It was one thing agreeing to be Noah Haxby’s girlfriend in the sanctuary of his parent’s house, and quite another when he shrugged himself into his brown leather jacket and insisted on picking Molly up from school with me.

My heart pounded in my chest as his mom drove us back to my car closely followed by Eamon his bodyguard in the car behind. I felt ill prepared for what I imagined would be a public onslaught of my personal life by the press. And I wasn’t wrong.

Arriving at Molly’s school, Noah slid out the passenger seat and jogged around the bonnet, pulling my door open for me. Extending his strong hand to me I slipped mine into it. He escorted me out then tugged me into his chest. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, the more confident you look the less people will stare.” He kissed my temple, slid the keys from my hand, and locked the doors with the fob.

Eamon had followed behind in another car and strolled toward us, “Hang back, bud, I got this, it’s only school moms,” he told him and released me from his hold to grab my hand. “Lead the way, baby, I can’t wait to see Molly again." I was pleased because how he and Molly would be together was one of my biggest concerns.

“School moms can be vicious,” I warned him, but he smiled warmly and squeezed my hand in a silent we-got-this gesture. “So can Noah Haxby, Maggie. No one fucks with my girl. I got you, honey,” he said with protective conviction. His words gave me butterflies. I hadn’t been anyone’s girl for a very long time and I felt he had meant every word.

As we walked up to the waiting area, head after head turned in our direction before I heard excited stage whispers as the moms at Molly’s school began to gossip. Jealous stares and snarky comments tore through the crowd like wildfire and the consensus was that Noah could do much better.

“Good on her, he’s a lucky man. I’ve had a few fantasies myself of what I could do to that woman,” one of the dads told another. Noah’s body stiffened, and he turned to look the dad directly in the eye.

“That’s my woman you’re talking about. Shut your mouth,” he said, and followed up with a small frustrated growl. “People need to learn to mind their own business and keep their noses out of other people’s,” he added.

Adrenaline ran through my body as multiple emotions engulfed me all at once and I knew there and then if a relationship was going to work between us I had to be much stronger and less self-conscious than I’d been.

Turning to look at Noah, I smiled affectionately, and he bent his head placing a soft kiss on my mouth. “That’s it baby, don’t let them get to you. Jealousy is a bitch,” he mumbled against my lips.

I squeezed his hand, grateful for his support and turned toward the door to watch for Molly coming out. The urgent gossip continued around us and both Noah and I allowed it to go over our heads until we heard a comment neither of us could ignore.

“I heard from my friend she’s supposed to be on compassionate leave from her school. What’s he doing, fucking her grief away?”

Noah swung around to face the woman, but kept a firm hold of my hand. His grip tightened in anger and I became worried at how he’d respond.

“Have you nothing better to do? Yes, Maggie’s grieving, but we’re also in love. We didn’t choose the timing of this. When you lose someone like she has, it brings life into perspective, or perhaps you’ve yet to experience that feeling?” The young woman looked awkwardly first to Noah then to me, shame staining her face at being singled out by him.

“Losing someone close teaches you what you may never have understood before. Life is short. If you find love, don’t deny it. Grab it with your whole heart. Love deeply. Love with passion and never be afraid to go all in because we never know when our time will come to lose that person.”

My heart swelled and squeezed at how eloquent his words were and at how confidently he’d delivered them. His words were straight from the heart and packed with emotion and I was in awe of his maturity and emotional understanding.

The waiting area fell silent, but I saw a few women recording us on their cells and cringed. "Now if you’ve nothing constructive to say to Maggie, I’ll say this to you, but it’s for everyone here. Do us a solid. Quit recording us. Maggie and I think what we have is the real deal. We’re finding our feet as a couple and Maggie could do with some support from her community right now, not catty remarks and jealousy or selling a minute’s worth of video for the press to tear us apart.”

The tension was broken by the sound of children bursting through the door at the end of the school day and I welcomed the distraction. Parents greeted their kids and slipped into their normal home-time routines. Molly’s eyes were as wide as saucers when she saw who I’d brought with me to meet her.

“Noah,” she shrieked and ran full pelt at him. Her arms went around his hips and she hugged him tightly, with her cheek resting on his jeans. Noah smirked. “Why are you here?” she asked excitedly then pulled her head away to look up at him. It was clear that in the short time she’d known him he’d wormed his way into her affections as much as he had into mine.

“Hmm… let me see… maybe it was because I wanted to spend time with my two beautiful girls,” he stated. Molly clapped her hands, jumping up and down with excitement. She was obviously delighted by his answer. Relief ran through me and I felt encouraged by her response because the last thing she needed was even more change to contend with. Then I reminded myself that children were far more adaptable than adults.

