I hold my breath. If he isn’t able to touch me there and replace the ugliness, which threatens to consume me, I’ll snap. The thread holding me together is completely in his hands, and it will kill me if he turns away from me now.
As if sensing my focus on his hand, he moves it slowly and begins washing me. Even though I know it’s hurting him, he continues to touch every inch of my skin with tender, almost loving strokes. I flinch and try to close my legs on reflex when he reaches my sex. I wasn’t penetrated by my stepfather…he tried, but his failure to achieve a sufficient erection to violate me drove him into a rage which led to his complete loss of control. From that moment forward, his only aim was to punish me for his inability to perform. I said a word of thanks for every blow, that rained down upon me, because even if he killed me, he would never have that part of me. His beating, in a way, was my triumph over him and he knew it, he sensed it. That was what drove him to try to carve the word ‘whore’ into my stomach. When he told me he was going to do that, he finally saw and felt what he wanted to from me: desperation, despair, and anger. God, he had been thrilled to finally strike that chord of fear.
Lucian finishes with my body and begins washing my hair. A moan escapes my lips as his fingers gently massage my sore scalp. The headache I had awoken with begins to abate slightly as the warmth of the water releases some of the tension there. I close my eyes and give myself up to the pleasure of his hands.
I am shaken from the trance I’ve fallen into by the feel of Lucian’s hand encircling my neck and bringing my face to his. “He’s gone, baby. There is nothing left of him on you. My hands and my scent are all you’ll feel and smell now. Your bed was changed while we were in here, as well, so we are beginning anew. Okay?”
I nod in reply as the never-ending tears, which seem to leak of their own accord from my eyes continue. He rubs them away with his fingertips, and then as if it has just occurred to him, he grabs a fresh cloth and wets it before washing my entire face as if I were a child. My love for him in this instant knows no equal. He is here when most would have walked away. He looks at my marked body and it’s as if he sees only beauty. No matter what happens in the future, I know with unerring certainty that I will never love another as I love him. I touch the scar at his throat, telling him without words that his pain is mine just as mine is his. We’ve both been hurt by someone in our lives, but against all odds, we have found each other. He is the answer to my prayers, and I can only hope that I’m not his worst Hell. Going forward, our fates are intertwined because the fragile bond that had been forming between us, has been solidified and only a deep tragedy could tear it apart. I wrap my hand around his and simply stare up at him. I know he must see my feelings for him in my eyes and I do nothing to hide them. “Thank you,” I whisper into his palm before placing a kiss there, and we both know I’m thanking him for more than the bath.
He swallows audibly before brushing his lips against mine. His only answer is, “Always, baby.”
I cling to those words, feeling a neediness I’ve never felt before. I understand it’s normal considering the trauma I’ve endured, but I wonder if I’ll ever be able to return to a time that I could exist without him. I lower my eyes, hoping he doesn’t see the panic I feel at the mere thought of a life without Lucian Quinn in it.
He dries me as best he can before wrapping another towel around my body and carrying me back into the room. His aunt is waiting by the bed with fresh bandages. She points to the bed, and he places me gently on the fresh sheets as she approaches. Without looking at me, she begins to separate the tape and gauze. “Lia, I need to change the wet bandages. I know you would rather Luc do it, but I need to assess your injuries. He can stay next to you while I work.”
“Okay,” I whisper, knowing I don’t have a choice. She has no doubt already seen the full extent of my injuries, but I’m still embarrassed at the thought of her opening my towel. Lucian takes my hand in his, rubbing circles on the top of it as he wills me to relax. When the towel opens, I look at him, letting her work. My skin crawls at the touch of her cool fingers against it, but I don’t pull away. As long as he is here, no one will hurt me.
I am unable to control the wince when she goes to the other side of the bed and picks up my hand. I’m wearing a brace on it along with some tape on three of my fingers. It feels stiff and swollen and it hurts as she peels back the tape. “I know this doesn’t feel too good, but this needs to be changed. I should have thought to put a bag over it before you showered.”
“Wh…What’s wrong with it?” I ask, wondering what could possibly be causing so much pain.
She grimaces before saying, “Your wrist and three of your fingers are broken. We’ll put a cast on when some more of the swelling goes down.”
Suddenly, the sound and feel of those fingers breaking comes back to me in a sickening wave. “I passed out when he broke the first finger, but he managed to rouse me enough to make sure I was aware of what was happening when he broke the next two.” I fight the urge to roll into a fetal position and hope the memories of that day will stop coming to me.
Lucian abruptly drops my other hand and steps back. “I—just need some water. I’ll be back,” he throws over his shoulder as he leaves so quickly I’m left reeling from his departure. I blink back tears again, afraid he’s leaving me now.
“Honey,” his aunt says gently. “This is hard on him. I’ve never seen him this way with a woman before, and it’s hurting him that he couldn’t save you.”
I have no idea where it even comes from, but I find myself blurting out, “What about Cassie? He loved her, didn’t he?”
His aunt freezes, seeming just as shocked by my question as I am. Finally, she says, “Has he talked to you about her?”
Shaking my head, I say, “Not really. He has said that he will when the time is right. She’s the one who hurt him, isn’t she?”
She doesn’t answer until she’s finished with the last bandage. Then she looks at me for another long moment before finally speaking. “It’s a long, complicated, and tragic story, Lia. It’s up to Luc to tell you about it himself when he’s ready. I will tell you, though, that he went through a very rough time afterwards. The fact that he’s let himself get so involved with you is something I never thought would happen again. You have the power to hurt him, more so than Cassie ever did. Please don’t abuse the trust he has given you.”
I place my hand over hers and say honestly, “He holds the power in our relationship because he has my heart.”
She pulls the sheets back over me, tucking them around my body carefully before reattaching the IV lines. “I’m going to get you something for your pain; I know you probably need it by now.” I nod, feeling every ache and pain in my body jump to life. As she reaches the door, she adds, “You hold his heart, as well, even if he isn’t ready to admit it.” The door closes quietly behind her, and I find myself waiting for him to return to me. Could she be right? Does Lucian love me? Is he even capable of it after Cassie? I so want to know what happened between them. I am certain that it’s the key to unlocking the remaining mystery of who Lucian is. The one question I desperately need answered is where is Cassie?