* * *

Neither of us could believe our luck when nothing was mentioned in the press and as time passed, I was amazed that we’d been cut a break and none of the people that were at Molly’s school had said anything publicly. Then began to wonder if perhaps Shona’s death was the real story after all.

Either way, we were delighted by the lack of intrusion and once Molly broke up for summer break, we felt the pressure was off. For months we’d maintained our privacy while Molly enjoyed sharing her time between us and Noah’s parent’s place.

* * *

As time moved on, so did our relationship and Noah and I became closer with every day that passed. The summer was slow and relaxing which had been great from Molly’s perspective, as it gave her some security to spend most of her time with myself and Noah or with Noah’s parents. By the time the summer came to a close it had been more than half a year since Shona’s death, and with fall right around the corner it came time for me to go back to work.

We’d spent almost all of our time at Noah’s place and we’d shared a lot of happy times; however when I suggested it was time to go home, he looked depressed. I could understand that in a way because by that time we had practically been living there. It was then that Noah pushed the boundaries of our relationship again and asked us to move in with him permanently.

Making the move official made me nervous. It was a huge step for us, but Noah was obviously very keen to make it happen because it became a nightly topic for discussion.

To him it made sense because Molly and I had only spent two days at home in the previous five weeks and he pleaded with me to trust him. From my perspective it was no time at all since Shona’s death and I wasn’t sure I had made many rational decisions since she had passed. Living with a rock star wasn’t something the old Maggie would ever have entertained, and part of me felt I had changed so much since what happened to Shona that I barely recognized myself.

Noah argued it had been six whole months since our first kiss and if I wasn’t ready to be with him by that time would I ever be. His point concerned me, and I realized where I was the one feeling insecure, he was the one offering me his commitment.

Add to that the intensity of our relationship where we felt like we’d known each other forever. We had laughed, loved, and supported each other when each of us felt it beyond us to feel comforted, yet we had found comfort, passion and everything in between in our relationship.

If I wasn’t with him, even if it was only for an hour, I missed him. He had openly told me the same. Then I reminded myself about how he’d defended me that day in the waiting area at Molly’s school, and my doubts dispersed like dust. It was at that point I went with my gut and I agreed.

Noah was ecstatic, his parents and brothers were too, and that sealed the deal for me because I knew Molly would be surrounded by protective men, a kick ass grandma figure and a secure future whatever happened between Noah and me.

The following day I headed home and began to deal with the home I was leaving behind. For most of the week I cleared house until I only had one room left. Packing up Shona’s things was the most harrowing task besides identifying and burying her. Noah offered to help, but that felt weird given Shona’s obsession with him. It was because of Shona’s memory I’d never invited him to our home.

Cracking open her bedroom door took all my mental strength. A faint smell lingered in the room. It smelled of Shona’s perfume and the first thing I focused on once I had stepped inside was four, three-foot framed posters of Noah… my Noah, hanging on her walls. Feeling guilty, I tried to ignore them at first, but my mind flitted back to how angry they used to make me feel every time I opened the door of her room.

Now, I couldn’t bear to look at them. I turned my attention to her dresser drawers and began emptying her folded clothes into boxes for the thrift store. Noticing one of her favorite hoodies hanging on the back of her chair, I stopped what I was doing then and there and reached out toward it. I grabbed it, held it to my nose and inhaled deeply.

A huge lump grew in my throat and I struggled to breathe as a fresh wave of grief crashed in and hit me hard. Despite all our issues, I missed her so much. It had been weeks since I’d cried for her by then, but to know all that was left of her on this earth was the slightest scent of her, a small child, and a few personal possessions, crippled me.

For an hour all I had done was sat on her bedroom floor and cried. Memories of better times intermingled with the times when I’d almost had to drag Shona from her bed to take care of Molly when I had to leave for work. After a while anger crept into my emotions again when I remembered how selfish she’d been when she left Molly behind. I wiped away my tears when aggression replaced sorrow.

When I recommenced what I set out to do, I reached for her shelves full of vinyl albums. Taking a handful at a time I shoved them into one of the larger cardboard boxes bound for the charity shop. Noah and his band suddenly smiled up from one. I closed my eyes as another pang of guilt hit me before I shoved it in with the rest and tried to forget he was my sister’s fantasy crush, not mine.

Four hours after I started the task my work was done, and Shona’s life footprint was almost erased. I didn’t keep anything except a small silver picture frame for Molly that sat by Shona’s bed. In it was the smiling face of two of most beautiful girls in the world, Shona and Molly.

I was fortunate because the thrift store was only four blocks away and when they offered to send a small truck to collect everything I felt relieved that I wouldn’t have to walk away seeing all her things being set out for sale for bargain hunters to rummage through. Once I had made up my mind that Molly, and I were starting afresh I also donated most of my parent’s possessions as well.

Initially, I considered keeping the house going just in case we didn’t work out, but then decided if it would be an admission that I never expected it to. If Noah was all in, then so was I, and scary as it was, I had to show the same level of commitment to the new life we would build together.

What did give me confidence was that Noah’s intentions were completely on point, but my one nagging doubt was his history with alcohol. I believed what he said about his son being worth more than slipping back to drinking, and by moving in with him I had also accepted I had a responsibility to help make sure nothing changed his point of view.

Then the way Noah took to Molly was incredible. He doted on her every word and after a very short time they appeared to be joined at the hip. She idolized him but in a different way to her mother. Molly copied him incessantly, nagged for his attention and followed him around. Noah, instead of being annoyed, appeared to revel in her affection for him. I knew I’d be hard pushed to find anyone else like Noah… and I didn’t want to anyway, so as scary as it was, I had to have faith in us.

The delight on Noah’s face when I agreed wiped any nagging doubt from my mind. Oh how he wanted us there. His beaming smile and obvious joy was an image that would stay in my mind. It was the one that got me through as I discarded my family possessions that held painful memories of the past. And as soon as the truck full of my history disappeared, instead of the sadness I’d expected to feel I was suddenly free to breathe.

Glancing around the empty house I took one last look around. I scanned the walls in the hall, noting I had missed one small picture that hung above a doorway. It was a family snap of my parents with me and Shona the day after she was born. I wondered how I missed it when I had taken down everything else.

Sliding it off the wall, I wrapped it carefully in the last piece of padding I had and placed it in the trunk of my car. Closing the door for the last time I was surprised to realize I felt no deep attachment to the place, perhaps that was because I’d experienced so much pain when we all lived there.

I climbed into the car and reversed past the ‘For Sale’ sign at the end of the driveway. Glancing one last time at the house I put the stick into drive. Pulling away from the street, I took a deep breath and sighed in relief then I prayed I was headed for happier times in the next part of my life’s journey.

* * *

With one part of my plan complete, the next was to face my colleagues at work, and just as I suspected there were more than a few who frowned upon my relationship with Noah. His reputation preceded him and it was decided in my absence among my peers that I must have had some kind of breakdown to even think of being with Noah. From the way they demonized him I grew worried about their constant questioning about how he was with Molly. I knew what it felt like to be guilty by association during that time.

Maybe I wasn’t thinking straight, but I hadn’t figured it would be a problem with him. It wasn’t like he was any threat to her. He loved Molly almost as much as I did. I never for a second worried about him being with her, and legally, I was her guardian, not Noah, and ultimately, I made any decisions regarding her welfare. That wasn’t how they saw it and I knew from those questions they thought I had moved a vulnerable child into the home of a man who was forbidden to have contact with his own child.

At the end of a trying week, I left work and drove home feeling far less confident about the interference of others than I had that first night we’d moved in for good. Noah noticed how withdrawn I was and after Molly was settled in bed, he pulled me onto his lap on the sofa.

“All right, out with it,” he coaxed as he rubbed his hand possessively up and down my thigh.

“It’s nothing,” I replied shaking my head.

“If you’re telling me it’s nothing, then it’s something. Come on, what’s got you so preoccupied?”

I stared longingly into his eyes and felt angry that I was being made to voice the concerns of some who judged him wrongly.

“Remember I told you how concerned I was about work?”

“Right… and?”

“Most of the shit I can handle but there are a couple who have now taken the mantle about Molly.”

“Molly?”

“Yeah… they want to know if she’s safe around you,” I said quietly and cringed when I said it out loud.

“Yeah?” he asked in a defeated tone. His hand stilled on my leg.

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck. His head drooped in thought.

“Fuckers,” he muttered and glanced up at my face. “You know I’d—”

“I’ve never doubted Molly’s safety for one second so don’t even think about that part. What’s worrying me is they’ve mentioned there could be safeguarding issues because of the restraining order against you.”

I felt his whole body sag further into the sofa before he glanced up at me. “Tell me what to do and I’ll do it,” Noah stated. He sounded desperate to do the right thing.

“There’s only one way I can think of to curb their thirst and that would be to contact welfare myself, but it would be an intrusive process, Noah.”

“Do it.”

“Are you sure? I thought if I make it open house then they’ll see how you are with Molly and that you pose no threat. It may even help to re-establish contact with Rudi.”

Noah leaned back into the back of the sofa taking me with him.

“What the fuck has the world come to?” he asked, sounding as sad as I’d ever heard him. “Call them.”

“Okay. If you’re sure. We’ll just have to make them see you’re a great influence in Molly’s life and then they’ll leave us in peace.”